Year 1, Week 23: Results!

Welcome back to the results of last week's competition! We're excited to bring you the next installment of the Cracked Flash Fiction Competition!

Before we roll to our winner (just the one this time--we've been a little tight on energy and time!), we must announce that this will be Si's last time judging until the 10th of March. That means Rin and Mars will be alternating judging each week until The Return of Silicon. Guest judges are a possibility during this period! We like to keep you on your toes :D

If you see a decrease in the quality of memes and/or pictures provided, however, it probably can be attributed to losing Si's insanity (and knitting forum). 

Now! Onwards!

Y1W23 WINNER!

Steph Ellis

with Safe and Sound

Si: Wow, this was a very intense story. Great structure—I really liked how the countdown was interleaved with snippets of the story. The short lines keep it fast paced and the bits of backstory from the main character are well placed with the increasing creepiness of Dad's lines. The ending is CHILLING. Great job cutting it off just so the reader doesn't exactly know what happens—but man, can we imagine. I want to know more about what went wrong with Dad, why he became so dangerous. My favorite lines in this story are “My eyes told him yes even as I denied it.”, and “One. And you should be with your family.”. Terrifying and very evocative. The writing is really what makes this story—tightly in control and keeping the reader right on the edge, the whole time. Excellent job!

Mars: Michael certainly nailed the tone of this piece when he described it as 'haunting'. The tension within the story is compelling, particularly with the countdown, though one wonders what the father is expecting at the end of his countdown--the main character to spit out whatever s/he's not telling (the location of Suzy?), or is the father just indicating that the end is nigh (or both)? Either way, it pushes the story forward. The pacing is excellent, as well as the little drops of background information. 

I was a little lost as to what explicitly happened to Davey and Mum--"staring eyes" seems like they could be dead, but it could also mean a number of other things. Certainly terrifying either way--reflected aptly by the hiding of Suzy--and doesn't detract very much from the piece. 

"Once, I would have agreed with him, in those happier times before the world went mad and him with it," is my favorite line of the piece. Can't quite tell you the rationale, other than it sounds very . . . quotable--at least, the ending: "the world went mad and him with it." 

I feel sorry for the kid here--not just because s/he's probably going to face death/something worse, but also because: if noone will ever find Suzy, doesn't that mean Suzy will suffer a similar fate to the rest of her family? Haunting, haunting indeed. 

Safe and Sound

“I can’t answer that – you’ll beat me up.”  

“Ten.” 

The world turned upside down and I found myself flat on my back. I swore softly. I had promised my brother I’d keep our sister safe. 

“Nine,” growled my dad. 

I was in a no-win situation; damned if I did, damned if I didn’t. 

“Eight.” 

The sound of sirens came closer. Don’t let yourself get caught, Davey had said before vanishing. I’ll be back before you know it and then everything will be alright. And I had believed him. 

“Seven.” 

It had been weeks since we’d seen him. Mum used to count the days but now she too had gone. A fist grabbed my throat. 

“Six. You followed me, didn’t you?” 

My eyes told him yes even as I denied it. 

“Five.” 

I tried not to think of what I had seen. The sirens faded out again.  

“Four. It’s my job to keep the family safe.” 

Once I would have agreed with him in those happier times before the world went mad and him with it. 

“Three. We need to stay together.” 

But not that way I thought, remembering how I had shadowed him to an underground bunker, finally solving the mystery of where Davey and Mum had gone. Anarchy had bred insanity - as if poverty and starvation wasn’t enough. 

“Two. I am only making sure that my family does not suffer.”  

Those staring eyes haunted me day and night. I had moved Suzy then, taken her to a basement, locked her in safe and sound, told her I would be back soon. 

“One. And you should be with your family.” 

He had caught me but he would not get Suzy. She was safe in the basement. Nobody would ever find her.

And I cried as my world turned black.

Dangit, Steph. Stop writing so well.

 See you all back this Saturday! Don't let our one-judge act discourage you from joining; we'll still be as mad as ever!

Year 1, Week 14: Results!

Somehow, despite this:

Did you guys see the eclipse? It was pretty cool. 

and this:

Astrobiologists: YAY, WE'RE RELAVENT
The water must flow.

Si and I managed to write our reviews! We appreciated the numerous entries that flowed in before midnight (it was actually a pleasant surprise that we had more than two lonely entries without reminders earlier in the day XD. I found an application called Twuffer that I'm totally going to use. Or maybe I'll just never sleep. I like the sound of that second one), and we enjoyed all of your stories.

Honorable Mention

Denman Billy's The Man Trapped Inside Himself

Si: Interesting entry! I love the imagery in the poem, and the repetition of the hand and yellow eyes. The story the man told was pretty crazy but also sad--being forced to constantly move around, never finding a home. The last stanza is my favorite, and the most poignant. I really liked the lines:

“But something was twisted inside my heart,
Was bent out of shape, and unable to mend.
I was doomed to put my soul on the window,”

I would love for this tone to be carried through the poem more. I’m curious whether the stories the man tells are real or from his imagination? With a piece like this, it could go either way (metaphors or crazy real life?). Great poem!

