Year 1, Week 34: Results!

Welcome back to our judging session of Cracked Flash Fiction, Week 34! We had a surplus of fabulous entries this time around, and are pleased to announce our winners!

Honorable Mention

Browniydgrl1 with Frank’s Big Dreams

Mars: This was a very amusing piece (made me chuckle). I can only imagine that they have hamster-sized bunny ears if they can put ants on stilts! I have to wonder what the extent of the hamsters' concept of their living state is; they (or, at least, Hank) recognize(s) that the humans keep them captive--how intelligent are they? The personalities came through the all-dialogue story well; poor Hank and flamboyant Frank. 

Rin: I liked the whimsical tone in this story. The arguing hamsters were fun and distinct. Frank had me laughing with his high society aspirations and I couldn’t help but feel for poor Hank, slowly going mad at the mercy of his cage mate. The idea of a pet society revolving around fashion amuses me. It reminded me fondly of a variation on a Beverly Hills Chihuahua movie. Well done!

First Runner Up

M.T. Decker with 24.984 Centimeters and Counting

Mars: I'd definitely be that one with the horrified look on my face (actually, you probably couldn't have paid me enough money to go into that room (I seriously got nightmares from that episode of the Twilight Zone with the sentient doll)). I felt like the piece was a little unended; I would have liked to know the force behind all this creepy mojo (and who was the room making space for?)--but otherwise, it was well written, and the eerie tone came through the piece really well. I hope Abe and the main character got away alright!

Rin: This one is shiver-worthy! It had this classic, horror, paranormal crime scene feel to it that I adored. I hate, hate, HATE dolls with the passion of a thousand suns, so that alone is creepy to me. Then you had the mini-replica dollhouse, which is never a good omen. I do wish that it had been more clear what was on the character’s neck, that bit confused me. But that last line was fabulous! Loved it!

Y1W34 WINNER!

ParkInkSpot

with Careful What You Select For

Mars: Aha! I loved that DUN DUN DUNNN moment at the end there (good foreshadowing early on--"You must be able to see how dangerous that is."). I liked the journal-entry style of writing after the initial conversation; I felt it flowed nicely (I might have actually preferred the entire piece like this). 

'Robot apocalypse' keeps popping into my mind over this, simply because Dr. Fazzino forgot the one thing that prevents this kind of apocalypse--the human touch. Bad things happen when you let computers (or animals) evolve to get smarter than you!

Rin: I loved the concept of risky genetic experimentation run by a computer program (and let’s admit it: some mishap is bound to happen when we let a computer decide things) combined with the use of real, scientific animal names. The tension built up nicely with each new addition bred into the rodents, gaining size and more advantageous features. It had me on the edge of my seat, waiting to see what would inevitably go wrong! That final line wrapped it up beautifully, with this sense of the horror having only begun. Great story, congrats!

Careful What You Select For

“This is incredibly disturbing to me.” 

“Why’s that?” 

“Leo, this hamster has genetic modifications for climbing?” 

“Generation 34 included some minor modifications to paw structure, yes. It’s got a lateral ‘finger’ including some primate gene sequences, and the latest generations have a limited opposable thumb.” 

“It’s better at gripping.” 

“Better at climbing too, as you can see, Sam. Genetropia is apparently selecting for some arboreal survival advantages. Climbers avoid predators and can reach more food sources.” 

“Genetropia is selecting these gene modifications without intervention. Leo, you must be able to see how dangerous that is. It’s selecting freely from 200000 library animal genomes, and you have no idea what the expert system might consider ‘advantageous’ in the next generation.” 

“Nonsense, the system will automatically discard any result that produces a disadvantageous mutation. Genetropia will only select for better, more survivable animals. We’ll end up with super-rodentia, eventually.” 

Dr. Leo Fazzino’s Genetropia project lab notes, Generation 65. 

“For the recent litters, Genetropia seems to be selecting for traits common to Cricetidae, possiblyRattus rattus. Our hamsteroids have developed longer tails and have been steadily gaining in size for generations.” 

Dr. Leo Fazzino’s Genetropia project lab notes, Generation 85. 

“Dipodomys elator, I believe, kangaroo rats may be the source of their overdeveloped hind legs. I’m not sure how much of the original hamster DNA remains, but our modified rodents appear to draw mostly from other species now. Up to five or six pounds, it’s big and it can make tremendous leaps. I’ve had to upgrade the cages several times already.” 

Dr. Leo Fazzino’s Genetropia project lab notes, Generation 113. 

“The modified rats are gone; apparently they’ve learned to work latches. Down into the basement, they’ve made it in the sewers. I only pray they aren’t as intelligent as I suspect.”

Thank you all for your participation, and hope to see you back this Saturday! :D

Year 1, Week 17: Results!

Alas, we are already late as it is, so I shan't delay the post any longer by finding terribly amusing pictures.

WINNNNERRRSS~!

Honorable Mention

Decker's Scrutible

Mars: Ah, nothing to make a story like a good heist plan! It's interesting how this story doesn't seem to have any conflict at a first glance, but a closer look shows the man vs man thing going on here between the two characters--the main character trying to win over the other with their plan, and succeeding. Nice little resolution. This does leave me wondering what exactly they're stealing back--I don't understand the motivation behind the plan very well. Technically, it's not needed for the plot here, but it's always nice to know why characters are doing things. The dialogue exchange about being a cop amuses me--I probably would have replied something snarky like, "Well, we wouldn't be having this conversation if you were a cop, now would we?" Hah! 

