Year 1, Week 41: Results!

Honorable Mention

Sara Codair's Dragon's Bane

Ah, classic hunter becomes prey! This is certainly an unexpected role reversal--a cat ending up murderizing a dragon. This short piece is packed with a lot of questions and not too many answers; a line or two of context on how this situation came about for the unfortunate dragon would go a long way. The image here, however, is very poignant and reminds everyone that the cat is not to be trifled with. 

First Runner Up

Daisy Warwick's How to Tranquilize a Dragon

It's really nice here that the dragon is not impervious to leading to its own demise--a welcome turn from dragons being traditionally killed by humans (sucks for him that dragons are able to be affected adversely by fire in this story!). I also wonder what else the dragon has been doing in these last one hundred years other than terrorizing--it seems awfully foolish to burn down something that has properties you have no idea about!

I really like the writing of this piece--it's very fluid and steady, consistent until the end where there's the reveal to what's going on. The pacing is nice, and the internal beffudlement is done well. 

Y1W41 Winner

Ronel Janse van Vuuren

with Dragon Flight

I enjoy the thought of mythical species all getting together to play games, and it intrigues me as to how the rules of these games work. Do they dictate who gets to rule over the humans until the next while? Who can win what prizes? How did this gaming tradition come about, with different species and everything? It's definitely a brilliant spectacle to imagine this all in my head. 

I like the formatting of the piece--the relatively short paragraphs with even shorter lines to punctuate the action. The line that bothered me the most out of this piece, however, was "And then..." The punctuation here seems incongruous with the action of the story; an ellipse (...) indicates a pause or hesitation. Here, an em-dash (--) seems more appropriate for a more "jarring" sensation. (I have a thing about punctuation >.>) 

The ending line amused me; it reminds me fondly of a game I like to play (Choice of the Dragon). The way this piece is written has a light-hearted tone to it, which is apt for the game. Good job!

(P.S. Your name is fun to type)

Dragon Flight 

The dragon was too slow. The wyvern had already intercepted the flaming pearl and was heading to the goal post. If the blue team won again, he wasn’t going to hear the end of it. Flapping for all he’s worth, he raced after the wyvern. 

Down below, the crowd was roaring and blasting illegal flames toward the players. The phoenix on the dragon’s team took a quick fire-bath to rid himself of parasites. The dragon closed his eyes briefly as the amphithere laughed so hard that he shook from his feathery frill to his sparkling goldish tail. The Asian Lung hadn’t closed its eyes and was momentarily blinded by his teammate’s glitter. 

The dragon swerved. As captain of his team, it seemed that everyone else had it out for him. Especially the fire-crazy crowd. Another fireball barely missed him and crashed into the wyvern; who dropped the flaming pearl. The dragon swooped down, caught it and flew back towards the opposite goal post. 

This was it. 

The crowd cheered and jeered. His team protected him against fireballs and opponents. Dragons crashed to the ground. The flaming pearl was burning his paw. 

And then… 

Score! 

The crowd went wild. The Lung fell out of the air in shock. The phoenix flashed through all the fireballs and caught fire. 

And the dragon finally prevailed. As team captain he won the pearl. And he finally acquired his fire. Now he could be a real dragon: he could have a lair, treasure and terrified humans.

 Congratulations, winners!

Thank you all who participated!

(Mars promises to be more punctual and on-top of the game next time, now that she's mostly moved into her new home!) 

See you next Saturday for a round with Si!

Year 1, Week 24: Results!

Welcome to the results roll for Week 24 (in which we had NINE entries! Thanks to everyone who participated--it was a great thing to wake up to on Sunday morning! So exciting :) ). I, Mars, will be your only judge today (and here's to hoping Si is doing well on her plane trips and interviews for fancy!colleges)!

Again, the memes were kind of Si's thing, so, well . . . have this cat!

This is actually my sister's cat, Zelda.
Zelda likes to play fetch with hairbands.
You're welcome.

Sufficiently distracted by the cute kitty? Good, good. Now we'll move onto results!

Honorable Mention

Liana Challender's The Drive

I like the premise of the piece--dad left years(?) before, girlfriend and brother go missing, and there's a surprise!flashdrive that might have answers on it, and I like the emotion of the mother. Unfortunately, there wasn't much else in the way of content here to talk about because the story isn't finished. It feels like the beginning of a short story or novel, since it doesn't have a full story arc. The problem--the missing people--wasn't solved and the story doesn't give any answers as to what might have caused their disappearances. So, while I thought the writing had potential, it wasn't actually flash fiction. 

First Runner Up

Firdaus' Some Body

I liked the opening scene with the whole "Am I dead?" question going on; definitely an engaging hook, particularly when we get to wondering what the heck the main character is doing in a lab--not a hospital, but a lab. I liked Jai's character fairly immediately--he definitely brings to mind a sort of mad scientist, cackling excitedly over his invention. 

The first conflict is resolved quickly and we don't get another conflict until just a few paragraphs to the end, which felt more for humor's sake than for plot. This isn't to say I didn't appreciate the humor--it made me laugh! An enjoyable piece. 

Winner of Y1W24!

Kim Pemberton 

with The Follow

The first thing that caught my attention about this piece was actually the peaceful/happy resolution of the story. Frequently, I like dark flash fictions (what better way to resolve a story than to kill everybody? Lol!), but I appreciated how the tension was building up for something horrible to happen, but then it didn't. 

I felt that some of the actions of the main character were not congruent with the tension of the piece--if I got home and somebody had been following me and I was worried enough that I was considering calling someone, I probably wouldn't go into the kitchen to get a drink and sit around for a few minutes before I checked what was up outside; I'd probably be making sure I knew where something heavy and/or sharp was at, and watching through the windows until they'd gone. I might even have my phone out in case I thought I should call someone.

The tension in paragraphs two and three was excellent; I could definitely picture the situation and sympathize with the main character. Enjoyable piece, and good writing. 

The Follow

“I told you it was only a theory,” I told myself when I came into the house. 

Dark night. I was coming home from school, head pounding, feet hurt, so much studying to do. But I could not sit down. Not for a second. I made sure my doors and windows were locked. Curtains closed. Turned the lights on. So far, silence. All I heard was my heart want to come out of my chest. 

When I was coming home, a man was following me from the subway. He was wearing a white sweatshirt, jeans, and black boots. He was walking in my direction. I tried to go on the other side of the street, he was still right behind me. I didn’t know what to do? Should I call the police? Should I call my boyfriend, Mike?

