Year 1, Week 22: Results!

Oh my goodness. There were so many good entries this week that it was hard to chose! Seriously, the struggle has been real.

Also, if you have not seen the new Star Wars movie, DO IT! Or don't. Whatever. 

*Rin slips away into the dark sid- shadows*

Anywho... back to the reviews!

Honorable Mention

This week, we have a tie between two great contestants, Patrick Stahl with Safe Flight and Firdaus with The Test!

Si: (Safe Flight) I really liked the whole situation in this story. The conflict—is the auto pilot plane really safe? Can Stronson really trust Yi's assurances of safety? I like how we're oriented in the story world pretty much immediately. The dialogue provides basically all the details to the reader, but does so as part of the discussion which we're also involved in—very effective! I like how we get a taste of their personalities through this brief encounter—bluff, hearty Admiral Yi, cautious and skeptical Major Stronson. The humor amused me, especially the last line--”Major Stronson saluted Admiral Yi and coaxed his body into the Sparrowhawk’s coffin—or cockpit, as the Air Force insisted it be called—and prayed that it wouldn’t become his casket today or any day soon.” I also like the hint of a very different world that we get from the brief farewell: “On behalf of the thirty-eight remaining states of America...” I would have liked to see more details from the story world in the piece—who are they fighting? Why? Why 38 remaining states? Overall, a very cleanly written piece with good character interactions. Well done!

(The Test) The characters in this story are very likable and fun, I enjoyed the childish situation (though really, it's quite a serious one—runaway kid and mysterious girl sitting on working railroad tracks, then recklessly jumping into a big river … ). The writing and interactions between the characters make it seem exhilarating, as the main character surely sees it. This interaction is particularly well done: “"Good," she grinned, "because I can't."”I liked the way the main character's history is slipped into the story. The moments after the main character hits the water are also very well written: “I couldn't be bothered to catch any, I was struggling to stay afloat. She was bobbing at a little distance. I needed to get to her.” High tension and very immediate action. One thing I wanted while reading this story was more details about the characters and their setting—I'm not entirely sure how old both characters are, and there aren't any clues to this “Test” that the main character undergoes (test for what? Why is the main character being tested? Who is she and why is she testing MC?). Intriguing story and great writing!

Rin: (Safe Flight) This was a fun story! It was reminiscent of something you’d seen in an episode of an older military comedy show, like M.A.S.H. or the like, which I enjoyed. I immediately liked Major Stronson’s personality and booed Admiral Yi’s lack of concern for the safety of his pilots. They played well off each other, the protag and antag clearly obvious. The story had a great balance of tension and comedy relief. The idea of a vest warbling angrily made me crack up. That last sentence was a perfectly amusing wrap up and my favorite of them. Well done!

(The Test) I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Behind the first, lighthearted impression of the boy trying to impress the girl, is the harsher reality of their homeless/runaway situation, giving it a warm, but gritty tone. The pace of the story kept moving right along and I liked the dialogue in this; short, with good flow, and realistic, lending their speakers distinctiveness. Like Si, I also wish that there were more explained behind the significance of the test, but overall thought this a good piece flash fiction. Nice job!

First Runner Up

David Novak with Safe

Si: First off, interesting choice of POV here! Though we're seeing things from first person, the frequent use of “you” is an unusual choice but it works here. It draws in the reader to immediately be involved with the story, especially with the accusatory tone. I liked the way “safe” is played with in the story here—we hear both character's views, but we also see them, in their manner of speech. I like how we aren't given the whole picture, only pieces to figure out what their relationship is, and what happened. I loved the ending—great imagery with “Every word you ever said, you swung as hard as you could. You made sure to shatter something. To leave an impact. Nothing was ever safe with you.” and the main character's somewhat frightening conclusion “Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing after all.” Something I would change would be around this line: “And I left behind all those unspoken words in favor of the safe ones.”, I don't think it is necessary to explicitly say “safe words” or “safe ones,” I think it would be better to leave it as implied as the reader has clues already from the previous exchange that the MC is very safe in their choice of words. This is a story whose word choice makes it very in-your-face, very dynamic and real. The balance of descriptive imagery and tension is well done. Great story!

