Cracked Flash Y2W47: Results!

I had so much fun reading this week’s entries. I enjoyed the different takes on the prompt and had a hard time figuring out who the winners are. Well done everyone! I apologise for the late announcement, but I forgot what day it is… Blame my Grimm folktale retellings for that.

On to the results:

Honourable Mention

KM Zafari with “Fear and Loathing in Los Angeles”

I love the humour of this piece. A cat-underground filled with catnip thefts makes me think there’s much more to this story…

First Runner-Up

Nancy Beach with “Sanity’s Pull”

I enjoyed the description of what the mind does when it doesn’t get enough sleep and the MC’s interaction with her husband. The story pulled me in and kept my attention until the end.

 A few notes: you don’t need the quotation marks at the start of the story – unless I missed where the dialogue should end? “mosquito bite -this feels” Either do a double dash -- or allow your wordprocessor to automatically turn it into a longer dash – as it should be.

Winner Y2W47

Sara Codair with “Padded Walls”

I really like the premise of this story. And the twist is awesome!

A few notes: “it’s maw” should be “its maw” because it’s is a contraction for it is. Check the rest of the story for the right use and typos like turning one word into two, etc. “ran charged through them” Choose either ran or charged. (I fixed all this in the story below.)

Well done.

Padded Walls

“When this is over, I want my sanity back,” said Elena as matter-of-factly as one could say anything when wearing a straightjacket in a padded room.

The padded walls spread their crusty purple lips, revealing row upon row of pointy yellow teeth and laughed.

“I mean it.” She waggled her pointer finger at the ceiling.

“Who says it will ever be over?” The wall’s lips cracked as it spoke.

“Who said I was talking to you,” retorted Elena, tearing her eyes away from the ceiling so she could glare at the wall.

Black blood dripped out of the wall’s cracked lip, trickling down to the floor. “No one leaves here alive.”

Elena laughed. The sound was harsher, more maniacal than it had been two weeks ago.

“You do not believe?” asked the wall.

“You’re the reason I’m here.” She crouched down, wriggling in the straightjacket that was not nearly as tight as the orderlies thought, thankful for all the months she’d trained for prior to taking this assignment.

“You can’t do that,” said the wall.

Elena arched one eyebrow as she shrugged off the jacket and used it to wipe up the black blood.

The wall opened its mouth and screamed. Elena didn’t flinch. It inhaled, sucking in air so hard her hair blew towards its maw. She closed her eyes, cleared her mind of the all the drug-induced hallucinations she’d had during her stay Frommington Hospital, waiting for the wall to show its true face.

She whispered words of power in the ancient tongue. The blood soaked jacket caught fire. The wall screamed as it burned with the jacket. The door opened as orderlies rushed in to put out the fire. Elena charged through them and strolled out of the burning hospital like she owned the place. 

 

Thank you all for participating.

Until next Saturday…

Cracked Flash: Year2, Week 45

Welcome to another round of Cracked Flash Fiction Competition!

We have some rules c:

Judge this week: Ronel

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT.

Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.

Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories: they're for inspiration (and amusement).)

Prompt:

Two thousand warriors drew their swords for a war they would not win.

Cracked Flash: Year2, Week 44

Welcome to another round of Cracked Flash Fiction Competition!

We have some rules c:

Judge this week: Ronel

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT.

Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.

Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories: they're for inspiration (and amusement).)

Prompt:

‘Why aren’t you obeying the laws of physics?’

Year 2, Week 41

Welcome to another round of CFFC!

We have some rules c:

Judge this week: Ronel

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT.

Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.

Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories: they're for inspiration (and amusement).)

Prompt:

‘Yes, but last week a dragon almost set my hair on fire, so it’s your turn to negotiate.’

Year 2, Week 33

Welcome back to another round of Cracked Flash Fiction!

We have some rules c:

Judge this week: Ronel

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT.

Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.

Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories: they're for inspiration (and amusement).)

Prompt:

Dragons stalk the streets, puffing out smoke and clattering their mechanical wings.

Cracked Flash Year 2, Week 23

Welcome back to another round of Cracked Flash Fiction!

We are still looking for another once-a-month judge on the team, or a handful of guest judges. Other than participating in the competition a few times, there are no prerequisites to being a judge here -- if you're interested, email us at crackedflash@gmail.com!