Si: I really liked how this story actually gives a good reason for the jackhammer + peppermint in the prompt! And it makes sense! Love how we discover the main character's plan through the thoughts of the second char--kind of a Sherlock and Watson set up? Very effective to deliver needed info to the reader without spoon-feeding. I like the way the two characters connect though we're not totally sure what's going on as a reader. I like the suggestions of a massive plan in place just about to unfold. One thing I wold add is maybe more description to set the scene, and give us more of a handle on the characters. The dialogue is great but I think a bit more anchoring would be good. Well done!

First Runner Up

Bill's The Canary

Mars: Normally, I don't really like present-tense stories. I also don't normally like description-paragraph dumps, but you've got me on both accounts with this story. My favorite line of the piece is probably, "She looks like a million dollars that someone embezzled thirty years ago and buried in a cellar"--the tone shines through right here; it's kind of a reflective piece--almost like a memoir in story form. I thought Benny's voice could have been developed a little bit more; the writing doesn't have to be so formal ("She's" instead of "She is" or "She has", perhaps), and maybe he has some other affecations of speech (similar to 'guzzle' instead of something like "downs" or "drains", etc.,). The "Not guzzles. // Sips. // Something's working," bit is a nice touch; it shows the readers that, not only is Benny attentive, but he cares for Rosie. Nice work. 

Si: First off, I loved the way you slightly twisted the prompt to work with your setting. Excellent description of Rosie, it's a very dynamic description that easily could have felt more like an info-dump, but is interesting and active enough that I didn't feel that. Curious what Rosie's detoxing from (alcohol? My first thought was hard drugs, but the story seems to point to alcohol). I loved the line: "didn’t totally burn up, but never soared again." I liked the theme of memories and what things used to be like--Rosie, her past, the ending scene. I would add perhaps more dialogue, and give us some description through that. We want to know more about what's going through Rosie's head.There's no major conflict but this story doesn't really need one. Great use of short sentences in the last half to set the scene. I especially liked how deeply we're immersed in the main character's POV though we don't really "see" them. Great story!

Wait for it! Drum roll, please--!

Y1W17 WINNER

Steph Ellis!

with Preparing the Ground

Mars: It turns out she didn't know her enemy as well as she would have liked! I like how this piece is humorous and suspenseful at the same time. The last few lines made me laugh--I was expecting a more gruesome ending, particularly with the line about husband-stealing; the twist ending was an amusing surprise. I have to wonder if the witch knew why the main character brought her to the garden to kill her--or if Iris only read that the main character wanted to kill her, and got to the punch first? Was Iris really trying to get the main character's husband? The character dynamics are great here, though--both of them playing around the true reason Iris was there made for great development. (I still love that matter-of-fact ending. No italics, just, "Whoops. She really is." )

Si: ANOTHER WIN STEPH STOP BEING SO GOOD.

Ahem. 

Love the writing, the humor, and the ending! Very polished writing, no tone breaks or issues at all throughout the story. I loved the Betty Crocker line and jackhammer and its "positive vibrations". The set-up is excellently done, no info-dumps, and we quickly get to know the two characters and the setting. Well done slipping in the line about the MC's husband--very subtle, but the tone of the story distinctly changes, connecting with the increase in tension at the ending. There's good foreshadowing too--"Know your enemy." "To prepare the ground". I would add a line about what excuse the MC used to call the witch over--what was wrong with her garden? For the first half of the story the reader is trying to guess the reason. But of course, the REAL reason is soon revealed, to excellent conclusion. Wonderful job!

Preparing the Ground 

“I can do it, but I’ll need a jackhammer and all the peppermint you got.” 

Sally had told me the girl was a witch. But I hadn’t thought she meant it literally . . . until I saw the ad. Know your enemy, went the old saying. And so here she was. She handed me her card. 

‘Iris Flatly, Wiccan Priestess. Healer, Psychic and Spreader of Wisdom. Available 24/7. Thursday Spell Special . . . Buy One Get One Free.’ 

“You were right to call me,” she said. “Real bad vibes here. You won’t grow anything in this garden until the ground is cleansed.” 

I was ordered to stand back as she scattered the peppermint in a circle around us. Then she started up the jackhammer. This didn’t seem very witchy to me. 

“Who did you say you were apprenticed to?” I shouted. My mum had led her own coven until an unfortunate incident with Farmer White’s bull. It had put me off following in her footsteps. 

She turned off the drill, paused for slightly too long. “Old Betty Crocker,” she said finally. 

“Isn’t that a cake mix?” 

She shrugged. “Unfortunate coincidence.” 

“And the jackhammer is to . . . ?” 

“Create positive vibration, Jah know.” She grinned and tossed her dreadlocks. I’d never come across a Rastafarian witch before. But witch or no witch, she wasn’t getting her hands on my husband. 

“You do know why you’re here, don’t you?” I said. 

“To prepare the ground,” she replied.  

Well, she had that right. 

By now a huge hole had opened up at our feet. Old plans had revealed a disused well in this part of the garden. A good push was all that was needed . . . 