Mars: This one took a lot of thinking to come up with any ideas of what was going on. On the first few read throughs, all I could say to myself was that I really liked the overall sound of the poem (it's close to iambic pentameter and it rhymes; I must be a sucker for classic, structured poetry). Then I considered the title--"The Man Trapped Inside Himself"--and wondered if perhaps the man is talking to himself, or a part of himself, anyways (another hint was '282 reflections'). I think my favorite repeating line was, "So quiet, so still, so carefully calm," and was disappointed when the last line didn't parallel this: "With no cure, no comfort, and no balm"--I would probably have changed 'and no' to a three-syallable word to reflect 'carefully.' It would have really brought the last line home. 

So, I know I said I like the overall sound, but there were some things that didn't work for me in the flow of the poem. "Blood red moon," "It doesn't help," "neurotic," "pneumonia monkey" -- all of these phrases and others nearly put my tongue in a jam when I tried to say them! I think that something that doesn't help here is that, while the poem resembles iambic pentameter quite a bit, the syllable structure is varied in an awkward way. If it were me, I'd probably try to stick to more 10-syllable lines for the first 10 lines (of each stanza), then maybe throw in a 9 and 11 at the end, or vice versa (11/9 front, 10 for rest). 

The meaning is still a little lost on me, but I like the emotion of the three stanzas: the first seems ponderous and humorous, while the second has a lost feeling, and the third was somber and sorrowful. The third was my favorite; it flowed the best. The poem, overall, seems like a story about trying to fit in, perhaps, and never quite figuring it out. (I don't get symbolism and metaphors very well, though, so this is a total guess.)

The meaning of a poem often varies from individual to individual; it's much harder to parse through than a story, for certain (and I know I've thrown lines into poetry simply because I like the sound of them. Troll!Poet). This piece certainly gives a reader a lot to think about!

First Runner-Up

Firdaus' The Window

Si: Wow, what an intense story! Great “show, not tell.” Great descriptions! The image of the child writing “Help Me” in a foggy window, then hearing the abuser speak behind him is chilling. THE ENDING. The whole story is very emotional without seeming like it’s trying to be, to put it badly. It shows a lot of intensity without over-describing or over-telling. There were a few things like: “My stepfather was on his knees and a policeman was towering over him.”--where I would double-check that the story was staying in the same POV (His vs My), and a few other small issues. I love that the woman remains mostly a figure--we don’t have much description about her, which keeps the focus on the boy. Great story!

Mars: The tension in this piece is great. There's a good bit of "show, not tell," going on here--until the end of the fourth paragraph, we don't know what's wrong. 'Has he been kidnapped?'; 'Is he stuck somewhere accidentally?'; 'Who's the woman?'; 'Why is he so scared?' These questions ran through my head as I read through it. 

The piece felt rushed in the middle, mostly when the stepfather appears, and it's revealed who's the abuser. ". . . as he was yanked from the window and thrown against the wall, before he blacked out" was the line that particularly stood out to me, and then him waking up the next line; compared to the first five paragraphs, it was a jarring transition to jump so quickly between thoughts. (Also, it was a nice bit of realism that he wet himself. I think I'd have trouble writing that.) 

My favorite line, the most gut-punching one, of course, was the last line. It also, sadly, mimicked a lot of real-life scenarios, and showed us how much danger the little boy was in, since we can infer that she didn't die of natural causes.

Without further ado, the moment you're dying for--

Y1W14 Winner:

Steph Ellis!

with Happy Ever After

Si: Love how there’s two layers to this story--the father-daughter relationship, and also the plot with the witch. Excellent writing! Not a word wasted, I love how we can see character development as well as a plot in such a short, tight piece of writing. The beginning is sinister, the middle is heartwarming, the ending is suspenseful. Beautiful weaving of several threads in this story. I might add a few more details hinting at the witch/king/princess plot earlier in the story, in a way that you don’t realize it until you reach the end. Great dialogue and handling of tension. Well done!

Mars: (Dangit, Steph, we're going to have to ban you from winning soon XD Stop writing so well!) This was both sweet and disturbing at the same time. Possibly more disturbing because it's sweet. It leaves me wondering if the father is a psycho or if the mother is an abuser (or both), with his repeated thoughts of fragility, and the references to the mother being witch-like. 

I would watch out for too many same-structured sentences clustered together; I notice a lot of the sentences start off with 'He' or 'She.' It would also be great to know what brings on this murderistic tendency in the father, but perhaps he's just like that. 

My favorite line was probably, "He turned out the light and made his way down the stairs, his crown weightless, his bearing regal." I'm not sure quite what it is about that line, but it just paints a very vivid, stately picture in my mind, and it sounds really nice. The most disturbing bit, in hindsight: "He bent down and kissed her forehead. 'And a king to kill the witch.'" The incongruity of what he's likely already planning to do and the sweetness of tucking a child in just don't click in the brain, and it's horrifying. 