Beware the Rules.

Judge This Week: Ronel

Word Count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT! 

Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.

Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories; they're for inspiration (and amusement).)

Prompt:

She pulled back the curtain, bracing herself for the horror that would come.

Year 1, Week 36: Results!

A worthy meme for this blog indeed.

Awesome entries all around you guys! I love how some weeks we have wildly different stories with the same prompt, and other weeks a clear theme among stories emerges. Also y'all managed to resist the lure of pyromaniac Cthulhu. That's some serious self-control.

Inspired by the youtube series I have been recently watching like a productive person (*cough*), let us continue with the awards!

ONWARD!

Honorable Mention

Sam Malkowski with When Freaks Grow Up

Si: I really like the way you weave lines from the main character's past in with his actions in the present! They're short enough to keep us interested, but give interesting tidbits that clearly shaped the main character into who he is today. Interesting how the main character's need for parental approval plays into his theatrics in the present. I would like to see more tension in the story—the initial tension of the danger of bomb-defusing fades by the end due to the main character's total confidence and apparent lack of obstacles. I really liked the line “The impact of the explosion, the thunder it made, the power ignited from my own hands- these were addictions.” Well done!

Rin: I really enjoyed the main character in this piece. The overall light tone to the piece was a nice contrast with the more serious subject of bomb control. The description was well done, I could easily put myself in his shoes and see what the character is doing and experiencing. I like how the back story was woven in with the rest of the story in little bits and the show vs tell was in good balance. It was fun to see a trait normally seen in a negative light turned into something positive. I also liked how in his past it was what made his mother look down on him and be disappointed in him, but now it’s what people admire in him. Very nice!

First Runner Up

Steph Ellis with Unforgiven

Si: This is a very creepy, rather frightening story. Excellent job with the atmosphere! I really like how you don't reveal Elise's injury until the very end. We initially get the sense that Christo is a pyromaniac, but later we get his real motive—a rather darker one. The last two lines are my favorite: “He would never stop until he had forced himself to suffer what she had suffered, what he had inflicted. And she would never try and prevent him.” In these two lines, we learn so much about the characters' relationship, motives, and the strange mindset of the order they're in. One confusion I had was with regard to the start of this line: “Her wax-carved face...”--I admit it took me a bit out of the story, because I started trying to imagine whether she was wearing a mask, or wax was spread on her face to hide her injury? I would like a bit more description there (or perhaps earlier in the story) to clarify. The dialogue is short, to the point, and feels real. Great story!

Rin: Man, this one gave me shivers! The slower pace of the piece added to the dark, cold tone of it well. The characters were clearly distinct, the contrast between them shown starkly in her cold, passive mercilessness, her brother’s single-minded desperation for penance, and Francis’ concern. My favorite line was ‘His eyes, obsidian mirrors reflecting the dancing flames, refused to meet hers, focusing only on the fire, always the fire.’ The bit about his eyes was awesome mental imagery, but the rest of it gives a glimpse into his mental state. Oh and that last line, chill-inducing, but a good wrap up! Great job!

Y1W36 WINNER!

Sara Codair

with The Phoenix

Si: This is a really excellently written story. I can hear the voice of the mother very clearly in the tale though she doesn't appear in story. I love the idea of the phoenix child—very original take on the prompt! Even though the story is mostly the mother “telling” what happened, it doesn't feel flat or info-dumpy—here's a great exception to the esteemed Writing Rule. It's fascinating, we want to know more about the situation and Dane. I love the contrast between the lines “The papers said all that was left of Dane was a charred skeleton. They don’t know about the infant that wakes me every night crying for milk or to get his diaper changed. ”. The last two lines are excellent closure—the literal rebirth of Dane and the metaphorical rebirth of his parents' lives. I like the way you juxtapose the fantastic--Dane's spontaneous combustion and literal rebirth--and the prosaic—the bureaucratic hoops his parents must jump through to give Dane his new life, the necessity to move where no one knows them. Intriguing story, great job!

Rin: Wow! With such a creative use of the prompt, I can’t help but love this piece! I liked the twist in that instead of a phoenix-like person being calm and serene as is usually portrayed for a phoenix, that the boy had a temper. And that it probably ran in the family, given they knew that he was going to set himself on fire. I love the blend of real world bits that grounded the fantasy bits firmly in believability and gave it a unique tone to it. The description really put me right there in the scene. It makes me wish that there was more of the story to read. Excellent job!

