We had four entries last week, and it was TOUGH choosing. I decided to pick one winner and give some feedback to everyone else. I love feedback, and hopefully you do too.
The untitled piece by Nancy Beach pulled me in and was completely satisfying, especially the use of onomatopoeia sown throughout-- that made for a delightful rhythm. Also, I was rooting for Ellie and was disappointed when the psychopathic dad won. And horrified. What a startling twist!
"You'll Never Get Burned by a Hot Poker Hand" by Bill Engleson. I enjoyed wondering what was distressing the narrator and was impressed with your smooth incorporation of flashback.
The untitled piece by Dave Mikulas was funny, turned in unexpected ways, and had several fresh similes.
And now... our winner!
"Wants and Needs" by Tip Tim
There were several reasons this piece stood out to me. I thought the second use of the prompt was clever. The change in POV was smoothly executed and added a complexity difficult to pull off in a flash piece. The substitute doctor ratcheted up the tension. I thought the doc was scared because he was a novice, but then you altered the revelation again, uncovering something even more sinister. Well played.
Wants and Needs“I can handle this.” Stewart thought as he was being wheeled along on a gurney. He looked up at the lights on the ceiling passing hypnotically in a train as they went down the long corridor headed for the theater room. It was for a good cause. It was a necessary cost. Things had taken a rough bend down the past 2 years. He was staring at bankruptcy in the face and was in danger of being kicked out on the streets. And if selling a kidney would get him the money required, to take care of his son Alex’s financial needs, his tuition for college…. Heck, even food on the table, then it was price he could pay. He was by chance a rare match to Lord Mel. They had come to him with an offer he couldn’t refuse. Besides, he had been assured that it was routine, and one kidney could more than adequately serve him well for the rest of his life.
“I can handle this.” Doctor Mulberry scrubbed his trembling hands prepping for surgery. He knew what he had to do, but he was scared. He wasn’t supposed to be the doctor on call. An hour earlier, he had gotten the phone call and had argued feebly for a bit, but he knew it was futile; they had him dead to rights. He could only comply. He had been assured that everyone else that would be in the surgery room would be in on it. Lord Mel had lived a riotous lifestyle generous to his appetite. Right now, he needed ALL the kidneys he could get.
Come back next Saturday for Ronel's prompt!
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