Happy Ever After

He put his hand back on the window, the yellow eyes wide open on his palm. He spread his fingers, imagining how it would feel to clasp the small feline skull, twist it, crush it until it became nothing. 

“Daddy, Daddy.” 

He dropped his hand, brushed the top of his daughter’s head. So small, so fragile. 

“Let kitty in,” she demanded. 

“Sorry.” He smiled down at her. “Kitty has to stay out at night. You know the rules.” 

Annie pouted and folded her arms, annoyed at not getting her own way. Just like her mother. 

“Come on now, time for bed.” He scooped her up, felt the bird-like flutter of her heart against his chest. 

“Can’t I have a story?” she pleaded as he tucked her in. 

“Not tonight, kiddo,” he said. “Daddy’s got too much to do. But tomorrow night I’ll have a new story for you … I promise.” 

“A story with a wicked witch?” 

He laughed. “Yes, there’s a witch.” 

“And a beautiful princess?” 

“Yes, and a beautiful princess.” 

“And a king to kill the witch?” 

He bent down and kissed her forehead. “And a king to kill the witch.”

He turned out the light and made his way down the stairs, his crown weightless, his bearing regal. He returned to the window, watched as yellow headlights swung into the drive.

The witch was back.

He pressed his hand against the glass; covered her approaching face, felt the cold fragility beneath his fingers.

Write about what you know they said.

Advice he intended to follow. He adjusted his crown and went to the door.

Thanks for participating, everyone :D Also, Paul, that story was quite weird. Very reminiscent of the heart of Cracked Flash Fiction, I think!

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 14

Yes, that is a squirrel and a mole on a Stetson on a swimming cap on a woman's head.
Squirrel: Yesss, everything is going according to plan . . . *maniacal wringing of the hands*
Just look at that squirrel.

@nationwrites put in a request for an odd prompt this week, so I tried really hard to find one. Your stories will reflect if I did a good job or not, I bet. XD 

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Si and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (You also do not have to include the photo prompt(s). They just amuse us.)

YOUR PROMPT:

He put his hand back on the window, the yellow eyes wide open on his palm.

Are my pictures weird enough too? Anyways, we definitely look forward to your stories! :D

Year 1, Week 11: Results!

Can you tell NaNoWriMo is coming up in a couple o' months? I think Si is practicing her word count--though, certainly, this is quantity and quality (not to say that all novels written for NaNo are only quantity. I like NaNo.). Either that, or she's trying to show me up by writing reviews twice the size of mine (Oh, alright, she wrote hers first.).

What's that? You want to see the reviews? Oh, tch. Very well, here they are.

Honorable Mention

Firdaus' Paranoid

Si: GREAT twist at the end! I like that you first show us the MC running in terror, then the memory of the hammer. Good immersion into the character, from the line "She had seen it in his eyes again," you establish the close third POV very smoothly, and give us something to add to the tension. This definitely feels like something awful is going to happen, and the MC MUST flee! I like that she grabs the broken branch to defend herself, then is talked out of it with calm words by the guy--THEN THE END! You give no hints in their conversation and effectively turn the reader about with the talk about meds. The last line is the best in the story; excellent job! I would suggest perhaps reducing the exclamation points ("She bolted!"; "looking frantically around for something--anything!") as with the first one we are still unsure what the tone is going to  be, so it can be read as 'Yay, she bolted!' or 'Ahhh, she bolted!' This is established by the end of the paragraph, so by then the reader is fully immersed. I would aim for a tone more like that of the line, "She had seen it in his eyes again, just like before," and that of the last line of the story. Excellent plot twist, and good story!

Mars: Ah, the old question of, "Is it paranoia if someone really is after you?" returns in full force with this piece. For a few minutes now, I've debating if the ending was actually a bad one--the reader has no reason to suspect the husband actually is going to kill her . . . but then I realized that him suggesting she has paranoia gave me a reasonable explanation to discredit the ending, which is a fine twist indeed. Fooling a character within the story is one thing, but the reader as well? That gets props. Something I notice is the piece feels less tension-y than it does rushed; the long sentences strung together with commas probably contributes to this--I would try to match the sentence and paragraph structure with the words. Action scenes are better written with short sentences and paragraphs, to pace the story appropriately (Periods are nice. Very punctuating.). Again, I think the most masterful lines in the piece are these:

"I saw how you looked at me, you were..." She hesitated, not sure anymore.
"Have you stopped taking your medicines, honey?" He looked concerned.

Nicely done!

First Runner-Up

Iores Trooly's Close Call

Si: What really struck me about this story was the clean writing. There's no confusion and it's descriptive without slowing down the tension. I loved the images the story gives us: "the faceless crowd parting for her and merging again," "functional infinity," the description of the metallic voice, the arrow flashing above her head--some really excellent turns of phrase there. It takes a very mundane setting--that of an airport--and turns it into something both poetic and mysterious. The tension is maintained the whole story, and I really applaud you on your imagery--the damp paper, the knowledge that, as long as the voice speaks, she still has a chance. One thing I would add would possibly be an additional hurdle or object in the middle--give us a chance to catch our breath and something else looms up--is she going to make it?--then bring it down again as she dodges past. Something to vary the tension a little. I liked the picture of the boy happily celebrating, oblivious to the MC's panicked run. Well done!