The Phoenix

We all knew he was going to set himself on fire, and we were right. Henry and I just never imagined how our son, Dane, would go up in flames.

It happened over summer vacation. The sun was scorching and the black top was so hot you could cook stir fry on it. Dane was angry. The wheels on his favorite skate board had melted. His face was beat red, aching with sunburn. So when Billy Jones tried to steal his Nintendo DS, he just lost and burst into flames.

The medical examiner said it was spontaneous combustion, but he wasn’t there when it happened. He didn’t see his son out on the street raising a fist to punch a kid twice his size, just go up in flames when the sun hit his fist. He didn’t see how quick the body blackened. He didn’t see the naked baby screaming in the ashes - a baby that looked exactly how the burning boy had looked twelve years earlier.

The papers said all that was left of Dane was a charred skeleton. They don’t know about the infant that wakes me every night crying for milk or to get his diaper changed. No one knows save Henry, and no one else can know. Not even my mother. 

We’re already packing. Henry has an apartment picked out across the country, and a buddy at work who can hack the system and get baby Dane a fake birth certificate and social security number. I don’t know what Henry told his friend, just that it wasn’t the truth.

Like a phoenix, Dane was reborn from his ashes, starting life anew. So we, too, would start over, in a new town where no one knew our names.

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 35

It's officially April, guys! And do you know what that means? It means that Camp Nano is here!

 Anyone else taking on this most awesome of challenges?

Read Thy Commandments 

And Obey

Judges This Week: Mars and Si


Word Count: 300 max


How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.


Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!


Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.


Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories, they're for inspiration (and sometimes our amusement)).

Prompt

“It’s a bad plan, but curse it, if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s making bad plans work!”

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 31

Wow, this time already? This last week has gone by awfully fast and it's crazy how both St. Patrick's Day and Easter are just weeks away! Got lots to plan and do between now and then... Anyone else ready for a vacation?

Without further ado...

Read The Rules, Please and Thank You!

Judge This Week: Rin

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter hand or blog if you have any). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday (late afternoon).

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Don't forget, entries must begin with the prompt!) Pictures are only intended for inspiration(and our amusement) an do not need to be included in your story.

Prompt

"You have about ten seconds to explain why you pretended to..."

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 29

So, how was everyone's Celebrate-The-Beheading-Of-Some-Dude-With-Candy Day? Anyone still hung over on cheap chocolate? No? Me neither.

Seriously, Si is so much better at these than me. 

She has the meme magic!

Judge This Week: Rin

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results Announced: Next Wednesday (late afternoon).

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Photo prompts are added for inspiration only (and our amusement) and do not have to be included in your entry).

Prompt

Dust. All around her was dust.

Year 1, Week 27: Results!

Thanks all for your participation! As always, it's been a joy to read your stories. On to the announcements!


Honorable Mention

Asgardana's The Horror!

I adored this story. It was a heartwarming peek into the personal lives of the characters. I had to love Ana's feisty little sister and her wild imagination! Their personalities were all very distinct from each other and the dialogue sounded natural with a good flow. The slower pace fit the softer tone well and the description made it easy to see the scene playing out. My favorite line was definitely Ana's sister's declaration of vengeance for her make-believe city, for its amusement factor and because it gave the story enough conflict, without changing the tone. Well done!

First Runner-Up

Dave Novak's 'Accident'

This one was great! Loved the take on the prompt, it was fun and amusing and a twist on the usual super villain verses super hero scenario. You had me shuddering with sympathy at the mention of paperwork in the villain's best-foreseen future. I liked getting into his head as he's running through all that should have gone right- if not for him foiling his own plans. What a mistake to make, from a villain's perspective! My favorite line was, 'Instinct. I saved his life by instinct. Oh, I am so screwed.' That had me laughing. I also liked the touch of Blue Collar Man giving him the business card, which really just feels like a seal on the omen of doom for the poor villain's future in villainy, even more so because he actually accepted it, showing a bit of character growth. Great story!

Y1W27 Winner!

