Year 2, Week 22: Results!

I have nothing witty or particularly inspiring
to say this week, so have a picture of my darling Xena!
Enjoy the results :)
--Mars

First Runner Up

Quentin Christensen's The Refugees

I have to admit that I'm a sucker for worldbuilding and fantastical races, so this piece caught my attention right away. It's K'Tal's characterization that carries the piece, though; we get a pretty good sense for the kind of person he is by the time the story's out. The thing that bothered me the most about this piece was that there wasn't much in the way of a climax--the fourth paragraph was a prime time to zoom in on the struggle (and perhaps make us empathize with K'Tal if, in the moment of truth, he had protected the humans), but it was very condensed and sped past. It would have been cool to hear more about the war(? invasion?) that prompted the last line and the humans' relocation to the S'Leth's planet. It's a nice piece of flash.

Y2W22 Winner! 

Geoff Holme

with The Reluctant Dragon-keeper of Drabenvord

What strikes me as interesting about this piece is the duality of plot here. In some ways, this seems more like the beginning of a longer story with Glathenor as the main character--but at the same time, it's a flash story arc for Llandryff as the main character. That was gracefully pulled off, though I did find the ending a little abrupt (though likely due to running out of words; c'est la vie).

"Carpe diem" jars me out of the story every time I read the piece. I love the world building and the fantasy of the piece, the dreamcatcher's role, the kinds of names they have, but then there's this random Latin phrase in the middle of it all. Some stories reconcile this with the narrator explaining the story's been "translated" to the closest aproximation in our language, and others establish a history of the Roman empire, but there's no explanation here. (It's a little picky of me, I suppose, but I'm picky about my fantasy.)

I do love the intrigue of the piece and the quick fashion we got context/exposition for the piece (or how Glathenor's piece relates to this one). This is a very well-done piece of flash fiction. 

The Reluctant Dragon-keeper of Drabenvord 

The captain of the guard, Zaphim Klyndwr, watched silently as two figures moved through the shadows, one guiding the other by the arm. Glathenor the street shoemaker seemed to be in deep intrigue with Llandryff, the purblind dreamcatcher. The captain followed stealthily, determined to discover the content of their discourse.

“These troublesome visions have plagued me for several nights,” said Glathenor. “Consequently, I have sought your interpretation, Master Llandryff.”

The venerable dreamcatcher let out a murmur of contemplation. “Our primitive progenitors considered the spheres that were revealed to you in your vision to be thaumatoliths, magic stones, appearing mysteriously each Walden-tide under the waning gibbous moons in the sheltered cove east of Jelador, only to vanish a sennight later.

“It was Olbanir the Bowman that you envisaged as he spied the pelagic dragon Aesaphyl rise from her saltwater realm and deposit her precious eggs in the silvered sands. He drew a diamond-tipped arrow from his leathern quiver and fired it, piercing the creature’s heart.” A long, crackly sigh escaped the oneiromancer’s chest.

“King Staurbyx VI has decreed that what he calls 'the scourge of dragons' shall be cleared from the land. Aesaphyl’s brood will perish without intervention.”

On hearing these words, the eavesdropper stepped from his concealment and cried, “I, Zaphim Klyndwr, Captain of the Royal Guard, command you to halt!”

Llandryff seized the shoemaker by the elbow and whispered, “Carpe diem, Glathenor, eldest son of Ezzredir! You must journey to Jelador to recover these fosterlings and nurture them! I will delay the captain.”

“But I…”

“GO! GO!”

Glathenor ducked into the darkness, while Llandryff confronted the captain.

“Stand aside, old man!”

“I cannot do that if you mean harm to Aesaphyl’s offspring.” The dreamcatcher grasped the captain’s tunic, but received Klyndwr’s sword into his side.

Thank you all for your participation! Hope to see you next week!

Year 1, Week 2: Results!

It's that time! I'd like to thank all of you who participated in our second competition and all of our readers! Due to unforeseen circumstances, I, Rin, will be the only judge for today. On to the announcements!

Edit: Mars is alive, and she agreed with Rin's assessment beforehand (forgot to say so, though). She'll add her comments below. There was a slight miscommunication error (well, more like lack of communication) on Mars' part which probably caused Rin and Si to think she had fallen off the face of the planet. She will endeavor to not fall off the face of the planet. She apologizes profusely for the delay.