Mars: (Don't worry, we trust your word count. Or, at least, it looks close enough to 300 that we don't really care. XD) This piece is a little clever. The tension is dramatically built up, and reading through it the first time, the reader can't tell quite what's going on. The scene could be anywhere, yet it can only be one place--the airport. I applaud the vivid imagery maintained throughout the piece (I'm usually horrible at that sort of thing, so I appreciate it when I see it!). It's a quaint story--very well written, with the feel of a melody coming to a resolution at the end. Truly, it's not the plot that I find particularly compelling--'a mother rushes through airport to make her flight on time' is an, honest-to-goodness, boring idea. It's the way this is written, however, that makes this piece a little gem.

And, without further ado, though I do wonder what ado we give it, the moment you've all been waiting for--

Y1W11 Winner!

Steph Ellis

with Hunter Reborn

Si: What a great story! The opening is really excellent--we get a mixture of emotions from Rowena: fear, hope, pain, exhilaration. The way that hints are dropped through the story gives us the details we need to get her situation and also makes us want to know more. "How many years ... since she had actually seen him?" is a great example of this. Just enough is left unknown so we NEED to keep reading, we're curious. This story plays with tension well, mixing suspense with occasional pauses that heightens the contrast. I liked that here had been some change in Theo--that he wasn't the terror she remembered. That felt very real to me. Only a few quibbles: I wasn't sure exactly what to picture with the description "long-shackled limbs" (long limbs that are shackled, I assume), and in, "Making mistakes like the one that had allowed her to escape.", I would stop it at "Making mistakes," as the reader could infer the rest from the story. "The scent grew stronger, coppery notes playing a metallic symphony that roused her hunger." This is a BEAUTIFUL line, well done. I love how, with only a few words, the story changes from one of the hunted to that of the hunter--a palpable transformation in the MC without it being explicitly stated. Excellent story!

Mars: This piece is enough to send a shiver up one's spine. I think it's a fine example of 'showing'--the character's emotions are present between the lines: "Adrenaline fueling her long-shackled limbs onward . . ."--hope--". . . a perfume that had infiltrated her uneasy sleep on so many nights . . ." --fear--"Who else could boast such a trophy? . . . Vengeance."--disgust, anger! The emotions might have been amplified by different word choices, to knock the tension up another level--for example, I found the line, "Rowena paused and sank back into the shadows . . ." somewhat lacking; I felt the fear should have been stronger--perhaps 'froze' instead of 'paused', or 'shrank' back into the shadows--minor changes, but large effects. Nevertheless, the quality of the plot--the shift from prey to predator--is well-crafted, subtle tension already woven in. 

Hunter Reborn 

She bolted down the hallway. Adrenaline fueling her long-shackled limbs onward, away from the room that had been her prison for an eternity. Occasionally Rowena stumbled as daylight shot its daggers through shrouded windows, skewering her eyes with a pain that she found strangely welcome. The windows, though, were mercifully few. 

She continued forward but found her progress slowing as she fought the weakness caused by her imprisonment.

A door slammed somewhere ahead.

Rowena paused and sank back into the shadows, old instincts allowing her to merge with the stillness and become part of the silence.

Footsteps. Slow and heavy on the stairs. Theo. He was getting old. Making mistakes like the one that had allowed her to escape.

He was closer now, she could make out his shape as her sight adjusted to the gloom. He had been a giant of a man but this … this version was a shrunken copy. How many years had it been since she had actually seen him? Unwashed and unkempt, he was not the man she remembered. The smell though. The smell was the same; a perfume that had infiltrated her uneasy sleep on so many nights, pulled her mind back to the surface of life.

The scent grew stronger, coppery notes playing a metallic symphony that roused her hunger. 

Closer. Was she strong enough after so long in the dark? 

Closer. 

The call of his beating heart, the siren song of skin-clad blood, hammered loudly in her ears. 

Closer. 

Vanity had stayed his hand, kept her alive. She had been his prize exhibit, a creature of the darkness. Who else could boast such a trophy? 

Closer. 

Vengeance. 

Hunter. Hunted. Hunter reborn.

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 11

We like completely unrelated photos.

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Si and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:

She bolted down the hallway.

Year 1, Week 10: Results!

We're going to do something a little different today. Hold onto your hat, Hephzibah! (Okay, Hagar!)

Y1W10 WINNERS!

M T Decker and Firdaus

with Cut Throat and Character Tantrums

Cut Throat 

"You know, smiling at me every few days… it’s not the same as telling me you aren’t going to kill me…" Penelope sighed as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. 