Maggie Akhurst 

with Accidentally Saved

Awesome story! The main character was a fun mind to be in while showing us the story, reminding me of some of my favorite dry-humored tv series, and the descriptions made the setting easy to see. I loved the portrayal of the Reaper. It was a nice twist on the character trope, neither the ironically cheery nor the death-breathing silent-type ghouls that are often shown. He felt distinctly otherworldly, almost alien. This one kept me guessing as to what was going on till the very end, making me wonder if this wasn't something to do with aliens or secret agencies, giving it a rising tension as we wait to see what's going to happen. My favorite line out of it was, 'Great. Trust him to smile for the first time and it’s because I’m dead.' Fantastic job! 

Accidentally Saved

“You saved my life!” I gasped to the young man who’d pulled me from the path of a crazy bus driver.

He stared at me, as if only just realising I was there. “It was an accident.” He stepped back.

It was my turn to look at him oddly. “You grabbed me - quite forcefully, I might add - and yanked me! Exactly how do you manage that accidentally?”

“I was only supposed to be observing.”

“Observing what?”

“You.”

I took a cautious step away from him. Okay, maybe it was more like three steps away. “Why are you watching me?”

His face was impassive, making it impossible to read his thoughts or feelings. His expression didn’t change as he answered my questions. “I’m waiting for your recruitment. It’s supposed to take place any day now.”

“My recruitment? I think you have the wrong girl.” I couldn’t understand a word he was saying.

He glanced in the direction the bus had gone. “I believe you may have missed your interview. I’m sorry, I’m not sure what compelled me to save your life.”

“You’re seriously apologising for saving my life?!”

“Yes. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.” His face was deadpan.

Before I could respond, screeching tyres and a revving engine made me turn. I was just in time to see a beat-up car come around the corner and flip.

I felt a moment of pain as the car hit me, but darkness swallowed the sensation. I was brought out of it by a familiar voice.

“Welcome, Reaper Recruit.”

“I’m dead, aren’t I?” My voice was flat.

He smiled as if this was fantastic news. Great. Trust him to smile for the first time and it’s because I’m dead. 

He beckoned. “Now, you’re ready for your interview.”

Year 1, Week 19: Results!

WINNERS ARE COMING

Si refuses to apologize for that, BTW.

We thank you all for participating and making CFFC's return most glorious! Y'all are awesome, and your flash fics are too.

(And WHO DID NANO? We all attempted (and got WORDS!) and a good time was had by all because CRAZY MONTH OF WRITING INSANITY.)

Without further ado, WINNERS!

Honorable Mention

Ares Tomb by Trisscar368 

Si: I was amused by the role "old Earth tropes" played in this story. I really liked the setting and the mission--treasure hunters in a scifi future! Good relationship between the characters, the dialogue shows us how they interact very well. One thing I would change was the paragraph here: "They almost died a dozen times, and when at last the great treasure vault spread in front of them", I feel that their journey could make more of an impact on the reader if some words were spent to describe it and show us how difficult it was. I liked the ending, which was a bit of a surprise--we're expecting them to be after gold and riches, but the mission of ruling the world makes it suddenly much more interesting--what will they do? Why do they want to rule the world? And will they be good rulers, or have we just witnessed the rise of the NEW Martian Overlords? Well done!

Rin: The tone of this story set it off right from the get go, making me feel like I was walking in on an Indiana Jones story and their was just enough description of the setting to give me a good image without bogging it down. The dialogue flowed naturally and the characters played off each other well, the reckless, excitable Sam and the calmer, rational Neal. However, I do agree with Si that their struggle to get through the tomb was too down played. A bit of showing there really could have spiced it up, but all in all it was a good, enjoyable story. Nice job!

First Runner Up 

Not According to Plan by Carin Marais

Si: Woohoo, well done on the dialogue! I enjoyed the humorous lines and the way each brief sentence built up the picture of the characters' predicament. Love how we have a clear personality for each character, though we know very little about them. Interspersing necessary information--why are they in the dungeon?--with humor excellently delivers what the reader needs to know, but in a way that never makes it feel like we're being "told". One suggestion I have would be to end the story at the second-to-last line, which is more memorable than the last line and keeps us guessing what their fate will be. The twist at the end is hilarious and original--thanks to the joking beforehand, we expect a very different ending despite KNOWING it's a cliche for the princess to swoop down and save the poor prisoners just in time. Great job!