My dog Nelly came downstairs to greet me. “Hi, little guy. I’m sorry you were home alone today.” I went to the kitchen, opened the fridge, grabbed a can of beer, and took a sip. The house was still quiet. I was afraid to turn on the television. I need to know what’s going on the local news if there are any suspicious activities going on in the neighborhood. But I could not sit down one bit. I was still worrying about that man that followed me home. 

I took a look out of the window, I saw the guy. The exact man by his description. He was walking slower, closer to my house. I place my beer on the table and went to my phone to call 911. I stopped for a second. He pulled off his hood, and went to my neighbor’s house. It was the owner’s son. That was a relief. Time for bed. “Come Nelly.”

Congratulations, all! Hope to see you all again next week. NINE entries this time around! Let's see if we can't top that next week :)

Year 1, Week 15: Results!

So, on the contest post for week 15, Si mentioned that I was legally intoxicated (maybe that's why she chose the "freaky photoshopped" picture theme . . .) . To clarify, I got my wisdom teeth out on Friday. Not fun, but I'm recovering well! 

Sadly, one of our judges has fallen wounded to another prey: a hideous, vile cold. So, I'll be your only judge today. Hope that doesn't damper anybody's excitement to hear the announcements! (Rin did help pick, though, so rest assured; it's not just craaazy Mars picking stories out at random.)

Honorable Mention

Steph Ellis' Oblivion

This one was a little too creepy for my tastes, but was excellently written and the intention is clear. The sentence structures are nicely varied; it makes this story flow very well, and the word choices gave the piece a tranquil, sadistic tone.

I think I've laid my finger on something: the piece is clean and well-written, but doesn't have much in the way of conflict. Karl's already been killed and it's just Emma contemplating her contentment. 

"It was contentment, not oblivion that claimed her and she wanted to remember every minute, every heartbeat, tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow," is a rather intriguing line; the repetition of 'tomorrow' gives a sense of eternal repetition, or even oblivious bliss. It rather summed up the piece in one line for me. 

First-Runner Up

Red Fleece's Campfire Stories

The tone of this story doesn't really come off as scary or as a horror until the last few lines (*cough* Rule Breaker (#2) *cough*)--a very well-executed "dun dun dunnnn" moment. My favorite phrase is, "Toby became a whisper," for some reason. It seems like it might be an error, but it really complements the rest of the piece for me--it feels to me like the most emotion-filled sentence. 

That's mainly what I felt was lacking: emotion. It feels disconnected from the characters--I don't have a personal connection to any of them. Shortening Sandra's 'ghost story,' or even having other kids ask questions in the middle, might fix that problem for me. 

I thought it was clever how light-hearted the story was to begin with--we've all been there, telling (really) lame ghost stories around the campfire (or flashlight), knowing that none of us are really scared. But then some jerk slams the kitchen drawer and freaks everyone out, which is how the last lines come off.  Overall, this was an enjoyable story.

Y1W15 WINNER!

MTDecker

with Conundrum

I really appreciate the shortness of this piece, first-off. I think it's the shortest that has been done so far in the competition. There's very little or no excess words, but it still gets the story across poignantly. 

My only true confusion is who's saying the last line. It seemed to me like Liam had disappeared, and she was left--so it might be his wife saying the line to herself?--or it could have been a time loop, and Liam was repeating it all over again. 

The piece evokes definitely invokes questions like, "What are they doing? Why are they doing it?" but the beauty of this is that the story still feels like a story without those questions answered. 

Conundrum 

“Don’t worry; you won’t remember anything by morning,” Liam assured his wife as he checked the survival suit and made sure she was secure. 

“But… if you fail…” 

“Then everything is the same, except I’m not here. The real problem is ‘if I fail- you’ll never know’.” 

When she frowned he winked. “Occam’s Paradox… the most likely is a false memory.” 

He drew a deep breath and stood, realizing he was delaying the inevitable. He pressed the button and sensed nothing. 

“Don't worry; you won't remember by morning…”

We might have to ban you from winning,
too, Decker. XD

Can't wait to see you all next week! :D

Year 1, Week 14: Results!

Somehow, despite this:

Did you guys see the eclipse? It was pretty cool. 

and this:

Astrobiologists: YAY, WE'RE RELAVENT
The water must flow.

Si and I managed to write our reviews! We appreciated the numerous entries that flowed in before midnight (it was actually a pleasant surprise that we had more than two lonely entries without reminders earlier in the day XD. I found an application called Twuffer that I'm totally going to use. Or maybe I'll just never sleep. I like the sound of that second one), and we enjoyed all of your stories.

Honorable Mention

Denman Billy's The Man Trapped Inside Himself

Si: Interesting entry! I love the imagery in the poem, and the repetition of the hand and yellow eyes. The story the man told was pretty crazy but also sad--being forced to constantly move around, never finding a home. The last stanza is my favorite, and the most poignant. I really liked the lines:

“But something was twisted inside my heart,
Was bent out of shape, and unable to mend.
I was doomed to put my soul on the window,”

I would love for this tone to be carried through the poem more. I’m curious whether the stories the man tells are real or from his imagination? With a piece like this, it could go either way (metaphors or crazy real life?). Great poem!

Mars: This one took a lot of thinking to come up with any ideas of what was going on. On the first few read throughs, all I could say to myself was that I really liked the overall sound of the poem (it's close to iambic pentameter and it rhymes; I must be a sucker for classic, structured poetry). Then I considered the title--"The Man Trapped Inside Himself"--and wondered if perhaps the man is talking to himself, or a part of himself, anyways (another hint was '282 reflections'). I think my favorite repeating line was, "So quiet, so still, so carefully calm," and was disappointed when the last line didn't parallel this: "With no cure, no comfort, and no balm"--I would probably have changed 'and no' to a three-syallable word to reflect 'carefully.' It would have really brought the last line home. 

So, I know I said I like the overall sound, but there were some things that didn't work for me in the flow of the poem. "Blood red moon," "It doesn't help," "neurotic," "pneumonia monkey" -- all of these phrases and others nearly put my tongue in a jam when I tried to say them! I think that something that doesn't help here is that, while the poem resembles iambic pentameter quite a bit, the syllable structure is varied in an awkward way. If it were me, I'd probably try to stick to more 10-syllable lines for the first 10 lines (of each stanza), then maybe throw in a 9 and 11 at the end, or vice versa (11/9 front, 10 for rest). 