“I’m disappointed to her you say that,” Rogers sighed. “You should know me well enough by now…” 

Penelope looked at him from over her glasses as if to say, ‘Dude, I do know you more than ‘well enough’ by now.’ 

He gave her a sheepish shrug. “I promise you. When I plan on killing you— you’ll know.” 

“This,” she told him. “Is not nearly as comforting as you might think… Try phrases like: ‘I have no intention of killing you’ or ‘You know I’d never hurt you…’ Phrases like that build confidence.” 

“But you know, I’ll never lie to you…” 

Penelope sighed and shook her head. “You have a lot to learn about ‘comforting.’” 

“This is war. They didn’t call it ‘See how many cards you can take nicely.’” 

“Fine,” she sighed. “Got any threes?”

“Go Fish!”

Si: Great character interaction in this story! We get the sense that we, the readers, are just looking in through a window while the scene proceeds between Penelope and Rogers. I particularly like the line: “Penelope looked at him from over her glasses as if to say, ‘Dude, I do know you more than ‘well enough’ by now.’ ” The line that follows is chilling in its casualness. I was amused that the story ends on a different tone with Go Fish. I was a little confused as to whether the characters are spies on opposite sides … (okay I might be reading a little TOO many spy novellas but HUSH) … or whether this was just a really, really intense game of cards. Is the death threat real or figurative? I’m going with real. Love that we have a nice, clear sketch of two characters in such a short span of words. Great story!

Mars: I was amused by how what Penelope and Rogers were doing was obscured until the very last few lines. My favorite line was Rogers' comment--"I promise you. When I plan on killing you--you'll know." The first few sentences were a little weak--maybe it was the sighing from the both of them, or the open-ended sentences (the ellipses), but they could have been more grabbing. (Si and I speculated if they were spies from enemy sides and possible lovers (or whether it was just a really intense card game, which I guessed it was). It amused us; observe titles we came up with for a novel: Romeo and Juliet: Card Edition; Ace of Hearts; etc.,.) An amusing story!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Character Tantrums

"Smiling at me every few days is not the same as telling me you're not going to kill me." She mutters under her breath, loud enough for me to hear. 

I stand in the doorway watching her, trying my best to smile.

"Do you have any idea what you have done?" My smile wavers a little.

"You want me to read that list you gave me? I know it by heart." 

"I see, you still believe I made up those things." 

"I did not put Margo into the washing machine! Okayyyy...I was really angry when she scratched and tore my lovely sofa but I didn't switch on the machine! I swear!" 

"You burnt my books!" 

"It wasn't me! I love books, though I was curious about that cabinet you kept locked. I was a little angry when I couldn't break in. But I wouldn't burn your study. No way!" 

"Look at your hand!" 

"Yeah, it hurts. You shouldn't have broken it!" 

"You really believe that, don't you? You don't remember throwing a tantrum and punching walls?" 

"Ha! You're such a liar, all writers are." 

"Whatever you say and do—you're not in my next book." 

I watch her face flush with anger as I gently shut the door and turn the key. 

Maybe I should kill her. A few sentences and she'd be gone. Somehow that seems such a waste of a complex character and to be honest I am rather fond of her. 

I whistle as I go off to explore other rooms in my head. I have a book to write, damn it!

Si: Woohoo, dialogue! I like how the piece doesn’t “give away” the true nature of the encounter--a writer and their character--until the end. The first half she just seems totally cray until you hit “All writers” and then we’re all OH I GET IT NOW. These two sentences are the best in the piece: 

"Whatever you say and do—you're not in my next book." 

I watch her face flush with anger as I gently shut the door and turn the key.

And IMO, I think the story is much stronger if it ends there. The following sentences tell us what we already know from the dialogue. I do like the idea of many rooms in a writer’s head. Well done!

Mars: There are only a few people I know of that don't envision their characters in their head (or hear them, heh), but I'm not one of them, so this was an entertaining story that I could connect to. I enjoy stories that are carried mainly by dialogue, but this one was a tad confusing for me--I could have done with some tags ('s/he said's). It was amusing to see how the writer was convincing her she had consciously done these things. Nice story!

Yup, you both get it, lucky ducks.

See you two next week!

Year 1, Week 8: Results!

Guys! We had seven entries! We haven't done that well in almost 7 weeks! Way to go, all you beautiful contestants! (Can you tell this is exciting!) From this lovely batch, we have selected three stories (I mean, like usual, but seven entries, guys).

Also! Announcement: For fun, we're going to start having Trippin' Thursdays (it'll come out at 12:01 am). Stress-free prompt-writing (no judging). You also get like 1k to write with (and I guess we really couldn't care how long it is, as long as it's still flash fiction, but 1k seemed reasonable, so). Hope to see you there!

Note: Si wrote her reviews while being menaced by a totally fearless squirrel.

Honorable Mention

firdaus' Crashed

Si: OMG this story. Such pain. Much tragedy. Wow.