Her hand was on my back before I could even finish the thought. Damn. She really was psychic.

SEE YOU ALL ON SATURDAY, JA? 

Year 1, Week 15: Results!

So, on the contest post for week 15, Si mentioned that I was legally intoxicated (maybe that's why she chose the "freaky photoshopped" picture theme . . .) . To clarify, I got my wisdom teeth out on Friday. Not fun, but I'm recovering well! 

Sadly, one of our judges has fallen wounded to another prey: a hideous, vile cold. So, I'll be your only judge today. Hope that doesn't damper anybody's excitement to hear the announcements! (Rin did help pick, though, so rest assured; it's not just craaazy Mars picking stories out at random.)

Honorable Mention

Steph Ellis' Oblivion

This one was a little too creepy for my tastes, but was excellently written and the intention is clear. The sentence structures are nicely varied; it makes this story flow very well, and the word choices gave the piece a tranquil, sadistic tone.

I think I've laid my finger on something: the piece is clean and well-written, but doesn't have much in the way of conflict. Karl's already been killed and it's just Emma contemplating her contentment. 

"It was contentment, not oblivion that claimed her and she wanted to remember every minute, every heartbeat, tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow," is a rather intriguing line; the repetition of 'tomorrow' gives a sense of eternal repetition, or even oblivious bliss. It rather summed up the piece in one line for me. 

First-Runner Up

Red Fleece's Campfire Stories

The tone of this story doesn't really come off as scary or as a horror until the last few lines (*cough* Rule Breaker (#2) *cough*)--a very well-executed "dun dun dunnnn" moment. My favorite phrase is, "Toby became a whisper," for some reason. It seems like it might be an error, but it really complements the rest of the piece for me--it feels to me like the most emotion-filled sentence. 

That's mainly what I felt was lacking: emotion. It feels disconnected from the characters--I don't have a personal connection to any of them. Shortening Sandra's 'ghost story,' or even having other kids ask questions in the middle, might fix that problem for me. 

I thought it was clever how light-hearted the story was to begin with--we've all been there, telling (really) lame ghost stories around the campfire (or flashlight), knowing that none of us are really scared. But then some jerk slams the kitchen drawer and freaks everyone out, which is how the last lines come off.  Overall, this was an enjoyable story.

Y1W15 WINNER!

MTDecker

with Conundrum

I really appreciate the shortness of this piece, first-off. I think it's the shortest that has been done so far in the competition. There's very little or no excess words, but it still gets the story across poignantly. 

My only true confusion is who's saying the last line. It seemed to me like Liam had disappeared, and she was left--so it might be his wife saying the line to herself?--or it could have been a time loop, and Liam was repeating it all over again. 

The piece evokes definitely invokes questions like, "What are they doing? Why are they doing it?" but the beauty of this is that the story still feels like a story without those questions answered. 

Conundrum 

“Don’t worry; you won’t remember anything by morning,” Liam assured his wife as he checked the survival suit and made sure she was secure. 

“But… if you fail…” 

“Then everything is the same, except I’m not here. The real problem is ‘if I fail- you’ll never know’.” 

When she frowned he winked. “Occam’s Paradox… the most likely is a false memory.” 

He drew a deep breath and stood, realizing he was delaying the inevitable. He pressed the button and sensed nothing. 

“Don't worry; you won't remember by morning…”

We might have to ban you from winning,
too, Decker. XD

Can't wait to see you all next week! :D

Year 1, Week 10: Results!

We're going to do something a little different today. Hold onto your hat, Hephzibah! (Okay, Hagar!)

Y1W10 WINNERS!

M T Decker and Firdaus

with Cut Throat and Character Tantrums

Cut Throat 

"You know, smiling at me every few days… it’s not the same as telling me you aren’t going to kill me…" Penelope sighed as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. 

“I’m disappointed to her you say that,” Rogers sighed. “You should know me well enough by now…” 

Penelope looked at him from over her glasses as if to say, ‘Dude, I do know you more than ‘well enough’ by now.’ 

He gave her a sheepish shrug. “I promise you. When I plan on killing you— you’ll know.” 

“This,” she told him. “Is not nearly as comforting as you might think… Try phrases like: ‘I have no intention of killing you’ or ‘You know I’d never hurt you…’ Phrases like that build confidence.” 

“But you know, I’ll never lie to you…” 

Penelope sighed and shook her head. “You have a lot to learn about ‘comforting.’” 

“This is war. They didn’t call it ‘See how many cards you can take nicely.’” 

“Fine,” she sighed. “Got any threes?”

“Go Fish!”

Si: Great character interaction in this story! We get the sense that we, the readers, are just looking in through a window while the scene proceeds between Penelope and Rogers. I particularly like the line: “Penelope looked at him from over her glasses as if to say, ‘Dude, I do know you more than ‘well enough’ by now.’ ” The line that follows is chilling in its casualness. I was amused that the story ends on a different tone with Go Fish. I was a little confused as to whether the characters are spies on opposite sides … (okay I might be reading a little TOO many spy novellas but HUSH) … or whether this was just a really, really intense game of cards. Is the death threat real or figurative? I’m going with real. Love that we have a nice, clear sketch of two characters in such a short span of words. Great story!