Rin: I’m personally not one for first person povs or audience characters, but this was an exception. I really like all the metaphorical imagery in this one and the tension that was built off the parent-child relationship between them. Both feel fully developed and distinguishable from one another, realistic. My favorite line was ‘Like you could swing a sledgehammer and be fine with the foundation and the walls and the roof just crumbling all around you.’ I could just see it in my mind. How the thoughts of the parent character change toward the child character at the end made for a nice bit of development and a well-done wrap up. Good job!

Y1W22 WINNER!

Molly Morrow

with Safe Harbor

Si: I think what I liked most about this story was the narrator's voice and personality shining through, even though they talk more about Delia than themselves. Delia is definitely a living character in this story: crazy and passionate and a bit creepy. Both the narrator and Delia feel very alive. I liked the first person POV, and the little snippets of life and description we get—leaving the imagination to fill in the details, to infer the personality guiding Delia's actions. My favorite line was the last one: “She cups a hand to my ear and says she’ll never have kids, she’ll never get old – she’ll just roam the country like Odysseus after the storm. ” Beautiful! One thing I would look out for is some tense changes which were a little confusing—I'm not sure if they were intentional or not. “You’re sick I said. I would think Child Protective Services is on speed dial at this point. But it’s not my place.” (I said, I would think, it's/it is). I love the progression of the piece and the ordering of the little snippets of life. Starting out with something worrisome about her personality, then shifting to her wild aliveness, then back to a snippet of her past that contrasts with the first one—she'll never have kids. The writing is very expressive. Beautiful piece!

Rin: Wow, just wow. This story set me on edge right from the start! The tension is palpable and the pov character’s nostalgia for the better days gives it an melancholy tone. The two siblings feel well developed and are clearly distinct, the calm, stable pov character and Delia, a free soul made twisted by her mental instability. There’s lots of good descriptive bits and it makes it easy to remember along with the pov character. My favorite line of it was definitely ‘Before there was any shadow over our lives, before we had any feeling of danger, any run-in with a stranger to make the hair stand up on the back of our necks.’ I love how it gives the sense that the story has a lot of back story under its surface. Gives it a weightier feel and makes me wish that I knew what it was. Excellent story!

Safe Harbor

I’m not sure we have the same definition of ‘safe.’ Delia once held her baby boy over the railing of the Bremerton ferry and giggled hysterically before I scooped him back into my arms and held him inside of my coat for the rest of the ride. She said it made her dizzy, knowing she could drop the kid. Just knowing she had that power made her giddy. You’re sick I said. I would think Child Protective Services is on speed dial at this point. But it’s not my place. Nights when it rains and I’m alone in bed I close my eyes and see Delia running through the field behind our house in a spring-time monsoon, running like when we were kids. Before there was any shadow over our lives, before we had any feeling of danger, any run-in with a stranger to make the hair stand up on the back of our necks. I see her running with her hands outstretched like airplane wings, cutting through the braided grass. The rain comes down hard and the garden shed looks like it will fall over into the bay. We lock ourselves in and feel the thunder through the slatted boards and see the lightning like a flash from an old camera. Her face is bizarre and warped in the light, giggling in that same hysterical way, that same giddy dizzy way. She cups a hand to my ear and says she’ll never have kids, she’ll never get old – she’ll just roam the country like Odysseus after the storm.

Excellent writing all. We hope you join us again next week!

Year 1, Week 19: Results!

WINNERS ARE COMING

Si refuses to apologize for that, BTW.

We thank you all for participating and making CFFC's return most glorious! Y'all are awesome, and your flash fics are too.