Great dialogue, great story progression. THE ENDING. There’s very little description but the reader is totally clear on what happened, and what is happening. The ending, while powerful (excellent job cutting it off where you did btw), is a little confusing because it seems like the nurse was aware of the husband in the room the night before--so it took me a second to “get” that she didn’t. The dialogue throughout is great: short lines that keep you in the story, but there isn’t any wasted space. It conveys emotion with the briefest of description, and I like that it’s not hard to keep track of who is speaking even though we don’t have “tags” (he said, she said)--the clarity of the dialogue makes them unnecessary. Well done!

Mars: This story is great in the way that it makes even the reader question reality. Whenever a ghost shows up in a story and delivers factual information that the main character couldn't have known, it makes me wonder if they were really there or not--when the husband details the extent of her injuries, for example. The ellipses used complemented the dialogue instead of detracting from it (I have a thing about ellipses. When used in excess, I don't like how they make dialogue sound, usually, but here it fit the whole "I've just been severely traumatized" thing). Watch out for repetitive sentence structure--"She woke up [. . .] . Her throat was dry. She watched [. . .]"--since that can make a piece lose some of its luster. I have to give you props on the ending, though--that moment of hope, just to be crushed by an unassuming bystander. What a punch in the gut! 

First-Runner Up: 

Steph Ellis' Leonard

Si: I really like the twists in this story, and the unreliable narrator. We don’t know that he’s unreliable--first he’s crazy, then he’s a sane bystander, then he’s clearly seeing things. It’s hard to handle this kind of narrator well, so great job! There was some confusion over the Leonard in the fight and Leonard the bystander--clarified somewhat by him thinking it annoying that the guy shared his name--but at the very end of the story, he seems totally cognizant that the guy IS actually him. So it’s hard to tell whether he is unaware of what he did, or whether he knows. My favorite part was the description of Leonard in the mental hospital--you can really see it. The initial dialogue is also very well done--each line is short but easy to follow. Great job!

Mars: A sense of pity is evoked readily by the great character development in this piece. There was also clever hinting towards Leonard's true location and mindset before the final reveal--lines like "their conversation echoing round and round in his head," and the description of the other residents of the asylum. In his "I shouldn't be here" thoughts, one could assume that it was simply a nursing home. The only real confusion I feel while reading the story, even now, is the line, "He heard a cry, the sound of a body crumpling." I'm not sure what's going on there. Otherwise, however, I found it was very easy to keep track of the story, and the ending was fabulous. 

And, without further ado, the moment you've all been waiting for--

Y1W8 Winner!

Phil Coltrane

with Come to Grief

Si: This story had excellent emotion and tension throughout! I loved the way that the details of the situation--the father’s age, the futuristic setting, the relationship between father and daughter--were dropped throughout the story and avoided a big info-dump. Great integration of backstory, world/setting, and the story! The scene is not action-y but still has a lot of tension--is she going to press the button? Is he going to convince her? I’m curious as to why he tried the Immortality Treatment so late--or why if he had it earlier, it didn’t manifest until year 437. I like the way he switches tracks from “Push the button if you love me” to “Push the button because you hate me.” “In his bloodshot eyes, she saw something virtually unknown to modern civilization: real pain. ” --great line. Excellent story!

Mars: I love the idea that mankind has found immortality . . . almost, and now pain is practically nonexistent. Though it is never mentioned directly in the story, I get the sense that all Zara can feel for her father at this point is pity (good character emotion!). I thought it was a very unique take on the prompt, as well--it's not something I would have thought of. I would have liked to know more about the 'electrochemical command' that Zara got--it didn't really make sense to me. All in all, however, this is an excellent piece of sci-fi. The last line--Zara confessing to her already-dead father--tugged at my heartstrings a little bit, and also gave the piece a nice, circular feel.

Come to Grief

"I love you." 

"You're only saying that because I almost killed you." Zara pulled her hand away from the glass panel, and the crimson circle that would terminate his life support. 

Paralyzed below the neck, the man in the biomedical bed tilted his head toward Zara. "Please... daughter. By law and custom, as my sole relative, only you may end my suffering." His raspy voice raked against Zara's heartstrings.

Zara stared at the husk of a man. Holographic indicators overlaid his medical data. Age: 437. Pulse, blood pressure, brain activity. Diagnosis: Immortality Treatment Rejection Syndrome. Prognosis: progressive paralysis, agonizing pain, death within the year. In his bloodshot eyes, she saw something virtually unknown to modern civilization: real pain. How could she let him suffer in this cold hospital room? She was his daughter: he was her responsibility. 

Zara felt the impulse firing through her neurons: the electrochemical command telling her finger to press the button. 

"No!" She turned away from him. 

"My daughter... Medical science gave me four centuries of life, but has reached its limit. Close the circle. End my suffering." 

"Growing up, I dreamed of a father," Zara confessed. "Someone to love me unconditionally. But you weren't there." She turned to him again. "I made my own way in life -- and quite well! Now you send for me, not to make amends, but merely to press a button?" 

"Then you hate me. Push the button. Give me what I deserve." 

