Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Year 1, Week 14: Results!

Somehow, despite this:

Did you guys see the eclipse? It was pretty cool. 
and this:
Astrobiologists: YAY, WE'RE RELAVENT
The water must flow.
Si and I managed to write our reviews! We appreciated the numerous entries that flowed in before midnight (it was actually a pleasant surprise that we had more than two lonely entries without reminders earlier in the day XD. I found an application called Twuffer that I'm totally going to use. Or maybe I'll just never sleep. I like the sound of that second one), and we enjoyed all of your stories.

Honorable Mention

Denman Billy's The Man Trapped Inside Himself

Si: Interesting entry! I love the imagery in the poem, and the repetition of the hand and yellow eyes. The story the man told was pretty crazy but also sad--being forced to constantly move around, never finding a home. The last stanza is my favorite, and the most poignant. I really liked the lines:
“But something was twisted inside my heart,
Was bent out of shape, and unable to mend.
I was doomed to put my soul on the window,”
I would love for this tone to be carried through the poem more. I’m curious whether the stories the man tells are real or from his imagination? With a piece like this, it could go either way (metaphors or crazy real life?). Great poem!

Mars: This one took a lot of thinking to come up with any ideas of what was going on. On the first few read throughs, all I could say to myself was that I really liked the overall sound of the poem (it's close to iambic pentameter and it rhymes; I must be a sucker for classic, structured poetry). Then I considered the title--"The Man Trapped Inside Himself"--and wondered if perhaps the man is talking to himself, or a part of himself, anyways (another hint was '282 reflections'). I think my favorite repeating line was, "So quiet, so still, so carefully calm," and was disappointed when the last line didn't parallel this: "With no cure, no comfort, and no balm"--I would probably have changed 'and no' to a three-syallable word to reflect 'carefully.' It would have really brought the last line home. 

So, I know I said I like the overall sound, but there were some things that didn't work for me in the flow of the poem. "Blood red moon," "It doesn't help," "neurotic," "pneumonia monkey" -- all of these phrases and others nearly put my tongue in a jam when I tried to say them! I think that something that doesn't help here is that, while the poem resembles iambic pentameter quite a bit, the syllable structure is varied in an awkward way. If it were me, I'd probably try to stick to more 10-syllable lines for the first 10 lines (of each stanza), then maybe throw in a 9 and 11 at the end, or vice versa (11/9 front, 10 for rest). 

The meaning is still a little lost on me, but I like the emotion of the three stanzas: the first seems ponderous and humorous, while the second has a lost feeling, and the third was somber and sorrowful. The third was my favorite; it flowed the best. The poem, overall, seems like a story about trying to fit in, perhaps, and never quite figuring it out. (I don't get symbolism and metaphors very well, though, so this is a total guess.)

The meaning of a poem often varies from individual to individual; it's much harder to parse through than a story, for certain (and I know I've thrown lines into poetry simply because I like the sound of them. Troll!Poet). This piece certainly gives a reader a lot to think about!

First Runner-Up

Firdaus' The Window

Si: Wow, what an intense story! Great “show, not tell.” Great descriptions! The image of the child writing “Help Me” in a foggy window, then hearing the abuser speak behind him is chilling. THE ENDING. The whole story is very emotional without seeming like it’s trying to be, to put it badly. It shows a lot of intensity without over-describing or over-telling. There were a few things like: “My stepfather was on his knees and a policeman was towering over him.”--where I would double-check that the story was staying in the same POV (His vs My), and a few other small issues. I love that the woman remains mostly a figure--we don’t have much description about her, which keeps the focus on the boy. Great story!

Mars: The tension in this piece is great. There's a good bit of "show, not tell," going on here--until the end of the fourth paragraph, we don't know what's wrong. 'Has he been kidnapped?'; 'Is he stuck somewhere accidentally?'; 'Who's the woman?'; 'Why is he so scared?' These questions ran through my head as I read through it. 

The piece felt rushed in the middle, mostly when the stepfather appears, and it's revealed who's the abuser. ". . . as he was yanked from the window and thrown against the wall, before he blacked out" was the line that particularly stood out to me, and then him waking up the next line; compared to the first five paragraphs, it was a jarring transition to jump so quickly between thoughts. (Also, it was a nice bit of realism that he wet himself. I think I'd have trouble writing that.) 