Rin: This had me laughing all through out with all the fun banter between the two characters and I liked the auditory descriptors, which were short and sweet, but kept me feeling 'in story' and able to envision the setting despite most of it being dialogue. The characters were fun and even though we never learned their names, they felt very distinct and done well. My biggest regret with this one is not being able to find out just what happened with the king's cousin. There were tons of good lines in this one, but my favorite line was 'They heard the footsteps pass their cell and stop at another.' It was a great twist after the nicely placed misdirection. I had been sure that someone was going to rescue them, but I couldn't help but laugh at their misfortune. I think Si's right in that the second to the last line would have been a more memorable ending, but I still hope that it did come back for them. Thanks for a good laugh!

Y1W19 Winner!

Steph Ellis

with Liar's Skin 

Si: I love how the backstory to this piece is told in bits and pieces, and most of all reactions. We don't need to be told Alison has something up her sleeve--we see it in her movements and emotions. Creepy and high tension all the way through! I felt this was heightened by the reader knowing a secret Tanya doesn't, but we still don't know the WHOLE secret until the very end. One slight confusion: "Nor did she know that Alison and Robert were partners in more ways than one." make me think that Robert and Alison are working together to trap Tanya, but at the end we find both Tanya and Robert are the victims. Some EXCELLENT lines in this story: the evocative "a smile that grew into a shadow-cloaked grin", the ominous "Shall I carve?". Great setting of the scene when they finally reach the dungeon--we're dying to know what's inside, but the suspense is drawn out by the description first of the innocent parts of the room, then of the more sinister. A lot is said in very little--great use of words and excellent story!

Rin: Fantastic bit of flash fiction here. I LOVED the description in this! There were so many good lines and they made the setting so vivid and easy to envision that I felt like I was right there in the story. 'Alison smiled to herself, a smile that grew into a shadow-cloaked grin.' was a great line, because it set the tone for the story and gives a taste that something is up. Tanya's clueless dialogue combined with Alison's hidden reactions and cloaked responses amped up the the tension nicely and I liked the bit of foreshadowing in the brief mention that Alison found comfort in the familiarity of the place. My favorite line was 'Soft music and flickering candles welcomed them, the flames picking out steel blades and heavy chains, the ceiling glittering with these reflected fireflies.' because it's a simultaneously creepy and beautiful mental image. The ending was very well done, perfectly wrapped up in that shiver-inducing last bit of dialogue!

Liar's Skin

“I told you he had a dungeon. But you wouldn’t believe me, would you,” said Tanya.

Alison smiled to herself, a smile that grew into a shadow-cloaked grin. “Let’s go back,” she whispered, lacing her words with fear, suppressing her loathing.

“You’re scared!” sneered Tanya, moving towards the mildewed door.

Alison choked back her anger, managed a suitably pathetic whimper. She followed Tanya along the subterranean passage, drawing comfort from the familiar chill of centuries-thick stone.

“Tanya … are … are you sure you want to go on,” she said. “He might be in there, waiting.”

“How can he?” said Tanya. “He’s gone, moved on the police say.”

Alison smiled. That was true. She moved closer to the woman. Smelt the cloying perfume that had scented Robert’s clothes on too many occasions and beneath that the stench of her liar’s skin.

Tanya had no idea that the monster reputed to have inhabited this realm was the man she had attempted to steal from Alison. Nor did she know that Alison and Robert were partners in more ways than one.

“Ready?” said Tanya. She grasped the handle and pushed hard. The door swung open.

Soft music and flickering candles welcomed them, the flames picking out steel blades and heavy chains, the ceiling glittering with these reflected fireflies.

In the centre, an old oak table had been set for two. One guest was already seated. He did not acknowledge the new arrivals; merely continued to look glassily at his half-drunk wine.

“What …”

Alison pushed Tanya into the empty chair before she even finished her question, bound her as tightly as she had her unfaithful Robert. Then she picked up the knife and turned to Tanya, traced its tip round her throat, down to her breast.

“Shall I carve?” she asked.  

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 14

Yes, that is a squirrel and a mole on a Stetson on a swimming cap on a woman's head.
Squirrel: Yesss, everything is going according to plan . . . *maniacal wringing of the hands*
Just look at that squirrel.

@nationwrites put in a request for an odd prompt this week, so I tried really hard to find one. Your stories will reflect if I did a good job or not, I bet. XD 

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Si and Mars

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (You also do not have to include the photo prompt(s). They just amuse us.)

