Year 1, Week 33: Results!

(Source)

Just how much do you think Si and Rin enjoyed this prompt and the stories submitted?

A LOT.

These ACTUALLY EXIST you guys!

 Y'all are awesome people to keep dropping by and submitting stories to our little house of crazy flash fiction here.

We're super SUPER happy to see people commenting on other's stories also! We're a little community of cracked writers! *wipes away tear*

(Just don't tell Flavio we picked Butterfly instead of Moth for our theme. Hushhhhhh)

And now ... WINNERS!

Honorable Mention

Verbal with The Butterfly Effect

Si: The poor awkward main character! I was cringing for them. The last few lines—the actual interaction—is pure gold. Poor main character, mixing up the advice given by their friend into an awkward jumbled heap! “It’s hard to say which of us is more confused. ”-- this made me laugh. And that final image of Todd's obvious confidence in his friend, and the main character's true situation—ouch! Great timing on ending the story just where it packs the most punch and the most cringe-worthy image. One thing I would add is maybe faster pace in the beginning, and more description of the scene. It's very dialogue-heavy, which is great—I would like a bit more imagery showing us the store, are there any other people about to witness the main character's embarrassing situation, does he have an escape route? Amusing story and great scene!

Rin: I laughed all my way through this. I’m a self-proclaimed awkward nerd, who would have played(who am I kidding, still would!) tabletop games like that, so I definitely connect with the character, especially with that friend of his. I may have shook my fist at his friend’s dissing of them. One my favorite lines was ‘Todd nudges me towards her with all the subtlety of a rampaging hippo.’ Love the mental imagery there. The dialogue with the girl had a great mix of awkward tension and realistic-situation humor. I loved how his friend mistook her taking her phone out and that last line was a great wrap up for it. Comedy gold!


First Runner Up

Jeff Rowlands with Duel

Si:  I was so fooled for the first two paragraphs in this story—was TOTALLY imagining a fencing duel. Little did I know the weapon was even more deadly—the dreaded chili pepper! I love how the narrator's messy hair and thick glasses become an advantage to him in this situation—they are protected by them. I like their strategy of appearing totally invincible—even going so far as to shove a handful of chilies into their mouth—and defeating their opponent by their show of confidence. One thing I would suggest is to make the writing style more consistent throughout the story—for example, “Now is the time to really turn the heat up on him.” compared to “I see beads of sweat trickle down his bald head and I can see that he is human, breakable and beatable.” There are slight grammar/punctuation mistakes, and one line has a more casual style, while the other reads more like a high drama. I would look out for those to make sure the focus stays on the great story you're telling! The game isn't up until the narrator grabs a handful of chilies instead of the blade I was expecting. Great story!

Rin: This one was fun! I liked the description of the main character having a bit of nerdy look to him and the hint shown in the beginning that his opponent was someone that he’d faced before and had suffered at the hands of in some way. Got to love a bit of poetic justice! The use of the prompt to suggest that it was actually a struggle for the main character was a nice touch and a good use of the prompt. Having eaten habaneros, I can squirm along as he pops a scotch bonnet in his mouth. The only thing I had a problem with was, unless the MC was trying to be very macho, he(as a chili-eating champion) probably should have known not to drink alcohol after eating hot peppers, because it breaks down the capsaicin, but spreads it around and doesn’t neutralize it, which tends to intensify the burn. Yowch! Thanks for the fun story!

Y1W33 WINNER!

Steph Ellis

with I wish I may, I wish I might

Si: AH! This story is SO high tension! Seriously, my heartbeat was definitely increasing with every line. It reads deceptively smoothly, but is filled with turns of phrase and little descriptions that give it a distinctive edge--”She shivered as tendrils of cold night air staked their claim on her body” for example, beautiful phrasing there. The tension just keeps ramping up all the way to the end—the reader is right there with Simone as she runs. What a situation! Beautiful imagery showing the reader Simone's pregnancy—and the precarious situation she's in. Excellent job letting the reader imagine the terror and urgency at the very end, with short lines that let us think up the worst all on our own. And the ending—I was half-expecting it, but it landed with a chilling punch. We can feel Simone's fear and hope, the refuge just barely out of reach, the lurking predator behind … ! Really well done. I applaud you!

Rin: My word, this was so good! The subject was very compelling and I couldn’t help but feel for Simone’s plight. The conflict was obvious and the stakes were good and high. The description was good, adding both tone and an easy setting to imagine. I could feel her fear and her hope. I cheered her escape attempt and hoped to see her succeed, for her sake and that of her unborn child. So when she failed, after getting so close, it made it that much more poignant. Sadder, given the thought of how many women truly do go through this situation. The pacing in this was spot on and amped up the tension beautifully. Fantastic job! Congrats!

I wish I may, I wish I might 

“Now I feel like ninja butterflies are throwing ninja stars at my stomach.” 

Ray laughed as Simone’s puny arms continued to batter him. He had always been stronger than her and mocked her for her weakness. She would do as she was told, as she always did.

He held the door open. “Go on then.”

She shivered as tendrils of cold night air staked their claim on her body.

“No,” he said, taking the coat from her. “The punters need to see what they’re buying.”

The streets were empty, shelter sparse. Ray wouldn’t be far away, watching. Yet no cars cruised by, no one walked her street. No customers tonight would make him angry. Instinctively her hand ran over the slight curve of her belly. That was where he would aim his attack if she failed again. She couldn’t risk it, she had her own ninja butterfly to protect; already she could feel its delicate flutterings as it stretched its wings in the safety of her womb. Ray would not allow it to emerge from its cocoon. Of that she was sure. It was time to make a decision.

There was a night shelter not far away, she knew those who worked there. More than once they had offered to help but fear had held her back. Now though …

I wish I may, I wish I might, she whispered to the stars glittering above her, pushing down the terror, feeding off hope.

She started to walk towards the shelter, heard footsteps behind her. She started to run, feet and heart pounding in rhythm, never looking back even as her pursuer gained on her. 

Lights ahead, closer. Her breathing shallower, fear blossoming. 

Closer. 

Closer still.

Lights. Voices. Hope.

Closer.

A hand. Darkness. Silence.

We'll catch you this Saturday, with another totally sane prompt! WE WILL MEET AGAIN!
*giant moth beats wings overhead*

Year 1, Week 23: Results!

Welcome back to the results of last week's competition! We're excited to bring you the next installment of the Cracked Flash Fiction Competition!