(And WHO DID NANO? We all attempted (and got WORDS!) and a good time was had by all because CRAZY MONTH OF WRITING INSANITY.)

Without further ado, WINNERS!

Honorable Mention

Ares Tomb by Trisscar368 

Si: I was amused by the role "old Earth tropes" played in this story. I really liked the setting and the mission--treasure hunters in a scifi future! Good relationship between the characters, the dialogue shows us how they interact very well. One thing I would change was the paragraph here: "They almost died a dozen times, and when at last the great treasure vault spread in front of them", I feel that their journey could make more of an impact on the reader if some words were spent to describe it and show us how difficult it was. I liked the ending, which was a bit of a surprise--we're expecting them to be after gold and riches, but the mission of ruling the world makes it suddenly much more interesting--what will they do? Why do they want to rule the world? And will they be good rulers, or have we just witnessed the rise of the NEW Martian Overlords? Well done!

Rin: The tone of this story set it off right from the get go, making me feel like I was walking in on an Indiana Jones story and their was just enough description of the setting to give me a good image without bogging it down. The dialogue flowed naturally and the characters played off each other well, the reckless, excitable Sam and the calmer, rational Neal. However, I do agree with Si that their struggle to get through the tomb was too down played. A bit of showing there really could have spiced it up, but all in all it was a good, enjoyable story. Nice job!

First Runner Up 

Not According to Plan by Carin Marais

Si: Woohoo, well done on the dialogue! I enjoyed the humorous lines and the way each brief sentence built up the picture of the characters' predicament. Love how we have a clear personality for each character, though we know very little about them. Interspersing necessary information--why are they in the dungeon?--with humor excellently delivers what the reader needs to know, but in a way that never makes it feel like we're being "told". One suggestion I have would be to end the story at the second-to-last line, which is more memorable than the last line and keeps us guessing what their fate will be. The twist at the end is hilarious and original--thanks to the joking beforehand, we expect a very different ending despite KNOWING it's a cliche for the princess to swoop down and save the poor prisoners just in time. Great job!

Rin: This had me laughing all through out with all the fun banter between the two characters and I liked the auditory descriptors, which were short and sweet, but kept me feeling 'in story' and able to envision the setting despite most of it being dialogue. The characters were fun and even though we never learned their names, they felt very distinct and done well. My biggest regret with this one is not being able to find out just what happened with the king's cousin. There were tons of good lines in this one, but my favorite line was 'They heard the footsteps pass their cell and stop at another.' It was a great twist after the nicely placed misdirection. I had been sure that someone was going to rescue them, but I couldn't help but laugh at their misfortune. I think Si's right in that the second to the last line would have been a more memorable ending, but I still hope that it did come back for them. Thanks for a good laugh!

Y1W19 Winner!

Steph Ellis

with Liar's Skin 

Si: I love how the backstory to this piece is told in bits and pieces, and most of all reactions. We don't need to be told Alison has something up her sleeve--we see it in her movements and emotions. Creepy and high tension all the way through! I felt this was heightened by the reader knowing a secret Tanya doesn't, but we still don't know the WHOLE secret until the very end. One slight confusion: "Nor did she know that Alison and Robert were partners in more ways than one." make me think that Robert and Alison are working together to trap Tanya, but at the end we find both Tanya and Robert are the victims. Some EXCELLENT lines in this story: the evocative "a smile that grew into a shadow-cloaked grin", the ominous "Shall I carve?". Great setting of the scene when they finally reach the dungeon--we're dying to know what's inside, but the suspense is drawn out by the description first of the innocent parts of the room, then of the more sinister. A lot is said in very little--great use of words and excellent story!