My favorite line, the most gut-punching one, of course, was the last line. It also, sadly, mimicked a lot of real-life scenarios, and showed us how much danger the little boy was in, since we can infer that she didn't die of natural causes.

Without further ado, the moment you're dying for--

Y1W14 Winner:

Steph Ellis!

with Happy Ever After

Si: Love how there’s two layers to this story--the father-daughter relationship, and also the plot with the witch. Excellent writing! Not a word wasted, I love how we can see character development as well as a plot in such a short, tight piece of writing. The beginning is sinister, the middle is heartwarming, the ending is suspenseful. Beautiful weaving of several threads in this story. I might add a few more details hinting at the witch/king/princess plot earlier in the story, in a way that you don’t realize it until you reach the end. Great dialogue and handling of tension. Well done!

Mars: (Dangit, Steph, we're going to have to ban you from winning soon XD Stop writing so well!) This was both sweet and disturbing at the same time. Possibly more disturbing because it's sweet. It leaves me wondering if the father is a psycho or if the mother is an abuser (or both), with his repeated thoughts of fragility, and the references to the mother being witch-like. 

I would watch out for too many same-structured sentences clustered together; I notice a lot of the sentences start off with 'He' or 'She.' It would also be great to know what brings on this murderistic tendency in the father, but perhaps he's just like that. 

My favorite line was probably, "He turned out the light and made his way down the stairs, his crown weightless, his bearing regal." I'm not sure quite what it is about that line, but it just paints a very vivid, stately picture in my mind, and it sounds really nice. The most disturbing bit, in hindsight: "He bent down and kissed her forehead. 'And a king to kill the witch.'" The incongruity of what he's likely already planning to do and the sweetness of tucking a child in just don't click in the brain, and it's horrifying. 

Happy Ever After
He put his hand back on the window, the yellow eyes wide open on his palm. He spread his fingers, imagining how it would feel to clasp the small feline skull, twist it, crush it until it became nothing. 
“Daddy, Daddy.” 
He dropped his hand, brushed the top of his daughter’s head. So small, so fragile. 
“Let kitty in,” she demanded. 
“Sorry.” He smiled down at her. “Kitty has to stay out at night. You know the rules.” 
Annie pouted and folded her arms, annoyed at not getting her own way. Just like her mother. 
“Come on now, time for bed.” He scooped her up, felt the bird-like flutter of her heart against his chest. 
“Can’t I have a story?” she pleaded as he tucked her in. 
“Not tonight, kiddo,” he said. “Daddy’s got too much to do. But tomorrow night I’ll have a new story for you … I promise.” 
“A story with a wicked witch?” 
He laughed. “Yes, there’s a witch.” 
“And a beautiful princess?” 
“Yes, and a beautiful princess.” 
“And a king to kill the witch?” 
He bent down and kissed her forehead. “And a king to kill the witch.”

He turned out the light and made his way down the stairs, his crown weightless, his bearing regal. He returned to the window, watched as yellow headlights swung into the drive.

The witch was back.

He pressed his hand against the glass; covered her approaching face, felt the cold fragility beneath his fingers.

Write about what you know they said.

Advice he intended to follow. He adjusted his crown and went to the door.


Thanks for participating, everyone :D Also, Paul, that story was quite weird. Very reminiscent of the heart of Cracked Flash Fiction, I think!

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 14

Yes, that is a squirrel and a mole on a Stetson on a swimming cap on a woman's head.
Squirrel: Yesss, everything is going according to plan . . . *maniacal wringing of the hands*
Just look at that squirrel.
@nationwrites put in a request for an odd prompt this week, so I tried really hard to find one. Your stories will reflect if I did a good job or not, I bet. XD 

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Si and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (You also do not have to include the photo prompt(s). They just amuse us.)


YOUR PROMPT:

He put his hand back on the window, the yellow eyes wide open on his palm.


Are my pictures weird enough too? Anyways, we definitely look forward to your stories! :D

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Trippin' Thursday!


What: A stress-free prompt-writing session.

Word count: 1000 word max. (Will have to chain comment anything more than 4k characters)

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). However many entries you like!

Remember: We don't care how much you mutilate the prompt (or if your story is just based off of it), 'cuz we're not going to be judging it. We also don't care if you do or do not include the photo prompts.

Bonus points: Do it in 5-15 minutes, with no editing.


YOUR PROMPT:

He tried to breathe, but the air wouldn't come.



Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Year 1, Week 13: Results!

Hurray! We love it when we have tons of entries! Thanks to each and every one of you for submitting!

This is us when we have submissions. EVERY TIME.
Excellent stories this time around and we're amused that so many of you are using the photo prompt in your stories! (Maybe we should put an ESPECIALLY WEIRD one in next time *steeples fingers*). We've hit Week 13 running and we're going on to Week 14 this Saturday! Are we a legit flash fic competition now? *wipes away tear*

Onward, to the winners of Week 13!

Honorable Mention

Steph Ellis' Vitruvian Man

Si: First of all, EXCELLENT title. Wonderfully fitting and evocative. I love how you don't immediately introduce what's going on, but first immerse us in the character, then give us a clue by the actions of the character. We're waiting to see what's going to happen next and what the situation is--so when the description of the body hits, it's got more impact. Very clean writing that's easy to follow, but also very charged with the character's emotions. I think a few of the lines in 5th paragraph could be shortened/reduced to keep with the overall very show-not-tell nature of the piece. "He had always kept her on a tight leash and now the roles were reversed. " to "Now, their roles were reversed." maybe. I loved the line "And he wasn't really gone, not yet." Chilling! I enjoyed that we could see how the character had developed and changed even though the scene only has her confident and a little psycho. Great story!

Rin: Oooh, the cold, emotionally-distant tone of this story gives me shivers! The description was done well and the pov character felt whole(if scary as heck). Makes you want to stay on her good side, because she's clearly flipped her lid. I think the story could have used some description of the setting, it would have added to it. The line I liked best was 'Flesh strained against its bindings, new lines appeared on the face, carved from shock and pain, eyes wider as consciousness returned to fresh horror.' because it was easy to envision and the slower pace of the story gives it a palpably drawn-out feel, like I'm experiencing the torture right beside the husband. Nicely done.

First Runner-Up

Pattyann McCarthy's The Reconstruction
Si: Great back-and-forth dialogue and good handle of the characters! In dialogue without tags like this ("said Char1"), it sometimes gets hard for the reader to keep track of who is talking, but you managed it excellently. One spot of improvement is that a few lines of dialogue have an "As you know, Bob" flavor. "All I see is a dilapidated farmhouse, the spires falling and its roof collapsing." for example. I love that you used a Russian setting and matched the speech patterns--a subtle way of showing us we're somewhere different. I LOVED the ending. SO creepy. The idea that they can run and run and end up RIGHT back, facing the creepy house again is great. And I liked that the house is just ominously silent, with only the movement of someone behind the curtain. I loved the way the tone also changes from lAll I see is a dilapidated farmhouse, the spires falling and its roof collapsing. What else is there to see? ight-hearted drunken banter to sinister foreshadowing. Well done!

Rin: The two friends were amusing and their dialogue was good, I can just hear two drunk friends rambling on like this. The characters were fun and distinct from each other, except for that one line where Evgeni slipped into Pyotr's speech pattern with almost saying 'my friend' at the end of his sentence. My favorite line was 'The sun began to sink behind the Ural Mountains, golden-orange fire spilled down the slopes while the pair stood in the field arguing whether or not the spire moved.' Gorgeous bit of description there. I can just envision it and I like how it combined with the next sentence to give a feeling of foreboding. The ending could have used a bit more 'showing' rather than 'telling', but I liked the sense of doom that comes from not being able to escape. Great story!

Y1W13 Winner!

Roger Jackson

with Looking Glass

Si: Wow, excellent handling of suspense and tension in this story! The first line gives us some creepy foreshadowing but the paragraph that follows is starkly normal, increasing the suspense for the reader as we try to guess what is going to go wrong for Maria. The mirror is chilling in its normality until we hit the line where the chair has moved. There's no description of Maria's mental freakout but we can sure hear it happening at that point. I love that you keep the focus of the piece entirely on Maria and the mirror--while some backstory might be interesting (has this happened in the past to her?) keeping the focus really makes it a tightly written, high tension flash piece. We care about what's happening to her NOW and you deliver. The ending is beautiful. We have a theme the whole piece of wanting to look, looking, seeing something--but right at the end, she closes her eyes, just as the glass breaks. WHAT IS HAPPENING? Excellent story!