Before we roll to our winner (just the one this time--we've been a little tight on energy and time!), we must announce that this will be Si's last time judging until the 10th of March. That means Rin and Mars will be alternating judging each week until The Return of Silicon. Guest judges are a possibility during this period! We like to keep you on your toes :D

If you see a decrease in the quality of memes and/or pictures provided, however, it probably can be attributed to losing Si's insanity (and knitting forum). 

Now! Onwards!

Y1W23 WINNER!

Steph Ellis

with Safe and Sound

Si: Wow, this was a very intense story. Great structure—I really liked how the countdown was interleaved with snippets of the story. The short lines keep it fast paced and the bits of backstory from the main character are well placed with the increasing creepiness of Dad's lines. The ending is CHILLING. Great job cutting it off just so the reader doesn't exactly know what happens—but man, can we imagine. I want to know more about what went wrong with Dad, why he became so dangerous. My favorite lines in this story are “My eyes told him yes even as I denied it.”, and “One. And you should be with your family.”. Terrifying and very evocative. The writing is really what makes this story—tightly in control and keeping the reader right on the edge, the whole time. Excellent job!

Mars: Michael certainly nailed the tone of this piece when he described it as 'haunting'. The tension within the story is compelling, particularly with the countdown, though one wonders what the father is expecting at the end of his countdown--the main character to spit out whatever s/he's not telling (the location of Suzy?), or is the father just indicating that the end is nigh (or both)? Either way, it pushes the story forward. The pacing is excellent, as well as the little drops of background information. 

I was a little lost as to what explicitly happened to Davey and Mum--"staring eyes" seems like they could be dead, but it could also mean a number of other things. Certainly terrifying either way--reflected aptly by the hiding of Suzy--and doesn't detract very much from the piece. 

"Once, I would have agreed with him, in those happier times before the world went mad and him with it," is my favorite line of the piece. Can't quite tell you the rationale, other than it sounds very . . . quotable--at least, the ending: "the world went mad and him with it." 

I feel sorry for the kid here--not just because s/he's probably going to face death/something worse, but also because: if noone will ever find Suzy, doesn't that mean Suzy will suffer a similar fate to the rest of her family? Haunting, haunting indeed. 

Safe and Sound

“I can’t answer that – you’ll beat me up.”  

“Ten.” 

The world turned upside down and I found myself flat on my back. I swore softly. I had promised my brother I’d keep our sister safe. 

“Nine,” growled my dad. 

I was in a no-win situation; damned if I did, damned if I didn’t. 

“Eight.” 

The sound of sirens came closer. Don’t let yourself get caught, Davey had said before vanishing. I’ll be back before you know it and then everything will be alright. And I had believed him. 

“Seven.” 

It had been weeks since we’d seen him. Mum used to count the days but now she too had gone. A fist grabbed my throat. 

“Six. You followed me, didn’t you?” 

My eyes told him yes even as I denied it. 

“Five.” 

I tried not to think of what I had seen. The sirens faded out again.  

“Four. It’s my job to keep the family safe.” 

Once I would have agreed with him in those happier times before the world went mad and him with it. 

“Three. We need to stay together.” 

But not that way I thought, remembering how I had shadowed him to an underground bunker, finally solving the mystery of where Davey and Mum had gone. Anarchy had bred insanity - as if poverty and starvation wasn’t enough. 

“Two. I am only making sure that my family does not suffer.”  

Those staring eyes haunted me day and night. I had moved Suzy then, taken her to a basement, locked her in safe and sound, told her I would be back soon. 

“One. And you should be with your family.” 

He had caught me but he would not get Suzy. She was safe in the basement. Nobody would ever find her.

And I cried as my world turned black.

Dangit, Steph. Stop writing so well.

 See you all back this Saturday! Don't let our one-judge act discourage you from joining; we'll still be as mad as ever!

Year 1, Week 21: Results!

Attention: Due to the holiday madness, we will not be hosting CFFC this Saturday! We will see you (hopefully) back in 2016, on the 2nd! (Note: Make a New Year's resolution to write more flash fiction!) 

I couldn't resist. It's a classic. I only wish I could find it in gif format.

But before you go! Be sure to read the results for Week 21! :D

Honorable Mention

Steph Ellis' Reunited

Mars: I like the eerie tone of this piece, only complemented by the theme of karma--he buried his wife, and ended up getting buried by himself. Very poetic. His descent into madness over his sin is clear, only emphasized by the haunting image of his wife returning to whisper in his ear or appear to drive him to insanity. 

Although the characterization is well done in this piece, I didn't have a large attachment to this character. When his death scene was upon him, I didn't find myself cheering, "Yes! He totally got what he deserved!" (even though I suspect he did), nor did I really feel sorry for him. 

I really like the line, "And now he could clearly see her face, framed by the moon's spotlight." It brings a vibrant image to mind amidst the literal and figurative darkness in the narrative and tone of the piece. Overall, excellent little flash. 

Rin: Oooh, this was a nice, creepy twist on the prompt! Lots of good imagery in this, making it easy to envision it, but I wish there had been a bit more explanation as to why he’d killed her to begin with. The fast pace of it fit well with the chilling tone of the piece and the one-sided dialogue built up the tension nicely. I think my favorite line in this one was ‘By rights, there should be snow, a dusting of purification to absolve his sins, keep his crime from prying eyes but instead she was coming back, reappearing.’ Shiver-inducing. Very nice!

First Runner Up

Bill Engleson's The Hills of Forever

Mars: The strong point of this piece is the overall tone and the voice of the characters; in the way of conflict, the story wasn't very compelling, since it's just a little screenshot of a thing, but from a pure tonality standpoint, the lack of conflict only adds to the desolate tone of the piece. 

I thought a better justification might have been in order for headed towards the hills--I'd say the evil you know (returning to the highway even if it's 60-75 miles away; about 15 hours away at 5 mph) is better than the one you don't (the hills). I was curious why they didn't know how far away their destination was? Unless this is written in the days before google maps or gps (or road signs?) one would assume distances were something travellers would have a vague idea of. 

I appreciate the last three lines, and the very last line certainly leaves you wondering what kind of life he led; they certainly amplify his voice, as well. Intriguing and thoughtful. 

Rin: The prompt was used well in this piece, giving us a good feel for the desert setting right from the very first sentence. The characters were distinct and I like how there wasn’t a whole lot of dialogue, but what there was felt natural and had good flow. There were a lot of good lines in this piece, but my favorite line in this piece was ‘In the chimera of the heat, the hills had looked closer.’ I love that mental imagery. I only wish that I’d been given a little more reason to care about these characters, aside from them just being stranded in the desert. A worthy goal to root for them for or a reason to be disappointed when they failed to make it. That last line was a good wrap up, letting us have a taste of his despair and failure. Of when his hope was finally lost. Great job!