Rin: Fantastic bit of flash fiction here. I LOVED the description in this! There were so many good lines and they made the setting so vivid and easy to envision that I felt like I was right there in the story. 'Alison smiled to herself, a smile that grew into a shadow-cloaked grin.' was a great line, because it set the tone for the story and gives a taste that something is up. Tanya's clueless dialogue combined with Alison's hidden reactions and cloaked responses amped up the the tension nicely and I liked the bit of foreshadowing in the brief mention that Alison found comfort in the familiarity of the place. My favorite line was 'Soft music and flickering candles welcomed them, the flames picking out steel blades and heavy chains, the ceiling glittering with these reflected fireflies.' because it's a simultaneously creepy and beautiful mental image. The ending was very well done, perfectly wrapped up in that shiver-inducing last bit of dialogue!

Liar's Skin

“I told you he had a dungeon. But you wouldn’t believe me, would you,” said Tanya.

Alison smiled to herself, a smile that grew into a shadow-cloaked grin. “Let’s go back,” she whispered, lacing her words with fear, suppressing her loathing.

“You’re scared!” sneered Tanya, moving towards the mildewed door.

Alison choked back her anger, managed a suitably pathetic whimper. She followed Tanya along the subterranean passage, drawing comfort from the familiar chill of centuries-thick stone.

“Tanya … are … are you sure you want to go on,” she said. “He might be in there, waiting.”

“How can he?” said Tanya. “He’s gone, moved on the police say.”

Alison smiled. That was true. She moved closer to the woman. Smelt the cloying perfume that had scented Robert’s clothes on too many occasions and beneath that the stench of her liar’s skin.

Tanya had no idea that the monster reputed to have inhabited this realm was the man she had attempted to steal from Alison. Nor did she know that Alison and Robert were partners in more ways than one.

“Ready?” said Tanya. She grasped the handle and pushed hard. The door swung open.

Soft music and flickering candles welcomed them, the flames picking out steel blades and heavy chains, the ceiling glittering with these reflected fireflies.

In the centre, an old oak table had been set for two. One guest was already seated. He did not acknowledge the new arrivals; merely continued to look glassily at his half-drunk wine.

“What …”

Alison pushed Tanya into the empty chair before she even finished her question, bound her as tightly as she had her unfaithful Robert. Then she picked up the knife and turned to Tanya, traced its tip round her throat, down to her breast.

“Shall I carve?” she asked.  

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 13

IT'S SO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE

Welcome to the fourth month of CFFC! We're excited to still be up and running and gaining awareness in the flash-fiction community, and we love all the AWESOME people that have been submitting stories.

We can't wait to read your story!

Edit: I TOTALLY MISSED THAT TODAY IS TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY. Have another photo. 

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Rin and Si

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (You also do not have to include the photo prompt(s). They just amuse us.)

YOUR PROMPT:

"Take a step back and look."

That is not happy for somebody's house.

Go go go!

Year 1, Week 9: Results!

This is totally relevant. "I wish it would stop." The astronaut says. See? SEE?

This is totally relevant. "I wish it would stop." The astronaut says. See? SEE?

THANK YOU ALL for participating in this most excellent CFFC #9! Unlike the astronaut, the last thing we want is for this amazing trend of participation to stop ((Very smooth Si.)). Y'all are awesome and we are super happy to be judging a competition with actual entries that we didn't write (optimist, that's me!).

And now, with no further hilarious and distracting memes, let us continue to THE AWARDS OF DOOM.

Honorable Mention

David Jacob Uitvlugt's Torture

Si: Ha! Great twist! Love the way the story leads readers done one particular path (WHAT IS SON DOING?!), the way the truth isn’t revealed until the verrrry last line, the natural dialogue between the parents. Some of the lines exchanged are particularly great: “Healthy? I wouldn’t call anything he’s doing back there healthy.”, “Sometimes you like those strange urges.” I would have liked a bit more tension as the piece progressed, as for such a short writing form, the conversation is a bit drawn out. Poor George! This is a great, funny, light piece. Great story!