Rin: I LOVED this one! I like how it started at pivotal moment, then backtracked to catch us up. The rushed pace in the first half added to the tension of the piece well, giving a bit of a whiplash feeling when the story abruptly slowed down as she saw her reflection. The description is good and the story had a good flow to it. The best line in my opinion was 'She lifted her heel from the carpet, no more than an inch, and watched her reflection do the same.' It had me leaning forward and yelling at Maria to STOP MOVING! Like a perfectly executed scene in a horror movie just before someone stupidly goes into the basement, even though it's obvious that's where death awaits. I could hear the shatter of the glass in the last line and her closing her eyes gave the sense of theater lights dimming to black, ending the piece excellently. Fantastic job!
Looking Glass 
'Take a step back and look.' Maria told herself again, this time watching the lips of her reflection mouth the words. 'One more step, just to be sure.' 
She hadn't even meant to look in the mirror, not this morning, not when she was already late for work and those papers she needed were still in their folder beside her bed. She'd rushed into the bedroom to fetch them, her phone in her hands as she looked at the time for the third instance in as many minutes, not even realising the room's lone canvas chair was in her path until her foot caught one of its legs and it toppled to the carpet. 
She bent briefly to return the chair to its upright position, and as she did so she caught her reflection in the full length mirror fixed to the wardrobe. Her image stood as she did, dressed for work, the phone and its inexorable minutes clutched in one hand. Exactly the same, except her other hand, the one without the phone, rested lightly upon the back of the canvas chair. 
In the mirror, impossibly, the chair was behind her. 
She voiced a tiny squeak of surprise rather than fright and took an instinctive step back. 
Her reflection took a pace forward. 
Maria froze, her fingers suddenly numb. She didn't know what she was seeing, but she knew that it couldn't be real. All the same, though, she found herself insisting that she take another step back and look, just to be certain. She lifted her heel from the carpet, no more than an inch, and watched her reflection do the same. Just one more step. 
She promised herself that she'd look, but when she took her step and heard the shatter of glass, her eyes were closed.


We'll catch you all this Saturday! Join us for more totally normal, not weird at all writi--

*from the sky, the beat of Flavio's wings can be heard*

... okay, maybe not totally normal, but isn't crazy so much more fun?

WE'LL BE BACK.


Saturday, September 19, 2015

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 13

IT'S SO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE
Welcome to the fourth month of CFFC! We're excited to still be up and running and gaining awareness in the flash-fiction community, and we love all the AWESOME people that have been submitting stories.

We can't wait to read your story!

Edit: I TOTALLY MISSED THAT TODAY IS TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY. Have another photo. 


Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Rin and Si

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (You also do not have to include the photo prompt(s). They just amuse us.)


YOUR PROMPT:

"Take a step back and look."

That is not happy for somebody's house.
Go go go!

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Trippin' Thursday!

You call this bacon?
What: A stress-free prompt-writing session.

Word count: 1000 word max. (Will have to chain-comment if you actually want to post 1k, though. Found that out last week.)

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). However many entries you like!

Remember: We don't care how much you mutilate the prompt (or if your story is just based off of it), 'cuz we're not going to be judging it.

Bonus points: Do it in 5-15 minutes, with no editing.


YOUR PROMPT:

"You didn't find me; you dropped a building on me!"


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Year 1, Week 12: Results!

We want you to know that though there were only three entries, we thought all of them earned their spots on the result's roll this week. They were all excellent stories, and all well-written. 

Also, tired Mars is way too tired to come up with something witty to say here this week. Who knew that working for your money would make you tired? (*Recently got a job*) Get thee to congratulating the winners.

Honorable Mention

Firdaus' Letting Go

Mars: I actually rather like how you mutilated the prompt for this. It was a great way to introduce two contrasting characters; the daughter is given a light-hearted, angelic sort of feel, while the father is given a dark and brooding one. 

The piece has a bit of a monotonous feel to it--I'd suggest watching out for sentences that start the same way: "She danced well", "The young man bent", "The room exploded", "He couldn't take it". The phone call feels more natural than the story (good dialogue!) because the sentence structures are more varied. 

At first I kind of thought he was a dance tutor of some sort for the daughter, which seemed really creepy, but the jig was up for me at the beginning of the phone call--who would call their old tutor to tell them they were doing well? It was cleverly done.

Rin: The main character was very well done, feeling fully developed. I liked how the little hints throughout had me thinking that the pov character was an old dance instructor/lover of the girl's, then twists around to show him as being the girl's father. My favorite line was 'But as he watched her look lovingly into the young man's eyes he felt the cold fingers of jealousy curl around his heart.' as it was good description. I enjoyed the dialogue between the characters, it felt natural and realistic. Nicely done.