Y1W21 WINNER!

Carin Marais

with Dust Red As Blood

Mars: Arek's emotions come off as raw and roiling, which is excellent; the grief, anger, and barganing was worked in there very nicely. He felt like a three-dimensional character, which can be hard to do in 300 words!

The beginning and ending of the story seem formatted oddly to me. The first paragraph is bulky; it addresses at least two different topics, and could be broken up in two or three paragraphs for clarity and/or emphasis. Observe: 

Arek dug his fingers into the dry ground. Red dust caked beneath the priest’s fingernails and clung to the blood staining his wrinkled hands. Tears turned the world to a blurred, red puddle even as he pushed more of the dirt from the quickly dug grave. He wiped his face, leaving it painted in streaks of red dust, tears, and blood.  

Some way from him, standing close to the Veil usually hidden from mortals, was one of the Guardians of the Veil. Her light blue cloak stood in stark contrast to the deep brown of the leather armour she wore. Her face was veiled and her right hand hand was clenched around a spear. She stared out over the flat plain dotted with small settlements. 

Behind her the shrine of the Khalne Alima stood broken and burnt.

This way feels is easier to read, clarifies different topics, and gives emphasis to an important line.  

Similarly, at the end, I felt the last line was very abrupt formatted as it is; it feels as though it should either be followed up by a second concluding line, or be on its own line; there's no pause between thoughts, and so it feels unfinished.

Another thing I love about this piece: the enigma of the guardian. There's kind of an intense level of worldbuilding going on in this little flash fiction. We see that there's a clergy for this religion, there are shrines for a holy figure(s), we get a glimpse into the afterlife of this world, we can infer that the guardian doesn't normally talk to people, and we got a description of the guardian. There's probably other stuff I could find to list here, but wow. It definitely got my attention. 

Rin: The description in this piece immediately transported me into the story. I became Arek. My favorite line was ‘Red dust caked beneath the priest’s fingernails and clung to the blood staining his wrinkled hands.’ I could feel the dirt under his nails, the way it caked on his wrinkled skin, telling me he was an older man. All the little details showed instead of told, bringing the setting to life without bogging it down and letting it keep a good pace. Arek and the Guardian came across as a fully developed characters and I liked the description of the Guardian’s speech, giving an ethereal feel to her. The twist at the end was good, I was not expecting him to be dead. And since he couldn’t see the boy in his afterlife form, it left me wondering if the boy was dead at all or just unconscious. A good ending, to a great piece! Congrats!

Dust Red As Blood

Arek dug his fingers into the dry ground. Red dust caked beneath the priest’s fingernails and clung to the blood staining his wrinkled hands. Tears turned the world to a blurred, red puddle even as he pushed more of the dirt from the quickly dug grave. He wiped his face, leaving it painted in streaks of red dust, tears, and blood. Some way from him, standing close to the Veil usually hidden from mortals, was one of the Guardians of the Veil. Her light blue cloak stood in stark contrast to the deep brown of the leather armour she wore. Her face was veiled and her right hand hand was clenched around a spear. She stared out over the flat plain dotted with small settlements. Behind her the shrine of the Khalne Alima stood broken and burnt.  

“Why did you not take me?” he shouted at her. She turned a solemn face towards him. A frown pulled at her brow. 

“I was the one who should have guarded the shrine today. You should have taken me!” Arek shouted. 

She did not move and kept on staring at him. Behind her the Veil glimmered as if it, too, was seen through tears.  

Arek got up and staggered towards her.  

“Please, let us trade places,” he pleaded. “Galeun is too young. He was never supposed to have been here.” 

“You came as soon as you saw the fire at the shrine. You did not think of your own wellbeing,” she said. The Guardian’s words were clipped as if she was unused to talking. 

“You are asking something of me which I cannot give.” The Guardian pointed over his shoulder and the man turned around. On the ground, next to the boy, was his own body, disfigured from the wounds dealt to him. 

GREAT JOB

See you in 2016!

Year 1, Week 19: Results!

WINNERS ARE COMING

Si refuses to apologize for that, BTW.

We thank you all for participating and making CFFC's return most glorious! Y'all are awesome, and your flash fics are too.

(And WHO DID NANO? We all attempted (and got WORDS!) and a good time was had by all because CRAZY MONTH OF WRITING INSANITY.)

Without further ado, WINNERS!

Honorable Mention

Ares Tomb by Trisscar368 

Si: I was amused by the role "old Earth tropes" played in this story. I really liked the setting and the mission--treasure hunters in a scifi future! Good relationship between the characters, the dialogue shows us how they interact very well. One thing I would change was the paragraph here: "They almost died a dozen times, and when at last the great treasure vault spread in front of them", I feel that their journey could make more of an impact on the reader if some words were spent to describe it and show us how difficult it was. I liked the ending, which was a bit of a surprise--we're expecting them to be after gold and riches, but the mission of ruling the world makes it suddenly much more interesting--what will they do? Why do they want to rule the world? And will they be good rulers, or have we just witnessed the rise of the NEW Martian Overlords? Well done!

Rin: The tone of this story set it off right from the get go, making me feel like I was walking in on an Indiana Jones story and their was just enough description of the setting to give me a good image without bogging it down. The dialogue flowed naturally and the characters played off each other well, the reckless, excitable Sam and the calmer, rational Neal. However, I do agree with Si that their struggle to get through the tomb was too down played. A bit of showing there really could have spiced it up, but all in all it was a good, enjoyable story. Nice job!

First Runner Up 

Not According to Plan by Carin Marais

Si: Woohoo, well done on the dialogue! I enjoyed the humorous lines and the way each brief sentence built up the picture of the characters' predicament. Love how we have a clear personality for each character, though we know very little about them. Interspersing necessary information--why are they in the dungeon?--with humor excellently delivers what the reader needs to know, but in a way that never makes it feel like we're being "told". One suggestion I have would be to end the story at the second-to-last line, which is more memorable than the last line and keeps us guessing what their fate will be. The twist at the end is hilarious and original--thanks to the joking beforehand, we expect a very different ending despite KNOWING it's a cliche for the princess to swoop down and save the poor prisoners just in time. Great job!