Mars: I was amused by how what Penelope and Rogers were doing was obscured until the very last few lines. My favorite line was Rogers' comment--"I promise you. When I plan on killing you--you'll know." The first few sentences were a little weak--maybe it was the sighing from the both of them, or the open-ended sentences (the ellipses), but they could have been more grabbing. (Si and I speculated if they were spies from enemy sides and possible lovers (or whether it was just a really intense card game, which I guessed it was). It amused us; observe titles we came up with for a novel: Romeo and Juliet: Card Edition; Ace of Hearts; etc.,.) An amusing story!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Character Tantrums

"Smiling at me every few days is not the same as telling me you're not going to kill me." She mutters under her breath, loud enough for me to hear. 

I stand in the doorway watching her, trying my best to smile.

"Do you have any idea what you have done?" My smile wavers a little.

"You want me to read that list you gave me? I know it by heart." 

"I see, you still believe I made up those things." 

"I did not put Margo into the washing machine! Okayyyy...I was really angry when she scratched and tore my lovely sofa but I didn't switch on the machine! I swear!" 

"You burnt my books!" 

"It wasn't me! I love books, though I was curious about that cabinet you kept locked. I was a little angry when I couldn't break in. But I wouldn't burn your study. No way!" 

"Look at your hand!" 

"Yeah, it hurts. You shouldn't have broken it!" 

"You really believe that, don't you? You don't remember throwing a tantrum and punching walls?" 

"Ha! You're such a liar, all writers are." 

"Whatever you say and do—you're not in my next book." 

I watch her face flush with anger as I gently shut the door and turn the key. 

Maybe I should kill her. A few sentences and she'd be gone. Somehow that seems such a waste of a complex character and to be honest I am rather fond of her. 

I whistle as I go off to explore other rooms in my head. I have a book to write, damn it!

Si: Woohoo, dialogue! I like how the piece doesn’t “give away” the true nature of the encounter--a writer and their character--until the end. The first half she just seems totally cray until you hit “All writers” and then we’re all OH I GET IT NOW. These two sentences are the best in the piece: 

"Whatever you say and do—you're not in my next book." 

I watch her face flush with anger as I gently shut the door and turn the key.

And IMO, I think the story is much stronger if it ends there. The following sentences tell us what we already know from the dialogue. I do like the idea of many rooms in a writer’s head. Well done!

Mars: There are only a few people I know of that don't envision their characters in their head (or hear them, heh), but I'm not one of them, so this was an entertaining story that I could connect to. I enjoy stories that are carried mainly by dialogue, but this one was a tad confusing for me--I could have done with some tags ('s/he said's). It was amusing to see how the writer was convincing her she had consciously done these things. Nice story!

Yup, you both get it, lucky ducks.

See you two next week!

Year 1, Week 7: Results!

We were pleased to have three very varied entries to choose from this time around. The mishap on Saturday had us wondering if we'd get any at all!

Honorable Mention

Ophelia Leong's Neighborly Duties

Rin: This was a fun one. I liked how Matthew wasn't really all that interested, a nice twist on the typical vampire/human scenario. My favorite line was "Superglue dripped onto the floor like sap and Elena hid the paintbrush in the trashcan," because that bit of description puts a vivid picture in my head of how it would squish under the feet when he stood up. Nice job.

Mars: This felt both done and not done--I like to imagine Matthew suddenly jumping out of his shoes and driving a hidden stake through Elena's heart (I also wonder where she got that superglue that doesn't dry for five minutes? I'd like some)--but it did make a nice little story arc for a flash. Matthew's obvious disdain/disinterest was a nice touch, as opposed to the the normal love-at-first-sight scenarios in typical YA Urban Fantasy fiction. Something else I'm just noticing: the word style is done well here; it feels flowing and quite . . . surreptitious. Stealthy, flowing, cat-like. Good job!

(Bonus points to you for making me learn a new word: surreptitious. Also, Elena's "no man should be able to resist me!" thought made me think of a Mockingjay parody (observe lyrics "Gale and I have chemistry . . ."))

First Runner Up

M T Decker's Hypothetically Speaking

Rin: I love crime-scene type shows, so this story was a treat for me! The dialogue was good and flowed well, giving me a good idea of the character's personalities even without the help of much description. I like how instead of having it where the answer is clear, the characters went through a bunch of different scenarios in which someone might have a use for it. Especially enjoyed the mention of a real-life forensic science thing, fingerprint fumigation. Well done!

Mars: (I forgot to finish this I'm so sorry) Dialogue-heavy stories are something I'm generally very fond of; it pleased me to see a flash that carries a plot well through mostly dialogue. I am left wondering what conclusion Gina was drawn to, but that feels like part of the charm for the speculating, progressive tone of the piece. I like the look into Gina and her husband's relationship--we see one side of them in the brainstorming session, but there's a hint towards something else; nicely done character dynamics without being flashy. Nice work.

And, without further ado, the moment you've all been waiting for--

Y1W7 Winner!

Josh Bertetta

with A Sticky Situation

Rin: I loved this one! The mysterious feel was good and I liked how I was kept guessing how the super glue would tie in until the very end. My favorite line was "He didn’t care about her deformed ear, her abnormal arm, or club foot. He loved her for who she was," because the sweetness of it really did a good job of making me question my own intuition and whether I was reading more suspicious things into what came above it, making that last line really pop!

