Year 2, Week 11: Results!

Reviews are gonna be a little shorter today than last week, since I'm having trouble focusing on anything (I also forgot until 6 pm that this was happening today, but shhhh)! Be sure to get enough sleep, guys. It sucks not to. 

^Accurate^

^We're trying to avoid this scenario^

First Runner Up

Daisy Warwick with Morale

This piece made me angry (in a good way). Sam's managing is something most of us have encountered at one point or another (especially women, really), and it's really difficult to not punch people like that in the face. He came through to me as a strongly unlikeable character. 

I felt like the build up to the end didn't pay off very well; we aren't aware until that last line that Sam might be romantically interested in Libby (if that indeed is what is happening (and for how misogynist he sounds earlier, it's suprising)). If there had just been a line or two earlier specifically foreshadowing this event (Sam calling them by name, but getting Libby's wrong, and/or being more soft on Libby than he is with Rachel), then the ending wouldn't have been so abrupt and jarring. 

The building blocks for Libby and Rachel's characterization are in place and solid, so it was easy to get a feel for each of them; though they could be a little more nuanced, I appreciated the dynamic of the three characters in this piece. Good job!

Y2W11 WINNER:

Emma Rapp!

with Hiding

Sometimes, a little bit of adorableness is just what the doctor ordered; I find myself smiling every time I reread this piece. Its happy tone and realistic set-up feels like a little slice out of reality (looks like I'm on a slice-of-life kick tonight) jumped straight onto the page, though it's not a particularly enthralling piece conflict and plot wise. Though I don't have any kids of my own, I've been right where this dad is with other people's kids (babysitting sure is exciting, innit?), so this piece was very relatable to me. The characterization was also pretty spot on, which is probably why this won a place in my heart--her glee at the game and fun, and his 'siiigh; we're going to be at this all day' attitude. Great job here!

Hiding 

"This isn't what I meant by invisible." I thought as I walked outside to see my daughter dressed in camouflage attire. She was standing up against a tree holding her breath so as not to move an inch from the place she chose to blend into. I'm assuming she had rosy cheeks from the lack of oxygen. If there wasn't black and green marker smeared across her face I might have been able to see her scarlet complexion.  

"I wonder where she's hiding?" I shouted while pacing the backyard. She snickered but didn't reveal herself. 

"Is she behind the tree?" I asked to no one in particular as I walked past her and around the trunk of the tree. The master of disguise again stayed motionless. 

"Maybe she's under the porch?" I walked over to the porch and bent over. 

"Oh no!" I yelled as she jumped on my back, knocking me to the ground. 

"You didn't find me," she said with a smile on her face. "I get to hide again!" She screamed at me pushing me inside to count, thus starting the monotonous routine that would be the rest of my day.

Thank you all for your participation! Hope to see you this Saturday! (We may have a guest judge this coming week; stay tuned!)

I have a theme tonight

Year 1, Week 41: Results!

Honorable Mention

Sara Codair's Dragon's Bane

Ah, classic hunter becomes prey! This is certainly an unexpected role reversal--a cat ending up murderizing a dragon. This short piece is packed with a lot of questions and not too many answers; a line or two of context on how this situation came about for the unfortunate dragon would go a long way. The image here, however, is very poignant and reminds everyone that the cat is not to be trifled with. 

First Runner Up

Daisy Warwick's How to Tranquilize a Dragon

It's really nice here that the dragon is not impervious to leading to its own demise--a welcome turn from dragons being traditionally killed by humans (sucks for him that dragons are able to be affected adversely by fire in this story!). I also wonder what else the dragon has been doing in these last one hundred years other than terrorizing--it seems awfully foolish to burn down something that has properties you have no idea about!

I really like the writing of this piece--it's very fluid and steady, consistent until the end where there's the reveal to what's going on. The pacing is nice, and the internal beffudlement is done well. 

Y1W41 Winner

Ronel Janse van Vuuren

with Dragon Flight

I enjoy the thought of mythical species all getting together to play games, and it intrigues me as to how the rules of these games work. Do they dictate who gets to rule over the humans until the next while? Who can win what prizes? How did this gaming tradition come about, with different species and everything? It's definitely a brilliant spectacle to imagine this all in my head. 

I like the formatting of the piece--the relatively short paragraphs with even shorter lines to punctuate the action. The line that bothered me the most out of this piece, however, was "And then..." The punctuation here seems incongruous with the action of the story; an ellipse (...) indicates a pause or hesitation. Here, an em-dash (--) seems more appropriate for a more "jarring" sensation. (I have a thing about punctuation >.>) 

The ending line amused me; it reminds me fondly of a game I like to play (Choice of the Dragon). The way this piece is written has a light-hearted tone to it, which is apt for the game. Good job!

(P.S. Your name is fun to type)

Dragon Flight 

The dragon was too slow. The wyvern had already intercepted the flaming pearl and was heading to the goal post. If the blue team won again, he wasn’t going to hear the end of it. Flapping for all he’s worth, he raced after the wyvern. 

Down below, the crowd was roaring and blasting illegal flames toward the players. The phoenix on the dragon’s team took a quick fire-bath to rid himself of parasites. The dragon closed his eyes briefly as the amphithere laughed so hard that he shook from his feathery frill to his sparkling goldish tail. The Asian Lung hadn’t closed its eyes and was momentarily blinded by his teammate’s glitter. 