The meaning is still a little lost on me, but I like the emotion of the three stanzas: the first seems ponderous and humorous, while the second has a lost feeling, and the third was somber and sorrowful. The third was my favorite; it flowed the best. The poem, overall, seems like a story about trying to fit in, perhaps, and never quite figuring it out. (I don't get symbolism and metaphors very well, though, so this is a total guess.)

The meaning of a poem often varies from individual to individual; it's much harder to parse through than a story, for certain (and I know I've thrown lines into poetry simply because I like the sound of them. Troll!Poet). This piece certainly gives a reader a lot to think about!

First Runner-Up

Firdaus' The Window

Si: Wow, what an intense story! Great “show, not tell.” Great descriptions! The image of the child writing “Help Me” in a foggy window, then hearing the abuser speak behind him is chilling. THE ENDING. The whole story is very emotional without seeming like it’s trying to be, to put it badly. It shows a lot of intensity without over-describing or over-telling. There were a few things like: “My stepfather was on his knees and a policeman was towering over him.”--where I would double-check that the story was staying in the same POV (His vs My), and a few other small issues. I love that the woman remains mostly a figure--we don’t have much description about her, which keeps the focus on the boy. Great story!

Mars: The tension in this piece is great. There's a good bit of "show, not tell," going on here--until the end of the fourth paragraph, we don't know what's wrong. 'Has he been kidnapped?'; 'Is he stuck somewhere accidentally?'; 'Who's the woman?'; 'Why is he so scared?' These questions ran through my head as I read through it. 

The piece felt rushed in the middle, mostly when the stepfather appears, and it's revealed who's the abuser. ". . . as he was yanked from the window and thrown against the wall, before he blacked out" was the line that particularly stood out to me, and then him waking up the next line; compared to the first five paragraphs, it was a jarring transition to jump so quickly between thoughts. (Also, it was a nice bit of realism that he wet himself. I think I'd have trouble writing that.) 

My favorite line, the most gut-punching one, of course, was the last line. It also, sadly, mimicked a lot of real-life scenarios, and showed us how much danger the little boy was in, since we can infer that she didn't die of natural causes.

Without further ado, the moment you're dying for--

Y1W14 Winner:

Steph Ellis!

with Happy Ever After

Si: Love how there’s two layers to this story--the father-daughter relationship, and also the plot with the witch. Excellent writing! Not a word wasted, I love how we can see character development as well as a plot in such a short, tight piece of writing. The beginning is sinister, the middle is heartwarming, the ending is suspenseful. Beautiful weaving of several threads in this story. I might add a few more details hinting at the witch/king/princess plot earlier in the story, in a way that you don’t realize it until you reach the end. Great dialogue and handling of tension. Well done!

Mars: (Dangit, Steph, we're going to have to ban you from winning soon XD Stop writing so well!) This was both sweet and disturbing at the same time. Possibly more disturbing because it's sweet. It leaves me wondering if the father is a psycho or if the mother is an abuser (or both), with his repeated thoughts of fragility, and the references to the mother being witch-like. 

I would watch out for too many same-structured sentences clustered together; I notice a lot of the sentences start off with 'He' or 'She.' It would also be great to know what brings on this murderistic tendency in the father, but perhaps he's just like that. 

My favorite line was probably, "He turned out the light and made his way down the stairs, his crown weightless, his bearing regal." I'm not sure quite what it is about that line, but it just paints a very vivid, stately picture in my mind, and it sounds really nice. The most disturbing bit, in hindsight: "He bent down and kissed her forehead. 'And a king to kill the witch.'" The incongruity of what he's likely already planning to do and the sweetness of tucking a child in just don't click in the brain, and it's horrifying. 

Happy Ever After

He put his hand back on the window, the yellow eyes wide open on his palm. He spread his fingers, imagining how it would feel to clasp the small feline skull, twist it, crush it until it became nothing. 

“Daddy, Daddy.” 

He dropped his hand, brushed the top of his daughter’s head. So small, so fragile. 

“Let kitty in,” she demanded. 

“Sorry.” He smiled down at her. “Kitty has to stay out at night. You know the rules.” 

Annie pouted and folded her arms, annoyed at not getting her own way. Just like her mother. 

“Come on now, time for bed.” He scooped her up, felt the bird-like flutter of her heart against his chest. 

“Can’t I have a story?” she pleaded as he tucked her in. 

“Not tonight, kiddo,” he said. “Daddy’s got too much to do. But tomorrow night I’ll have a new story for you … I promise.” 

“A story with a wicked witch?” 

He laughed. “Yes, there’s a witch.” 

“And a beautiful princess?” 

“Yes, and a beautiful princess.” 

“And a king to kill the witch?” 

He bent down and kissed her forehead. “And a king to kill the witch.”

He turned out the light and made his way down the stairs, his crown weightless, his bearing regal. He returned to the window, watched as yellow headlights swung into the drive.

The witch was back.

He pressed his hand against the glass; covered her approaching face, felt the cold fragility beneath his fingers.

Write about what you know they said.

Advice he intended to follow. He adjusted his crown and went to the door.

Thanks for participating, everyone :D Also, Paul, that story was quite weird. Very reminiscent of the heart of Cracked Flash Fiction, I think!

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 14

Yes, that is a squirrel and a mole on a Stetson on a swimming cap on a woman's head.
Squirrel: Yesss, everything is going according to plan . . . *maniacal wringing of the hands*
Just look at that squirrel.

@nationwrites put in a request for an odd prompt this week, so I tried really hard to find one. Your stories will reflect if I did a good job or not, I bet. XD 

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Si and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (You also do not have to include the photo prompt(s). They just amuse us.)

YOUR PROMPT:

He put his hand back on the window, the yellow eyes wide open on his palm.

Are my pictures weird enough too? Anyways, we definitely look forward to your stories! :D

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 12

I totally tried to write a Trippin' Thursday story that was less than 1k long and found out there's a character limit on the comments! Like 4056 characters or something. Boo, Blogspot, boo! Guess you'll have to chain-post if you want to have more than like 800 words on your Trippin' Thursdays.

Fortunately, you only have to write 300 words (or less)!

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Rin and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:

Her face was painted gold, her eyes as hard and dark as coal.

Year 1, Week 11: Results!

