Hey all, this is Mars.
I've recently gotten a job, which accounts for my recent slips in judging CFFC, so I wanted to take a week or two to regroup and find another judge or two (Ronel needs the next month or two off), as well as get the three missing results up (the one from like four months ago, and these last two weeks).
Thank you all for your continuing support of CFFC :)
<3 Mars
Saturday, August 26, 2017
Saturday, August 19, 2017
Cracked Flash: Year 3, Week 4
Judge This Week: TBD
Word Count: 300 max
How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.
Deadline: Sunday 8/20 at 4 AM PDT
Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.
Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories; they're for inspiration (and amusement).)
Prompt
I dropped my shield.
Wednesday, August 16, 2017
Cracked Flash Y3W3: Results!
I enjoyed this week’s stories and even the spam had me LOL.
Though the last can be attributed to spring being here ;-)
Without further ado, here’s this week’s winner:
Y3W3 Winner
Carin Marais
with “A Crown of Grey and Red”
The only advice I have is to leave spaces between paragraphs to make it easier for readers to read.
Great work!
A Crown of Grey and Red
“If you could even begin to comprehend where I’ve come from, you would be terrified of me.”
I took in the grey-haired woman in front of me. All in greens and browns she was dressed, but wore a cloak of ox blood red. Her hair was entwined with holly berries; a crown of red above a wrinkled face.
“You should go back to town,” she said to me.
“They sent me to gather the water this year.”
“You?” she laughed. “You are too young.”
I drew myself up to my full height. But even so I was noticeably short for my sixteen years.
“They said she would be here to lead me into the woods to the water. The last girl.”
“And what makes you think that I am not she?”
“Because that was five years ago and you’re too…”
“Old? The woods change you.” She stepped back into the shadows of the trees. “Are you coming or not?”
I looked back at the town for a moment and clenched my jaw before following the woman.
“They lie when they say it holds the power to give eternal youth, you know,” she said when we reached a spring surrounded by dried and ashen vegetation.
“Then why do we come?”
“Because the years we lose, they gain,” she said with nonchalance as she filled the bucket I had brought with water and started walking away.
“And you will leave me here, to your fate?”
She looked back. “If it means that I could see my son one more time before I die, yes.”
On the elected day I, too, entwined berries in my greying hair and ambled to the edge of the woods I would at last be permitted to leave.
A young girl already stood waiting.
Thank you all for participating.
Until next Saturday...
Saturday, August 12, 2017
Cracked Flash: Year 3, Week 3
Welcome to another round of Cracked Flash Fiction Competition!
Judge this week: Ronel
Word count: 300 max
How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.
Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT.
Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.
Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories: they're for inspiration (and amusement).)
Prompt:
‘If you could even begin to comprehend where I’ve come from,
you would be terrified of me.’
Saturday, August 5, 2017
Cracked Flash: Year 3, Week 2
Welcome to another round of Cracked Flash Fiction Competition!
I saw nothing was up yet, so here we go!
Judge this week: To-be-determined.
Word count: 300 max
How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.
Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT.
Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.
Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories: they're for inspiration (and amusement).)
Prompt:
To say the wedding wasn’t going as planned was the
understatement of the century.
Friday, August 4, 2017
Year 3, Week 1: Results!
Runner Up
Bill Engleson's Lock Step
“Screw tradition. // I want stuff.” I appreciate this attitude from a main character (though perhaps not the whole “stealing from the neighbors and the destitute” part), especially in a world where people are shouting for less thief and scumbag books (they've obviously never read Locke Lamora). The thing that lost me with this story was that there was a lack of conflict; all the action relevant to the story had already happened by the time it started. Good job!
Carrying an entire story through dialogue can be a tough challenge. It certainly worked well for this story, though, as describing the little thieves could have given away the big reveal at the end! I do like the foreshadowing with the “That's not my pick set. They're too small,” line. (I also have “Big Fun” from Heathers' running through my head at the “I need a hit” line, so thanks haha.) This is a cute little piece after the reveal, though I was caught for a moment in thinking the police were onto them. Good job!