YOUR PROMPT:

He put his hand back on the window, the yellow eyes wide open on his palm.

Are my pictures weird enough too? Anyways, we definitely look forward to your stories! :D

Year 1, Week 13: Results!

Hurray! We love it when we have tons of entries! Thanks to each and every one of you for submitting!

This is us when we have submissions. EVERY TIME.

Excellent stories this time around and we're amused that so many of you are using the photo prompt in your stories! (Maybe we should put an ESPECIALLY WEIRD one in next time *steeples fingers*). We've hit Week 13 running and we're going on to Week 14 this Saturday! Are we a legit flash fic competition now? *wipes away tear*

Onward, to the winners of Week 13!

Honorable Mention

Steph Ellis' Vitruvian Man

Si: First of all, EXCELLENT title. Wonderfully fitting and evocative. I love how you don't immediately introduce what's going on, but first immerse us in the character, then give us a clue by the actions of the character. We're waiting to see what's going to happen next and what the situation is--so when the description of the body hits, it's got more impact. Very clean writing that's easy to follow, but also very charged with the character's emotions. I think a few of the lines in 5th paragraph could be shortened/reduced to keep with the overall very show-not-tell nature of the piece. "He had always kept her on a tight leash and now the roles were reversed. " to "Now, their roles were reversed." maybe. I loved the line "And he wasn't really gone, not yet." Chilling! I enjoyed that we could see how the character had developed and changed even though the scene only has her confident and a little psycho. Great story!

Rin: Oooh, the cold, emotionally-distant tone of this story gives me shivers! The description was done well and the pov character felt whole(if scary as heck). Makes you want to stay on her good side, because she's clearly flipped her lid. I think the story could have used some description of the setting, it would have added to it. The line I liked best was 'Flesh strained against its bindings, new lines appeared on the face, carved from shock and pain, eyes wider as consciousness returned to fresh horror.' because it was easy to envision and the slower pace of the story gives it a palpably drawn-out feel, like I'm experiencing the torture right beside the husband. Nicely done.

First Runner-Up

Pattyann McCarthy's The Reconstruction
Si: Great back-and-forth dialogue and good handle of the characters! In dialogue without tags like this ("said Char1"), it sometimes gets hard for the reader to keep track of who is talking, but you managed it excellently. One spot of improvement is that a few lines of dialogue have an "As you know, Bob" flavor. "All I see is a dilapidated farmhouse, the spires falling and its roof collapsing." for example. I love that you used a Russian setting and matched the speech patterns--a subtle way of showing us we're somewhere different. I LOVED the ending. SO creepy. The idea that they can run and run and end up RIGHT back, facing the creepy house again is great. And I liked that the house is just ominously silent, with only the movement of someone behind the curtain. I loved the way the tone also changes from lAll I see is a dilapidated farmhouse, the spires falling and its roof collapsing. What else is there to see? ight-hearted drunken banter to sinister foreshadowing. Well done!

Rin: The two friends were amusing and their dialogue was good, I can just hear two drunk friends rambling on like this. The characters were fun and distinct from each other, except for that one line where Evgeni slipped into Pyotr's speech pattern with almost saying 'my friend' at the end of his sentence. My favorite line was 'The sun began to sink behind the Ural Mountains, golden-orange fire spilled down the slopes while the pair stood in the field arguing whether or not the spire moved.' Gorgeous bit of description there. I can just envision it and I like how it combined with the next sentence to give a feeling of foreboding. The ending could have used a bit more 'showing' rather than 'telling', but I liked the sense of doom that comes from not being able to escape. Great story!

Y1W13 Winner!

Roger Jackson

with Looking Glass

Si: Wow, excellent handling of suspense and tension in this story! The first line gives us some creepy foreshadowing but the paragraph that follows is starkly normal, increasing the suspense for the reader as we try to guess what is going to go wrong for Maria. The mirror is chilling in its normality until we hit the line where the chair has moved. There's no description of Maria's mental freakout but we can sure hear it happening at that point. I love that you keep the focus of the piece entirely on Maria and the mirror--while some backstory might be interesting (has this happened in the past to her?) keeping the focus really makes it a tightly written, high tension flash piece. We care about what's happening to her NOW and you deliver. The ending is beautiful. We have a theme the whole piece of wanting to look, looking, seeing something--but right at the end, she closes her eyes, just as the glass breaks. WHAT IS HAPPENING? Excellent story!