Rin: I have to admit, I was worried where you were going with this, given what it sounded like you were suggesting the boy was up to, but that last line had me laughing. It was a good twist, but I do warn(any participant) against suggestive phrasing in the future as that is something that at least 2 of our 3 judges dislike seeing in an entry. However, the dialogue was amusing, capturing the feel of a married couple's light banter well, and I liked the characters, especially George. My favorite bit is '“Healthy? I wouldn’t call anything he’s doing back there healthy.”' because now that I know what he's complaining about in context, I have to feel for him, having listened to not-so-good young musicians play myself. Those guitars can be painful in the hands of an inexperienced player. All around, it was a fun story.

First-Runner Up

Steph Ellis' Siren Song

Si: Beautiful, haunting piece. I love the way it starts with the siren--foreshadowing, but not so much that we know what’s coming. Bit by bit the setting gets revealed--which I understand as the landing of one of the atom bombs on Japan, based on the clues in the story, though it could also be a futuristic setting. The twist where the orange glow appears--sunlight, Chiyoko thinks, and then becomes something much worse--is very well done. The ending. The juxtaposition of the man in the plane and the destruction below is very poignant. The part with Little Boy is a bit confusing, I’m not entirely sure what’s happening--I did like the phrasing “whispered Little Boy sadly as he sent forth his killing wind. ” a lot. Well done!

Rin: This story pulls you right in with thick with good description, tension, and a feeling of inevitable doom just around the corner. I loved the nudges to history contained in it, but I agree with Si that the 'Little Boy' part was a bit confusing. Who was Little Boy? The bomb? The pilot? My favorite line was 'She was already running from this world to the next even as she scrambled back into the shelter, hurtling down steps that dissolved with every movement, carrying her terror and innocence with her.' because it paints a clear image in my mind of what she was experiencing and was a beautiful bit of description. The last paragraph probably shouldn't have begun with 'And', grammatically speaking, but aside from that, it wrapped up the story neatly, giving a feel of desolation and weightiness. Great job!

And, without further ado, the moment you've all been waiting for--

Y1W9 Winner!

Alana Dill

with The Siege

Si: Yes! I love the tension and the immediate start to the story. No info-dump, no explanation, but it’s not needed, we jump RIGHT into the action. I like the desperation in the characters (excellently shown by “Can you climb up to the roof? Write 'HELP' on it with kindling sticks?”. Great dialogue! Excellent tension for such a short piece. I love the idea of animals suddenly going crazy/attacking humans for seemingly no reason. I want to know more about this situation--is this an animal zombie apocalypse? Have the animals just had enough? Are they fleeing from something worse? I WANT TO KNOW. Awesome, fun, and fast-paced story!

Rin: I loved the description in this piece. My favorite line was 'They'd awoken to sudden, deep snow. A last few leaves had fallen atop the drifts, leaving red-orange puddles on the white forest floor, like too-fresh blood.' A great piece of imagery! The pace was swift and kept the story moving along smoothly. I enjoyed the way that this has been broken up like chapters, giving it a more 'full story' feel. The only thing that I would have suggested to change is the line 'Jeb sighed. “They're already hibernating,” and sat up dizzily. “Any food left?”' because it is grammatically incorrect. The first bit of dialogue should have ended with a period and the next sentence started with 'He' or the comma stays and be followed by 'he said,…'. Aside from that, it was a great story!

The Seige

“I hate it. I wish it would stop.” Sarah watched through a chink in the second-floor shutters. They'd barricaded the stairs. “Goats climb, right?”

On the bed, her guide, Jeb, opened his eyes with effort. Smeared blood had glued his lashes together. “Yeah.” The deer attack had left him woozy and weak.

“We're surrounded. Deer, raccoons... a wolverine?” She wondered if they could climb the cabin's exterior walls.

“They can't climb up to the second story.”

“Bears can.”

Jeb sighed. “They're already hibernating,” and sat up dizzily. “Any food left?”

“Just a SlimJim and a banana.” She turned to him. “How are we gonna get out of this alive?”