Bill Engleson's Lock Step
“Screw tradition. // I want stuff.” I appreciate this attitude from a main character (though perhaps not the whole “stealing from the neighbors and the destitute” part), especially in a world where people are shouting for less thief and scumbag books (they've obviously never read Locke Lamora). The thing that lost me with this story was that there was a lack of conflict; all the action relevant to the story had already happened by the time it started. Good job!
Y3W1 Winner!
Dave Mikulas
with Picks & Rakes
Dave Mikulas
with Picks & Rakes
Carrying an entire story through dialogue can be a tough challenge. It certainly worked well for this story, though, as describing the little thieves could have given away the big reveal at the end! I do like the foreshadowing with the “That's not my pick set. They're too small,” line. (I also have “Big Fun” from Heathers' running through my head at the “I need a hit” line, so thanks haha.) This is a cute little piece after the reveal, though I was caught for a moment in thinking the police were onto them. Good job!
Picks & Rakes
“I taught you how to pick locks and this, this is the extent of your skills Jimmy?”
“Shut up Charlie.”
“You’re fumbling like a teenager in the back seat of mom’s Chevy.”
“And what would you know about that?”
“I know enough Jimmy! Now hurry up!”
“Here, you take the rake and do it yourself.”
“That’s not my pick set. They’re too small.”
“Then please, let me be.”
“Hurry up. They’re comin’ back any second.”
“I know.”
“You’ve got to hurry.”
“I know.”
“Any second she could come back and we’re busted.”
“Then be. Quiet. And keep a lookout.”
“You should be done already! What’s the problem?”
“You’re not helping Charlie. Hold the light steady. I can’t see a damn thing.”
“Oh, come on! I need a hit Jimmy!”
“I told you before; you’re welcome to take over.”
“Don’t stop you’ve almost got it! Keep going! Keep going!”
“I’m working as fast as I can but I’ve got someone squawking at me every. Three. Seconds. Now zip it and let me work.”
“Are you in yet?”
“Wow. You lasted exactly two seconds. A personal record Charlie. Let me work.”
“Okay. Okay.”
“There.”
“About time. Grab ‘em and go! Go! Go! Go!”
“YOU TWO! HANDS UP!”
“Crap. Busted.”
“TURN AROUND! “EMPTY YOUR POCKETS!”
“It was all Jimmy’s idea!”
“My idea?!? My idea! You’re the one that knew where she kept the goods!”
“CHARLES! JAMES! HERE! NOW!!”
“Yes mom.”
“Yes mom.”
“Drop the candy. All of it Charles.”
“Yes mom.”
“I teach you two how to pick locks and this is how you use that skill?
“Bravo boys. But next time…wait until I go to bed.”
Friday, July 28, 2017
Cracked Flash: Year 3, Week 1
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY I'm back from college! I oughtta be around for a long stretch this time.
JSYK Ronel and Kelly are amazing. CFFC probably would have gone on hiatus for three or so months if they hadn't stepped up to the judging plate. Thank them when you next see them, please!
ALSO we forgot to celebrate CFFC's second anniversary last month! We're onto Year Three as of June 27th!! I can't express how amazing y'all are to have stuck around this long!
Judge This Week: Mars
Word Count: 300 max
How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.
Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!
Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.
Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories; they're for inspiration (and amusement).)
Prompt
"I taught you to pick locks and this is how you use that skill?"
Thursday, July 20, 2017
Cracked Flash Y2W47: Results!
I had so much fun reading this week’s entries. I enjoyed the
different takes on the prompt and had a hard time figuring out who the winners
are. Well done everyone! I apologise for the late announcement, but I forgot
what day it is… Blame my Grimm folktale retellings for that.