"I don't hate you," Zara said pityingly. "I don't even know you. You're a stranger to me." With one hand, she stroked his brittle hair. With the other, she pressed the button. 

"I love you," he mouthed silently, and then he was gone. 

Zara slumped to the marble floor and cried. "I love you, too."

We look forward to more of y'all's work in the future! See you tomorrow or on Saturday!

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 8

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Si and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:

"I love you."
"You're only saying that because I almost killed you."

Year 1, Week 4: Results!

My gif won't work :(

Given the CAT prompt, I don't think we should be surprised that we got a number of RULE BREAKING SUBMISSIONS AAAHHH *Si faints away*

We have decided to disregard your most terrible rule breaking habits and proceed as though you were all law-abiding citizens of Cracked Flash Fiction Island. THIS TIME O.O.

Honorable Mention

David Shakes' The Road Behind, the Road Ahead

Mars: A lot of emotion is packed into this piece, even though it's a little rough around the edges. The last two lines seemed a pivotal character development to me; throughout the story, we see him clinging desperately to the idea that she might still be alive, but he lets go at the end; he accepts that there's nothing to be done, but he might be able to save a different life. Excellent piece. (Note: Don't think I didn't see you breaking the rules (#2) there, Mister. At least you're in good company. Y'all know who you are o.o)

Si: I loved the intense emotions in this piece, the interspersed thoughts/memories of the main character and his actions as he finds the cat. Excellent "show, not tell"--we can feel the emotions in the main character without ever being told exactly what they are, which makes it more powerful. It's a very immersive piece. Well done!

First Runner Up

Steph Ellis' The Family Room

Mars: This is the sort of story that I had to read twice--when I hit the ending, I had the revelation moment, and then the horror set in as I read it again to get everything. I mean, it was creepy before that, with the taxidermy and everything, but then there's that whole, "Oh snap. It looks like his father didn't abandon him after all," moment. A most chilling tale. 

Si: AH! This, like mars, took me a minute to "get" the ending, BUT WHEN I DID ... great horror. I loved the description of the empty, listless house--you get the feel of dust covering tables, dim lighting, musty smells. Loved the way the tone was maintained throughout the piece, the theme of family always being together ... never leaving. The main character goes back to find out what kind of a person his grandfather was, and man does he find out. Great understated horror--where there isn't too much description of what the horror is, but when it dawns on the reader it makes an impression.

Without further ado, the moment you've all been waiting for--

Y1W1 Winner!

Josh Bertetta

with Felineage

Mars: Firstly, it amused me that you actually used the photo prompt. Secondly, excellent story. The creepiness vibe was pulled off very well here, particularly because of the elements used--eyes in the darkness, and hearing voices. Not even the light of a campfire can keep a character safe at this point, as any genre-savvy reader would know. The ending of the story inspires a large "DUN DUN DUNNN" reaction at the end. The slight relief in the middle only makes the end realization that much more poignant. (Also, markup works. Good to know.)

Si: Very creepy story! Love the way that the reader feels the creepiness before the main character does--while he's offering the cat a strip of meat, we're sitting tight in our seats waiting for something awful to happen. The eyes! The voice! Great tension as the story progressed. Poor main character, trusting to his comforting fire, while the eyes surround him. I loooved the last line: "There was laughter then, and a thousand yellow eyes.", very well phrased and very creepy. I'm rather amused at how many of you guys took the cat prompt and wrote a creepy/scary tale (my cat would approve). The tension is handled excellently, with some moments of almost-relief but a constant sense of foreboding. Great story!

Felineage 

The cat stared at him. 

The only way he knew it was a cat because of the tapetum lucidum. Good thing cats gave themselves away like that; otherwise there’d be no way to discern their presence in a dark such as this. 

The fire cracked beside him and he said, hand outstretched, “Here kitty kitty.” He plucked a piece of moist chicken from the bone and tossed it a few feet in front of him. “Here kitty kitty kitty.” 

But the cat, beyond the safety of the firelight, remained, as it were, uninterested in anything but him. He averted his eyes but for a second as he dug into his chicken leg and the cat was gone, vanished into the night. 

A branch snapped behind him. 

He jerked around and smiled, “Oh there you are. You’re a sneaky little fellow aren’t you? You sure you don’t want some chicken? I’ve got more than enough for the both of us.” 

He tossed another morsel the cat’s way. 

It meowed as cats should and he could have sworn he heard a voice from somewhere say “Soon.” 

He looked over both shoulders but the firelight’s radius provided him a consolatory comfort. 

Then another pair of appeared, substantially higher than the other and he convinced himself his second guest perched on a low tree branch. “Does your friend want some chicken too?” He tossed it a little further into the dark, listened to the rustling of the brush, and watched (admittedly with relief) that second pair of eyes, more phosphorescent than the first, disappear. 

Then that voice again, saying “Soon.”

Chance stood and took from the fire a long branch, less than half of it a bright orange smoldering mix of ember and flame. 

There was laughter then, and a thousand yellow eyes.

Congratulations and excellent work, everybody! See you all this Saturday for Week 5!