Can you tell NaNoWriMo is coming up in a couple o' months? I think Si is practicing her word count--though, certainly, this is quantity and quality (not to say that all novels written for NaNo are only quantity. I like NaNo.). Either that, or she's trying to show me up by writing reviews twice the size of mine (Oh, alright, she wrote hers first.).

What's that? You want to see the reviews? Oh, tch. Very well, here they are.

Honorable Mention

Firdaus' Paranoid

Si: GREAT twist at the end! I like that you first show us the MC running in terror, then the memory of the hammer. Good immersion into the character, from the line "She had seen it in his eyes again," you establish the close third POV very smoothly, and give us something to add to the tension. This definitely feels like something awful is going to happen, and the MC MUST flee! I like that she grabs the broken branch to defend herself, then is talked out of it with calm words by the guy--THEN THE END! You give no hints in their conversation and effectively turn the reader about with the talk about meds. The last line is the best in the story; excellent job! I would suggest perhaps reducing the exclamation points ("She bolted!"; "looking frantically around for something--anything!") as with the first one we are still unsure what the tone is going to  be, so it can be read as 'Yay, she bolted!' or 'Ahhh, she bolted!' This is established by the end of the paragraph, so by then the reader is fully immersed. I would aim for a tone more like that of the line, "She had seen it in his eyes again, just like before," and that of the last line of the story. Excellent plot twist, and good story!

Mars: Ah, the old question of, "Is it paranoia if someone really is after you?" returns in full force with this piece. For a few minutes now, I've debating if the ending was actually a bad one--the reader has no reason to suspect the husband actually is going to kill her . . . but then I realized that him suggesting she has paranoia gave me a reasonable explanation to discredit the ending, which is a fine twist indeed. Fooling a character within the story is one thing, but the reader as well? That gets props. Something I notice is the piece feels less tension-y than it does rushed; the long sentences strung together with commas probably contributes to this--I would try to match the sentence and paragraph structure with the words. Action scenes are better written with short sentences and paragraphs, to pace the story appropriately (Periods are nice. Very punctuating.). Again, I think the most masterful lines in the piece are these:

"I saw how you looked at me, you were..." She hesitated, not sure anymore.
"Have you stopped taking your medicines, honey?" He looked concerned.

Nicely done!

First Runner-Up

Iores Trooly's Close Call

Si: What really struck me about this story was the clean writing. There's no confusion and it's descriptive without slowing down the tension. I loved the images the story gives us: "the faceless crowd parting for her and merging again," "functional infinity," the description of the metallic voice, the arrow flashing above her head--some really excellent turns of phrase there. It takes a very mundane setting--that of an airport--and turns it into something both poetic and mysterious. The tension is maintained the whole story, and I really applaud you on your imagery--the damp paper, the knowledge that, as long as the voice speaks, she still has a chance. One thing I would add would possibly be an additional hurdle or object in the middle--give us a chance to catch our breath and something else looms up--is she going to make it?--then bring it down again as she dodges past. Something to vary the tension a little. I liked the picture of the boy happily celebrating, oblivious to the MC's panicked run. Well done!

Mars: (Don't worry, we trust your word count. Or, at least, it looks close enough to 300 that we don't really care. XD) This piece is a little clever. The tension is dramatically built up, and reading through it the first time, the reader can't tell quite what's going on. The scene could be anywhere, yet it can only be one place--the airport. I applaud the vivid imagery maintained throughout the piece (I'm usually horrible at that sort of thing, so I appreciate it when I see it!). It's a quaint story--very well written, with the feel of a melody coming to a resolution at the end. Truly, it's not the plot that I find particularly compelling--'a mother rushes through airport to make her flight on time' is an, honest-to-goodness, boring idea. It's the way this is written, however, that makes this piece a little gem.

And, without further ado, though I do wonder what ado we give it, the moment you've all been waiting for--

Y1W11 Winner!

Steph Ellis

with Hunter Reborn

Si: What a great story! The opening is really excellent--we get a mixture of emotions from Rowena: fear, hope, pain, exhilaration. The way that hints are dropped through the story gives us the details we need to get her situation and also makes us want to know more. "How many years ... since she had actually seen him?" is a great example of this. Just enough is left unknown so we NEED to keep reading, we're curious. This story plays with tension well, mixing suspense with occasional pauses that heightens the contrast. I liked that here had been some change in Theo--that he wasn't the terror she remembered. That felt very real to me. Only a few quibbles: I wasn't sure exactly what to picture with the description "long-shackled limbs" (long limbs that are shackled, I assume), and in, "Making mistakes like the one that had allowed her to escape.", I would stop it at "Making mistakes," as the reader could infer the rest from the story. "The scent grew stronger, coppery notes playing a metallic symphony that roused her hunger." This is a BEAUTIFUL line, well done. I love how, with only a few words, the story changes from one of the hunted to that of the hunter--a palpable transformation in the MC without it being explicitly stated. Excellent story!

Mars: This piece is enough to send a shiver up one's spine. I think it's a fine example of 'showing'--the character's emotions are present between the lines: "Adrenaline fueling her long-shackled limbs onward . . ."--hope--". . . a perfume that had infiltrated her uneasy sleep on so many nights . . ." --fear--"Who else could boast such a trophy? . . . Vengeance."--disgust, anger! The emotions might have been amplified by different word choices, to knock the tension up another level--for example, I found the line, "Rowena paused and sank back into the shadows . . ." somewhat lacking; I felt the fear should have been stronger--perhaps 'froze' instead of 'paused', or 'shrank' back into the shadows--minor changes, but large effects. Nevertheless, the quality of the plot--the shift from prey to predator--is well-crafted, subtle tension already woven in. 

Hunter Reborn 

She bolted down the hallway. Adrenaline fueling her long-shackled limbs onward, away from the room that had been her prison for an eternity. Occasionally Rowena stumbled as daylight shot its daggers through shrouded windows, skewering her eyes with a pain that she found strangely welcome. The windows, though, were mercifully few. 

She continued forward but found her progress slowing as she fought the weakness caused by her imprisonment.

A door slammed somewhere ahead.

Rowena paused and sank back into the shadows, old instincts allowing her to merge with the stillness and become part of the silence.

Footsteps. Slow and heavy on the stairs. Theo. He was getting old. Making mistakes like the one that had allowed her to escape.