On to the results:
Honourable Mention
KM Zafari with “Fear and Loathing in Los Angeles”
I love the humour of this piece. A cat-underground filled with catnip thefts makes me think there’s much more to this story…
First Runner-Up
Nancy Beach with “Sanity’s Pull”
I enjoyed the description of what the mind does when it
doesn’t get enough sleep and the MC’s interaction with her husband. The story
pulled me in and kept my attention until the end.
A few notes: you don’t
need the quotation marks at the start of the story – unless I missed where the
dialogue should end? “mosquito bite
-this feels” Either do a double dash -- or allow your wordprocessor to
automatically turn it into a longer dash – as it should be.
Winner Y2W47
Sara Codair with “Padded Walls”
I really like the premise of this story. And the twist is
awesome!
A few notes: “it’s
maw” should be “its maw” because it’s
is a contraction for it is. Check the
rest of the story for the right use and typos like turning one word into two,
etc. “ran charged through them” Choose either ran or charged. (I fixed
all this in the story below.)
Well done.
Padded Walls
“When this is over, I want my sanity back,” said Elena as matter-of-factly as
one could say anything when wearing a straightjacket in a padded room.
The padded walls spread their crusty purple lips, revealing row upon row of pointy yellow teeth and laughed.
“I mean it.” She waggled her pointer finger at the ceiling.
“Who says it will ever be over?” The wall’s lips cracked as it spoke.
“Who said I was talking to you,” retorted Elena, tearing her eyes away from the ceiling so she could glare at the wall.
Black blood dripped out of the wall’s cracked lip, trickling down to the floor. “No one leaves here alive.”
Elena laughed. The sound was harsher, more maniacal than it had been two weeks ago.
“You do not believe?” asked the wall.
“You’re the reason I’m here.” She crouched down, wriggling in the straightjacket that was not nearly as tight as the orderlies thought, thankful for all the months she’d trained for prior to taking this assignment.
“You can’t do that,” said the wall.
Elena arched one eyebrow as she shrugged off the jacket and used it to wipe up the black blood.
The wall opened its mouth and screamed. Elena didn’t flinch. It inhaled, sucking in air so hard her hair blew towards its maw. She closed her eyes, cleared her mind of the all the drug-induced hallucinations she’d had during her stay Frommington Hospital, waiting for the wall to show its true face.
She whispered words of power in the ancient tongue. The blood soaked jacket caught fire. The wall screamed as it burned with the jacket. The door opened as orderlies rushed in to put out the fire. Elena charged through them and strolled out of the burning hospital like she owned the place.
The padded walls spread their crusty purple lips, revealing row upon row of pointy yellow teeth and laughed.
“I mean it.” She waggled her pointer finger at the ceiling.
“Who says it will ever be over?” The wall’s lips cracked as it spoke.
“Who said I was talking to you,” retorted Elena, tearing her eyes away from the ceiling so she could glare at the wall.
Black blood dripped out of the wall’s cracked lip, trickling down to the floor. “No one leaves here alive.”
Elena laughed. The sound was harsher, more maniacal than it had been two weeks ago.
“You do not believe?” asked the wall.
“You’re the reason I’m here.” She crouched down, wriggling in the straightjacket that was not nearly as tight as the orderlies thought, thankful for all the months she’d trained for prior to taking this assignment.
“You can’t do that,” said the wall.
Elena arched one eyebrow as she shrugged off the jacket and used it to wipe up the black blood.
The wall opened its mouth and screamed. Elena didn’t flinch. It inhaled, sucking in air so hard her hair blew towards its maw. She closed her eyes, cleared her mind of the all the drug-induced hallucinations she’d had during her stay Frommington Hospital, waiting for the wall to show its true face.
She whispered words of power in the ancient tongue. The blood soaked jacket caught fire. The wall screamed as it burned with the jacket. The door opened as orderlies rushed in to put out the fire. Elena charged through them and strolled out of the burning hospital like she owned the place.
Thank you all for participating.
Until next Saturday…
Saturday, July 15, 2017
Cracked Flash: Year2, Week 47
Welcome to another round of Cracked Flash Fiction Competition!