Mars: It took me a few re-reads to understand exactly was going on, and then I had a little "Awww" moment. The suspense was artfully played up to drive home the last line--what exactly his greatest work was. The reader can tell how obviously he dotes upon her--even before his declaration of love--which demonstrates excellent characterization. This is a really cute piece!

A Sticky Situation 

“Why do you have a pound of superglue—you know what? Never mind. I don’t want to know…I’ll just trump it up to another one of your idiosyncrasies.” She smiled, and tucked her hair behind her good ear, leaving her thick auburn locks covering the other. 

He asked her if she’d like a drink; she accepted. 

They sat across from one another, the tub of superglue on the mahogany coffee table, and sipped the brandy in silence. He stared into her large round eyes, then let his own admire the perfect symmetry of her face. A paragon of beauty. 

“Can I use your restroom?” 

“Of course. Shall I help you?” 

“Thank you, but I think I can manage.” She propped herself up on her cane, and hobbled toward the hallway. “Third door on the left, right?” 

“That’s right.” 

He refilled her drink, and waited, musing over the work to be done—his greatest work, his magnum opus. 

Upon her return, she thanked him for refilling her drink, sat, and together they shared hopes and dreams and thoughts on life. She liked him, and she knew he knew it; he loved her and he knew she knew it.

He didn’t care about her deformed ear, her abnormal arm, or club foot. He loved her for who she was. But she neither loved herself nor believed her worthy of love. 

She took a big sip of brandy, set the tumbler down, and yawned big and heavy. Her perfect cheeks flushed. “Oh, I’m sorry. I—I—”

Her eyelids grew heavy; she eked out an embarrassed smile, and passed out. 

He cradled her in his arms, brushed back her hair, and kissed her forehead; he bent at the knee and picked up the bottle of “Dr. Frankenstein’s Medical Grade Biotic Super Glue.”

 Great job, everybody! See you on Saturday (this time on time, heh)~

Year 1, Week 5: Results!

Yes! All the corpses! Great stories this time 'round. Horror and mystery and humor--loving the variety!

Honorable Mention

Steph Ellis' Due to Unforeseen Circumstances the End of the World is Postponed

Rin: This story made me laugh out loud. The comical banter between this incompetent bad-guy family gives the piece a light, fun atmosphere and a refreshing twist to the concept of the End of the World. The characters and their relationships with one another felt well developed for the length of the piece, each a distinct personality. My favorite bit was "Perhaps that's for the best dear," said Ma, patting His arm fondly. "Now, why don't you sit down with us, have a bit of cake. You're looking a little peaky. You've been overdoing it again, haven't you?" because it amuses me with mental pictures of an evil, doting mother and her spoiled, evil-warlord son. Very well done!

Si: Loved the dialogue in this story! That poor corpse. Just on the edge of stardom--! I was amused by the idea of The End being postponed due to inefficiency and mistakes on the Evil side. The last half of the story especially had some excellent lines of dialogue: "This spell creates a corpse! I wanted you to create me a corps!" We get a good sense of the characters despite the fact that it's a short piece. Enjoyed the transition of red-eyed terrifying Menace to resigned and tired Boss. Last line was excellent. A fun and entertaining story! 

First Runner Up

Josh Bertetta's The House in the Woods

Rin: Oooh, I love the creepy atmosphere to this piece! My favorite line was 'The deeper they ran, the further back they travelled in time, the more the body count piled up, dressed in generations' because it gives an 'ancient evil' flavor to the piece that I enjoy. It raises the hair on the back of my neck just imagining it! The pace was well done with the time rushing past them, building up the tension excellently as they try to find their missing daughter, ending perfectly with those last two lines. Nothing more sinister than giggling and invitations to play from unknown things in a haunted house!

Si: You fit a lot into very few words! I loved that you had both dialogue and more descriptive passages that kept the plot moving. The innocence of Princess contrasted with the horror of the corpses is very well done and makes the ending especially creepy. Can't say it enough, EXCELLENT ending--you stopped just at the right point and the phrasing is PERFECT. Loved this line especially: "They screamed her name; it fled through the house in a panic." Well done on mounting the tension line by line. When the story starts, the reader isn't sure what kind of a story it's going to be--but the building suspense soon informs us. Excellent creepy story!

Y1W5 Winner!

mtdecker

with The Shelley Boys are Back

Rin: I liked the modern-day Frankenstein feel of this story and I'm impressed with how well the characters were shown almost exclusively through their dialogue. The brevity of the story's pacing and the distinct impression that this has been an ongoing problem made the tension between the brothers palpable. Mad-scientist Philip was my favorite character with his distraction tactics and flippant attitude toward the whole situation. Going into the story, I expected Martin to break down and help Philip, so Igor killing him was rather unexpected. Kuddos on an excellent flash fic!

Si: Ah! The ending! The story! The characters, though we don't "see" them through description, feel completely real just through dialogue--well done! We get a sense of both the brothers just through the most brief of actions, and their short responses to each other. I love that there's two clear voices here. I also liked the way that we get a sense that this isn't the first time Martin has come home to such a scene ... or has he participated himself? Curious. The touch of naming the assistant Igor also says a lot in very few words ... and the understated yet still surprising death leaves a lot to the imagination and is very effective. Again, tone is maintained throughout the piece with no breaks and we can feel the tension between the two brothers as they stand over a corpse that one of them didn't expect to see. Wonderful story!

