Year 1, Week 10: Results!

We're going to do something a little different today. Hold onto your hat, Hephzibah! (Okay, Hagar!)

Y1W10 WINNERS!

M T Decker and Firdaus

with Cut Throat and Character Tantrums

Cut Throat 

"You know, smiling at me every few days… it’s not the same as telling me you aren’t going to kill me…" Penelope sighed as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. 

“I’m disappointed to her you say that,” Rogers sighed. “You should know me well enough by now…” 

Penelope looked at him from over her glasses as if to say, ‘Dude, I do know you more than ‘well enough’ by now.’ 

He gave her a sheepish shrug. “I promise you. When I plan on killing you— you’ll know.” 

“This,” she told him. “Is not nearly as comforting as you might think… Try phrases like: ‘I have no intention of killing you’ or ‘You know I’d never hurt you…’ Phrases like that build confidence.” 

“But you know, I’ll never lie to you…” 

Penelope sighed and shook her head. “You have a lot to learn about ‘comforting.’” 

“This is war. They didn’t call it ‘See how many cards you can take nicely.’” 

“Fine,” she sighed. “Got any threes?”

“Go Fish!”

Si: Great character interaction in this story! We get the sense that we, the readers, are just looking in through a window while the scene proceeds between Penelope and Rogers. I particularly like the line: “Penelope looked at him from over her glasses as if to say, ‘Dude, I do know you more than ‘well enough’ by now.’ ” The line that follows is chilling in its casualness. I was amused that the story ends on a different tone with Go Fish. I was a little confused as to whether the characters are spies on opposite sides … (okay I might be reading a little TOO many spy novellas but HUSH) … or whether this was just a really, really intense game of cards. Is the death threat real or figurative? I’m going with real. Love that we have a nice, clear sketch of two characters in such a short span of words. Great story!

Mars: I was amused by how what Penelope and Rogers were doing was obscured until the very last few lines. My favorite line was Rogers' comment--"I promise you. When I plan on killing you--you'll know." The first few sentences were a little weak--maybe it was the sighing from the both of them, or the open-ended sentences (the ellipses), but they could have been more grabbing. (Si and I speculated if they were spies from enemy sides and possible lovers (or whether it was just a really intense card game, which I guessed it was). It amused us; observe titles we came up with for a novel: Romeo and Juliet: Card Edition; Ace of Hearts; etc.,.) An amusing story!

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Character Tantrums

"Smiling at me every few days is not the same as telling me you're not going to kill me." She mutters under her breath, loud enough for me to hear. 

I stand in the doorway watching her, trying my best to smile.

"Do you have any idea what you have done?" My smile wavers a little.

"You want me to read that list you gave me? I know it by heart." 

"I see, you still believe I made up those things." 

"I did not put Margo into the washing machine! Okayyyy...I was really angry when she scratched and tore my lovely sofa but I didn't switch on the machine! I swear!" 

"You burnt my books!" 

"It wasn't me! I love books, though I was curious about that cabinet you kept locked. I was a little angry when I couldn't break in. But I wouldn't burn your study. No way!" 

"Look at your hand!" 

"Yeah, it hurts. You shouldn't have broken it!" 

"You really believe that, don't you? You don't remember throwing a tantrum and punching walls?" 

"Ha! You're such a liar, all writers are." 

"Whatever you say and do—you're not in my next book." 

I watch her face flush with anger as I gently shut the door and turn the key. 

Maybe I should kill her. A few sentences and she'd be gone. Somehow that seems such a waste of a complex character and to be honest I am rather fond of her. 

I whistle as I go off to explore other rooms in my head. I have a book to write, damn it!

Si: Woohoo, dialogue! I like how the piece doesn’t “give away” the true nature of the encounter--a writer and their character--until the end. The first half she just seems totally cray until you hit “All writers” and then we’re all OH I GET IT NOW. These two sentences are the best in the piece: 

"Whatever you say and do—you're not in my next book." 

I watch her face flush with anger as I gently shut the door and turn the key.

And IMO, I think the story is much stronger if it ends there. The following sentences tell us what we already know from the dialogue. I do like the idea of many rooms in a writer’s head. Well done!

Mars: There are only a few people I know of that don't envision their characters in their head (or hear them, heh), but I'm not one of them, so this was an entertaining story that I could connect to. I enjoy stories that are carried mainly by dialogue, but this one was a tad confusing for me--I could have done with some tags ('s/he said's). It was amusing to see how the writer was convincing her she had consciously done these things. Nice story!