Judge this week: Ronel
Word count: 300 max
How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.
Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT.
Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.
Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories: they're for inspiration (and amusement).)
Prompt:
‘When this is all over, I want my sanity back.’
Wednesday, July 5, 2017
Year 2, Week 45: Results!
There’s not much to say this week… I enjoyed the entries a
lot and the two winning stories are near to perfection. Well done everyone!
Runner Up
Angie with “Honor in dying”
I love the imagery.
I’d shorten the paragraphs to add to the tension, though.
Winner Y2W45
Bill Engleson with “The Art Class of War”
Excellent story. I
love the twist!
The Art Class of
War
Two thousand warriors drew their swords for a war they would not win.
It was downright embarrassing.
“Two thousand,” I explode. “TWO THOUSAND!”
“Shush, Moog,” someone says from a desk, three rows over. It’s Gorge the Hammer. I give Gorgie my best battle-weary finger and whisper, “You’re fine with this?”
“Shush, both of you,” someone further back chimes in. And then that shush-happy soldier adds, “Stick to the task at hand.”
“Frigging Pols,” I mutter, and return to my sketch, remembering how this all came about.
Was it only a month ago that General Scourge revealed the new policy from our superiors.
“Men,” he had said, in that deep gravelly voice that we all associated with the glory of attack, “We are in uncharted waters. Glimp the Younger, Prime Minister of Dampmania, has decreed that the glorious battles of yore, the ones once fought bravely, ferociously, and quite bloodily by our fathers and their fathers are no more. It is said that Glimp the Younger could not sleep one snowy night a few months ago. He went for a walk and upon reaching a small hill had an epiphany…”
“A what?” I blurted out.
“Moog. Is that you interrupting me?” the General demanded to know. The boar fat was in the fire now, I thought.
“Yes, my General. Two Thousand apologies.”
“You still have one serviceable ear, right Moog?”
“Yes, my General. Most of it.”
“Then use it. Listen and learn. Glimp saw the future. Our fighting men, all earless. All limbless. He saw that war would continue but perhaps Dampmania could profit by it, provision the armies of the world who continue to engage in pointless bloodshed.”
“Phooey,” I had said.
That was last month.
I refocus and continue drawing the Moog Blade.
It will be a masterful prototype.
Two thousand warriors drew their swords for a war they would not win.
It was downright embarrassing.
“Two thousand,” I explode. “TWO THOUSAND!”
“Shush, Moog,” someone says from a desk, three rows over. It’s Gorge the Hammer. I give Gorgie my best battle-weary finger and whisper, “You’re fine with this?”
“Shush, both of you,” someone further back chimes in. And then that shush-happy soldier adds, “Stick to the task at hand.”
“Frigging Pols,” I mutter, and return to my sketch, remembering how this all came about.
Was it only a month ago that General Scourge revealed the new policy from our superiors.
“Men,” he had said, in that deep gravelly voice that we all associated with the glory of attack, “We are in uncharted waters. Glimp the Younger, Prime Minister of Dampmania, has decreed that the glorious battles of yore, the ones once fought bravely, ferociously, and quite bloodily by our fathers and their fathers are no more. It is said that Glimp the Younger could not sleep one snowy night a few months ago. He went for a walk and upon reaching a small hill had an epiphany…”
“A what?” I blurted out.
“Moog. Is that you interrupting me?” the General demanded to know. The boar fat was in the fire now, I thought.
“Yes, my General. Two Thousand apologies.”
“You still have one serviceable ear, right Moog?”
“Yes, my General. Most of it.”
“Then use it. Listen and learn. Glimp saw the future. Our fighting men, all earless. All limbless. He saw that war would continue but perhaps Dampmania could profit by it, provision the armies of the world who continue to engage in pointless bloodshed.”
“Phooey,” I had said.
That was last month.
I refocus and continue drawing the Moog Blade.
It will be a masterful prototype.
Thank you all for participating!
Until Saturday...