The winning story!

The Shelley Boys are Back

"Well, I think this just got awkward."

"There's a corpse on the floor… so… yeah, I think ‘this just got awkward’ is an understatement.”

“I can explain…”

Martin shook his head. He’d had enough of his brother’s blase approach to life. “I have an M-16 that says ‘I’m not buying anything you’re sellin’ brah.”

“You weren’t supposed to be home, yet…”

“Again, not explaining here… just drawing things out.”

“Well. He was supposed to be… gone… before you got back.”

“Gone?” Martin sighed. “You still using Martinez’s cleaning service?”

“Nah, gone as in Igor would have gotten him down to the lab before you got home.”

“And now?”

Martin felt a cold chill in his brother’s smile as he heard a rustle behind him.

Philip shrugged. “Now Igor’s in place…”

He sighed as Igor finished making work of his brother.“Looks like there’ll be two corpses to reanimate now.”

“Awkward,” Igor agreed.

“When’s dad due back?”

Until next time! *Rin and Si vanish in a swirl of cloaks*

Year 1, Week 3: Results!

Thanks to everyone for participating in our THIRD WEEK of Cracked Flash Fiction! You guys are talented writers and we're having a lot of fun reading your stories. So excited that we had 7 entries this time!

Somehow, despite THIS distraction, we managed to judge in time. Okay, mostly Si being distracted. SPACE!

Without further ado ...

Honorable Mention

realmommaramblings' Shattered

Si: I really enjoyed the evocative and descriptive writing style in this story--there's a distinct feel of regret and past mistakes that is shown very effectively in that first paragraph, before it's stated that this is what the character feels. I especially loved the line "Skin grew over the wound, tears sealing her flesh, leaving a scar, a reminder of what she could have had." The hints of a disastrous spell or decision--something tragic that had passed, that the main character must move on from--very well done. The memories gives me just enough hints to want to know what the story was--what had happened. Loved the way the porcelain heart is used as a focus and a metaphor for the character.

Rin: The feeling of grief and regret in this is powerful and well written. I liked the imagery of a heart as a lump of coal, but my favorite line was 'Among the shards broken memories lay, forgotten moments tucked away in the deepest hollows.' It has a beautiful sound to it. I also liked the line of sweeping pieces of herself under a carpet and crushing them. It felt familiar, we've all had moments that we wish we'd have lived in more or paid attention to in hindsight. The spell book was a curiosity, I wondered if it were like some magical looking glass or if she had used it for some horrible thing that caused her situation. I would have liked to know more about her story, it sounds like an interesting one.

First Runner Up

Mtdecker's For Tomorrow We Shall Surely Die

Si: Great take on the prompt, I loved the dynamic nature of the story, the argument between the characters! The Reader absolutely feels the desperation of the characters, the way that hope is nearly lost but Calia knows that they cannot stop fighting--for something worse will come. The power has to be stopped NOW. The dialogue was great for a story so short--we get so much information about the situation, but it's delivered in a way that makes us want to keep reading and find out more. I LOVED the last line of this story--absolutely masterful. "... we shall fall, but we will be the stones that start the avalanche."--Beautiful! Really wonderful image.

Rin: A great story! I could easily imagine myself walking with Calia straight into battle. I could feel the weight of the oppressive situation and the strength of determined defiance in the main character as she marches toward a battle she's likely to lose. I liked how the impossible situation was told from two points of view, her for the uprising and his for staying subservient in order to protect the village. Like Si, I loved that last line, it was fantastic!

Y1W3 Winner:

A V Laidlaw!

with Mouse 

Si: This story was AMAZING! I have to really congratulate you on the incredible writing that you've shown here. The tension is maintained throughout the entire tale without any slips or slow points--very well done. I loved the repetition of the character reminding herself to be small and hide. Using only brief description, the story paints a clear and living picture of the situation at hand. The reader is absolutely watching right beside the character for what the intruders will do. There are several excellent lines in this story--I especially liked "She would say a prayer, one of the prayers she heard at school, but she is afraid that God might hear her, that her guilt might call attention to herself." The ending is perfect--not drawn out, surprising, and well timed. Excellent writing!

Rin: I loved this one, it kept me reading with bated breath to see what was going to happen to her! It did a great job of including the prompt into the story and the imagery in this piece was beautiful, perfectly evocative. The setting was wonderfully spooky and I could easily 'see' the burned wallpaper, feel the heat of the wall, and smell the sulfur. The pace was smooth and natural, and the ending was awesome! I was taken off guard by her actually turning into a mouse! Wasn't expecting that. Great job!

The winning story!

Mouse

A crunch from broken glass underfoot warns her.

She is not alone.

She squeezes into the corner of the room, pulls her knees up against her chest and wraps her arms around herself. The wall is hot against her back, burning through her thin cotton dress. The room is dark except for the patch of dull streetlight through the broken window.

Something flickers in the window frame. The glass crunches again under heavy boots.

Become small. Become a mouse that hides away in the darkest corners. She holds her breath.

