Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Year 1, Week 21: Results!

Attention: Due to the holiday madness, we will not be hosting CFFC this Saturday! We will see you (hopefully) back in 2016, on the 2nd! (Note: Make a New Year's resolution to write more flash fiction!) 
I couldn't resist. It's a classic. I only wish I could find it in gif format.
But before you go! Be sure to read the results for Week 21! :D

Honorable Mention

Steph Ellis' Reunited

Mars: I like the eerie tone of this piece, only complemented by the theme of karma--he buried his wife, and ended up getting buried by himself. Very poetic. His descent into madness over his sin is clear, only emphasized by the haunting image of his wife returning to whisper in his ear or appear to drive him to insanity. 

Although the characterization is well done in this piece, I didn't have a large attachment to this character. When his death scene was upon him, I didn't find myself cheering, "Yes! He totally got what he deserved!" (even though I suspect he did), nor did I really feel sorry for him. 

I really like the line, "And now he could clearly see her face, framed by the moon's spotlight." It brings a vibrant image to mind amidst the literal and figurative darkness in the narrative and tone of the piece. Overall, excellent little flash. 

Rin: Oooh, this was a nice, creepy twist on the prompt! Lots of good imagery in this, making it easy to envision it, but I wish there had been a bit more explanation as to why he’d killed her to begin with. The fast pace of it fit well with the chilling tone of the piece and the one-sided dialogue built up the tension nicely. I think my favorite line in this one was ‘By rights, there should be snow, a dusting of purification to absolve his sins, keep his crime from prying eyes but instead she was coming back, reappearing.’ Shiver-inducing. Very nice!

First Runner Up

Bill Engleson's The Hills of Forever

Mars: The strong point of this piece is the overall tone and the voice of the characters; in the way of conflict, the story wasn't very compelling, since it's just a little screenshot of a thing, but from a pure tonality standpoint, the lack of conflict only adds to the desolate tone of the piece. 

I thought a better justification might have been in order for headed towards the hills--I'd say the evil you know (returning to the highway even if it's 60-75 miles away; about 15 hours away at 5 mph) is better than the one you don't (the hills). I was curious why they didn't know how far away their destination was? Unless this is written in the days before google maps or gps (or road signs?) one would assume distances were something travellers would have a vague idea of. 

I appreciate the last three lines, and the very last line certainly leaves you wondering what kind of life he led; they certainly amplify his voice, as well. Intriguing and thoughtful. 

Rin: The prompt was used well in this piece, giving us a good feel for the desert setting right from the very first sentence. The characters were distinct and I like how there wasn’t a whole lot of dialogue, but what there was felt natural and had good flow. There were a lot of good lines in this piece, but my favorite line in this piece was ‘In the chimera of the heat, the hills had looked closer.’ I love that mental imagery. I only wish that I’d been given a little more reason to care about these characters, aside from them just being stranded in the desert. A worthy goal to root for them for or a reason to be disappointed when they failed to make it. That last line was a good wrap up, letting us have a taste of his despair and failure. Of when his hope was finally lost. Great job!

Y1W21 WINNER!

Carin Marais

with Dust Red As Blood

Mars: Arek's emotions come off as raw and roiling, which is excellent; the grief, anger, and barganing was worked in there very nicely. He felt like a three-dimensional character, which can be hard to do in 300 words!

The beginning and ending of the story seem formatted oddly to me. The first paragraph is bulky; it addresses at least two different topics, and could be broken up in two or three paragraphs for clarity and/or emphasis. Observe: 
Arek dug his fingers into the dry ground. Red dust caked beneath the priest’s fingernails and clung to the blood staining his wrinkled hands. Tears turned the world to a blurred, red puddle even as he pushed more of the dirt from the quickly dug grave. He wiped his face, leaving it painted in streaks of red dust, tears, and blood.  
Some way from him, standing close to the Veil usually hidden from mortals, was one of the Guardians of the Veil. Her light blue cloak stood in stark contrast to the deep brown of the leather armour she wore. Her face was veiled and her right hand hand was clenched around a spear. She stared out over the flat plain dotted with small settlements. 
Behind her the shrine of the Khalne Alima stood broken and burnt.
This way feels is easier to read, clarifies different topics, and gives emphasis to an important line.  

Similarly, at the end, I felt the last line was very abrupt formatted as it is; it feels as though it should either be followed up by a second concluding line, or be on its own line; there's no pause between thoughts, and so it feels unfinished.