First Runner-Up

Steph Ellis' Babylon

Mars: Oh man, haven't people learned by now not to revive dead people? Simon and Jenni should watch The Mummy. Or even think about it: what if you accidentally resurrected Hitler? This seems like a bad plan, guys. Pretty much my favorite part about this piece was the irony. "Lol it would be funny if it was Babylon"; "Pah, no way"; "BABYLON used RESURRECTION!"; "What have we done?!" (Excuse my terrible sense of humor >.>)

The thing that strikes my curiosity the most is the line, "Such stories had no relevance anymore." It's a little disappointing that there was nothing else about what had happened by 2050 to make religion irrelevant (but, of course, there's only so much one can do with 300 words, so it's forgivable.)

It feels like there should be a DUN DUN DUNNN at the end of the piece; the sudden tone shift from humorous and boredom to OH NOES was great. 

Rin: I loved the building tension in this! The futuristic setting added to the creepy tone and the little bits of description were done well, making it easy to picture. I liked how the characters' distinctness was clearly shown in just a few words. My favorite line was, "Then they lifted the lid and those coal black eyes looked right at them, right into them. She smiled a terrible smile.” It gives just a perfect sense of impending doom! I thoroughly enjoyed the seven guests as a reference to the beast in Revelations; it was a great touch. Great story! 

And now, put your hands together foooorrr--

Y1W12 Winner!

Carin Marais

with Life on Canvas

Mars: The first thing that attracted me to this piece is how elegant it sounds. I also really like the color descriptions (well, I like colors, so usually they're more descriptive to me than other words; they set the mood of the scene); they brought the piece to life.

The sentence "He never did bother learning names," took me a bit to figure out. The pronoun can refer to either Jarl or the patron in this instance, because we have "She had always called him Jarl" in the next sentence. 

It's really great how Jarl's mood fits the somber dignity of the piece, even though we know by the end that this is killing him. There's no cliche "Oh woe is me angstangst," but just matter-of-fact thought processes and observations. That really drew the story's tone together. (Also, totally, that last line brought a great song to mind: Leader of the Pack.)

Rin: This was beautifully done. The slower pace was well matched to the tone of grief and the setting was easy to envision without being bogged down with too much description. It drew me in and the characters were done well. My favorite aspect of it was how fantastic an example of “show not tell” it was, the understated detail was masterfully done and made me feel Jarl's emotions, without saying even a bit too much or going too angsty. The only thing that I wish had been more clear was the meaning of “The man reached out to touch the threads, but the picture kept on changing as before.” In what way was the picture changing before? Were the finished pictures alive? Would have liked to find out, but regardless, this was an excellent piece. Loved it!

Life on Canvas

Her face was painted gold, her eyes hard and dark as coal. Lifeless upon the canvas, she stared out unseeing at the workshop. Her artist started adding more flourishes with his finest needle and silk. Jarl traced filigree with threads the colour of rubies, emeralds, and the finest silver. Sapphire strands lay ready to colour her eyes, but the artist did not pick that up yet. The eyes came last. He always brought the canvas to life that way.

The workshop fell quiet as their patron entered. The artist looked around and continued on while the patron inspected a finished tapestry against the far wall. It showed his son on the battlefield raising the banner bearing the family crest.

"It looks just like him!" the patron exclaimed. "It even smiles just like he did!" The man reached out to touch the threads, but the picture kept on changing as before.

"It will not respond like the living would," one of the artists said.

Jarl sat back and regarded his work. Though unmoving, she did look alive but for the eyes. Those eyes that once regarded him with love.

"You capture my daughter well, artist," the patron said. He never did bother learning names. She had always called him Jarl. Never sir Tellah or artist Tellah. If he closed his eyes he could still feel her lips on his.

Jarl nodded, not trusting his own voice.

"I am sure her new husband will like it as well. Will you be finished in time for their wedding tomorrow?"

Jarl nodded and picked up the blue thread while his eyes burned with tears. He had to remember her eyes when she was happy and in love. Not the way they looked on the day she had to say goodbye.