Saturday, July 1, 2017
Cracked Flash: Year2, Week 45
Welcome to another round of Cracked Flash Fiction Competition!
Judge this week: Ronel
Word count: 300 max
How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.
Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT.
Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.
Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories: they're for inspiration (and amusement).)
Prompt:
Two thousand warriors
drew their swords for a war they would not win.
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
Year 2, Week 44: Results!
I had a great time reading this week’s entries. Lots of
imagination among the lot of you. Well done everyone! Due to time-constraints
and health (check my blog for more on that), I’m only going to tell the runner-up
and winner what I thought about their stories.
Runner-upBill Engleson with “Once Upon a Time in The Dragonsong
Mountains”
LOL! I really enjoyed this piece. Lucille is quite a
character.
The semi-colon in
the following sentence should be replaced by a colon. (A colon emphases what’s
to come, while a semi-colon connects two related sentences.) So your sentence
will look like this: “Which, I don’t need to remind most Aircraft
enthusiasts, is what the classic Detwiller
looks like: a giant dill pickle.” Check out the link below for a great article
explaining the use of semi-colons.
Well done!
Winner Y2W44Neha Srivastava with “Warped Reality”
I really enjoyed
the imagery in this piece. For a while I thought the main character was somehow
able to split herself in two. Great twist!
A few notes:
physics doesn’t need capitalisation (see below), the instances of semi-colon
use must be replaced with either colons (:) or with commas (,) as shown in the
piece below. Check out this article on the correct use of semi-colons. I also removed the extra comma in the fifth paragraph and the extra ones in the
last. The words in bold I added – the sentences needed them to be complete. I
also moved the last sentence to stand on its own for effect.
All-in-all a great
flash fiction piece. Well done!
Warped Reality
"Why aren't you obeying the laws of physics?" I shouted at myself.
I clung to the roof like a ceiling fan with four arms, my four limbs transformed into those four arms, I looked like a creature from the netherworld. But I knew it was me.
A sudden jolt of electricity shook my core, like the motor of a fan when someone switches on the button. Hell, someone had switched on the button. The fan started rotating, first slowly and then at top speed.
Switching on a fan and it rotating is normal business, except this time the fan was me. As the speed increased, I began gasping for breath. My limbs were almost coming apart, my being screaming for help, for someone to switch off the fan, for the rotations to stop.
I wanted to come back to my gross body which lay in the bed below: the vantage point from where I was observing me. As my body on the ceiling rotated, my body on the bed went out of breath. In two places at the same time. Physics could not explain what was happening, but both my bodies wanted the fan to be turned off. Some external force prevented this.
Tired from trying to prevent my limbs from tearing or my heart from exploding, my bodies dozed off. I didn't realize when. Upon waking, I was no longer short of breath. However, my head was heavy and my body lethargic.
"Why aren't you obeying the laws of physics?" I shouted at myself.
I clung to the roof like a ceiling fan with four arms, my four limbs transformed into those four arms, I looked like a creature from the netherworld. But I knew it was me.
A sudden jolt of electricity shook my core, like the motor of a fan when someone switches on the button. Hell, someone had switched on the button. The fan started rotating, first slowly and then at top speed.
Switching on a fan and it rotating is normal business, except this time the fan was me. As the speed increased, I began gasping for breath. My limbs were almost coming apart, my being screaming for help, for someone to switch off the fan, for the rotations to stop.
I wanted to come back to my gross body which lay in the bed below: the vantage point from where I was observing me. As my body on the ceiling rotated, my body on the bed went out of breath. In two places at the same time. Physics could not explain what was happening, but both my bodies wanted the fan to be turned off. Some external force prevented this.
Tired from trying to prevent my limbs from tearing or my heart from exploding, my bodies dozed off. I didn't realize when. Upon waking, I was no longer short of breath. However, my head was heavy and my body lethargic.
The cannabis drink
was wearing off.
Thank you all for participating!
Until next Saturday…
Saturday, June 24, 2017
Cracked Flash: Year2, Week 44
Welcome to another round of Cracked Flash Fiction Competition!