The darkness falls silent.

She breathes out.

A torch flashes in the window. Its beam trailed across the far wall, tracing over the scorch marks and the burnt wallpaper.

She never meant that to happen. She would say a prayer, one of the prayers she heard at school, but she is afraid that God might hear her, that her guilt might call attention to herself. Her mouth is dry and she tries to gulp but the air is stuck in her throat. She closes her eyes. Her body shivers no matter how tightly she squeezes herself. Become small.

A man’s voice. “An explosion.”

A second man. “Gas or the other?”

“Smells like sulphur. Better call the Witchfinder’s Office.”

“They won’t be happy if it’s gas.”

She opens her opens, only partly, as if the distorted view means this is not really happening. The torch lies on the windowsill. Behind it, against the redness of the streetlights, a shadow looms and fills the window.

Become small so they cannot see you.

The shadow pushes through the window and takes the torch. It swings the torch light around the room, the light falling on her, blinding her.

“Hell.”

“What?”

“Nothing, a mouse.”

The mouse scurries away, into the darkest corner.

Congrats to all our winners, and we'll see you this Saturday! In the meantime go look at ALL THE AWESOME NEW HORIZONS PICS!

(Si may be excited about this)

(just a little)

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 3

I have to admit: we three were probably less than optimistic about making it this far. We want to thank Steph Ellis, Geoff Holmes, and MT Decker for their continual support and participation. We hope to see even more people for round three of the CFFC! 

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Rin and Si

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:

The crunch of broken glass underfoot was her only warning that she wasn't alone.

Year 1, Week 2: Results!

It's that time! I'd like to thank all of you who participated in our second competition and all of our readers! Due to unforeseen circumstances, I, Rin, will be the only judge for today. On to the announcements!

Edit: Mars is alive, and she agreed with Rin's assessment beforehand (forgot to say so, though). She'll add her comments below. There was a slight miscommunication error (well, more like lack of communication) on Mars' part which probably caused Rin and Si to think she had fallen off the face of the planet. She will endeavor to not fall off the face of the planet. She apologizes profusely for the delay.

Honorable Mention

Geoff Holme's The Happiest Day of Your Life...

Rin: This one was simply fun. I liked the style of telling the events backwards in order that they happened in and ending at the bride's morning wake up was hilarious after seeing all the tragedy of the day. I could easily see these things happening and I laughed the whole way through; especially during the parts of the flaming veil, the poor guest falling into the grave, and the mourning mother in law.

Mars: Ah, another one from Geoff that makes me laugh out loud (this one was funnier than the last). It makes me a little horrified about my own wedding day (here are all teh reasons to elope, seriously). I noticed the time stamps right away and read from the bottom up the first time, then read it top to bottom. Every line was funny by itself. Really, really amusing. I also appreciated the twist on the prompt--instead of spectacularly awesome, they were spectacularly horrid. Well done.

First Runner Up

MTDecker's Independence

Rin: I liked how the characters feel very whole and fully formed in such a short amount of words. I also enjoyed seeing how the disabled main character was shown from a different perspective than how the disability is usually portrayed. I've tried to keep up with a deaf lady talking to me with ASL before and this was spot on about how difficult it was to keep up with her and how it can make you feel like the disabled one, even with knowing some of the signs.

Mars: I like having a peek into the deaf community, since it's not often something most writers approach (probably because the majority of writers are hearing people). I'd be the first to admit that I don't know much about the deaf culture, only that it's extremely different from hearing culture--that's kind of displayed with the SEE instead of ASL Max uses with the main character. Well done. 

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for--

Y1W1 Winner:

Steph Ellis!

with One Last Night

Rin: I loved the bleak tone and dystopian setting of this piece, it was unexpected and really drew me in to it. The story felt complete with nothing left off and nothing crowded in, the slower pace really complimenting the story and deepening to the feeling of it. Tragic, yet beautifully done, in both the vivid description and in the feeling of grim acceptance. I felt the ending was especially well done, giving me a mental picture of lights fading to dark at the close of a tragedy play.

Mars: Oh, the feels. The two lines at the end--'Whispered, "Goodnight." // Whispered, "Goodbye."' were like a punch to the proverbial gut. I could imagine being little Bobby, with his excitement and amazement over this wonderful, brilliant night, without knowing it was his last. I could also imagine being the father--resigned to be the last one alive, and having to pretend nothing was wrong for Bobby. The characters really came to life, is what I'm saying here. This was a very well-done dystopian piece.

The winning story!

The fireworks were spectacular. Rainbow colours scattered like confetti across velvet night. Explosions of gold glittered across the sky, casting even the brightest star into shadow.

“Why here, Dad?” asked Bobby, shivering despite the blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

“Because I wanted you to see something beautiful tonight.”

“Why couldn’t Mum come with us?”

Ray thought about Chloe lying cold and alone in the shelter. She had wanted Bobby to have this. One night of wonder and wishes. One last night.

Another explosion ripped through the darkness, timed to synchronise with the display so that Bobby wouldn’t notice.

Ray glanced at his watch. The detonators had gone off like clockwork. By now the compound would be ash. His wife, parents, friends, all ash. But the gas he had fed through the ventilation system had sent them to a peaceful end long before that destructive blast.