And that's the end. See you all next week! :D

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 12

I totally tried to write a Trippin' Thursday story that was less than 1k long and found out there's a character limit on the comments! Like 4056 characters or something. Boo, Blogspot, boo! Guess you'll have to chain-post if you want to have more than like 800 words on your Trippin' Thursdays.

Fortunately, you only have to write 300 words (or less)!

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Rin and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.


YOUR PROMPT:

Her face was painted gold, her eyes as hard and dark as coal.


Thursday, September 10, 2015

Trippin' Thursday!

What: A stress-free prompt-writing session.

Word count: 1000 word max.

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). However many entries you like!

Remember: We don't care how much you mutilate the prompt (or if your story is just based off of it), 'cuz we're not going to be judging it.

Bonus points: Do it in 5-15 minutes, with no editing.


YOUR PROMPT:

"You could have been anything back then."

They told me I could be whatever I wanted.
So, I became a jello salad.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Year 1, Week 11: Results!

Can you tell NaNoWriMo is coming up in a couple o' months? I think Si is practicing her word count--though, certainly, this is quantity and quality (not to say that all novels written for NaNo are only quantity. I like NaNo.). Either that, or she's trying to show me up by writing reviews twice the size of mine (Oh, alright, she wrote hers first.).

What's that? You want to see the reviews? Oh, tch. Very well, here they are.

Honorable Mention

Firdaus' Paranoid

Si: GREAT twist at the end! I like that you first show us the MC running in terror, then the memory of the hammer. Good immersion into the character, from the line "She had seen it in his eyes again," you establish the close third POV very smoothly, and give us something to add to the tension. This definitely feels like something awful is going to happen, and the MC MUST flee! I like that she grabs the broken branch to defend herself, then is talked out of it with calm words by the guy--THEN THE END! You give no hints in their conversation and effectively turn the reader about with the talk about meds. The last line is the best in the story; excellent job! I would suggest perhaps reducing the exclamation points ("She bolted!"; "looking frantically around for something--anything!") as with the first one we are still unsure what the tone is going to  be, so it can be read as 'Yay, she bolted!' or 'Ahhh, she bolted!' This is established by the end of the paragraph, so by then the reader is fully immersed. I would aim for a tone more like that of the line, "She had seen it in his eyes again, just like before," and that of the last line of the story. Excellent plot twist, and good story!

Mars: Ah, the old question of, "Is it paranoia if someone really is after you?" returns in full force with this piece. For a few minutes now, I've debating if the ending was actually a bad one--the reader has no reason to suspect the husband actually is going to kill her . . . but then I realized that him suggesting she has paranoia gave me a reasonable explanation to discredit the ending, which is a fine twist indeed. Fooling a character within the story is one thing, but the reader as well? That gets props. Something I notice is the piece feels less tension-y than it does rushed; the long sentences strung together with commas probably contributes to this--I would try to match the sentence and paragraph structure with the words. Action scenes are better written with short sentences and paragraphs, to pace the story appropriately (Periods are nice. Very punctuating.). Again, I think the most masterful lines in the piece are these:
"I saw how you looked at me, you were..." She hesitated, not sure anymore.
"Have you stopped taking your medicines, honey?" He looked concerned.
Nicely done!


First Runner-Up

Iores Trooly's Close Call

Si: What really struck me about this story was the clean writing. There's no confusion and it's descriptive without slowing down the tension. I loved the images the story gives us: "the faceless crowd parting for her and merging again," "functional infinity," the description of the metallic voice, the arrow flashing above her head--some really excellent turns of phrase there. It takes a very mundane setting--that of an airport--and turns it into something both poetic and mysterious. The tension is maintained the whole story, and I really applaud you on your imagery--the damp paper, the knowledge that, as long as the voice speaks, she still has a chance. One thing I would add would possibly be an additional hurdle or object in the middle--give us a chance to catch our breath and something else looms up--is she going to make it?--then bring it down again as she dodges past. Something to vary the tension a little. I liked the picture of the boy happily celebrating, oblivious to the MC's panicked run. Well done!

Mars: (Don't worry, we trust your word count. Or, at least, it looks close enough to 300 that we don't really care. XD) This piece is a little clever. The tension is dramatically built up, and reading through it the first time, the reader can't tell quite what's going on. The scene could be anywhere, yet it can only be one place--the airport. I applaud the vivid imagery maintained throughout the piece (I'm usually horrible at that sort of thing, so I appreciate it when I see it!). It's a quaint story--very well written, with the feel of a melody coming to a resolution at the end. Truly, it's not the plot that I find particularly compelling--'a mother rushes through airport to make her flight on time' is an, honest-to-goodness, boring idea. It's the way this is written, however, that makes this piece a little gem.