He was closer now, she could make out his shape as her sight adjusted to the gloom. He had been a giant of a man but this … this version was a shrunken copy. How many years had it been since she had actually seen him? Unwashed and unkempt, he was not the man she remembered. The smell though. The smell was the same; a perfume that had infiltrated her uneasy sleep on so many nights, pulled her mind back to the surface of life.

The scent grew stronger, coppery notes playing a metallic symphony that roused her hunger. 

Closer. Was she strong enough after so long in the dark? 

Closer. 

The call of his beating heart, the siren song of skin-clad blood, hammered loudly in her ears. 

Closer. 

Vanity had stayed his hand, kept her alive. She had been his prize exhibit, a creature of the darkness. Who else could boast such a trophy? 

Closer. 

Vengeance. 

Hunter. Hunted. Hunter reborn.

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 11

We like completely unrelated photos.

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Si and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:

She bolted down the hallway.

Year 1, Week 10: Results!

We're going to do something a little different today. Hold onto your hat, Hephzibah! (Okay, Hagar!)

Y1W10 WINNERS!

M T Decker and Firdaus

with Cut Throat and Character Tantrums

Cut Throat 

"You know, smiling at me every few days… it’s not the same as telling me you aren’t going to kill me…" Penelope sighed as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. 

“I’m disappointed to her you say that,” Rogers sighed. “You should know me well enough by now…” 

Penelope looked at him from over her glasses as if to say, ‘Dude, I do know you more than ‘well enough’ by now.’ 

He gave her a sheepish shrug. “I promise you. When I plan on killing you— you’ll know.” 

“This,” she told him. “Is not nearly as comforting as you might think… Try phrases like: ‘I have no intention of killing you’ or ‘You know I’d never hurt you…’ Phrases like that build confidence.” 

“But you know, I’ll never lie to you…” 

Penelope sighed and shook her head. “You have a lot to learn about ‘comforting.’” 

“This is war. They didn’t call it ‘See how many cards you can take nicely.’” 

“Fine,” she sighed. “Got any threes?”

“Go Fish!”

Si: Great character interaction in this story! We get the sense that we, the readers, are just looking in through a window while the scene proceeds between Penelope and Rogers. I particularly like the line: “Penelope looked at him from over her glasses as if to say, ‘Dude, I do know you more than ‘well enough’ by now.’ ” The line that follows is chilling in its casualness. I was amused that the story ends on a different tone with Go Fish. I was a little confused as to whether the characters are spies on opposite sides … (okay I might be reading a little TOO many spy novellas but HUSH) … or whether this was just a really, really intense game of cards. Is the death threat real or figurative? I’m going with real. Love that we have a nice, clear sketch of two characters in such a short span of words. Great story!

Mars: I was amused by how what Penelope and Rogers were doing was obscured until the very last few lines. My favorite line was Rogers' comment--"I promise you. When I plan on killing you--you'll know." The first few sentences were a little weak--maybe it was the sighing from the both of them, or the open-ended sentences (the ellipses), but they could have been more grabbing. (Si and I speculated if they were spies from enemy sides and possible lovers (or whether it was just a really intense card game, which I guessed it was). It amused us; observe titles we came up with for a novel: Romeo and Juliet: Card Edition; Ace of Hearts; etc.,.) An amusing story!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Character Tantrums

"Smiling at me every few days is not the same as telling me you're not going to kill me." She mutters under her breath, loud enough for me to hear. 

I stand in the doorway watching her, trying my best to smile.

"Do you have any idea what you have done?" My smile wavers a little.

"You want me to read that list you gave me? I know it by heart." 

"I see, you still believe I made up those things." 

"I did not put Margo into the washing machine! Okayyyy...I was really angry when she scratched and tore my lovely sofa but I didn't switch on the machine! I swear!" 

"You burnt my books!" 

"It wasn't me! I love books, though I was curious about that cabinet you kept locked. I was a little angry when I couldn't break in. But I wouldn't burn your study. No way!" 

"Look at your hand!" 

"Yeah, it hurts. You shouldn't have broken it!" 

"You really believe that, don't you? You don't remember throwing a tantrum and punching walls?" 

"Ha! You're such a liar, all writers are." 

"Whatever you say and do—you're not in my next book." 

I watch her face flush with anger as I gently shut the door and turn the key. 

Maybe I should kill her. A few sentences and she'd be gone. Somehow that seems such a waste of a complex character and to be honest I am rather fond of her. 

I whistle as I go off to explore other rooms in my head. I have a book to write, damn it!

Si: Woohoo, dialogue! I like how the piece doesn’t “give away” the true nature of the encounter--a writer and their character--until the end. The first half she just seems totally cray until you hit “All writers” and then we’re all OH I GET IT NOW. These two sentences are the best in the piece: 

"Whatever you say and do—you're not in my next book." 

I watch her face flush with anger as I gently shut the door and turn the key.

And IMO, I think the story is much stronger if it ends there. The following sentences tell us what we already know from the dialogue. I do like the idea of many rooms in a writer’s head. Well done!

Mars: There are only a few people I know of that don't envision their characters in their head (or hear them, heh), but I'm not one of them, so this was an entertaining story that I could connect to. I enjoy stories that are carried mainly by dialogue, but this one was a tad confusing for me--I could have done with some tags ('s/he said's). It was amusing to see how the writer was convincing her she had consciously done these things. Nice story!

Yup, you both get it, lucky ducks.

See you two next week!

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 10

Ah, the auspicious number 10. Two and a half months! Our competition is so old! Okay, maybe not, but we're getting there. Just wait until we're the ripe, old age of 6 months. Just you wait, Henry Higgins, just you wait.

And onto the competition!

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Rin and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:

"Smiling at me every few days is not the same as telling me you're not going to kill me."

Year 1, Week 8: Results!

Guys! We had seven entries! We haven't done that well in almost 7 weeks! Way to go, all you beautiful contestants! (Can you tell this is exciting!) From this lovely batch, we have selected three stories (I mean, like usual, but seven entries, guys).

Also! Announcement: For fun, we're going to start having Trippin' Thursdays (it'll come out at 12:01 am). Stress-free prompt-writing (no judging). You also get like 1k to write with (and I guess we really couldn't care how long it is, as long as it's still flash fiction, but 1k seemed reasonable, so). Hope to see you there!

Note: Si wrote her reviews while being menaced by a totally fearless squirrel.

Honorable Mention

firdaus' Crashed

Si: OMG this story. Such pain. Much tragedy. Wow.