Contagion had wiped out other settlements and despite their own precautions, the plague had infiltrated the compound. When all hope was gone, the adults had voted for a quick end rather than face a long and lingering death.

Ray had volunteered to administer the last rites.

“What do you think so far?” he asked Bobby.

“Awesome, Dad. I just wish this night could last forever.”

“Here.”

“Wow, Coke?”

“Saved for a special occasion. A toast,” he said. “To a night that will last forever.”

They chinked their mugs together. Ray pretending to sip, watching

Bobby, making sure he had drunk every last drop. Then, as the boy’s eyes began to droop, laid him gently down, tucked the blanket even tighter around him.

Whispered, “Goodnight.”

Whispered, “Goodbye.”

Alone, he watched as the last of the fireworks fizzled out and the world returned to stillness. Then he finished his own drink and he too slept.

Congrats to the winners and thanks again for sharing your stories with us! We hope you'll join us again on Saturday!

Year 1, Week 1: Results!

We'll admit it: we were excited when we got more than one entry, and further so when we received five. We want to thank all five contestants for participating, giving the competition a nice little kick-start.

So, without further ado, we give you your winners!

Honorable Mention

Geoff Holme's An Author's Life For Me

Si: Okay, this was hilarious. I love the use of parenthetical italics for the author talking to himself, and the way the entire flash takes place as the author's thoughts. I've totally done the don't look, don't look--DANGIT why didn't I think of that?! thing myself on flash fic contests, the whole story was (depressingly?) true to what we writers go through. RE: the PST thing--I laughed. (Maybe setting our location to "everywhere" was an EXTRA CHALLENGE ... and totally not a mistake >.>).

Mars: I, too, was very amused by this highly tongue-in-cheek piece. I don't think I know of anyone who doesn't have a panic when they're writing--"Ugh, what's this crap that I'm writing, everyone else is better than me, LIFE IS PAIN." (Okay, maybe not quite that angsty)--so this was right on the money. I also will be the first to admit that I talk/argue to/with myself on a regular basis (both out loud, in text, and in my head).

First Runner Up

Steph Ellis' Taken

Si: I loved the atmosphere and writing style in this story! Excellent progression from the trees being afraid of Colm, to the ending where Colm surrenders to the forest. I liked the way that we could feel for both the trees and Colm. I loved the ending (sounds like something I would do). The addition of the grandmother's old warning highlighted the poignancy of Colm's choice all the more.  A really well-written story.

Mars: Trees are kind of a thing everywhere, so the idea that the trees are enemies is a terrifying thought. It gives the story an added depth, as well, that not only are they enemies, but can feel (and therefore have a pretty good reason to be enemies, given the kind of stuff humans do to trees)--a nice little bit of world building shoved into a few hundred words. The way the piece was written, in a slow, methodical-seeming fashion, made it feel outwardly like . . . well, a tree, which slowly grows taller over time, with each bit of wood and leaves grown.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for--for the very first time in the Cracked Flash Fiction Competition's history--the very first name that will go on the Winner's Page!

Y1W1 Winner:

MTDecker!

with Closing in

Si: Tension! So much tension! Loved the broken-off dialogue to indicate the MC's state of mind, the numbness. Loved the progression of the plot, the pacing, the brief sentences that indicated the MC's mental state, the immersion in the story. The reader feels the Evan's urgency in running away, the suddenness of his blackout and waking up alone, and chased. The brief use of description, and the way we're just thrown into the plot worked very well to create an atmosphere of urgency and immediacy in the story. Well done!

Mars: The sense of inevitable doom was pulled off excellently here. The terror in his brother's call, and then of running himself; left to an unknown fate (although we can surmise it's not anything good), and with the knowledge that you can't trust who you thought you could. The effect is further compounded by the fragmented snippets of dialogue, and the disjointed way the events/time of the piece are arranged. I really appreciated how the first line was reiterated in the last line; it gave it a complete, circular feel, almost like a piece of music (bring the reader's/listener's attention back to something familiar as you leave them). Congrats on a brilliant flash!

The winning story!

Closing in

“I can hear the whispers all around me, and they’re getting closer… I don’t know how much longer I can last.” 

Evan listened to his brother’s voice, and could almost picture him hunched over his phone, talking urgently, in the hopes that his message would reach him in time. 

Time. Time was against him now, and he knew it. 

Evan ran, his breath catching in his chest as the voices echoed in his mind. 

Deputy Sark and Matthews’ voices were the loudest, but they only came in pieces.

“Regret to inform you.” “Killed just off the interstate in Idaho.” “Need you to identify the body…” 

He was numb. He’d been numb then, but now he could hear them as they ran with the hounds, hot on his trail. 

He’d been stupid enough to play the message in front of them, and then they’d told him they’d need his phone as evidence. 

The last thing he remembered was telling them that it was on the server, not on the phone, and that he could forward it to them. 

Then he’d woken up in the middle of the woods, with no idea where he was… and the whispers, telling him to run; telling him that if they found him he’d be dead. He couldn’t make out the words, but their intent was clear. 

He ran for all he was worth, but the hounds had his scent and he knew it was only a matter of time before they found him: he could hear their whispers all around him, as he ran and they were getting closer.

Congrats to our winners, and we hope to see you all on Saturday!