And, without further ado, though I do wonder what ado we give it, the moment you've all been waiting for--

Y1W11 Winner!

Steph Ellis

with Hunter Reborn

Si: What a great story! The opening is really excellent--we get a mixture of emotions from Rowena: fear, hope, pain, exhilaration. The way that hints are dropped through the story gives us the details we need to get her situation and also makes us want to know more. "How many years ... since she had actually seen him?" is a great example of this. Just enough is left unknown so we NEED to keep reading, we're curious. This story plays with tension well, mixing suspense with occasional pauses that heightens the contrast. I liked that here had been some change in Theo--that he wasn't the terror she remembered. That felt very real to me. Only a few quibbles: I wasn't sure exactly what to picture with the description "long-shackled limbs" (long limbs that are shackled, I assume), and in, "Making mistakes like the one that had allowed her to escape.", I would stop it at "Making mistakes," as the reader could infer the rest from the story. "The scent grew stronger, coppery notes playing a metallic symphony that roused her hunger." This is a BEAUTIFUL line, well done. I love how, with only a few words, the story changes from one of the hunted to that of the hunter--a palpable transformation in the MC without it being explicitly stated. Excellent story!

Mars: This piece is enough to send a shiver up one's spine. I think it's a fine example of 'showing'--the character's emotions are present between the lines: "Adrenaline fueling her long-shackled limbs onward . . ."--hope--". . . a perfume that had infiltrated her uneasy sleep on so many nights . . ." --fear--"Who else could boast such a trophy? . . . Vengeance."--disgust, anger! The emotions might have been amplified by different word choices, to knock the tension up another level--for example, I found the line, "Rowena paused and sank back into the shadows . . ." somewhat lacking; I felt the fear should have been stronger--perhaps 'froze' instead of 'paused', or 'shrank' back into the shadows--minor changes, but large effects. Nevertheless, the quality of the plot--the shift from prey to predator--is well-crafted, subtle tension already woven in. 

Hunter Reborn 
She bolted down the hallway. Adrenaline fueling her long-shackled limbs onward, away from the room that had been her prison for an eternity. Occasionally Rowena stumbled as daylight shot its daggers through shrouded windows, skewering her eyes with a pain that she found strangely welcome. The windows, though, were mercifully few. 
She continued forward but found her progress slowing as she fought the weakness caused by her imprisonment.

A door slammed somewhere ahead.

Rowena paused and sank back into the shadows, old instincts allowing her to merge with the stillness and become part of the silence.

Footsteps. Slow and heavy on the stairs. Theo. He was getting old. Making mistakes like the one that had allowed her to escape.
He was closer now, she could make out his shape as her sight adjusted to the gloom. He had been a giant of a man but this … this version was a shrunken copy. How many years had it been since she had actually seen him? Unwashed and unkempt, he was not the man she remembered. The smell though. The smell was the same; a perfume that had infiltrated her uneasy sleep on so many nights, pulled her mind back to the surface of life.

The scent grew stronger, coppery notes playing a metallic symphony that roused her hunger. 
Closer. Was she strong enough after so long in the dark? 
Closer. 
The call of his beating heart, the siren song of skin-clad blood, hammered loudly in her ears. 
Closer. 
Vanity had stayed his hand, kept her alive. She had been his prize exhibit, a creature of the darkness. Who else could boast such a trophy? 
Closer. 
Vengeance. 
Hunter. Hunted. Hunter reborn.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 11


Judges This Week: Si and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.


YOUR PROMPT:

She bolted down the hallway.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Trippin' Thursday!

What: A stress-free prompt-writing session.

Word count: 1000 word max.

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). However many entries you like!

Remember: We don't care how much you mutilate the prompt (or if your story is just based off of it), 'cuz we're not going to be judging it.

Bonus points: Do it in 5-15 minutes, with no editing.


YOUR PROMPT:

Gawking like that made him look stupid.

Maybe this isn't entirely unrelated this week.
Or maybe it is. o.o

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Year 1, Week 10: Results!

We're going to do something a little different today. Hold onto your hat, Hephzibah! (Okay, Hagar!)


Y1W10 WINNERS!

