Year 1, Week 28: Results!

In case y'all forgot, it's Mars judging again! I only had time for the two reviews this time around (though I did have a third picked out *shakes fist at clock*); I want to thank everyone who participated last Saturday--without you, there'd be no competition! 

(Hope you all got your fair share of chocolate from Cheap Chocolate Day on Monday, too!)

First Runner Up

The Red Fleece with Mother's Voice

I really love the tone of this piece--very creepy and well done. I can practically see the character rocking back and forth as s/he goes about their task. I was confused at first what Mother had to do with any of this, until I caught on that the main character calls the voice that, and I thought that really tied the piece together. With the repeating phrase, it feels disjointed, which added to the tone all the more. 

The only part that confused me (in a bad way) until I read it several times over was the fourth paragraph--when s/he tries to slam the door to drown the voice out. I couldn't figure out what 'it' was--the only 'it' in the last sentence could have been the door, since 'words' is plural. Sometimes, saying something even though it's repetitive can clear up a lot of confusion in your writing!

A little terrifying (for the counselor) cliffhanger there at the end! With the preceding sentences . . . well, it doesn't look like it's going to turn out well for the poor guy. Well done!

Y1W28 WINNER

Maggie Akhurst!

with Changing the World

Tara was certainly right when she said Finks' enthusiasm was infectious; I loved the character dynamics between these two. They remind me of a song from one of my favorite musicals (Santa Fe from Newsies, if you're curious), where the one character saying, "Imagine a place where it's better," and the picture painted is so beautiful that even if you don't believe it, you want to believe--and sometimes that's stronger than truly believing. (I like Finks.)

The world building was also excellent. I love the hints dropped throughout the piece--about this incident that happened long ago to make this post-apocalyptic world come about (The Roman God of Fire and Metalworking makes a lot more sense than an alien race from Star Trek, by the way; had to look that one up, haha), the Engineers (presumably the leaders or scientists of the city), the ash clouds and volcanic gases, the lack of sun and wind (do they even know what those are from anything but stories, one wonders?), and how power sources must be hard to obtain (and probably diminishing by the year, I'd guess, if you can't leave the city!). Certainly, I agree with Sara Codair--I'd read more of this. 

Changing the World

“Are you sure about that?” Tara asked, dubiously. She eyed the mechanism suspiciously. 

“You’re telling me that this machine will change the world. I find that hard to believe.”

Finks wiped the soot from his goggles and beamed at her. “Of course it will change the world!” he exclaimed. “This little beauty will let our ships fly!” 

“Flying ships? Really?” She shook her head. “The Engineers gave up on that idea years ago. It’s impossible. You need to accept that we are stuck in this city. There is no way out, Finks. The volcanic gases would kill you, not to mention the ash.” 

He bounced on the balls of his feet. “Tara, if we could get a ship to fly high enough, the gas wouldn’t be a problem. We could go out and explore, search for other surviving cities! We can’t be the only ones to have survived the Vulcan Fallout.” 

Tara bit her lip. What he was saying was ridiculous and impossible, but she also wished it could be true. 

“What if we could find a place that was unaffected by the fallout?” he whispered, eyes shining. “Imagine that, Tara! Imagine being able to see the sun again and feel the wind in your hair! There might even be grass!” 

His enthusiasm was damnably infectious. She could feel a smile breaking out. With a sigh, she relented. “Okay, Finks. Have it your way. What do you need me to do?” 

Flashing her a dazzling smile, he showed her an empty cavity in his machine. “I need you to steal a power source for me,” he said nonchalantly. 

She growled at him. “Why can’t you ever ask me for help with something legitimate?” 

“Because you’re so good at the illegitimate stuff.” He waved at her. “No time to waste!”

Congratulations!

See you all back here next Saturday! :D

Year 1, Week 18: Results!

Hey guys! Guess what's coming up in four days! That's right, it's FREAKIN' NANOWRIMO!

What's National Novel Writing Month, you say? Well. It's the perfect opportunity for any cracked flash writer to really go all out, particularly if you've never done it before. Ever wanted to write a novel? THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO DO IT. 50k in 30 days? It sounds insane, but--

We have fath in you. 

On this note, all of your judges are participating in NaNoWriMo, and CFFC is going on a hiatus until after November. 

