I had a great time reading this week’s entries. Lots of
imagination among the lot of you. Well done everyone! Due to time-constraints
and health (check my blog for more on that), I’m only going to tell the runner-up
and winner what I thought about their stories.
Runner-upBill Engleson with “Once Upon a Time in The Dragonsong
Mountains”
LOL! I really enjoyed this piece. Lucille is quite a
character.
The semi-colon in
the following sentence should be replaced by a colon. (A colon emphases what’s
to come, while a semi-colon connects two related sentences.) So your sentence
will look like this: “Which, I don’t need to remind most Aircraft
enthusiasts, is what the classic Detwiller
looks like: a giant dill pickle.” Check out the link below for a great article
explaining the use of semi-colons.
Well done!
Winner Y2W44Neha Srivastava with “Warped Reality”
I really enjoyed
the imagery in this piece. For a while I thought the main character was somehow
able to split herself in two. Great twist!
A few notes:
physics doesn’t need capitalisation (see below), the instances of semi-colon
use must be replaced with either colons (:) or with commas (,) as shown in the
piece below. Check out this article on the correct use of semi-colons. I also removed the extra comma in the fifth paragraph and the extra ones in the
last. The words in bold I added – the sentences needed them to be complete. I
also moved the last sentence to stand on its own for effect.
All-in-all a great
flash fiction piece. Well done!
Warped Reality
"Why aren't you obeying the laws of physics?" I shouted at myself.
I clung to the roof like a ceiling fan with four arms, my four limbs transformed into those four arms, I looked like a creature from the netherworld. But I knew it was me.
A sudden jolt of electricity shook my core, like the motor of a fan when someone switches on the button. Hell, someone had switched on the button. The fan started rotating, first slowly and then at top speed.
Switching on a fan and it rotating is normal business, except this time the fan was me. As the speed increased, I began gasping for breath. My limbs were almost coming apart, my being screaming for help, for someone to switch off the fan, for the rotations to stop.
I wanted to come back to my gross body which lay in the bed below: the vantage point from where I was observing me. As my body on the ceiling rotated, my body on the bed went out of breath. In two places at the same time. Physics could not explain what was happening, but both my bodies wanted the fan to be turned off. Some external force prevented this.
Tired from trying to prevent my limbs from tearing or my heart from exploding, my bodies dozed off. I didn't realize when. Upon waking, I was no longer short of breath. However, my head was heavy and my body lethargic.
"Why aren't you obeying the laws of physics?" I shouted at myself.
I clung to the roof like a ceiling fan with four arms, my four limbs transformed into those four arms, I looked like a creature from the netherworld. But I knew it was me.
A sudden jolt of electricity shook my core, like the motor of a fan when someone switches on the button. Hell, someone had switched on the button. The fan started rotating, first slowly and then at top speed.
Switching on a fan and it rotating is normal business, except this time the fan was me. As the speed increased, I began gasping for breath. My limbs were almost coming apart, my being screaming for help, for someone to switch off the fan, for the rotations to stop.
I wanted to come back to my gross body which lay in the bed below: the vantage point from where I was observing me. As my body on the ceiling rotated, my body on the bed went out of breath. In two places at the same time. Physics could not explain what was happening, but both my bodies wanted the fan to be turned off. Some external force prevented this.
Tired from trying to prevent my limbs from tearing or my heart from exploding, my bodies dozed off. I didn't realize when. Upon waking, I was no longer short of breath. However, my head was heavy and my body lethargic.
The cannabis drink
was wearing off.
Thank you all for participating!
Until next Saturday…