Great dialogue, great story progression. THE ENDING. There’s very little description but the reader is totally clear on what happened, and what is happening. The ending, while powerful (excellent job cutting it off where you did btw), is a little confusing because it seems like the nurse was aware of the husband in the room the night before--so it took me a second to “get” that she didn’t. The dialogue throughout is great: short lines that keep you in the story, but there isn’t any wasted space. It conveys emotion with the briefest of description, and I like that it’s not hard to keep track of who is speaking even though we don’t have “tags” (he said, she said)--the clarity of the dialogue makes them unnecessary. Well done!

Mars: This story is great in the way that it makes even the reader question reality. Whenever a ghost shows up in a story and delivers factual information that the main character couldn't have known, it makes me wonder if they were really there or not--when the husband details the extent of her injuries, for example. The ellipses used complemented the dialogue instead of detracting from it (I have a thing about ellipses. When used in excess, I don't like how they make dialogue sound, usually, but here it fit the whole "I've just been severely traumatized" thing). Watch out for repetitive sentence structure--"She woke up [. . .] . Her throat was dry. She watched [. . .]"--since that can make a piece lose some of its luster. I have to give you props on the ending, though--that moment of hope, just to be crushed by an unassuming bystander. What a punch in the gut! 

First-Runner Up: 

Steph Ellis' Leonard

Si: I really like the twists in this story, and the unreliable narrator. We don’t know that he’s unreliable--first he’s crazy, then he’s a sane bystander, then he’s clearly seeing things. It’s hard to handle this kind of narrator well, so great job! There was some confusion over the Leonard in the fight and Leonard the bystander--clarified somewhat by him thinking it annoying that the guy shared his name--but at the very end of the story, he seems totally cognizant that the guy IS actually him. So it’s hard to tell whether he is unaware of what he did, or whether he knows. My favorite part was the description of Leonard in the mental hospital--you can really see it. The initial dialogue is also very well done--each line is short but easy to follow. Great job!

Mars: A sense of pity is evoked readily by the great character development in this piece. There was also clever hinting towards Leonard's true location and mindset before the final reveal--lines like "their conversation echoing round and round in his head," and the description of the other residents of the asylum. In his "I shouldn't be here" thoughts, one could assume that it was simply a nursing home. The only real confusion I feel while reading the story, even now, is the line, "He heard a cry, the sound of a body crumpling." I'm not sure what's going on there. Otherwise, however, I found it was very easy to keep track of the story, and the ending was fabulous. 

And, without further ado, the moment you've all been waiting for--

Y1W8 Winner!

Phil Coltrane

with Come to Grief

Si: This story had excellent emotion and tension throughout! I loved the way that the details of the situation--the father’s age, the futuristic setting, the relationship between father and daughter--were dropped throughout the story and avoided a big info-dump. Great integration of backstory, world/setting, and the story! The scene is not action-y but still has a lot of tension--is she going to press the button? Is he going to convince her? I’m curious as to why he tried the Immortality Treatment so late--or why if he had it earlier, it didn’t manifest until year 437. I like the way he switches tracks from “Push the button if you love me” to “Push the button because you hate me.” “In his bloodshot eyes, she saw something virtually unknown to modern civilization: real pain. ” --great line. Excellent story!

Mars: I love the idea that mankind has found immortality . . . almost, and now pain is practically nonexistent. Though it is never mentioned directly in the story, I get the sense that all Zara can feel for her father at this point is pity (good character emotion!). I thought it was a very unique take on the prompt, as well--it's not something I would have thought of. I would have liked to know more about the 'electrochemical command' that Zara got--it didn't really make sense to me. All in all, however, this is an excellent piece of sci-fi. The last line--Zara confessing to her already-dead father--tugged at my heartstrings a little bit, and also gave the piece a nice, circular feel.

Come to Grief

"I love you." 

"You're only saying that because I almost killed you." Zara pulled her hand away from the glass panel, and the crimson circle that would terminate his life support. 

Paralyzed below the neck, the man in the biomedical bed tilted his head toward Zara. "Please... daughter. By law and custom, as my sole relative, only you may end my suffering." His raspy voice raked against Zara's heartstrings.

Zara stared at the husk of a man. Holographic indicators overlaid his medical data. Age: 437. Pulse, blood pressure, brain activity. Diagnosis: Immortality Treatment Rejection Syndrome. Prognosis: progressive paralysis, agonizing pain, death within the year. In his bloodshot eyes, she saw something virtually unknown to modern civilization: real pain. How could she let him suffer in this cold hospital room? She was his daughter: he was her responsibility. 

Zara felt the impulse firing through her neurons: the electrochemical command telling her finger to press the button. 

"No!" She turned away from him. 

"My daughter... Medical science gave me four centuries of life, but has reached its limit. Close the circle. End my suffering." 

"Growing up, I dreamed of a father," Zara confessed. "Someone to love me unconditionally. But you weren't there." She turned to him again. "I made my own way in life -- and quite well! Now you send for me, not to make amends, but merely to press a button?" 

"Then you hate me. Push the button. Give me what I deserve." 

"I don't hate you," Zara said pityingly. "I don't even know you. You're a stranger to me." With one hand, she stroked his brittle hair. With the other, she pressed the button. 

"I love you," he mouthed silently, and then he was gone. 

Zara slumped to the marble floor and cried. "I love you, too."

We look forward to more of y'all's work in the future! See you tomorrow or on Saturday!

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 8

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Si and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:

"I love you."
"You're only saying that because I almost killed you."

Year 1, Week 7: Results!

We were pleased to have three very varied entries to choose from this time around. The mishap on Saturday had us wondering if we'd get any at all!

Honorable Mention

Ophelia Leong's Neighborly Duties

Rin: This was a fun one. I liked how Matthew wasn't really all that interested, a nice twist on the typical vampire/human scenario. My favorite line was "Superglue dripped onto the floor like sap and Elena hid the paintbrush in the trashcan," because that bit of description puts a vivid picture in my head of how it would squish under the feet when he stood up. Nice job.

Mars: This felt both done and not done--I like to imagine Matthew suddenly jumping out of his shoes and driving a hidden stake through Elena's heart (I also wonder where she got that superglue that doesn't dry for five minutes? I'd like some)--but it did make a nice little story arc for a flash. Matthew's obvious disdain/disinterest was a nice touch, as opposed to the the normal love-at-first-sight scenarios in typical YA Urban Fantasy fiction. Something else I'm just noticing: the word style is done well here; it feels flowing and quite . . . surreptitious. Stealthy, flowing, cat-like. Good job!