The dragon swerved. As captain of his team, it seemed that everyone else had it out for him. Especially the fire-crazy crowd. Another fireball barely missed him and crashed into the wyvern; who dropped the flaming pearl. The dragon swooped down, caught it and flew back towards the opposite goal post. 

This was it. 

The crowd cheered and jeered. His team protected him against fireballs and opponents. Dragons crashed to the ground. The flaming pearl was burning his paw. 

And then… 

Score! 

The crowd went wild. The Lung fell out of the air in shock. The phoenix flashed through all the fireballs and caught fire. 

And the dragon finally prevailed. As team captain he won the pearl. And he finally acquired his fire. Now he could be a real dragon: he could have a lair, treasure and terrified humans.

 Congratulations, winners!

Thank you all who participated!

(Mars promises to be more punctual and on-top of the game next time, now that she's mostly moved into her new home!) 

See you next Saturday for a round with Si!

Year 1, Week 39: Results!

I regret nothing.

Mars apologizes for her tardiness in beginning to write the reviews (working two jobs seems to suck the time out of everything (and she's gonna move from her parent's house to her aunt's house (which is really only about 15 minutes away, but packing is still a thing))). 

She thanks you all for participating last Saturday (and putting up with varying schedules)! (As to any questions as to why there's only one judge this week: Rin might not be joining us as a judge again, so Si and Mars will alternate weeks).

And, without further ado, here are your results for Y1W39! 

Honorable Mention

Sara Codair's Deceit in the Dark

The rivalry here between pixies and vampires intrigues me and raises a number of questions: Why does the rivalry exist? Are they all out to murder one another? Are vampires or pixies evil in this story? It's a nice little hook (and the eyebrow raise amuses me). The use of the prompt in this piece fell a little flat for me; I keep re-reading the story and not understanding how the first few lines fit into the story; I feel like it begins as Victoria hisses. I do like the character emotions here, however (the pixie being all elfin and fantastical and Victoria just being shocked at being murdered and falling to pieces (can you imagine that? Terrifying)). Good job!

First Runner Up

Daisy Warwick's Needs Must

I've been there. Those days where I forgot to eat breakfast and forgot to pack a lunch. Soon enough, the only thing I can think about is food (and the rumbling stomach doesn't help), and it's impossible to not fixate on the thought or mention of food. I can sympathize with the vampire in this piece (though I probably would give a second thought about nomming a human . . . ), and I was amused by the main character's nonchalant demeanor. I wondered why s/he couldn't find a graveyard shift job, since it seems like that would be perfect kind of job for a vampire (work during the night, sleep during the day?) and hardly anyone wants to work that shift. I like the image I get of Edward Banks; I'm actually a little sad he got nommed because he seemed like an okay guy. Nice work.

Y1W39 WINNER!

Timothy Davis

with The Orchard

So, usually when I read the pieces, the title is the last thing I look at (if I do look at them, oops). I was pleasantly surprised to find that the title of this piece is "The Orchard", since my favorite line of the piece seems to be exactly what the title was referencing: "The bottles were beginning to form a row like an orchard of brown glass." The imagery here is very sharp and I get a feeling of dusty light filtering into this crapsack of a room and over this depressed man, hitting the glass and throwing pale brown, glass shadows everywhere. It's a very sentimental line for a very sentimental piece. 

I, too, wonder where Sally is, and what happened to make them divorce. The bittersweet reflection on the past tugs at the heartstrings, but also instills a deep curiosity for what occurred in between then and now to have brought Jared to this low point in his life. From the last uttered line, "What have I done?" the reader might infer that it was Jared's fault (he said or did something to Sally that caused her to leave), and the guilt that seeps into the darkness is poignant. The skull is another curiosity (it reminds me of Wilson from Castaway, and turns this piece into a psychological puzzle for me), and everything about this piece is such stark emotion and imagery (I can envision Jared sitting on his couch and despondently staring down at this skull, as if he wants it to explain why life is so crappy, but that answer won't ever come, because it's just a skull). (I didn't realize how much I like this piece until just now, by the way, as I write this review. Well done, Sir, well done.)

The Orchard

“But the nights belong to me,” he whispered to the skull on the center of Sally’s, his ex-wife, coffee table. They had picked it out together before they were married, before they were dating, and in that innocent-just-friends-awkward stage of development where holding hands seemed better than sex. It was one of those stories they told their friends, whom they had over for wine or dinner; a joke, really, because the salesperson thought they were a couple, which was always the punchline: "We were destined to be together," and then the room would erupt with laughter.

Now Jared was watching The Fifth Element on TBS and conversing with a novelty skull he had acquired via an online auction. He wondered where she was, took a swig of beer, and washed the thought away. He watched Bruce Willis over the round hilltop of his belly and sat the empty bottle next to the skull. The bottles were beginning to form a row like an orchard of brown glass. Jared pushed himself up from the cushions and brushed off his shirt. Sally would be more than livid if she saw the house like this. He leaned back, turned off the TV, and let the darkness sink on him. He could hear the neighborhood as if it were a singular organism, each kid’s squeal or dog’s bark or car’s horn a breath that seemed to have more gravity than the darkness of his living room. Even the chitter of katydids made him feel less alive, as though Sally were an essential part of his existence. 

“What have I done?” Jared asked the darkness, but there was nothing to reply.

Congratulations, all! 

See you this Saturday :)