Judge this week: Ronel
Word count: 300 max
How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.
Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT.
Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.
Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories: they're for inspiration (and amusement).)
Prompt:
‘Why aren’t you
obeying the laws of physics?’
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
Year 2, Week 41: Results!
I really do apologise over the time-zone glitches that
sprung up this week – who knew that certain applications will ignore the time
you tell them they should be in and decide to take your actual location? Rise
of the machines…
Anyhow, thanks Anne and Bill for participating.
Here’s what I loved about your stories:
Bill, your tongue-in-the-cheek global warming take had me
grinning from the start.
Anne, I like your portal-fantasy a lot and think there’s a
lot of potential there for a longer piece (more about the problem, fleshing out
of characters, etc.).
I can't pick a favourite, so let's call it a fun writing exercise.
Until next Saturday…
Saturday, June 3, 2017
Year 2, Week 41
Welcome to another round of CFFC!
Judge this week: Ronel
Word count: 300 max
How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.
Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT.
Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.
Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories: they're for inspiration (and amusement).)
Judge this week: Ronel
Word count: 300 max
How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.
Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT.
Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.
Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories: they're for inspiration (and amusement).)
Prompt:
‘Yes, but last week a dragon almost set my hair on fire, so
it’s your turn to negotiate.’
Friday, May 12, 2017
Cracked Flash: Year 2, Week 39
Judge this week: Mars
Word count: 300 max
How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.
Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT.
Results announced: Next Thursday afternoon.
Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories: they're for inspiration (and amusement).)
Prompt:
"This was not how I imagined this going."
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Year 2, Week 38: Results!
I loved the stories this week! Each one had its own unique twist
on the prompt. I wish I could tell each writer what I loved about their story…
Oh, well.
Here’s this week’s results.
Honourable Mention
Bill Engleson with Ta-ra-ra Boom-de-ay! Six Boomers in a Balloon, Away!
I really like the title – it immediately drew me in.
Interesting story.
“Brave souls. Willing
to risk the inevitable for the sheer experience.” Love this line.
First Runner-Up
TipTim with Horns Enterprises
Great imagery! And the last line, very evocative.
Check for typos (e.g.
“We we are offering”). Also, keep lines open between paragraphs to make it
easier to read.
Great story.
Winner Y2W38
AJ Aguilar-van der
Merwe
with Point of No
Return
You built a great character here: from her hesitancy to her
fierceness, she grew in a couple of sentences. I like the fantasy and magic
elements – and that’s she’s going to rule!
Remember: dialogue should start in a new paragraph.
It’s not really necessary to tag every piece of dialogue,
sometimes what the character is saying is enough to tell the reader what they’re
thinking. E.g. “How?” He was
unconvinced. (Drop the tag and we’ll
still know that he is unconvinced.)
I’d add more about the bouncer’s scariness – just to show
how scary the MC really is when she kills him.
Great story.
Thanks everyone for participating.
Until next Saturday…
Saturday, May 6, 2017
Cracked Flash: Year 2, Week 38
Welcome back to another round of Cracked Flash Fiction!
Judge this week: Ronel
Word count: 300 max
How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.
Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT.
Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.
Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories: they're for inspiration (and amusement).)
Prompt:
Most epic adventures
don’t start out with an application and an insurance waiver.
Thursday, May 4, 2017
Year 2, Week 36 & 37: Results!
What a great prompt and turnout! Though I was still busy
with the A-to-Z Challenge when the prompt went live, it made me want to cry
when I realised I couldn’t write too. Oh well, at least I got to read excellent
entries.
Now for the results.
Honourable Mention
AJ Aguilar-van der Merwe with DELIVERANCE
I really enjoyed
this story.
I think it will
benefit from being longer: more world-building, getting to know the MC better
and building the tension of the monster hunting her. As it is, it feels like we’re
rushing from them being friends to Evan wanting to take her powers.