M T Decker and Firdaus

with Cut Throat and Character Tantrums
Cut Throat 
"You know, smiling at me every few days… it’s not the same as telling me you aren’t going to kill me…" Penelope sighed as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. 
“I’m disappointed to her you say that,” Rogers sighed. “You should know me well enough by now…” 
Penelope looked at him from over her glasses as if to say, ‘Dude, I do know you more than ‘well enough’ by now.’ 
He gave her a sheepish shrug. “I promise you. When I plan on killing you— you’ll know.” 
“This,” she told him. “Is not nearly as comforting as you might think… Try phrases like: ‘I have no intention of killing you’ or ‘You know I’d never hurt you…’ Phrases like that build confidence.” 
“But you know, I’ll never lie to you…” 
Penelope sighed and shook her head. “You have a lot to learn about ‘comforting.’” 
“This is war. They didn’t call it ‘See how many cards you can take nicely.’” 
“Fine,” she sighed. “Got any threes?”

“Go Fish!”


Si: Great character interaction in this story! We get the sense that we, the readers, are just looking in through a window while the scene proceeds between Penelope and Rogers. I particularly like the line: “Penelope looked at him from over her glasses as if to say, ‘Dude, I do know you more than ‘well enough’ by now.’ ” The line that follows is chilling in its casualness. I was amused that the story ends on a different tone with Go Fish. I was a little confused as to whether the characters are spies on opposite sides … (okay I might be reading a little TOO many spy novellas but HUSH) … or whether this was just a really, really intense game of cards. Is the death threat real or figurative? I’m going with real. Love that we have a nice, clear sketch of two characters in such a short span of words. Great story!

Mars: I was amused by how what Penelope and Rogers were doing was obscured until the very last few lines. My favorite line was Rogers' comment--"I promise you. When I plan on killing you--you'll know." The first few sentences were a little weak--maybe it was the sighing from the both of them, or the open-ended sentences (the ellipses), but they could have been more grabbing. (Si and I speculated if they were spies from enemy sides and possible lovers (or whether it was just a really intense card game, which I guessed it was). It amused us; observe titles we came up with for a novel: Romeo and Juliet: Card Edition; Ace of Hearts; etc.,.) An amusing story!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Character Tantrums
"Smiling at me every few days is not the same as telling me you're not going to kill me." She mutters under her breath, loud enough for me to hear. 
I stand in the doorway watching her, trying my best to smile.

"Do you have any idea what you have done?" My smile wavers a little.

"You want me to read that list you gave me? I know it by heart." 
"I see, you still believe I made up those things." 
"I did not put Margo into the washing machine! Okayyyy...I was really angry when she scratched and tore my lovely sofa but I didn't switch on the machine! I swear!" 
"You burnt my books!" 
"It wasn't me! I love books, though I was curious about that cabinet you kept locked. I was a little angry when I couldn't break in. But I wouldn't burn your study. No way!" 
"Look at your hand!" 
"Yeah, it hurts. You shouldn't have broken it!" 
"You really believe that, don't you? You don't remember throwing a tantrum and punching walls?" 
"Ha! You're such a liar, all writers are." 
"Whatever you say and do—you're not in my next book." 
I watch her face flush with anger as I gently shut the door and turn the key. 
Maybe I should kill her. A few sentences and she'd be gone. Somehow that seems such a waste of a complex character and to be honest I am rather fond of her. 
I whistle as I go off to explore other rooms in my head. I have a book to write, damn it!


Si: Woohoo, dialogue! I like how the piece doesn’t “give away” the true nature of the encounter--a writer and their character--until the end. The first half she just seems totally cray until you hit “All writers” and then we’re all OH I GET IT NOW. These two sentences are the best in the piece: 
"Whatever you say and do—you're not in my next book." 
I watch her face flush with anger as I gently shut the door and turn the key.
And IMO, I think the story is much stronger if it ends there. The following sentences tell us what we already know from the dialogue. I do like the idea of many rooms in a writer’s head. Well done!

Mars: There are only a few people I know of that don't envision their characters in their head (or hear them, heh), but I'm not one of them, so this was an entertaining story that I could connect to. I enjoy stories that are carried mainly by dialogue, but this one was a tad confusing for me--I could have done with some tags ('s/he said's). It was amusing to see how the writer was convincing her she had consciously done these things. Nice story!


Yup, you both get it, lucky ducks.
See you two next week!