Rin: This had me laughing all through out with all the fun banter between the two characters and I liked the auditory descriptors, which were short and sweet, but kept me feeling 'in story' and able to envision the setting despite most of it being dialogue. The characters were fun and even though we never learned their names, they felt very distinct and done well. My biggest regret with this one is not being able to find out just what happened with the king's cousin. There were tons of good lines in this one, but my favorite line was 'They heard the footsteps pass their cell and stop at another.' It was a great twist after the nicely placed misdirection. I had been sure that someone was going to rescue them, but I couldn't help but laugh at their misfortune. I think Si's right in that the second to the last line would have been a more memorable ending, but I still hope that it did come back for them. Thanks for a good laugh!

Y1W19 Winner!

Steph Ellis

with Liar's Skin 

Si: I love how the backstory to this piece is told in bits and pieces, and most of all reactions. We don't need to be told Alison has something up her sleeve--we see it in her movements and emotions. Creepy and high tension all the way through! I felt this was heightened by the reader knowing a secret Tanya doesn't, but we still don't know the WHOLE secret until the very end. One slight confusion: "Nor did she know that Alison and Robert were partners in more ways than one." make me think that Robert and Alison are working together to trap Tanya, but at the end we find both Tanya and Robert are the victims. Some EXCELLENT lines in this story: the evocative "a smile that grew into a shadow-cloaked grin", the ominous "Shall I carve?". Great setting of the scene when they finally reach the dungeon--we're dying to know what's inside, but the suspense is drawn out by the description first of the innocent parts of the room, then of the more sinister. A lot is said in very little--great use of words and excellent story!

Rin: Fantastic bit of flash fiction here. I LOVED the description in this! There were so many good lines and they made the setting so vivid and easy to envision that I felt like I was right there in the story. 'Alison smiled to herself, a smile that grew into a shadow-cloaked grin.' was a great line, because it set the tone for the story and gives a taste that something is up. Tanya's clueless dialogue combined with Alison's hidden reactions and cloaked responses amped up the the tension nicely and I liked the bit of foreshadowing in the brief mention that Alison found comfort in the familiarity of the place. My favorite line was 'Soft music and flickering candles welcomed them, the flames picking out steel blades and heavy chains, the ceiling glittering with these reflected fireflies.' because it's a simultaneously creepy and beautiful mental image. The ending was very well done, perfectly wrapped up in that shiver-inducing last bit of dialogue!

Liar's Skin

“I told you he had a dungeon. But you wouldn’t believe me, would you,” said Tanya.

Alison smiled to herself, a smile that grew into a shadow-cloaked grin. “Let’s go back,” she whispered, lacing her words with fear, suppressing her loathing.

“You’re scared!” sneered Tanya, moving towards the mildewed door.

Alison choked back her anger, managed a suitably pathetic whimper. She followed Tanya along the subterranean passage, drawing comfort from the familiar chill of centuries-thick stone.

“Tanya … are … are you sure you want to go on,” she said. “He might be in there, waiting.”

“How can he?” said Tanya. “He’s gone, moved on the police say.”

Alison smiled. That was true. She moved closer to the woman. Smelt the cloying perfume that had scented Robert’s clothes on too many occasions and beneath that the stench of her liar’s skin.

Tanya had no idea that the monster reputed to have inhabited this realm was the man she had attempted to steal from Alison. Nor did she know that Alison and Robert were partners in more ways than one.

“Ready?” said Tanya. She grasped the handle and pushed hard. The door swung open.

Soft music and flickering candles welcomed them, the flames picking out steel blades and heavy chains, the ceiling glittering with these reflected fireflies.

In the centre, an old oak table had been set for two. One guest was already seated. He did not acknowledge the new arrivals; merely continued to look glassily at his half-drunk wine.

“What …”

Alison pushed Tanya into the empty chair before she even finished her question, bound her as tightly as she had her unfaithful Robert. Then she picked up the knife and turned to Tanya, traced its tip round her throat, down to her breast.

“Shall I carve?” she asked.  

Year 1, Week 18: Results!

Hey guys! Guess what's coming up in four days! That's right, it's FREAKIN' NANOWRIMO!

What's National Novel Writing Month, you say? Well. It's the perfect opportunity for any cracked flash writer to really go all out, particularly if you've never done it before. Ever wanted to write a novel? THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO DO IT. 50k in 30 days? It sounds insane, but--

We have fath in you. 

On this note, all of your judges are participating in NaNoWriMo, and CFFC is going on a hiatus until after November. 

You heard that right: There will be no CFFC competition from October 31st (Happy Halloween!) to December 5th. Instead of the regular competition, we'll just be running CFF! On the five Saturdays that we're taking hiatus from the norm, we'll post a five or so prompts to write from on the site. We want you to write and send us your stories to crackedflash@gmail.com from Saturday to Tuesday evening. OR, if you're participating in NaNoWriMo, send us excerpts of your stories (up to 300 words only, please)! Then we will post these stories and excerpts on the site in place of our usual judging (as long as they follow the rules) :D (We'll send reminders, like normal :) )

Now! Onto Week 18 results!

Honorable Mention

Red Fleece's Too Many Superheroes

Rin: This story made me laugh. The great classic of a superhero and supervillain, with a tone and setting to match! The bantering dialogue was light, amusing, and moved the story along at a good pace, which kept me distracted from wondering what the villain was doing and expecting the superhero to break loose and stop her. But then Bloodnok started counting down and everything did a 180 from light and amusing to dread. Because of all that set up, the twist at the end had an even greater impact and that last line was definitely my favorite. Nice job! 

Mars: Aw snap. I like this sentimental kind of story--I'm not big on super stories, but this does make me a little nostalgic as I consider Bloodnok's perspective on things. Once upon a time, there was Superman. Then came everyone else. Favorite line was, "Nice try. I won't fall for that again"--I laughed out loud (She fell for it ONCE already? XD Ah, classic villain mistake). The character dynamics are nice; the way Bluebottle and Bloodnok talk to each other definitely makes them feel like old friends. Or, well, enemies. Frenemies. I also wonder if the villains copyright their names? That would be amusing. Heh. 