You heard that right: There will be no CFFC competition from October 31st (Happy Halloween!) to December 5th. Instead of the regular competition, we'll just be running CFF! On the five Saturdays that we're taking hiatus from the norm, we'll post a five or so prompts to write from on the site. We want you to write and send us your stories to crackedflash@gmail.com from Saturday to Tuesday evening. OR, if you're participating in NaNoWriMo, send us excerpts of your stories (up to 300 words only, please)! Then we will post these stories and excerpts on the site in place of our usual judging (as long as they follow the rules) :D (We'll send reminders, like normal :) )

Now! Onto Week 18 results!

Honorable Mention

Red Fleece's Too Many Superheroes

Rin: This story made me laugh. The great classic of a superhero and supervillain, with a tone and setting to match! The bantering dialogue was light, amusing, and moved the story along at a good pace, which kept me distracted from wondering what the villain was doing and expecting the superhero to break loose and stop her. But then Bloodnok started counting down and everything did a 180 from light and amusing to dread. Because of all that set up, the twist at the end had an even greater impact and that last line was definitely my favorite. Nice job! 

Mars: Aw snap. I like this sentimental kind of story--I'm not big on super stories, but this does make me a little nostalgic as I consider Bloodnok's perspective on things. Once upon a time, there was Superman. Then came everyone else. Favorite line was, "Nice try. I won't fall for that again"--I laughed out loud (She fell for it ONCE already? XD Ah, classic villain mistake). The character dynamics are nice; the way Bluebottle and Bloodnok talk to each other definitely makes them feel like old friends. Or, well, enemies. Frenemies. I also wonder if the villains copyright their names? That would be amusing. Heh. 

First Runner Up

Steph Ellis' The Auction

Rin: I LOVED the descriptive details in this piece. I felt the anxious tension, like I was standing on that platform with them and it was easy to envision. The whole piece moved at a good, smooth pace and I enjoyed the touch of flipping the usual conspiracy theories out there of the government covering up alien existence, but with us as the 'alien lifeforms'. The fact that the aliens knew what humans called themselves brings to question whether they actually saw us merely as 'creatures' or if they acknowledged us as another sentient species and yet carved us up as delicacies anyway and gives this piece a perfectly creepy tone. My favorite line was 'As Fay’s eyes adjusted to the gloom, she began to make out the ghostly faces watching their progress, their hungry gaze sliding over the two as they passed by.' It gave me the shivers! That last line is fantastic, wrapping up the story perfectly!

Mars: Ooo, a dark one. That last line is a kicker as always--"In her head, Fay could already hear the knives being sharpened." The overall tone of the piece is reflected in that one, hopeless imagining. The suspense, and the visuals, leading up to it are exellent; my favorite bit was, "cutting them adrift in a black sea." It paints a stark picture. I was also amused by the whole 'there are no conspiracies here, people' bit; it's a nice reflection to what Earth would say about aliens. 

Y1W18 Winner!

Patrick Stahl

with Special

Rin: This story reminds me of some of the anime series I've adored. The interaction between the characters was sweet, had a good flow, and I like how they talk like kids would and not like adult engineers/geniuses, despite being mentally advanced. I like how the story is layered with the lighter tone of these two innocent kids and back-dropped by a sinister vibe of the unknown history of the scar. Makes me wonder what the purpose behind the experimentation was. Why did they start making kids special? What happened to the older people that were special? Would have liked to see a bit more description of their setting, so to get a better immersion into the story, but otherwise, this was great! 

Mars: I enjoy the idea behind this. It took me a moment at the end to realize what he meant by the people who used to be special--just old, learned people. It's also a sort of horrifying idea that the people of this world, or this future Earth, are willing to cut into children's heads to give them super intelligence. I thought it was an excellent choice to write this from the view point of children instead of wizened, possibly gritty, older people, since it gives it a very innocent tone that conflicts with the need to mutilate children for military purposes. I think the only thing that feels missing from this story is movement--there's not a lot of conflict, other than Laura's concern about not being special. Other than that, I liked how well this was written, and how it gives a lot of clues into the setting without actually coming out and stating it. 

Special 

“I thought that we were special,” said Laura, tugging on her big brother Nolan’s sleeve. 

Nolan mussed his sister’s hair. “We are. Why would you think we aren’t?” He picked Laura up and spun her around. 

She giggled, spreading her arms out like a fighter jet. “There’s another boy my age in my class. And he has the scar on his forehead too.” 

Nolan set Laura back on the ground and sat down. He patted the floor beside him. “We aren’t the only special ones, no. There are two others in my class and a few more in my school. But we are special.” 