“Someone will come looking,” he said. Both doubted that.

•••

They'd awoken to sudden, deep snow. A last few leaves had fallen atop the drifts, leaving red-orange puddles on the white forest floor, like too-fresh blood.

He'd opened the SUV's hood to find an incinerated raccoon. It had chewed through the battery cable.

The animals had chased them back inside.

•••

He said, “I shouldn't have left the buck strapped to the roof overnight.”

“This isn't normal animal behavior.”

“Nope.”

In the distance, coyotes squealed, drawing closer.

She shivered, “What are we gonna do?”

“Can you climb up to the roof? Write 'HELP' on it with kindling sticks?”

“The roof.”

“Yeah. Maybe a passing small plane or helicopter...”

“We're miles from nowhere and there's another storm coming in.”

“So hurry.” 

___

Sarah climbed out the window onto the porch roof, then climbed up on to the main roof. Jeb handed sticks up to her. She was halfway through E when a distant rushing sound caught her ear. The black tree branches swayed at their tips, swarming from every direction, a furry, terrifying rumor approaching all around them.

She screamed.

Squirrels.

Amazing stories all! Be sure to tune in next time for another EPIC round of CFFC!

Who knows what strange youtube video (has Mars shown you guys Yeah Toast! yet? DON'T REMIND HER.) or highly amusing meme will pop up next? Tune in on Saturday to find out! Until then...

*Si and Rin are snatched away, screaming, as Flavio the Death Moth darts in from overhead*

*in the distance, an insane moth flies into the sunset*

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 9

So, here we are again. It's always such a pleasure. Remember how you tried to kill me--that's the wrong song. 

Space Unicorn, soaring through the--

No, that's not it.

Well, what do you want of me?

A writer. 

We need a writer? 

We're holding out for a writer 'til the end of the night!

You heard the alternate-ego. Are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your--*shot*

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Rin and Si

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:

"I hate it. I wish it would stop."

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 5

Welcome to the second month of Cracked Flash! (Well, I suppose, technically the third, since the very first challenge was in June, BUT NUANCES.) 

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Rin and Si (Mars is gone to Canada)

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:

"Well, this just got awkward."
"There's a corpse on the floor. Of course it got awkward."

Year 1, Week 3: Results!

Thanks to everyone for participating in our THIRD WEEK of Cracked Flash Fiction! You guys are talented writers and we're having a lot of fun reading your stories. So excited that we had 7 entries this time!

Somehow, despite THIS distraction, we managed to judge in time. Okay, mostly Si being distracted. SPACE!

Without further ado ...

Honorable Mention

realmommaramblings' Shattered

Si: I really enjoyed the evocative and descriptive writing style in this story--there's a distinct feel of regret and past mistakes that is shown very effectively in that first paragraph, before it's stated that this is what the character feels. I especially loved the line "Skin grew over the wound, tears sealing her flesh, leaving a scar, a reminder of what she could have had." The hints of a disastrous spell or decision--something tragic that had passed, that the main character must move on from--very well done. The memories gives me just enough hints to want to know what the story was--what had happened. Loved the way the porcelain heart is used as a focus and a metaphor for the character.

Rin: The feeling of grief and regret in this is powerful and well written. I liked the imagery of a heart as a lump of coal, but my favorite line was 'Among the shards broken memories lay, forgotten moments tucked away in the deepest hollows.' It has a beautiful sound to it. I also liked the line of sweeping pieces of herself under a carpet and crushing them. It felt familiar, we've all had moments that we wish we'd have lived in more or paid attention to in hindsight. The spell book was a curiosity, I wondered if it were like some magical looking glass or if she had used it for some horrible thing that caused her situation. I would have liked to know more about her story, it sounds like an interesting one.