(Looks like everyone who placed this time around was a Flash Dog! You'll have to tell the rest of the pack to rise to the challenge.)

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 4

We had SEVEN entries last week, guys. How cool is that? Let's see if we can top that this week.

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Si and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:

The cat stared at him.

Just for inspiration.
(And it amuses us.)

Year 1, Week 1: Results!

We'll admit it: we were excited when we got more than one entry, and further so when we received five. We want to thank all five contestants for participating, giving the competition a nice little kick-start.

So, without further ado, we give you your winners!

Honorable Mention

Geoff Holme's An Author's Life For Me

Si: Okay, this was hilarious. I love the use of parenthetical italics for the author talking to himself, and the way the entire flash takes place as the author's thoughts. I've totally done the don't look, don't look--DANGIT why didn't I think of that?! thing myself on flash fic contests, the whole story was (depressingly?) true to what we writers go through. RE: the PST thing--I laughed. (Maybe setting our location to "everywhere" was an EXTRA CHALLENGE ... and totally not a mistake >.>).

Mars: I, too, was very amused by this highly tongue-in-cheek piece. I don't think I know of anyone who doesn't have a panic when they're writing--"Ugh, what's this crap that I'm writing, everyone else is better than me, LIFE IS PAIN." (Okay, maybe not quite that angsty)--so this was right on the money. I also will be the first to admit that I talk/argue to/with myself on a regular basis (both out loud, in text, and in my head).

First Runner Up

Steph Ellis' Taken

Si: I loved the atmosphere and writing style in this story! Excellent progression from the trees being afraid of Colm, to the ending where Colm surrenders to the forest. I liked the way that we could feel for both the trees and Colm. I loved the ending (sounds like something I would do). The addition of the grandmother's old warning highlighted the poignancy of Colm's choice all the more.  A really well-written story.

Mars: Trees are kind of a thing everywhere, so the idea that the trees are enemies is a terrifying thought. It gives the story an added depth, as well, that not only are they enemies, but can feel (and therefore have a pretty good reason to be enemies, given the kind of stuff humans do to trees)--a nice little bit of world building shoved into a few hundred words. The way the piece was written, in a slow, methodical-seeming fashion, made it feel outwardly like . . . well, a tree, which slowly grows taller over time, with each bit of wood and leaves grown.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for--for the very first time in the Cracked Flash Fiction Competition's history--the very first name that will go on the Winner's Page!

Y1W1 Winner:

MTDecker!

with Closing in

Si: Tension! So much tension! Loved the broken-off dialogue to indicate the MC's state of mind, the numbness. Loved the progression of the plot, the pacing, the brief sentences that indicated the MC's mental state, the immersion in the story. The reader feels the Evan's urgency in running away, the suddenness of his blackout and waking up alone, and chased. The brief use of description, and the way we're just thrown into the plot worked very well to create an atmosphere of urgency and immediacy in the story. Well done!

Mars: The sense of inevitable doom was pulled off excellently here. The terror in his brother's call, and then of running himself; left to an unknown fate (although we can surmise it's not anything good), and with the knowledge that you can't trust who you thought you could. The effect is further compounded by the fragmented snippets of dialogue, and the disjointed way the events/time of the piece are arranged. I really appreciated how the first line was reiterated in the last line; it gave it a complete, circular feel, almost like a piece of music (bring the reader's/listener's attention back to something familiar as you leave them). Congrats on a brilliant flash!

The winning story!

Closing in

“I can hear the whispers all around me, and they’re getting closer… I don’t know how much longer I can last.” 

Evan listened to his brother’s voice, and could almost picture him hunched over his phone, talking urgently, in the hopes that his message would reach him in time. 

Time. Time was against him now, and he knew it. 

Evan ran, his breath catching in his chest as the voices echoed in his mind. 

Deputy Sark and Matthews’ voices were the loudest, but they only came in pieces.

“Regret to inform you.” “Killed just off the interstate in Idaho.” “Need you to identify the body…” 

He was numb. He’d been numb then, but now he could hear them as they ran with the hounds, hot on his trail. 

He’d been stupid enough to play the message in front of them, and then they’d told him they’d need his phone as evidence. 

The last thing he remembered was telling them that it was on the server, not on the phone, and that he could forward it to them. 

Then he’d woken up in the middle of the woods, with no idea where he was… and the whispers, telling him to run; telling him that if they found him he’d be dead. He couldn’t make out the words, but their intent was clear. 

He ran for all he was worth, but the hounds had his scent and he knew it was only a matter of time before they found him: he could hear their whispers all around him, as he ran and they were getting closer.

Congrats to our winners, and we hope to see you all on Saturday!

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 1

Welcome, welcome, friends. We're very excited to have you here at the start of something awesome and beautiful, whether you're here for the writing or just the reading (we invite you all to the writing!). This is the premiere of the Cracked Flash Fiction Competition!

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Si and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight!

Winner(s) announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:

He heard the whispers all around him.

And off you go! See you at the other side~!