“Everyone is special, when you put it that way,” said Laura. 

“Little sister, being special isn’t really about who you are, it’s about what you do. Not everyone does what we do, that is for sure.” 

“All I do is build prototypes for military sidearms. It’s not exactly difficult work.”
Nolan laughed. “Did mother ever tell you a story about when she was six years old, like you?” 

“A couple times. She had a lot of fun.” 

“Right. Most kids can’t do what you do, or at least they don’t.” 

“But you design aircraft carriers. That’s way bigger than what I make.” 

“I’m eight years older than you, little sis. When I was your age, I worked with knives.”
Laura smiled. “Nolan, why is your scar so much bigger than mine? Are you extra special?” 

Nolan shook his head. “I was one of the first children they tried to make special. They weren’t quite so good at it back then.” 

“Well what did they do before they made the special people?” Laura asked, her brow crinkled. 

“Oh, there have always been special people. They were just a little older and they didn’t have the scar.” 

See you on Saturday for five weeks of fun! Or Sunday, since Saturday is Halloween. Or Monday, since Sunday is the start of Nano. Anyways, WE'LL SEE YOU THEN :D

Year 1, Week 15: Results!

So, on the contest post for week 15, Si mentioned that I was legally intoxicated (maybe that's why she chose the "freaky photoshopped" picture theme . . .) . To clarify, I got my wisdom teeth out on Friday. Not fun, but I'm recovering well! 

Sadly, one of our judges has fallen wounded to another prey: a hideous, vile cold. So, I'll be your only judge today. Hope that doesn't damper anybody's excitement to hear the announcements! (Rin did help pick, though, so rest assured; it's not just craaazy Mars picking stories out at random.)

Honorable Mention

Steph Ellis' Oblivion

This one was a little too creepy for my tastes, but was excellently written and the intention is clear. The sentence structures are nicely varied; it makes this story flow very well, and the word choices gave the piece a tranquil, sadistic tone.

I think I've laid my finger on something: the piece is clean and well-written, but doesn't have much in the way of conflict. Karl's already been killed and it's just Emma contemplating her contentment. 

"It was contentment, not oblivion that claimed her and she wanted to remember every minute, every heartbeat, tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow," is a rather intriguing line; the repetition of 'tomorrow' gives a sense of eternal repetition, or even oblivious bliss. It rather summed up the piece in one line for me. 

First-Runner Up

Red Fleece's Campfire Stories

The tone of this story doesn't really come off as scary or as a horror until the last few lines (*cough* Rule Breaker (#2) *cough*)--a very well-executed "dun dun dunnnn" moment. My favorite phrase is, "Toby became a whisper," for some reason. It seems like it might be an error, but it really complements the rest of the piece for me--it feels to me like the most emotion-filled sentence. 

That's mainly what I felt was lacking: emotion. It feels disconnected from the characters--I don't have a personal connection to any of them. Shortening Sandra's 'ghost story,' or even having other kids ask questions in the middle, might fix that problem for me. 

I thought it was clever how light-hearted the story was to begin with--we've all been there, telling (really) lame ghost stories around the campfire (or flashlight), knowing that none of us are really scared. But then some jerk slams the kitchen drawer and freaks everyone out, which is how the last lines come off.  Overall, this was an enjoyable story.

Y1W15 WINNER!

MTDecker

with Conundrum

I really appreciate the shortness of this piece, first-off. I think it's the shortest that has been done so far in the competition. There's very little or no excess words, but it still gets the story across poignantly. 

My only true confusion is who's saying the last line. It seemed to me like Liam had disappeared, and she was left--so it might be his wife saying the line to herself?--or it could have been a time loop, and Liam was repeating it all over again. 

The piece evokes definitely invokes questions like, "What are they doing? Why are they doing it?" but the beauty of this is that the story still feels like a story without those questions answered. 

Conundrum 

“Don’t worry; you won’t remember anything by morning,” Liam assured his wife as he checked the survival suit and made sure she was secure. 

“But… if you fail…” 

“Then everything is the same, except I’m not here. The real problem is ‘if I fail- you’ll never know’.” 

When she frowned he winked. “Occam’s Paradox… the most likely is a false memory.” 

He drew a deep breath and stood, realizing he was delaying the inevitable. He pressed the button and sensed nothing. 

“Don't worry; you won't remember by morning…”

We might have to ban you from winning,
too, Decker. XD

Can't wait to see you all next week! :D