Yup, you both get it, lucky ducks.

See you two next week!

Year 1, Week 7: Results!

We were pleased to have three very varied entries to choose from this time around. The mishap on Saturday had us wondering if we'd get any at all!

Honorable Mention

Ophelia Leong's Neighborly Duties

Rin: This was a fun one. I liked how Matthew wasn't really all that interested, a nice twist on the typical vampire/human scenario. My favorite line was "Superglue dripped onto the floor like sap and Elena hid the paintbrush in the trashcan," because that bit of description puts a vivid picture in my head of how it would squish under the feet when he stood up. Nice job.

Mars: This felt both done and not done--I like to imagine Matthew suddenly jumping out of his shoes and driving a hidden stake through Elena's heart (I also wonder where she got that superglue that doesn't dry for five minutes? I'd like some)--but it did make a nice little story arc for a flash. Matthew's obvious disdain/disinterest was a nice touch, as opposed to the the normal love-at-first-sight scenarios in typical YA Urban Fantasy fiction. Something else I'm just noticing: the word style is done well here; it feels flowing and quite . . . surreptitious. Stealthy, flowing, cat-like. Good job!

(Bonus points to you for making me learn a new word: surreptitious. Also, Elena's "no man should be able to resist me!" thought made me think of a Mockingjay parody (observe lyrics "Gale and I have chemistry . . ."))

First Runner Up

M T Decker's Hypothetically Speaking

Rin: I love crime-scene type shows, so this story was a treat for me! The dialogue was good and flowed well, giving me a good idea of the character's personalities even without the help of much description. I like how instead of having it where the answer is clear, the characters went through a bunch of different scenarios in which someone might have a use for it. Especially enjoyed the mention of a real-life forensic science thing, fingerprint fumigation. Well done!

Mars: (I forgot to finish this I'm so sorry) Dialogue-heavy stories are something I'm generally very fond of; it pleased me to see a flash that carries a plot well through mostly dialogue. I am left wondering what conclusion Gina was drawn to, but that feels like part of the charm for the speculating, progressive tone of the piece. I like the look into Gina and her husband's relationship--we see one side of them in the brainstorming session, but there's a hint towards something else; nicely done character dynamics without being flashy. Nice work.

And, without further ado, the moment you've all been waiting for--

Y1W7 Winner!

Josh Bertetta

with A Sticky Situation

Rin: I loved this one! The mysterious feel was good and I liked how I was kept guessing how the super glue would tie in until the very end. My favorite line was "He didn’t care about her deformed ear, her abnormal arm, or club foot. He loved her for who she was," because the sweetness of it really did a good job of making me question my own intuition and whether I was reading more suspicious things into what came above it, making that last line really pop!

Mars: It took me a few re-reads to understand exactly was going on, and then I had a little "Awww" moment. The suspense was artfully played up to drive home the last line--what exactly his greatest work was. The reader can tell how obviously he dotes upon her--even before his declaration of love--which demonstrates excellent characterization. This is a really cute piece!

A Sticky Situation 

“Why do you have a pound of superglue—you know what? Never mind. I don’t want to know…I’ll just trump it up to another one of your idiosyncrasies.” She smiled, and tucked her hair behind her good ear, leaving her thick auburn locks covering the other. 

He asked her if she’d like a drink; she accepted. 

They sat across from one another, the tub of superglue on the mahogany coffee table, and sipped the brandy in silence. He stared into her large round eyes, then let his own admire the perfect symmetry of her face. A paragon of beauty. 

“Can I use your restroom?” 

“Of course. Shall I help you?” 

“Thank you, but I think I can manage.” She propped herself up on her cane, and hobbled toward the hallway. “Third door on the left, right?” 

“That’s right.” 

He refilled her drink, and waited, musing over the work to be done—his greatest work, his magnum opus. 

Upon her return, she thanked him for refilling her drink, sat, and together they shared hopes and dreams and thoughts on life. She liked him, and she knew he knew it; he loved her and he knew she knew it.

He didn’t care about her deformed ear, her abnormal arm, or club foot. He loved her for who she was. But she neither loved herself nor believed her worthy of love. 

She took a big sip of brandy, set the tumbler down, and yawned big and heavy. Her perfect cheeks flushed. “Oh, I’m sorry. I—I—”

Her eyelids grew heavy; she eked out an embarrassed smile, and passed out. 