First Runner-Up
Carin Marais with Beneath the Bed
Scary! I love the idea of a monster protecting against other
monsters.
Note: spaces between paragraphs makes it easier to read.
Also, it felt like we jumped from the little girl’s POV to Monster’s (where we
should be, as it makes for a powerful story).
Winner Y2W37
Sian Brighal
with No
One Else
Wow! Terrifying in a this-can-really-be-happening way. I
love how the orderly knows what’s going on, yet keeps the patient’s secret.
Note: dialogue must start in a new paragraph. (I’ve fixed it
in the piece.)
I’ve replaced the semi-colon in the paragraph about Scary
Mary with a comma – it could’ve been replaced with a full stop if the sentence
that follows is rewritten to be a full sentence. (That’s why I replaced the
semi-colon: a semi-colon does the same job as a full-stop just without
completely severing ideas, but both should be full sentences in their own
right.)
The end of the story is brilliant: the doctor figures out
what’s going on, then…
“She was,” hissed a voice in his ear as
cold, invisible and inhumanly strong fingers wound around his throat. “I am and
always will be her favourite...her only!”
No One Else
“You’re my favourite monster.”
The doctor paused on the way out, feeling his neck muscles burn in protest as he kept his head facing forward. He’d been warned—and rightly so—not to react to such words: always maintain a professional distance. Only when the door closed and the lock clicked did he relax and turn.
“Odd thing to say.”
“She says that sometimes,” the orderly muttered in answer.
“Why would she?” the doctor mused.
“Trying to soothe ruffled feathers, I think.”
“But why would she think I could be angry with her?”
“Don’t rightly know,” he demurred, but the doctor saw something ghost across his face: fear, pity. “Spoke out of turn, sorry.”
He would have questioned further, but a colleague left the room next door.
“Hey, Barrows,” the newcomer called out before glancing across to the neighbouring room.
“Don’t tell me old Hoskins has got you working on Scary Mary,” he said with a sympathetic tone but smiling mouth.
“Scary…?”
“Oh, just some stupid mumbo-jumbo,” the man soothed.
But Barrows had heard about ‘Scary Mary’, heard that she’d been linked in some superstitious way to the deaths of several doctors, orderlies and visitors, but he’d thought she was some story from the asylum’s deep and darker history.
Later, at home, he spent a few minutes thinking about Mary, wondering why she’d single him out as a favourite; they'd never spoken before, but he couldn't deny that he'd seen some flicker of interest in her eyes. Was that it? But the more he thought, he couldn't help but feel that she'd been speaking not to him, but to her tattered bunny.
“She was,” hissed a voice in his ear as cold, invisible and inhumanly strong fingers wound around his throat. “I am and always will be her favourite...her only!”
Well done, everyone.
Until next Saturday.
Super Late Week 36 Results!
*sneaks into Ronel's post* Okay, I finally found the time to get the reviews done (got a whole 9! hours! of sleep last night! and I felt better than I have in a week!). Sorry for leaving you all hanging for so long! You guys are great <3First Runner Up
Stephen Shirres' Beware A Travelling Salesman's In Expensive Clothes
You couldn't have thought this would go well, my friend (@Main Character). Haven't you heard of Jack and the Beanstalk? Alas, some people. This story amused me, mainly with the glum attitude of the main character at bookends of the story. It just kinda reads to me as, "Welp, that happened."
The piece felt quickly written, with some missing words and odd phrases ("as if everyone knees there were thousands," "there was a space above my hearth needing filled," "A match head of flame," "too long i," etc.,.) This didn't detract much from my enjoyment of it, though each instance did give me pause. Nice job conveying the tone through the character, here!
Thanks again for putting up with me. Ronel's got this next Saturday again! <3
You couldn't have thought this would go well, my friend (@Main Character). Haven't you heard of Jack and the Beanstalk? Alas, some people. This story amused me, mainly with the glum attitude of the main character at bookends of the story. It just kinda reads to me as, "Welp, that happened."