Another thing I love about this piece: the enigma of the guardian. There's kind of an intense level of worldbuilding going on in this little flash fiction. We see that there's a clergy for this religion, there are shrines for a holy figure(s), we get a glimpse into the afterlife of this world, we can infer that the guardian doesn't normally talk to people, and we got a description of the guardian. There's probably other stuff I could find to list here, but wow. It definitely got my attention. 

Rin: The description in this piece immediately transported me into the story. I became Arek. My favorite line was ‘Red dust caked beneath the priest’s fingernails and clung to the blood staining his wrinkled hands.’ I could feel the dirt under his nails, the way it caked on his wrinkled skin, telling me he was an older man. All the little details showed instead of told, bringing the setting to life without bogging it down and letting it keep a good pace. Arek and the Guardian came across as a fully developed characters and I liked the description of the Guardian’s speech, giving an ethereal feel to her. The twist at the end was good, I was not expecting him to be dead. And since he couldn’t see the boy in his afterlife form, it left me wondering if the boy was dead at all or just unconscious. A good ending, to a great piece! Congrats!

Dust Red As Blood
Arek dug his fingers into the dry ground. Red dust caked beneath the priest’s fingernails and clung to the blood staining his wrinkled hands. Tears turned the world to a blurred, red puddle even as he pushed more of the dirt from the quickly dug grave. He wiped his face, leaving it painted in streaks of red dust, tears, and blood. Some way from him, standing close to the Veil usually hidden from mortals, was one of the Guardians of the Veil. Her light blue cloak stood in stark contrast to the deep brown of the leather armour she wore. Her face was veiled and her right hand hand was clenched around a spear. She stared out over the flat plain dotted with small settlements. Behind her the shrine of the Khalne Alima stood broken and burnt.  
“Why did you not take me?” he shouted at her. She turned a solemn face towards him. A frown pulled at her brow. 
“I was the one who should have guarded the shrine today. You should have taken me!” Arek shouted. 
She did not move and kept on staring at him. Behind her the Veil glimmered as if it, too, was seen through tears.  
Arek got up and staggered towards her.  
“Please, let us trade places,” he pleaded. “Galeun is too young. He was never supposed to have been here.” 
“You came as soon as you saw the fire at the shrine. You did not think of your own wellbeing,” she said. The Guardian’s words were clipped as if she was unused to talking. 
“You are asking something of me which I cannot give.” The Guardian pointed over his shoulder and the man turned around. On the ground, next to the boy, was his own body, disfigured from the wounds dealt to him. 
GREAT JOB

See you in 2016!

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 21!

Ever wake up from the middle of dead sleep and go, "Wait, there was something I was supposed to do last night!"

I couldn't find this all in one gif and it made me sad.
Someone should rectify this issue.
That's how I was about 18 minutes ago o.o Here's your (laaaate) post! I'll probably be back around noon to spread the word about it, but my family is dragging me Christmas tree hunting, and I don't know where Sie and Rin are at this early in the morning XD

RULES RULES RULES
OBSERVE IN PARTICULAR RULE #2
FEEL THE WRATH OF FLAVIO IF IT IS DISOBEYED
SHINY?

Judges This Week: Mars and Rin

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: 10 AM PDT TOMORROW, SUNDAY

Results announced: Next Wednesday, likely around 10 pm - 11:59 pm!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. Use the prompt as the opening line to your piece (observe rule #2 up there).

Prompt

He dug his fingers into the dry ground.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Year 1, Week 20: Results!


Aren't you excited?

Oh, I wasn't talking about the holidays.

I WAS TALKING ABOUT OUR AWESOME RESULTS.

*throws confetti about for awesome contestants*
Let's get down to business--


No, I meant the winners.


Yup, enough with the gifs.

Honorable Mention

Carin Marais' The Barman Always Listens

Si: I enjoyed the theme of this story--the image of the tired barman, always being forced to listen to everyone's woes. But then, we find out he's not the victim in this interaction--he's the one in control. He's doing this for a reason. And what more perfect job to quietly figure out people's secrets? There's good description in this piece and I like the atmosphere of the party--rich people amusing themselves elegantly, while a murderer sits among them stupidly admitting to his crime. I would reccomend to be more aware of how much information the reader is told, versus finding it out via conversation. I would have the information about Mrs. Van Houdt come out in a conversation between the two characters to make it more dynamic. The final dialogue takes place rather abruptly and makes it seem like a very short conversation for James to become so trusting and spill the beans. My favorite line from the story was: "The scotch stood untouched and he wondered if it had been ordered more for effect than anything else." I liked your turns of phrase and ability to establish an atmosphere--and the central idea of the story was excellent! Well done!