He cradled her in his arms, brushed back her hair, and kissed her forehead; he bent at the knee and picked up the bottle of “Dr. Frankenstein’s Medical Grade Biotic Super Glue.”

 Great job, everybody! See you on Saturday (this time on time, heh)~

Year 1, Week 6: Results!

We were disappointed by the amount of entries that we received last week--there's not much of a competition if there's only two entries to choose from! Even so, two stories are better than one--we'd like to give a big round of applause to our two contestants--Steph Ellis and Ophelia Leong! 

First Runner Up

Steph Ellis' Sometimes Holidays Really Get Your Goat

Rin: Dai and Will are fun characters in their incompetent goonishness and I wonder what made them get into the devil-worshiping in the first place. There was a lot of comical dialogue and back story throughout, especially the idea that the devil had had his holiday fire pit ruined last time. It was greatly amusing to imagine that. My favorite line was 'The small goat continued to chew on Dai's shoe, a picture of innocence.' because I can just see that and I love how it comes out at the end that they'd had the right one all along and he'd tricked them. Sounds just like what a mischievous spawn of the devil might do!

Mars: This was an amusing take on the prompt--a clever play on words. The character dynamics stood out, too--Dai and Will make for a good, humorous character pairing. The joke at the end--actually having the right kid--made the piece complete. It also prompts an intriguing question--what made Dai and Will pick up "this devil worship lark" in the first place?

Y1W6 Winner!

Ophelia Leong

with Changeling Duty

Rin: I love faerie lore and all things mythology, so this was a fun one for me. I especially liked Deenan's character and wonder whose bright idea it was to let him lead a newbie onto the 'child-swapping' field with only one job under his belt. No wonder they bungled it, King Oberon ought to chew out their commanding officer instead! XD The dialogue was entertaining and Deenan's attempt to boss around a toddler with formal talk was amusing. My favorite sentence was definitely 'A dewy blue eye peered down at Sephira and a drop of drool from a toothy grin fell on her face.' It was good description and evokes a strong 'Ew!' response from me. I just squirm at the idea of being drooled on. Gross! Nice job.

Mars: This was another amusing take on the prompt--I don't read a lot of faerie lore (and usually the faeries I read about are closer to the traditional kind), so it's fun to see into a changeling job. I, like Steph, was expecting the toddler to take a chomp out of one of the faerie's heads (which would have quickly turned an amusing story into something much more dark, I suppose . . .). It's also a little amusing that they could be caught so easily by a tiny kid. Well done!

Changeling Duty

“Oh no. We brought the wrong kid.” 

“You’re kidding me.” 

“No, really. Look. He’s too big to be a baby.” 

Sephira glanced at the bundle of blankets on the grass, anxiously twisting her silver-green hair between her fingers. She had to admit it had been difficult to fly whilst carrying it, but… 

“Deenan, you told me you had everything checked out. You said that was the right house! We already put the changeling in!” 

Deenan scratched his long, pointed ears, his fine features red with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. This is only my second time doing this, okay? Changeling duty isn’t easy.” 

“You’re telling me! I waited forever for this and now my partner just bungled my first job!” 

Just then, they heard a yawn and a soft rustling behind them. Sephira’s heart turned cold. Deenan’s purple eyes widened and he trembled. Changeling duty was not known to be dangerous to faeries, since they usually handle babies, but an older kid was another story altogether. 

“Ooh, new toys!” 

Sephira tried to fly away, but strong little fingers grabbed her wings. She struggled, calling for Deenan, but he was caught in the kids’ other hand! 

A dewy blue eye peered down at Sephira and a drop of drool from a toothy grin fell on her face. 

“Ew!” she exclaimed as she tried to wiggle free. “Deenan, talk to it! Do something! This is all your fault!” 

“Human child! Let go of us at once! We do not belong in your realm!” Deenan shouted wobbly as the child shook him about. 

Sephira rolled her eyes. “I don’t think it understands Faerie court talk, genius.”

The kid began walking back towards the house, still holding the faeries. Sephira sighed; what was worse, a scolding from Oberon or playtime with a toddler?

Hope to see more of y'all next week!

Year 1, Week 5: Results!

Yes! All the corpses! Great stories this time 'round. Horror and mystery and humor--loving the variety!