First Runner Up

Mtdecker's For Tomorrow We Shall Surely Die

Si: Great take on the prompt, I loved the dynamic nature of the story, the argument between the characters! The Reader absolutely feels the desperation of the characters, the way that hope is nearly lost but Calia knows that they cannot stop fighting--for something worse will come. The power has to be stopped NOW. The dialogue was great for a story so short--we get so much information about the situation, but it's delivered in a way that makes us want to keep reading and find out more. I LOVED the last line of this story--absolutely masterful. "... we shall fall, but we will be the stones that start the avalanche."--Beautiful! Really wonderful image.

Rin: A great story! I could easily imagine myself walking with Calia straight into battle. I could feel the weight of the oppressive situation and the strength of determined defiance in the main character as she marches toward a battle she's likely to lose. I liked how the impossible situation was told from two points of view, her for the uprising and his for staying subservient in order to protect the village. Like Si, I loved that last line, it was fantastic!

Y1W3 Winner:

A V Laidlaw!

with Mouse 

Si: This story was AMAZING! I have to really congratulate you on the incredible writing that you've shown here. The tension is maintained throughout the entire tale without any slips or slow points--very well done. I loved the repetition of the character reminding herself to be small and hide. Using only brief description, the story paints a clear and living picture of the situation at hand. The reader is absolutely watching right beside the character for what the intruders will do. There are several excellent lines in this story--I especially liked "She would say a prayer, one of the prayers she heard at school, but she is afraid that God might hear her, that her guilt might call attention to herself." The ending is perfect--not drawn out, surprising, and well timed. Excellent writing!

Rin: I loved this one, it kept me reading with bated breath to see what was going to happen to her! It did a great job of including the prompt into the story and the imagery in this piece was beautiful, perfectly evocative. The setting was wonderfully spooky and I could easily 'see' the burned wallpaper, feel the heat of the wall, and smell the sulfur. The pace was smooth and natural, and the ending was awesome! I was taken off guard by her actually turning into a mouse! Wasn't expecting that. Great job!

The winning story!

Mouse

A crunch from broken glass underfoot warns her.

She is not alone.

She squeezes into the corner of the room, pulls her knees up against her chest and wraps her arms around herself. The wall is hot against her back, burning through her thin cotton dress. The room is dark except for the patch of dull streetlight through the broken window.

Something flickers in the window frame. The glass crunches again under heavy boots.

Become small. Become a mouse that hides away in the darkest corners. She holds her breath.

The darkness falls silent.

She breathes out.

A torch flashes in the window. Its beam trailed across the far wall, tracing over the scorch marks and the burnt wallpaper.

She never meant that to happen. She would say a prayer, one of the prayers she heard at school, but she is afraid that God might hear her, that her guilt might call attention to herself. Her mouth is dry and she tries to gulp but the air is stuck in her throat. She closes her eyes. Her body shivers no matter how tightly she squeezes herself. Become small.

A man’s voice. “An explosion.”

A second man. “Gas or the other?”

“Smells like sulphur. Better call the Witchfinder’s Office.”

“They won’t be happy if it’s gas.”

She opens her opens, only partly, as if the distorted view means this is not really happening. The torch lies on the windowsill. Behind it, against the redness of the streetlights, a shadow looms and fills the window.

Become small so they cannot see you.

The shadow pushes through the window and takes the torch. It swings the torch light around the room, the light falling on her, blinding her.

“Hell.”

“What?”

“Nothing, a mouse.”

The mouse scurries away, into the darkest corner.

Congrats to all our winners, and we'll see you this Saturday! In the meantime go look at ALL THE AWESOME NEW HORIZONS PICS!

(Si may be excited about this)

(just a little)

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 3

I have to admit: we three were probably less than optimistic about making it this far. We want to thank Steph Ellis, Geoff Holmes, and MT Decker for their continual support and participation. We hope to see even more people for round three of the CFFC! 

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Rin and Si

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

YOUR PROMPT:

The crunch of broken glass underfoot was her only warning that she wasn't alone.