Honorable Mention

Geoff Holme's The Happiest Day of Your Life...

Rin: This one was simply fun. I liked the style of telling the events backwards in order that they happened in and ending at the bride's morning wake up was hilarious after seeing all the tragedy of the day. I could easily see these things happening and I laughed the whole way through; especially during the parts of the flaming veil, the poor guest falling into the grave, and the mourning mother in law.

Mars: Ah, another one from Geoff that makes me laugh out loud (this one was funnier than the last). It makes me a little horrified about my own wedding day (here are all teh reasons to elope, seriously). I noticed the time stamps right away and read from the bottom up the first time, then read it top to bottom. Every line was funny by itself. Really, really amusing. I also appreciated the twist on the prompt--instead of spectacularly awesome, they were spectacularly horrid. Well done.

First Runner Up

MTDecker's Independence

Rin: I liked how the characters feel very whole and fully formed in such a short amount of words. I also enjoyed seeing how the disabled main character was shown from a different perspective than how the disability is usually portrayed. I've tried to keep up with a deaf lady talking to me with ASL before and this was spot on about how difficult it was to keep up with her and how it can make you feel like the disabled one, even with knowing some of the signs.

Mars: I like having a peek into the deaf community, since it's not often something most writers approach (probably because the majority of writers are hearing people). I'd be the first to admit that I don't know much about the deaf culture, only that it's extremely different from hearing culture--that's kind of displayed with the SEE instead of ASL Max uses with the main character. Well done. 

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for--

Y1W1 Winner:

Steph Ellis!

with One Last Night

Rin: I loved the bleak tone and dystopian setting of this piece, it was unexpected and really drew me in to it. The story felt complete with nothing left off and nothing crowded in, the slower pace really complimenting the story and deepening to the feeling of it. Tragic, yet beautifully done, in both the vivid description and in the feeling of grim acceptance. I felt the ending was especially well done, giving me a mental picture of lights fading to dark at the close of a tragedy play.

Mars: Oh, the feels. The two lines at the end--'Whispered, "Goodnight." // Whispered, "Goodbye."' were like a punch to the proverbial gut. I could imagine being little Bobby, with his excitement and amazement over this wonderful, brilliant night, without knowing it was his last. I could also imagine being the father--resigned to be the last one alive, and having to pretend nothing was wrong for Bobby. The characters really came to life, is what I'm saying here. This was a very well-done dystopian piece.

The winning story!

The fireworks were spectacular. Rainbow colours scattered like confetti across velvet night. Explosions of gold glittered across the sky, casting even the brightest star into shadow.

“Why here, Dad?” asked Bobby, shivering despite the blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

“Because I wanted you to see something beautiful tonight.”

“Why couldn’t Mum come with us?”

Ray thought about Chloe lying cold and alone in the shelter. She had wanted Bobby to have this. One night of wonder and wishes. One last night.

Another explosion ripped through the darkness, timed to synchronise with the display so that Bobby wouldn’t notice.

Ray glanced at his watch. The detonators had gone off like clockwork. By now the compound would be ash. His wife, parents, friends, all ash. But the gas he had fed through the ventilation system had sent them to a peaceful end long before that destructive blast.

Contagion had wiped out other settlements and despite their own precautions, the plague had infiltrated the compound. When all hope was gone, the adults had voted for a quick end rather than face a long and lingering death.

Ray had volunteered to administer the last rites.

“What do you think so far?” he asked Bobby.

“Awesome, Dad. I just wish this night could last forever.”

“Here.”

“Wow, Coke?”

“Saved for a special occasion. A toast,” he said. “To a night that will last forever.”

They chinked their mugs together. Ray pretending to sip, watching

Bobby, making sure he had drunk every last drop. Then, as the boy’s eyes began to droop, laid him gently down, tucked the blanket even tighter around him.

Whispered, “Goodnight.”

Whispered, “Goodbye.”

Alone, he watched as the last of the fireworks fizzled out and the world returned to stillness. Then he finished his own drink and he too slept.

Congrats to the winners and thanks again for sharing your stories with us! We hope you'll join us again on Saturday!