(Bonus points to you for making me learn a new word: surreptitious. Also, Elena's "no man should be able to resist me!" thought made me think of a Mockingjay parody (observe lyrics "Gale and I have chemistry . . ."))

First Runner Up

M T Decker's Hypothetically Speaking

Rin: I love crime-scene type shows, so this story was a treat for me! The dialogue was good and flowed well, giving me a good idea of the character's personalities even without the help of much description. I like how instead of having it where the answer is clear, the characters went through a bunch of different scenarios in which someone might have a use for it. Especially enjoyed the mention of a real-life forensic science thing, fingerprint fumigation. Well done!

Mars: (I forgot to finish this I'm so sorry) Dialogue-heavy stories are something I'm generally very fond of; it pleased me to see a flash that carries a plot well through mostly dialogue. I am left wondering what conclusion Gina was drawn to, but that feels like part of the charm for the speculating, progressive tone of the piece. I like the look into Gina and her husband's relationship--we see one side of them in the brainstorming session, but there's a hint towards something else; nicely done character dynamics without being flashy. Nice work.

And, without further ado, the moment you've all been waiting for--

Y1W7 Winner!

Josh Bertetta

with A Sticky Situation

Rin: I loved this one! The mysterious feel was good and I liked how I was kept guessing how the super glue would tie in until the very end. My favorite line was "He didn’t care about her deformed ear, her abnormal arm, or club foot. He loved her for who she was," because the sweetness of it really did a good job of making me question my own intuition and whether I was reading more suspicious things into what came above it, making that last line really pop!

Mars: It took me a few re-reads to understand exactly was going on, and then I had a little "Awww" moment. The suspense was artfully played up to drive home the last line--what exactly his greatest work was. The reader can tell how obviously he dotes upon her--even before his declaration of love--which demonstrates excellent characterization. This is a really cute piece!

A Sticky Situation 

“Why do you have a pound of superglue—you know what? Never mind. I don’t want to know…I’ll just trump it up to another one of your idiosyncrasies.” She smiled, and tucked her hair behind her good ear, leaving her thick auburn locks covering the other. 

He asked her if she’d like a drink; she accepted. 

They sat across from one another, the tub of superglue on the mahogany coffee table, and sipped the brandy in silence. He stared into her large round eyes, then let his own admire the perfect symmetry of her face. A paragon of beauty. 

“Can I use your restroom?” 

“Of course. Shall I help you?” 

“Thank you, but I think I can manage.” She propped herself up on her cane, and hobbled toward the hallway. “Third door on the left, right?” 

“That’s right.” 

He refilled her drink, and waited, musing over the work to be done—his greatest work, his magnum opus. 

Upon her return, she thanked him for refilling her drink, sat, and together they shared hopes and dreams and thoughts on life. She liked him, and she knew he knew it; he loved her and he knew she knew it.

He didn’t care about her deformed ear, her abnormal arm, or club foot. He loved her for who she was. But she neither loved herself nor believed her worthy of love. 

She took a big sip of brandy, set the tumbler down, and yawned big and heavy. Her perfect cheeks flushed. “Oh, I’m sorry. I—I—”

Her eyelids grew heavy; she eked out an embarrassed smile, and passed out. 

He cradled her in his arms, brushed back her hair, and kissed her forehead; he bent at the knee and picked up the bottle of “Dr. Frankenstein’s Medical Grade Biotic Super Glue.”

 Great job, everybody! See you on Saturday (this time on time, heh)~

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 7

We've had a #crackedflashfail this Saturday. We apologize for everyone who was up at midnight, waiting for the prompt to come through (if there were any, that is. Heh). 

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Rin and Mars (Sie is packing)

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Due to our scatterbrains, we forgot to put up the prompt promptly. (*murdered for bad pun*) Therefore, the deadline has been extended to Sunday, 3 PM, PDT. Note that this is abnormal and will be for this week only. Still 24 hours to write, however!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:

"Why do you have a pound of superglue--you know what? Never mind. I don't want to know."

Year 1, Week 6: Results!

We were disappointed by the amount of entries that we received last week--there's not much of a competition if there's only two entries to choose from! Even so, two stories are better than one--we'd like to give a big round of applause to our two contestants--Steph Ellis and Ophelia Leong! 

First Runner Up

Steph Ellis' Sometimes Holidays Really Get Your Goat

Rin: Dai and Will are fun characters in their incompetent goonishness and I wonder what made them get into the devil-worshiping in the first place. There was a lot of comical dialogue and back story throughout, especially the idea that the devil had had his holiday fire pit ruined last time. It was greatly amusing to imagine that. My favorite line was 'The small goat continued to chew on Dai's shoe, a picture of innocence.' because I can just see that and I love how it comes out at the end that they'd had the right one all along and he'd tricked them. Sounds just like what a mischievous spawn of the devil might do!

Mars: This was an amusing take on the prompt--a clever play on words. The character dynamics stood out, too--Dai and Will make for a good, humorous character pairing. The joke at the end--actually having the right kid--made the piece complete. It also prompts an intriguing question--what made Dai and Will pick up "this devil worship lark" in the first place?

Y1W6 Winner!

Ophelia Leong

with Changeling Duty

Rin: I love faerie lore and all things mythology, so this was a fun one for me. I especially liked Deenan's character and wonder whose bright idea it was to let him lead a newbie onto the 'child-swapping' field with only one job under his belt. No wonder they bungled it, King Oberon ought to chew out their commanding officer instead! XD The dialogue was entertaining and Deenan's attempt to boss around a toddler with formal talk was amusing. My favorite sentence was definitely 'A dewy blue eye peered down at Sephira and a drop of drool from a toothy grin fell on her face.' It was good description and evokes a strong 'Ew!' response from me. I just squirm at the idea of being drooled on. Gross! Nice job.

Mars: This was another amusing take on the prompt--I don't read a lot of faerie lore (and usually the faeries I read about are closer to the traditional kind), so it's fun to see into a changeling job. I, like Steph, was expecting the toddler to take a chomp out of one of the faerie's heads (which would have quickly turned an amusing story into something much more dark, I suppose . . .). It's also a little amusing that they could be caught so easily by a tiny kid. Well done!

Changeling Duty

“Oh no. We brought the wrong kid.” 

“You’re kidding me.” 

“No, really. Look. He’s too big to be a baby.” 