First Runner Up

Steph Ellis' The Auction

Rin: I LOVED the descriptive details in this piece. I felt the anxious tension, like I was standing on that platform with them and it was easy to envision. The whole piece moved at a good, smooth pace and I enjoyed the touch of flipping the usual conspiracy theories out there of the government covering up alien existence, but with us as the 'alien lifeforms'. The fact that the aliens knew what humans called themselves brings to question whether they actually saw us merely as 'creatures' or if they acknowledged us as another sentient species and yet carved us up as delicacies anyway and gives this piece a perfectly creepy tone. My favorite line was 'As Fay’s eyes adjusted to the gloom, she began to make out the ghostly faces watching their progress, their hungry gaze sliding over the two as they passed by.' It gave me the shivers! That last line is fantastic, wrapping up the story perfectly!

Mars: Ooo, a dark one. That last line is a kicker as always--"In her head, Fay could already hear the knives being sharpened." The overall tone of the piece is reflected in that one, hopeless imagining. The suspense, and the visuals, leading up to it are exellent; my favorite bit was, "cutting them adrift in a black sea." It paints a stark picture. I was also amused by the whole 'there are no conspiracies here, people' bit; it's a nice reflection to what Earth would say about aliens. 

Y1W18 Winner!

Patrick Stahl

with Special

Rin: This story reminds me of some of the anime series I've adored. The interaction between the characters was sweet, had a good flow, and I like how they talk like kids would and not like adult engineers/geniuses, despite being mentally advanced. I like how the story is layered with the lighter tone of these two innocent kids and back-dropped by a sinister vibe of the unknown history of the scar. Makes me wonder what the purpose behind the experimentation was. Why did they start making kids special? What happened to the older people that were special? Would have liked to see a bit more description of their setting, so to get a better immersion into the story, but otherwise, this was great! 

Mars: I enjoy the idea behind this. It took me a moment at the end to realize what he meant by the people who used to be special--just old, learned people. It's also a sort of horrifying idea that the people of this world, or this future Earth, are willing to cut into children's heads to give them super intelligence. I thought it was an excellent choice to write this from the view point of children instead of wizened, possibly gritty, older people, since it gives it a very innocent tone that conflicts with the need to mutilate children for military purposes. I think the only thing that feels missing from this story is movement--there's not a lot of conflict, other than Laura's concern about not being special. Other than that, I liked how well this was written, and how it gives a lot of clues into the setting without actually coming out and stating it. 

Special 

“I thought that we were special,” said Laura, tugging on her big brother Nolan’s sleeve. 

Nolan mussed his sister’s hair. “We are. Why would you think we aren’t?” He picked Laura up and spun her around. 

She giggled, spreading her arms out like a fighter jet. “There’s another boy my age in my class. And he has the scar on his forehead too.” 

Nolan set Laura back on the ground and sat down. He patted the floor beside him. “We aren’t the only special ones, no. There are two others in my class and a few more in my school. But we are special.” 

“Everyone is special, when you put it that way,” said Laura. 

“Little sister, being special isn’t really about who you are, it’s about what you do. Not everyone does what we do, that is for sure.” 

“All I do is build prototypes for military sidearms. It’s not exactly difficult work.”
Nolan laughed. “Did mother ever tell you a story about when she was six years old, like you?” 

“A couple times. She had a lot of fun.” 

“Right. Most kids can’t do what you do, or at least they don’t.” 

“But you design aircraft carriers. That’s way bigger than what I make.” 

“I’m eight years older than you, little sis. When I was your age, I worked with knives.”
Laura smiled. “Nolan, why is your scar so much bigger than mine? Are you extra special?” 

Nolan shook his head. “I was one of the first children they tried to make special. They weren’t quite so good at it back then.” 

“Well what did they do before they made the special people?” Laura asked, her brow crinkled. 

“Oh, there have always been special people. They were just a little older and they didn’t have the scar.” 

See you on Saturday for five weeks of fun! Or Sunday, since Saturday is Halloween. Or Monday, since Sunday is the start of Nano. Anyways, WE'LL SEE YOU THEN :D

Year 1, Week 17: Results!

Alas, we are already late as it is, so I shan't delay the post any longer by finding terribly amusing pictures.

WINNNNERRRSS~!

Honorable Mention

Decker's Scrutible

Mars: Ah, nothing to make a story like a good heist plan! It's interesting how this story doesn't seem to have any conflict at a first glance, but a closer look shows the man vs man thing going on here between the two characters--the main character trying to win over the other with their plan, and succeeding. Nice little resolution. This does leave me wondering what exactly they're stealing back--I don't understand the motivation behind the plan very well. Technically, it's not needed for the plot here, but it's always nice to know why characters are doing things. The dialogue exchange about being a cop amuses me--I probably would have replied something snarky like, "Well, we wouldn't be having this conversation if you were a cop, now would we?" Hah! 

Si: I really liked how this story actually gives a good reason for the jackhammer + peppermint in the prompt! And it makes sense! Love how we discover the main character's plan through the thoughts of the second char--kind of a Sherlock and Watson set up? Very effective to deliver needed info to the reader without spoon-feeding. I like the way the two characters connect though we're not totally sure what's going on as a reader. I like the suggestions of a massive plan in place just about to unfold. One thing I wold add is maybe more description to set the scene, and give us more of a handle on the characters. The dialogue is great but I think a bit more anchoring would be good. Well done!

First Runner Up

Bill's The Canary

Mars: Normally, I don't really like present-tense stories. I also don't normally like description-paragraph dumps, but you've got me on both accounts with this story. My favorite line of the piece is probably, "She looks like a million dollars that someone embezzled thirty years ago and buried in a cellar"--the tone shines through right here; it's kind of a reflective piece--almost like a memoir in story form. I thought Benny's voice could have been developed a little bit more; the writing doesn't have to be so formal ("She's" instead of "She is" or "She has", perhaps), and maybe he has some other affecations of speech (similar to 'guzzle' instead of something like "downs" or "drains", etc.,). The "Not guzzles. // Sips. // Something's working," bit is a nice touch; it shows the readers that, not only is Benny attentive, but he cares for Rosie. Nice work. 

Si: First off, I loved the way you slightly twisted the prompt to work with your setting. Excellent description of Rosie, it's a very dynamic description that easily could have felt more like an info-dump, but is interesting and active enough that I didn't feel that. Curious what Rosie's detoxing from (alcohol? My first thought was hard drugs, but the story seems to point to alcohol). I loved the line: "didn’t totally burn up, but never soared again." I liked the theme of memories and what things used to be like--Rosie, her past, the ending scene. I would add perhaps more dialogue, and give us some description through that. We want to know more about what's going through Rosie's head.There's no major conflict but this story doesn't really need one. Great use of short sentences in the last half to set the scene. I especially liked how deeply we're immersed in the main character's POV though we don't really "see" them. Great story!