The piece felt quickly written, with some missing words and odd phrases ("as if everyone knees there were thousands," "there was a space above my hearth needing filled," "A match head of flame," "too long i," etc.,.) This didn't detract much from my enjoyment of it, though each instance did give me pause. Nice job conveying the tone through the character, here!
Y2W36 Winner
Marj Crockett!
with Summoned!
LOL the dyslexia in this piece gave me a good laugh. The character dynamics here are pulled off very humorously; I've definitely been in both the mentor's and apprentice's shoes at some point in my life! (The "argggh you're doing it wrong can I pls help" and "I DON'T WANT ANY HELP TYVM" things.) I thought it would be interesting to have some more rules and background for the magic, though that's not required for this story as a flash fiction piece or stand-alone. The humor, I think, is the entire point of this piece, and it's done well.
Summoned!
He leaned against the tree with a sigh, his offer of help rejected.
Across the clearing, the apprentice mumbled as she marked a circle on the ground.
"Bone meal should do. It's quite stable." she muttered.
"Do you...?"
"No, I can manage."
"I want to help."
"NO! I said I can manage!"
He sighed again. This was not going well.
She started pacing again, criss-crossing the circle, and forming lines until the pentagram was complete.
Wiping her hands, she picked up her bag of magical artefacts. After rooting inside, she pulled out a stick with feathers on. Next came the wax figure that would be what she was going to summon.
From where he was standing, the model didn't look all that inspiring, but he knew not to interfere now. She would have to work it through to the end. Oh well, we'll see what she gets, he thought, another sigh escaping. His reward for this was a glare from the girl.
She chanted the summoning spell. She danced complicated steps, twisting and turning, moving round the pentagram. No real words reached his ears, only a string of sound that sawed into his brain. An awkward sound: something wasn't quite right.
"Shula..." he said. But it was too late.
Smoke filled circle, followed by popping and hissing. Which god she had summoned would not be clear for a moment or two. A breeze sprung up from nowhere, the smoke disappeared.
He heard a bark. A bark?
"Shula... which god have you summoned?" he asked.
"I don't know," Shula replied, "I thought I said the words right, but something... happened."
"Which god?"
"God? You wanted me to summon a god?" Shula gulped, "I thought you said dog!"
The creature on the ground wagged its tail and barked again.
Thanks again for putting up with me. Ronel's got this next Saturday again! <3
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Most epic adventures don’t start out with an application and an insurance waiver. Or do they? I wasn’t sure. Establishments that provide dangerous sports make participants sign waivers. This one was certainly not prepared for possible lawsuits. I found that strange considering the kind of adventure on offer.
My younger brother didn’t agree with me. “There is no excitement in anything that involves paperwork,” he said.
“It may be so, brother, but something is fishy. Did you see the picture of where we’re going?”
“Yes! It’s perfect,” he beamed.
“Why? You want to ride dragons?” He nodded enthusiastically. “What if they’re magical? Or the place?”
“Magic doesn’t scare you.” He laughed.
“Not magic,” I whispered. “What if we’re powerless there?”
“How?” He was unconvinced.
“I don’t know but equipped is better than not. I bought us insurance.”
“What kind of insurance?” he asked suspiciously.
“The kind that works in another realm, magic or not. Just hold my hand and softly chant the spell with me as we pass through the portal.” I looked at him gravely but he grinned widely.
I should have guessed he meant mischief. He pushed ahead of the crowd and was in no time on a dragon’s back. He probably didn’t hear the welcome greetings. Did the hostess say eternal? What was? The crowd was too noisy. I didn’t feel adventurous. I turned around.
A bouncer appeared from nowhere. “You can’t go back out.”
“Pardon me?”
“You can’t leave.”
“Seriously? And what should I do?”
“Whatever you’re doing now.”
I thought of my brother and pushed back the tears. I gave the bouncer one piercing look which flung him to his death. “I don’t think so. If this is it, eternally, I might as well rule.” Then, I surveyed my new kingdom.