Honorable Mention

Steph Ellis' Due to Unforeseen Circumstances the End of the World is Postponed

Rin: This story made me laugh out loud. The comical banter between this incompetent bad-guy family gives the piece a light, fun atmosphere and a refreshing twist to the concept of the End of the World. The characters and their relationships with one another felt well developed for the length of the piece, each a distinct personality. My favorite bit was "Perhaps that's for the best dear," said Ma, patting His arm fondly. "Now, why don't you sit down with us, have a bit of cake. You're looking a little peaky. You've been overdoing it again, haven't you?" because it amuses me with mental pictures of an evil, doting mother and her spoiled, evil-warlord son. Very well done!

Si: Loved the dialogue in this story! That poor corpse. Just on the edge of stardom--! I was amused by the idea of The End being postponed due to inefficiency and mistakes on the Evil side. The last half of the story especially had some excellent lines of dialogue: "This spell creates a corpse! I wanted you to create me a corps!" We get a good sense of the characters despite the fact that it's a short piece. Enjoyed the transition of red-eyed terrifying Menace to resigned and tired Boss. Last line was excellent. A fun and entertaining story! 

First Runner Up

Josh Bertetta's The House in the Woods

Rin: Oooh, I love the creepy atmosphere to this piece! My favorite line was 'The deeper they ran, the further back they travelled in time, the more the body count piled up, dressed in generations' because it gives an 'ancient evil' flavor to the piece that I enjoy. It raises the hair on the back of my neck just imagining it! The pace was well done with the time rushing past them, building up the tension excellently as they try to find their missing daughter, ending perfectly with those last two lines. Nothing more sinister than giggling and invitations to play from unknown things in a haunted house!

Si: You fit a lot into very few words! I loved that you had both dialogue and more descriptive passages that kept the plot moving. The innocence of Princess contrasted with the horror of the corpses is very well done and makes the ending especially creepy. Can't say it enough, EXCELLENT ending--you stopped just at the right point and the phrasing is PERFECT. Loved this line especially: "They screamed her name; it fled through the house in a panic." Well done on mounting the tension line by line. When the story starts, the reader isn't sure what kind of a story it's going to be--but the building suspense soon informs us. Excellent creepy story!

Y1W5 Winner!

mtdecker

with The Shelley Boys are Back

Rin: I liked the modern-day Frankenstein feel of this story and I'm impressed with how well the characters were shown almost exclusively through their dialogue. The brevity of the story's pacing and the distinct impression that this has been an ongoing problem made the tension between the brothers palpable. Mad-scientist Philip was my favorite character with his distraction tactics and flippant attitude toward the whole situation. Going into the story, I expected Martin to break down and help Philip, so Igor killing him was rather unexpected. Kuddos on an excellent flash fic!

Si: Ah! The ending! The story! The characters, though we don't "see" them through description, feel completely real just through dialogue--well done! We get a sense of both the brothers just through the most brief of actions, and their short responses to each other. I love that there's two clear voices here. I also liked the way that we get a sense that this isn't the first time Martin has come home to such a scene ... or has he participated himself? Curious. The touch of naming the assistant Igor also says a lot in very few words ... and the understated yet still surprising death leaves a lot to the imagination and is very effective. Again, tone is maintained throughout the piece with no breaks and we can feel the tension between the two brothers as they stand over a corpse that one of them didn't expect to see. Wonderful story!

The winning story!

The Shelley Boys are Back

"Well, I think this just got awkward."

"There's a corpse on the floor… so… yeah, I think ‘this just got awkward’ is an understatement.”

“I can explain…”

Martin shook his head. He’d had enough of his brother’s blase approach to life. “I have an M-16 that says ‘I’m not buying anything you’re sellin’ brah.”

“You weren’t supposed to be home, yet…”

“Again, not explaining here… just drawing things out.”

“Well. He was supposed to be… gone… before you got back.”

“Gone?” Martin sighed. “You still using Martinez’s cleaning service?”

“Nah, gone as in Igor would have gotten him down to the lab before you got home.”

“And now?”

Martin felt a cold chill in his brother’s smile as he heard a rustle behind him.

Philip shrugged. “Now Igor’s in place…”

He sighed as Igor finished making work of his brother.“Looks like there’ll be two corpses to reanimate now.”

“Awkward,” Igor agreed.

“When’s dad due back?”

Until next time! *Rin and Si vanish in a swirl of cloaks*