Wait for it! Drum roll, please--!

Y1W17 WINNER

Steph Ellis!

with Preparing the Ground

Mars: It turns out she didn't know her enemy as well as she would have liked! I like how this piece is humorous and suspenseful at the same time. The last few lines made me laugh--I was expecting a more gruesome ending, particularly with the line about husband-stealing; the twist ending was an amusing surprise. I have to wonder if the witch knew why the main character brought her to the garden to kill her--or if Iris only read that the main character wanted to kill her, and got to the punch first? Was Iris really trying to get the main character's husband? The character dynamics are great here, though--both of them playing around the true reason Iris was there made for great development. (I still love that matter-of-fact ending. No italics, just, "Whoops. She really is." )

Si: ANOTHER WIN STEPH STOP BEING SO GOOD.

Ahem. 

Love the writing, the humor, and the ending! Very polished writing, no tone breaks or issues at all throughout the story. I loved the Betty Crocker line and jackhammer and its "positive vibrations". The set-up is excellently done, no info-dumps, and we quickly get to know the two characters and the setting. Well done slipping in the line about the MC's husband--very subtle, but the tone of the story distinctly changes, connecting with the increase in tension at the ending. There's good foreshadowing too--"Know your enemy." "To prepare the ground". I would add a line about what excuse the MC used to call the witch over--what was wrong with her garden? For the first half of the story the reader is trying to guess the reason. But of course, the REAL reason is soon revealed, to excellent conclusion. Wonderful job!

Preparing the Ground 

“I can do it, but I’ll need a jackhammer and all the peppermint you got.” 

Sally had told me the girl was a witch. But I hadn’t thought she meant it literally . . . until I saw the ad. Know your enemy, went the old saying. And so here she was. She handed me her card. 

‘Iris Flatly, Wiccan Priestess. Healer, Psychic and Spreader of Wisdom. Available 24/7. Thursday Spell Special . . . Buy One Get One Free.’ 

“You were right to call me,” she said. “Real bad vibes here. You won’t grow anything in this garden until the ground is cleansed.” 

I was ordered to stand back as she scattered the peppermint in a circle around us. Then she started up the jackhammer. This didn’t seem very witchy to me. 

“Who did you say you were apprenticed to?” I shouted. My mum had led her own coven until an unfortunate incident with Farmer White’s bull. It had put me off following in her footsteps. 

She turned off the drill, paused for slightly too long. “Old Betty Crocker,” she said finally. 

“Isn’t that a cake mix?” 

She shrugged. “Unfortunate coincidence.” 

“And the jackhammer is to . . . ?” 

“Create positive vibration, Jah know.” She grinned and tossed her dreadlocks. I’d never come across a Rastafarian witch before. But witch or no witch, she wasn’t getting her hands on my husband. 

“You do know why you’re here, don’t you?” I said. 

“To prepare the ground,” she replied.  

Well, she had that right. 

By now a huge hole had opened up at our feet. Old plans had revealed a disused well in this part of the garden. A good push was all that was needed . . . 

Her hand was on my back before I could even finish the thought. Damn. She really was psychic.

SEE YOU ALL ON SATURDAY, JA? 

Year 1, Week 15: Results!

So, on the contest post for week 15, Si mentioned that I was legally intoxicated (maybe that's why she chose the "freaky photoshopped" picture theme . . .) . To clarify, I got my wisdom teeth out on Friday. Not fun, but I'm recovering well! 

Sadly, one of our judges has fallen wounded to another prey: a hideous, vile cold. So, I'll be your only judge today. Hope that doesn't damper anybody's excitement to hear the announcements! (Rin did help pick, though, so rest assured; it's not just craaazy Mars picking stories out at random.)

Honorable Mention

Steph Ellis' Oblivion

This one was a little too creepy for my tastes, but was excellently written and the intention is clear. The sentence structures are nicely varied; it makes this story flow very well, and the word choices gave the piece a tranquil, sadistic tone.

I think I've laid my finger on something: the piece is clean and well-written, but doesn't have much in the way of conflict. Karl's already been killed and it's just Emma contemplating her contentment. 

"It was contentment, not oblivion that claimed her and she wanted to remember every minute, every heartbeat, tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow," is a rather intriguing line; the repetition of 'tomorrow' gives a sense of eternal repetition, or even oblivious bliss. It rather summed up the piece in one line for me. 

First-Runner Up

Red Fleece's Campfire Stories

The tone of this story doesn't really come off as scary or as a horror until the last few lines (*cough* Rule Breaker (#2) *cough*)--a very well-executed "dun dun dunnnn" moment. My favorite phrase is, "Toby became a whisper," for some reason. It seems like it might be an error, but it really complements the rest of the piece for me--it feels to me like the most emotion-filled sentence. 

That's mainly what I felt was lacking: emotion. It feels disconnected from the characters--I don't have a personal connection to any of them. Shortening Sandra's 'ghost story,' or even having other kids ask questions in the middle, might fix that problem for me. 

I thought it was clever how light-hearted the story was to begin with--we've all been there, telling (really) lame ghost stories around the campfire (or flashlight), knowing that none of us are really scared. But then some jerk slams the kitchen drawer and freaks everyone out, which is how the last lines come off.  Overall, this was an enjoyable story.

Y1W15 WINNER!

MTDecker

with Conundrum

I really appreciate the shortness of this piece, first-off. I think it's the shortest that has been done so far in the competition. There's very little or no excess words, but it still gets the story across poignantly. 

My only true confusion is who's saying the last line. It seemed to me like Liam had disappeared, and she was left--so it might be his wife saying the line to herself?--or it could have been a time loop, and Liam was repeating it all over again. 

The piece evokes definitely invokes questions like, "What are they doing? Why are they doing it?" but the beauty of this is that the story still feels like a story without those questions answered. 

Conundrum 

“Don’t worry; you won’t remember anything by morning,” Liam assured his wife as he checked the survival suit and made sure she was secure. 

“But… if you fail…” 

“Then everything is the same, except I’m not here. The real problem is ‘if I fail- you’ll never know’.” 

When she frowned he winked. “Occam’s Paradox… the most likely is a false memory.” 

He drew a deep breath and stood, realizing he was delaying the inevitable. He pressed the button and sensed nothing. 

“Don't worry; you won't remember by morning…”

We might have to ban you from winning,
too, Decker. XD

Can't wait to see you all next week! :D

Year 1, Week 14: Results!

