I had so much fun reading this week’s entries. I enjoyed the
different takes on the prompt and had a hard time figuring out who the winners
are. Well done everyone! I apologise for the late announcement, but I forgot
what day it is… Blame my Grimm folktale retellings for that.
On to the results:
Honourable Mention
KM Zafari with “Fear and Loathing in Los Angeles”
I love the humour of this piece. A cat-underground filled with catnip thefts makes me think there’s much more to this story…
First Runner-Up
Nancy Beach with “Sanity’s Pull”
I enjoyed the description of what the mind does when it
doesn’t get enough sleep and the MC’s interaction with her husband. The story
pulled me in and kept my attention until the end.
A few notes: you don’t
need the quotation marks at the start of the story – unless I missed where the
dialogue should end? “mosquito bite
-this feels” Either do a double dash -- or allow your wordprocessor to
automatically turn it into a longer dash – as it should be.
Winner Y2W47
Sara Codair with “Padded Walls”
I really like the premise of this story. And the twist is
awesome!
A few notes: “it’s
maw” should be “its maw” because it’s
is a contraction for it is. Check the
rest of the story for the right use and typos like turning one word into two,
etc. “ran charged through them” Choose either ran or charged. (I fixed
all this in the story below.)
Well done.
Padded Walls
“When this is over, I want my sanity back,” said Elena as matter-of-factly as
one could say anything when wearing a straightjacket in a padded room.
The padded walls spread their crusty purple lips, revealing row upon row of pointy yellow teeth and laughed.
“I mean it.” She waggled her pointer finger at the ceiling.
“Who says it will ever be over?” The wall’s lips cracked as it spoke.
“Who said I was talking to you,” retorted Elena, tearing her eyes away from the ceiling so she could glare at the wall.
Black blood dripped out of the wall’s cracked lip, trickling down to the floor. “No one leaves here alive.”
Elena laughed. The sound was harsher, more maniacal than it had been two weeks ago.
“You do not believe?” asked the wall.
“You’re the reason I’m here.” She crouched down, wriggling in the straightjacket that was not nearly as tight as the orderlies thought, thankful for all the months she’d trained for prior to taking this assignment.
“You can’t do that,” said the wall.
Elena arched one eyebrow as she shrugged off the jacket and used it to wipe up the black blood.
The wall opened its mouth and screamed. Elena didn’t flinch. It inhaled, sucking in air so hard her hair blew towards its maw. She closed her eyes, cleared her mind of the all the drug-induced hallucinations she’d had during her stay Frommington Hospital, waiting for the wall to show its true face.
She whispered words of power in the ancient tongue. The blood soaked jacket caught fire. The wall screamed as it burned with the jacket. The door opened as orderlies rushed in to put out the fire. Elena charged through them and strolled out of the burning hospital like she owned the place.
The padded walls spread their crusty purple lips, revealing row upon row of pointy yellow teeth and laughed.
“I mean it.” She waggled her pointer finger at the ceiling.
“Who says it will ever be over?” The wall’s lips cracked as it spoke.
“Who said I was talking to you,” retorted Elena, tearing her eyes away from the ceiling so she could glare at the wall.
Black blood dripped out of the wall’s cracked lip, trickling down to the floor. “No one leaves here alive.”
Elena laughed. The sound was harsher, more maniacal than it had been two weeks ago.
“You do not believe?” asked the wall.
“You’re the reason I’m here.” She crouched down, wriggling in the straightjacket that was not nearly as tight as the orderlies thought, thankful for all the months she’d trained for prior to taking this assignment.
“You can’t do that,” said the wall.
Elena arched one eyebrow as she shrugged off the jacket and used it to wipe up the black blood.
The wall opened its mouth and screamed. Elena didn’t flinch. It inhaled, sucking in air so hard her hair blew towards its maw. She closed her eyes, cleared her mind of the all the drug-induced hallucinations she’d had during her stay Frommington Hospital, waiting for the wall to show its true face.
She whispered words of power in the ancient tongue. The blood soaked jacket caught fire. The wall screamed as it burned with the jacket. The door opened as orderlies rushed in to put out the fire. Elena charged through them and strolled out of the burning hospital like she owned the place.
Thank you all for participating.
Until next Saturday…
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