Mars: Ah, the crazy things people do for love. I like how cut-and-dry this plot is, while the dialogue still dances around what occurred. I imagine the look on his face when the "barman" was all, "Did it have to do with this dead guy?" might have been closer to, "Aw crap, you're not actually a barman are you," instead of "Yeah I killed him." The image amuses me.

I thought the bookendings didn't work well for this piece--opening with "Other laughter would soon follow as it came from Mrs Van Houdt" and ending with "A crystal laugh sounded" felt a little odd and forced to me; it took me several read-throughs to finally get who was laughing at the end, which dulled any shock effect it might have had. 

And we have some truth in fiction going on here, I think. It's pretty obvious that Mrs Van Houdt will not be going to jail, now that she has billions of dollars to her name, even if James testifies against her, but James is most certainly headed there once he confesses! All in all, well-done piece. 

First Runner Up

Bunmi Oke's For Love or Country?

Si: I really thought you did a great job with the way the theme and emotion is woven through this story! It's emotional and feels very immediate--everything is happening quickly, with barely a pause for MC to think. We get a hint of how the story would end just from the first line, then are taken into the MC's memories immediately, which does a great job of maintaining reader interest in the story--how and why is this person unworthy of the MC's sacrifices? I thought you picked two scenes from the MC's life very well--short, and to the point. This story has no dialogue but works very well without it--it's fundamentally a story taking place in the MC's mind, we feel everything he feels. Interesting choice with the present tense, it actually works great in this story and isn't intrusive at all, which sometimes happens when a story uses a less common tense. His long-lost love's betrayal is shocking and we want to know what happens next--here, we had a little confusion as to who is shot. Given that rage and vengeance are the primary emotions at play I would assume his gun is aimed at either his old lover or the man she's with, but the blood upon the dashboard indicates it's the MC himself. I would clarify that by giving us more of a hint into his thoughts right before the end. Great story!

Mars: The sentiment and irony of this piece were its strongest points; it would be unbelievable to come back from a war and find that your signifcant other was betraying you--and not only betraying you, but betraying you with someone who probably KNEW you were together. 

I felt the piece was a little jarring emotionally--I recognize it's hard to have a lot of emotional development in <300 words, but the love-her-enough-to-lose-limbs-over-a-PICTURE kind of seemed unrealistic to me without prior development of that emotional bond. I also was unclear on the ending--I'd say 'paying for it' would be killing either the girlfriend or commanding officer, but it reads like he commits suicide (since dashboard = inside the car)? I got a little lost there.

The indignation came off well when he pulled up in front of her house (probably hers, anyways? I'd assume his commanding officer wouldn't be foolish enough to snog the MC's girlfriend in front of the MC's house, after all); this time, the emotional build-up was understandably justified. Good job!

Y1W20 WINNER!

RealMommaRamble

with The Tea Party

Si: I loved the rambling, unexplained craziness of this story. No info dump, just bewildering weirdness until it's all explained in the end. Of course she's crazy! 

Good clean dialogue and I liked the personalities of all the strange characters we come across. The disjointedness of the dialogue: "Doesn't ring a bell. It's my birthday you know," works very well for setting the atmosphere of confusion that Clara finds herself in. One thing I would recommend is increasing the tension of the story just a little--make us feel not only Clara's confusion, but also desperation. I liked the Alice in Wonderland references--good connection there!--familiar to the reader, but we don't know where you're going with it until the twist ending. Great job giving us just enough dialogue from the Nurse to get what's going on, quickly setting the REAL scene. Favorite line: "Of course not, dear. The Hatter is a copyrighted name. You can call me Mr. Chapeau.", very funny. We can really feel Clara's bewilderment throughout the story! Excellent job!

Mars: "The Hatter is a copyrighted name," got a chuckle out of me! The Alice-is-insane has been done before (though it's Clara in this instance), but it's usually not done with any sort of levity like this piece is. I appreciate the allusion to Disney's Alice in Wonderland (though I'm going to have "Merry Merry Unbirthday" stuck in my head now); I am very fond of references. 

Watch out for how names are juxtaposed next to dialogue--"'I'll take some cheese,' Clara turned to see a rabbit" could infer that either Clara or the rabbit were speaking, particularly with the comma there that runs into her name. The problem occurs once more later, when the mouse yells from the tea pot. 

The beginning of the piece was a nice touch; it utilized the prompt in a unique fashion by making it sound like idle small talk, then drew the reader's (and Clara's) attention with the question, "Cheese?" Nice job!