Somehow, despite this:

Did you guys see the eclipse? It was pretty cool. 

and this:

Astrobiologists: YAY, WE'RE RELAVENT
The water must flow.

Si and I managed to write our reviews! We appreciated the numerous entries that flowed in before midnight (it was actually a pleasant surprise that we had more than two lonely entries without reminders earlier in the day XD. I found an application called Twuffer that I'm totally going to use. Or maybe I'll just never sleep. I like the sound of that second one), and we enjoyed all of your stories.

Honorable Mention

Denman Billy's The Man Trapped Inside Himself

Si: Interesting entry! I love the imagery in the poem, and the repetition of the hand and yellow eyes. The story the man told was pretty crazy but also sad--being forced to constantly move around, never finding a home. The last stanza is my favorite, and the most poignant. I really liked the lines:

“But something was twisted inside my heart,
Was bent out of shape, and unable to mend.
I was doomed to put my soul on the window,”

I would love for this tone to be carried through the poem more. I’m curious whether the stories the man tells are real or from his imagination? With a piece like this, it could go either way (metaphors or crazy real life?). Great poem!

Mars: This one took a lot of thinking to come up with any ideas of what was going on. On the first few read throughs, all I could say to myself was that I really liked the overall sound of the poem (it's close to iambic pentameter and it rhymes; I must be a sucker for classic, structured poetry). Then I considered the title--"The Man Trapped Inside Himself"--and wondered if perhaps the man is talking to himself, or a part of himself, anyways (another hint was '282 reflections'). I think my favorite repeating line was, "So quiet, so still, so carefully calm," and was disappointed when the last line didn't parallel this: "With no cure, no comfort, and no balm"--I would probably have changed 'and no' to a three-syallable word to reflect 'carefully.' It would have really brought the last line home. 

So, I know I said I like the overall sound, but there were some things that didn't work for me in the flow of the poem. "Blood red moon," "It doesn't help," "neurotic," "pneumonia monkey" -- all of these phrases and others nearly put my tongue in a jam when I tried to say them! I think that something that doesn't help here is that, while the poem resembles iambic pentameter quite a bit, the syllable structure is varied in an awkward way. If it were me, I'd probably try to stick to more 10-syllable lines for the first 10 lines (of each stanza), then maybe throw in a 9 and 11 at the end, or vice versa (11/9 front, 10 for rest). 

The meaning is still a little lost on me, but I like the emotion of the three stanzas: the first seems ponderous and humorous, while the second has a lost feeling, and the third was somber and sorrowful. The third was my favorite; it flowed the best. The poem, overall, seems like a story about trying to fit in, perhaps, and never quite figuring it out. (I don't get symbolism and metaphors very well, though, so this is a total guess.)

The meaning of a poem often varies from individual to individual; it's much harder to parse through than a story, for certain (and I know I've thrown lines into poetry simply because I like the sound of them. Troll!Poet). This piece certainly gives a reader a lot to think about!

First Runner-Up

Firdaus' The Window

Si: Wow, what an intense story! Great “show, not tell.” Great descriptions! The image of the child writing “Help Me” in a foggy window, then hearing the abuser speak behind him is chilling. THE ENDING. The whole story is very emotional without seeming like it’s trying to be, to put it badly. It shows a lot of intensity without over-describing or over-telling. There were a few things like: “My stepfather was on his knees and a policeman was towering over him.”--where I would double-check that the story was staying in the same POV (His vs My), and a few other small issues. I love that the woman remains mostly a figure--we don’t have much description about her, which keeps the focus on the boy. Great story!

Mars: The tension in this piece is great. There's a good bit of "show, not tell," going on here--until the end of the fourth paragraph, we don't know what's wrong. 'Has he been kidnapped?'; 'Is he stuck somewhere accidentally?'; 'Who's the woman?'; 'Why is he so scared?' These questions ran through my head as I read through it. 

The piece felt rushed in the middle, mostly when the stepfather appears, and it's revealed who's the abuser. ". . . as he was yanked from the window and thrown against the wall, before he blacked out" was the line that particularly stood out to me, and then him waking up the next line; compared to the first five paragraphs, it was a jarring transition to jump so quickly between thoughts. (Also, it was a nice bit of realism that he wet himself. I think I'd have trouble writing that.) 

My favorite line, the most gut-punching one, of course, was the last line. It also, sadly, mimicked a lot of real-life scenarios, and showed us how much danger the little boy was in, since we can infer that she didn't die of natural causes.

Without further ado, the moment you're dying for--

Y1W14 Winner:

Steph Ellis!

with Happy Ever After

Si: Love how there’s two layers to this story--the father-daughter relationship, and also the plot with the witch. Excellent writing! Not a word wasted, I love how we can see character development as well as a plot in such a short, tight piece of writing. The beginning is sinister, the middle is heartwarming, the ending is suspenseful. Beautiful weaving of several threads in this story. I might add a few more details hinting at the witch/king/princess plot earlier in the story, in a way that you don’t realize it until you reach the end. Great dialogue and handling of tension. Well done!

Mars: (Dangit, Steph, we're going to have to ban you from winning soon XD Stop writing so well!) This was both sweet and disturbing at the same time. Possibly more disturbing because it's sweet. It leaves me wondering if the father is a psycho or if the mother is an abuser (or both), with his repeated thoughts of fragility, and the references to the mother being witch-like. 

I would watch out for too many same-structured sentences clustered together; I notice a lot of the sentences start off with 'He' or 'She.' It would also be great to know what brings on this murderistic tendency in the father, but perhaps he's just like that. 

My favorite line was probably, "He turned out the light and made his way down the stairs, his crown weightless, his bearing regal." I'm not sure quite what it is about that line, but it just paints a very vivid, stately picture in my mind, and it sounds really nice. The most disturbing bit, in hindsight: "He bent down and kissed her forehead. 'And a king to kill the witch.'" The incongruity of what he's likely already planning to do and the sweetness of tucking a child in just don't click in the brain, and it's horrifying. 

Happy Ever After

He put his hand back on the window, the yellow eyes wide open on his palm. He spread his fingers, imagining how it would feel to clasp the small feline skull, twist it, crush it until it became nothing. 

“Daddy, Daddy.” 

He dropped his hand, brushed the top of his daughter’s head. So small, so fragile. 

“Let kitty in,” she demanded. 

“Sorry.” He smiled down at her. “Kitty has to stay out at night. You know the rules.” 

Annie pouted and folded her arms, annoyed at not getting her own way. Just like her mother. 