Sephira glanced at the bundle of blankets on the grass, anxiously twisting her silver-green hair between her fingers. She had to admit it had been difficult to fly whilst carrying it, but… 

“Deenan, you told me you had everything checked out. You said that was the right house! We already put the changeling in!” 

Deenan scratched his long, pointed ears, his fine features red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. This is only my second time doing this, okay? Changeling duty isn’t easy.” 

“You’re telling me! I waited forever for this and now my partner just bungled my first job!” 

Just then, they heard a yawn and a soft rustling behind them. Sephira’s heart turned cold. Deenan’s purple eyes widened and he trembled. Changeling duty was not known to be dangerous to faeries, since they usually handle babies, but an older kid was another story altogether. 

“Ooh, new toys!” 

Sephira tried to fly away, but strong little fingers grabbed her wings. She struggled, calling for Deenan, but he was caught in the kids’ other hand! 

A dewy blue eye peered down at Sephira and a drop of drool from a toothy grin fell on her face. 

“Ew!” she exclaimed as she tried to wiggle free. “Deenan, talk to it! Do something! This is all your fault!” 

“Human child! Let go of us at once! We do not belong in your realm!” Deenan shouted wobbly as the child shook him about. 

Sephira rolled her eyes. “I don’t think it understands Faerie court talk, genius.”

The kid began walking back towards the house, still holding the faeries. Sephira sighed; what was worse, a scolding from Oberon or playtime with a toddler?

Hope to see more of y'all next week!

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 6

It's always such a pleasure. Remember how you tried to kill me--
twice?

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Rin and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:
"Oh, no. We brought the wrong kid."
"You're kidding me."

Actually, it's at midnight, but details.

Year 1, Week 4: Results!

My gif won't work :(

Given the CAT prompt, I don't think we should be surprised that we got a number of RULE BREAKING SUBMISSIONS AAAHHH *Si faints away*

We have decided to disregard your most terrible rule breaking habits and proceed as though you were all law-abiding citizens of Cracked Flash Fiction Island. THIS TIME O.O.

Honorable Mention

David Shakes' The Road Behind, the Road Ahead

Mars: A lot of emotion is packed into this piece, even though it's a little rough around the edges. The last two lines seemed a pivotal character development to me; throughout the story, we see him clinging desperately to the idea that she might still be alive, but he lets go at the end; he accepts that there's nothing to be done, but he might be able to save a different life. Excellent piece. (Note: Don't think I didn't see you breaking the rules (#2) there, Mister. At least you're in good company. Y'all know who you are o.o)

Si: I loved the intense emotions in this piece, the interspersed thoughts/memories of the main character and his actions as he finds the cat. Excellent "show, not tell"--we can feel the emotions in the main character without ever being told exactly what they are, which makes it more powerful. It's a very immersive piece. Well done!

First Runner Up

Steph Ellis' The Family Room

Mars: This is the sort of story that I had to read twice--when I hit the ending, I had the revelation moment, and then the horror set in as I read it again to get everything. I mean, it was creepy before that, with the taxidermy and everything, but then there's that whole, "Oh snap. It looks like his father didn't abandon him after all," moment. A most chilling tale. 

Si: AH! This, like mars, took me a minute to "get" the ending, BUT WHEN I DID ... great horror. I loved the description of the empty, listless house--you get the feel of dust covering tables, dim lighting, musty smells. Loved the way the tone was maintained throughout the piece, the theme of family always being together ... never leaving. The main character goes back to find out what kind of a person his grandfather was, and man does he find out. Great understated horror--where there isn't too much description of what the horror is, but when it dawns on the reader it makes an impression.

Without further ado, the moment you've all been waiting for--

Y1W1 Winner!

Josh Bertetta

with Felineage

Mars: Firstly, it amused me that you actually used the photo prompt. Secondly, excellent story. The creepiness vibe was pulled off very well here, particularly because of the elements used--eyes in the darkness, and hearing voices. Not even the light of a campfire can keep a character safe at this point, as any genre-savvy reader would know. The ending of the story inspires a large "DUN DUN DUNNN" reaction at the end. The slight relief in the middle only makes the end realization that much more poignant. (Also, markup works. Good to know.)

Si: Very creepy story! Love the way that the reader feels the creepiness before the main character does--while he's offering the cat a strip of meat, we're sitting tight in our seats waiting for something awful to happen. The eyes! The voice! Great tension as the story progressed. Poor main character, trusting to his comforting fire, while the eyes surround him. I loooved the last line: "There was laughter then, and a thousand yellow eyes.", very well phrased and very creepy. I'm rather amused at how many of you guys took the cat prompt and wrote a creepy/scary tale (my cat would approve). The tension is handled excellently, with some moments of almost-relief but a constant sense of foreboding. Great story!

Felineage 

The cat stared at him. 

The only way he knew it was a cat because of the tapetum lucidum. Good thing cats gave themselves away like that; otherwise there’d be no way to discern their presence in a dark such as this. 

The fire cracked beside him and he said, hand outstretched, “Here kitty kitty.” He plucked a piece of moist chicken from the bone and tossed it a few feet in front of him. “Here kitty kitty kitty.” 

But the cat, beyond the safety of the firelight, remained, as it were, uninterested in anything but him. He averted his eyes but for a second as he dug into his chicken leg and the cat was gone, vanished into the night. 

A branch snapped behind him. 

He jerked around and smiled, “Oh there you are. You’re a sneaky little fellow aren’t you? You sure you don’t want some chicken? I’ve got more than enough for the both of us.” 

He tossed another morsel the cat’s way. 

It meowed as cats should and he could have sworn he heard a voice from somewhere say “Soon.” 

He looked over both shoulders but the firelight’s radius provided him a consolatory comfort. 

Then another pair of appeared, substantially higher than the other and he convinced himself his second guest perched on a low tree branch. “Does your friend want some chicken too?” He tossed it a little further into the dark, listened to the rustling of the brush, and watched (admittedly with relief) that second pair of eyes, more phosphorescent than the first, disappear. 

Then that voice again, saying “Soon.”

Chance stood and took from the fire a long branch, less than half of it a bright orange smoldering mix of ember and flame. 

There was laughter then, and a thousand yellow eyes.

Congratulations and excellent work, everybody! See you all this Saturday for Week 5!

(Looks like everyone who placed this time around was a Flash Dog! You'll have to tell the rest of the pack to rise to the challenge.)