The Tea Party 
"Sometimes, people really are just useless. Cheese?" 
"I'm sorry, what?" Clara stared at the strange man in front of her. A moment ago she was having tea with her boyfriend and listening to him talk about work. But this man was definitely not her boyfriend. 
She closed her eyes for a moment. 
"Would you like some cheese? It pairs well with your tea." Reluctantly, she opened her eyes to see a big grin stretch across the stranger's face farther than a grin should. A large hat dipped over his crazed eyes as they darted from her to the other guests at the table. 
"Who are you? The Hatter?" 
"Of course not, dear. The Hatter is a copyrighted name. You can call me Mr. Chapeau." 
"I'll take some cheese," Clara turned to see a rabbit sitting upright in a white gown. 
"Where is Jason?" 
"Who?" 
"Jason, my boyfriend. Tall, dark hair, dorky tortoise shell glasses." 
"Doesn't ring a bell. It's my birthday you know," the man with the hat said. 
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Clara jumped at the exclamation that rang out from a tiny mouse in a tea pot. 
Did I fall down a rabbit hole? Where was Jason? He was just here. 
"HEY!" She shouted over the loud singing that had commenced around her. "Please! Where is Jason!" 
They all stopped and stared. She realized, now, that she was standing with a cheese knife held over her head. A small pinch in her shoulder made her go limp, falling into the arms of a strong woman. 
"Take her to the holding cell." A nurse said as she took a pencil from Clara's fingers and walked out behind them. "Poor girl just can't get over his death. Best keep her out of the common room for a while."

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 20!

Rin is to blame for Si's choices in every picture on this post.

Hear ye, hear ye, Cracked Flash Fiction returns for another round of sane, normal stories! 

Behold the prompt of madness and the puzzling pictures of inspiration below.

You have until midnight, Saturday! AKA TODAY. Sharpen up those pencils, dust off those keyboards, re-light the smoke signal fires. IT'S ON.

OBSERVE IN PARTICULAR RULE #2
FEEL THE WRATH OF FLAVIO IF IT IS DISOBEYED
SHINY?

Judges This Week: Mars and Si

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday, likely around 10 pm - 11:59 pm!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

Prompt

"Sometimes, people really are just useless." 
Inspiration (not required, but we might just laugh forever if you crowbar them in)

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Year 1, Week 19: Results!


WINNERS ARE COMING

Si refuses to apologize for that, BTW.

We thank you all for participating and making CFFC's return most glorious! Y'all are awesome, and your flash fics are too.


(And WHO DID NANO? We all attempted (and got WORDS!) and a good time was had by all because CRAZY MONTH OF WRITING INSANITY.)

Without further ado, WINNERS!

Honorable Mention

Ares Tomb by Trisscar368 

Si: I was amused by the role "old Earth tropes" played in this story. I really liked the setting and the mission--treasure hunters in a scifi future! Good relationship between the characters, the dialogue shows us how they interact very well. One thing I would change was the paragraph here: "They almost died a dozen times, and when at last the great treasure vault spread in front of them", I feel that their journey could make more of an impact on the reader if some words were spent to describe it and show us how difficult it was. I liked the ending, which was a bit of a surprise--we're expecting them to be after gold and riches, but the mission of ruling the world makes it suddenly much more interesting--what will they do? Why do they want to rule the world? And will they be good rulers, or have we just witnessed the rise of the NEW Martian Overlords? Well done!

Rin: The tone of this story set it off right from the get go, making me feel like I was walking in on an Indiana Jones story and their was just enough description of the setting to give me a good image without bogging it down. The dialogue flowed naturally and the characters played off each other well, the reckless, excitable Sam and the calmer, rational Neal. However, I do agree with Si that their struggle to get through the tomb was too down played. A bit of showing there really could have spiced it up, but all in all it was a good, enjoyable story. Nice job!

First Runner Up 

Not According to Plan by Carin Marais

Si: Woohoo, well done on the dialogue! I enjoyed the humorous lines and the way each brief sentence built up the picture of the characters' predicament. Love how we have a clear personality for each character, though we know very little about them. Interspersing necessary information--why are they in the dungeon?--with humor excellently delivers what the reader needs to know, but in a way that never makes it feel like we're being "told". One suggestion I have would be to end the story at the second-to-last line, which is more memorable than the last line and keeps us guessing what their fate will be. The twist at the end is hilarious and original--thanks to the joking beforehand, we expect a very different ending despite KNOWING it's a cliche for the princess to swoop down and save the poor prisoners just in time. Great job!