Rin: I LOVED this one! I like how it started at pivotal moment, then backtracked to catch us up. The rushed pace in the first half added to the tension of the piece well, giving a bit of a whiplash feeling when the story abruptly slowed down as she saw her reflection. The description is good and the story had a good flow to it. The best line in my opinion was 'She lifted her heel from the carpet, no more than an inch, and watched her reflection do the same.' It had me leaning forward and yelling at Maria to STOP MOVING! Like a perfectly executed scene in a horror movie just before someone stupidly goes into the basement, even though it's obvious that's where death awaits. I could hear the shatter of the glass in the last line and her closing her eyes gave the sense of theater lights dimming to black, ending the piece excellently. Fantastic job!

Looking Glass 

'Take a step back and look.' Maria told herself again, this time watching the lips of her reflection mouth the words. 'One more step, just to be sure.' 

She hadn't even meant to look in the mirror, not this morning, not when she was already late for work and those papers she needed were still in their folder beside her bed. She'd rushed into the bedroom to fetch them, her phone in her hands as she looked at the time for the third instance in as many minutes, not even realising the room's lone canvas chair was in her path until her foot caught one of its legs and it toppled to the carpet. 

She bent briefly to return the chair to its upright position, and as she did so she caught her reflection in the full length mirror fixed to the wardrobe. Her image stood as she did, dressed for work, the phone and its inexorable minutes clutched in one hand. Exactly the same, except her other hand, the one without the phone, rested lightly upon the back of the canvas chair. 

In the mirror, impossibly, the chair was behind her. 

She voiced a tiny squeak of surprise rather than fright and took an instinctive step back. 

Her reflection took a pace forward. 

Maria froze, her fingers suddenly numb. She didn't know what she was seeing, but she knew that it couldn't be real. All the same, though, she found herself insisting that she take another step back and look, just to be certain. She lifted her heel from the carpet, no more than an inch, and watched her reflection do the same. Just one more step. 

She promised herself that she'd look, but when she took her step and heard the shatter of glass, her eyes were closed.

We'll catch you all this Saturday! Join us for more totally normal, not weird at all writi--

*from the sky, the beat of Flavio's wings can be heard*

... okay, maybe not totally normal, but isn't crazy so much more fun?

WE'LL BE BACK.

Cracked Flash: Year 1, Week 13

IT'S SO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE

Welcome to the fourth month of CFFC! We're excited to still be up and running and gaining awareness in the flash-fiction community, and we love all the AWESOME people that have been submitting stories.

We can't wait to read your story!

Edit: I TOTALLY MISSED THAT TODAY IS TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY. Have another photo. 

Take a looksy through the full rules if you haven't already!

Judges This Week: Rin and Si

Word count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). Only one entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday!

Remember: The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (You also do not have to include the photo prompt(s). They just amuse us.)

YOUR PROMPT:

"Take a step back and look."

That is not happy for somebody's house.

Go go go!

Year 1, Week 12: Results!

We want you to know that though there were only three entries, we thought all of them earned their spots on the result's roll this week. They were all excellent stories, and all well-written. 

Also, tired Mars is way too tired to come up with something witty to say here this week. Who knew that working for your money would make you tired? (*Recently got a job*) Get thee to congratulating the winners.

Honorable Mention

Firdaus' Letting Go

Mars: I actually rather like how you mutilated the prompt for this. It was a great way to introduce two contrasting characters; the daughter is given a light-hearted, angelic sort of feel, while the father is given a dark and brooding one. 

The piece has a bit of a monotonous feel to it--I'd suggest watching out for sentences that start the same way: "She danced well", "The young man bent", "The room exploded", "He couldn't take it". The phone call feels more natural than the story (good dialogue!) because the sentence structures are more varied. 

At first I kind of thought he was a dance tutor of some sort for the daughter, which seemed really creepy, but the jig was up for me at the beginning of the phone call--who would call their old tutor to tell them they were doing well? It was cleverly done.