“Come on now, time for bed.” He scooped her up, felt the bird-like flutter of her heart against his chest. 

“Can’t I have a story?” she pleaded as he tucked her in. 

“Not tonight, kiddo,” he said. “Daddy’s got too much to do. But tomorrow night I’ll have a new story for you … I promise.” 

“A story with a wicked witch?” 

He laughed. “Yes, there’s a witch.” 

“And a beautiful princess?” 

“Yes, and a beautiful princess.” 

“And a king to kill the witch?” 

He bent down and kissed her forehead. “And a king to kill the witch.”

He turned out the light and made his way down the stairs, his crown weightless, his bearing regal. He returned to the window, watched as yellow headlights swung into the drive.

The witch was back.

He pressed his hand against the glass; covered her approaching face, felt the cold fragility beneath his fingers.

Write about what you know they said.

Advice he intended to follow. He adjusted his crown and went to the door.

Thanks for participating, everyone :D Also, Paul, that story was quite weird. Very reminiscent of the heart of Cracked Flash Fiction, I think!

Year 1, Week 12: Results!

We want you to know that though there were only three entries, we thought all of them earned their spots on the result's roll this week. They were all excellent stories, and all well-written. 

Also, tired Mars is way too tired to come up with something witty to say here this week. Who knew that working for your money would make you tired? (*Recently got a job*) Get thee to congratulating the winners.

Honorable Mention

Firdaus' Letting Go

Mars: I actually rather like how you mutilated the prompt for this. It was a great way to introduce two contrasting characters; the daughter is given a light-hearted, angelic sort of feel, while the father is given a dark and brooding one. 

The piece has a bit of a monotonous feel to it--I'd suggest watching out for sentences that start the same way: "She danced well", "The young man bent", "The room exploded", "He couldn't take it". The phone call feels more natural than the story (good dialogue!) because the sentence structures are more varied. 

At first I kind of thought he was a dance tutor of some sort for the daughter, which seemed really creepy, but the jig was up for me at the beginning of the phone call--who would call their old tutor to tell them they were doing well? It was cleverly done.

Rin: The main character was very well done, feeling fully developed. I liked how the little hints throughout had me thinking that the pov character was an old dance instructor/lover of the girl's, then twists around to show him as being the girl's father. My favorite line was 'But as he watched her look lovingly into the young man's eyes he felt the cold fingers of jealousy curl around his heart.' as it was good description. I enjoyed the dialogue between the characters, it felt natural and realistic. Nicely done.

First Runner-Up

Steph Ellis' Babylon

Mars: Oh man, haven't people learned by now not to revive dead people? Simon and Jenni should watch The Mummy. Or even think about it: what if you accidentally resurrected Hitler? This seems like a bad plan, guys. Pretty much my favorite part about this piece was the irony. "Lol it would be funny if it was Babylon"; "Pah, no way"; "BABYLON used RESURRECTION!"; "What have we done?!" (Excuse my terrible sense of humor >.>)

The thing that strikes my curiosity the most is the line, "Such stories had no relevance anymore." It's a little disappointing that there was nothing else about what had happened by 2050 to make religion irrelevant (but, of course, there's only so much one can do with 300 words, so it's forgivable.)

It feels like there should be a DUN DUN DUNNN at the end of the piece; the sudden tone shift from humorous and boredom to OH NOES was great. 

Rin: I loved the building tension in this! The futuristic setting added to the creepy tone and the little bits of description were done well, making it easy to picture. I liked how the characters' distinctness was clearly shown in just a few words. My favorite line was, "Then they lifted the lid and those coal black eyes looked right at them, right into them. She smiled a terrible smile.” It gives just a perfect sense of impending doom! I thoroughly enjoyed the seven guests as a reference to the beast in Revelations; it was a great touch. Great story! 

And now, put your hands together foooorrr--

Y1W12 Winner!

Carin Marais

with Life on Canvas

Mars: The first thing that attracted me to this piece is how elegant it sounds. I also really like the color descriptions (well, I like colors, so usually they're more descriptive to me than other words; they set the mood of the scene); they brought the piece to life.

The sentence "He never did bother learning names," took me a bit to figure out. The pronoun can refer to either Jarl or the patron in this instance, because we have "She had always called him Jarl" in the next sentence. 

It's really great how Jarl's mood fits the somber dignity of the piece, even though we know by the end that this is killing him. There's no cliche "Oh woe is me angstangst," but just matter-of-fact thought processes and observations. That really drew the story's tone together. (Also, totally, that last line brought a great song to mind: Leader of the Pack.)

Rin: This was beautifully done. The slower pace was well matched to the tone of grief and the setting was easy to envision without being bogged down with too much description. It drew me in and the characters were done well. My favorite aspect of it was how fantastic an example of “show not tell” it was, the understated detail was masterfully done and made me feel Jarl's emotions, without saying even a bit too much or going too angsty. The only thing that I wish had been more clear was the meaning of “The man reached out to touch the threads, but the picture kept on changing as before.” In what way was the picture changing before? Were the finished pictures alive? Would have liked to find out, but regardless, this was an excellent piece. Loved it!

Life on Canvas

Her face was painted gold, her eyes hard and dark as coal. Lifeless upon the canvas, she stared out unseeing at the workshop. Her artist started adding more flourishes with his finest needle and silk. Jarl traced filigree with threads the colour of rubies, emeralds, and the finest silver. Sapphire strands lay ready to colour her eyes, but the artist did not pick that up yet. The eyes came last. He always brought the canvas to life that way.

The workshop fell quiet as their patron entered. The artist looked around and continued on while the patron inspected a finished tapestry against the far wall. It showed his son on the battlefield raising the banner bearing the family crest.

"It looks just like him!" the patron exclaimed. "It even smiles just like he did!" The man reached out to touch the threads, but the picture kept on changing as before.

"It will not respond like the living would," one of the artists said.

Jarl sat back and regarded his work. Though unmoving, she did look alive but for the eyes. Those eyes that once regarded him with love.

"You capture my daughter well, artist," the patron said. He never did bother learning names. She had always called him Jarl. Never sir Tellah or artist Tellah. If he closed his eyes he could still feel her lips on his.

Jarl nodded, not trusting his own voice.

"I am sure her new husband will like it as well. Will you be finished in time for their wedding tomorrow?"

Jarl nodded and picked up the blue thread while his eyes burned with tears. He had to remember her eyes when she was happy and in love. Not the way they looked on the day she had to say goodbye.

And that's the end. See you all next week! :D