Rin: This had me laughing all through out with all the fun banter between the two characters and I liked the auditory descriptors, which were short and sweet, but kept me feeling 'in story' and able to envision the setting despite most of it being dialogue. The characters were fun and even though we never learned their names, they felt very distinct and done well. My biggest regret with this one is not being able to find out just what happened with the king's cousin. There were tons of good lines in this one, but my favorite line was 'They heard the footsteps pass their cell and stop at another.' It was a great twist after the nicely placed misdirection. I had been sure that someone was going to rescue them, but I couldn't help but laugh at their misfortune. I think Si's right in that the second to the last line would have been a more memorable ending, but I still hope that it did come back for them. Thanks for a good laugh!


Y1W19 Winner!
Steph Ellis
with Liar's Skin 

Si: I love how the backstory to this piece is told in bits and pieces, and most of all reactions. We don't need to be told Alison has something up her sleeve--we see it in her movements and emotions. Creepy and high tension all the way through! I felt this was heightened by the reader knowing a secret Tanya doesn't, but we still don't know the WHOLE secret until the very end. One slight confusion: "Nor did she know that Alison and Robert were partners in more ways than one." make me think that Robert and Alison are working together to trap Tanya, but at the end we find both Tanya and Robert are the victims. Some EXCELLENT lines in this story: the evocative "a smile that grew into a shadow-cloaked grin", the ominous "Shall I carve?". Great setting of the scene when they finally reach the dungeon--we're dying to know what's inside, but the suspense is drawn out by the description first of the innocent parts of the room, then of the more sinister. A lot is said in very little--great use of words and excellent story!

Rin: Fantastic bit of flash fiction here. I LOVED the description in this! There were so many good lines and they made the setting so vivid and easy to envision that I felt like I was right there in the story. 'Alison smiled to herself, a smile that grew into a shadow-cloaked grin.' was a great line, because it set the tone for the story and gives a taste that something is up. Tanya's clueless dialogue combined with Alison's hidden reactions and cloaked responses amped up the the tension nicely and I liked the bit of foreshadowing in the brief mention that Alison found comfort in the familiarity of the place. My favorite line was 'Soft music and flickering candles welcomed them, the flames picking out steel blades and heavy chains, the ceiling glittering with these reflected fireflies.' because it's a simultaneously creepy and beautiful mental image. The ending was very well done, perfectly wrapped up in that shiver-inducing last bit of dialogue!

Liar's Skin

“I told you he had a dungeon. But you wouldn’t believe me, would you,” said Tanya.

Alison smiled to herself, a smile that grew into a shadow-cloaked grin. “Let’s go back,” she whispered, lacing her words with fear, suppressing her loathing.

“You’re scared!” sneered Tanya, moving towards the mildewed door.

Alison choked back her anger, managed a suitably pathetic whimper. She followed Tanya along the subterranean passage, drawing comfort from the familiar chill of centuries-thick stone.

“Tanya … are … are you sure you want to go on,” she said. “He might be in there, waiting.”

“How can he?” said Tanya. “He’s gone, moved on the police say.”

Alison smiled. That was true. She moved closer to the woman. Smelt the cloying perfume that had scented Robert’s clothes on too many occasions and beneath that the stench of her liar’s skin.

Tanya had no idea that the monster reputed to have inhabited this realm was the man she had attempted to steal from Alison. Nor did she know that Alison and Robert were partners in more ways than one.

“Ready?” said Tanya. She grasped the handle and pushed hard. The door swung open.

Soft music and flickering candles welcomed them, the flames picking out steel blades and heavy chains, the ceiling glittering with these reflected fireflies.

In the centre, an old oak table had been set for two. One guest was already seated. He did not acknowledge the new arrivals; merely continued to look glassily at his half-drunk wine.

“What …”

Alison pushed Tanya into the empty chair before she even finished her question, bound her as tightly as she had her unfaithful Robert. Then she picked up the knife and turned to Tanya, traced its tip round her throat, down to her breast.

“Shall I carve?” she asked. 
 


Saturday, December 5, 2015

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 19!

WE'RE BACK after a month's hiatus due to NaNoWriMo. Our original plan for hiatus was to post some flash fiction and excepts over the month, buuuut that kind of fell flat on its face. Maybe next year!

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME EXHILARATING FLASH FICTION? THEN LET'S GET WRITING!

Judges This Week: Rin and Si

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday, likely around 10 pm - 11:59 pm!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition.

Prompt

"I told you he had a dungeon."