Rin: The main character was very well done, feeling fully developed. I liked how the little hints throughout had me thinking that the pov character was an old dance instructor/lover of the girl's, then twists around to show him as being the girl's father. My favorite line was 'But as he watched her look lovingly into the young man's eyes he felt the cold fingers of jealousy curl around his heart.' as it was good description. I enjoyed the dialogue between the characters, it felt natural and realistic. Nicely done.

First Runner-Up

Steph Ellis' Babylon

Mars: Oh man, haven't people learned by now not to revive dead people? Simon and Jenni should watch The Mummy. Or even think about it: what if you accidentally resurrected Hitler? This seems like a bad plan, guys. Pretty much my favorite part about this piece was the irony. "Lol it would be funny if it was Babylon"; "Pah, no way"; "BABYLON used RESURRECTION!"; "What have we done?!" (Excuse my terrible sense of humor >.>)

The thing that strikes my curiosity the most is the line, "Such stories had no relevance anymore." It's a little disappointing that there was nothing else about what had happened by 2050 to make religion irrelevant (but, of course, there's only so much one can do with 300 words, so it's forgivable.)

It feels like there should be a DUN DUN DUNNN at the end of the piece; the sudden tone shift from humorous and boredom to OH NOES was great. 

Rin: I loved the building tension in this! The futuristic setting added to the creepy tone and the little bits of description were done well, making it easy to picture. I liked how the characters' distinctness was clearly shown in just a few words. My favorite line was, "Then they lifted the lid and those coal black eyes looked right at them, right into them. She smiled a terrible smile.” It gives just a perfect sense of impending doom! I thoroughly enjoyed the seven guests as a reference to the beast in Revelations; it was a great touch. Great story! 

And now, put your hands together foooorrr--

Y1W12 Winner!

Carin Marais

with Life on Canvas

Mars: The first thing that attracted me to this piece is how elegant it sounds. I also really like the color descriptions (well, I like colors, so usually they're more descriptive to me than other words; they set the mood of the scene); they brought the piece to life.

The sentence "He never did bother learning names," took me a bit to figure out. The pronoun can refer to either Jarl or the patron in this instance, because we have "She had always called him Jarl" in the next sentence. 

It's really great how Jarl's mood fits the somber dignity of the piece, even though we know by the end that this is killing him. There's no cliche "Oh woe is me angstangst," but just matter-of-fact thought processes and observations. That really drew the story's tone together. (Also, totally, that last line brought a great song to mind: Leader of the Pack.)

Rin: This was beautifully done. The slower pace was well matched to the tone of grief and the setting was easy to envision without being bogged down with too much description. It drew me in and the characters were done well. My favorite aspect of it was how fantastic an example of “show not tell” it was, the understated detail was masterfully done and made me feel Jarl's emotions, without saying even a bit too much or going too angsty. The only thing that I wish had been more clear was the meaning of “The man reached out to touch the threads, but the picture kept on changing as before.” In what way was the picture changing before? Were the finished pictures alive? Would have liked to find out, but regardless, this was an excellent piece. Loved it!

Life on Canvas

Her face was painted gold, her eyes hard and dark as coal. Lifeless upon the canvas, she stared out unseeing at the workshop. Her artist started adding more flourishes with his finest needle and silk. Jarl traced filigree with threads the colour of rubies, emeralds, and the finest silver. Sapphire strands lay ready to colour her eyes, but the artist did not pick that up yet. The eyes came last. He always brought the canvas to life that way.

The workshop fell quiet as their patron entered. The artist looked around and continued on while the patron inspected a finished tapestry against the far wall. It showed his son on the battlefield raising the banner bearing the family crest.

"It looks just like him!" the patron exclaimed. "It even smiles just like he did!" The man reached out to touch the threads, but the picture kept on changing as before.

"It will not respond like the living would," one of the artists said.

Jarl sat back and regarded his work. Though unmoving, she did look alive but for the eyes. Those eyes that once regarded him with love.

"You capture my daughter well, artist," the patron said. He never did bother learning names. She had always called him Jarl. Never sir Tellah or artist Tellah. If he closed his eyes he could still feel her lips on his.

Jarl nodded, not trusting his own voice.

"I am sure her new husband will like it as well. Will you be finished in time for their wedding tomorrow?"

Jarl nodded and picked up the blue thread while his eyes burned with tears. He had to remember her eyes when she was happy and in love. Not the way they looked on the day she had to say goodbye.

And that's the end. See you all next week! :D