Friday, June 24, 2016

Year 1, Week 46: Results!

Si apologizes for the extremely late results! My life basically imploded. And continues to implode. Sorry about that! I should have seen this coming.

Without further ado:

Honorable Mention

firdaus with Memories

Beautiful story! I love how you showcase the main character’s relationship with her father, it feels very real in this story—love mixed with annoyance mixed with regret and happiness. I like that the main character suspects that the crowd isn’t cheering for her in the beginning—and her assessment turns out to be right! I love the very human mix of emotions shown in this story. One thing I would suggest is to weave in the line “Being the daughter of a famous celebrity was not an easy task. ” a little more smoothly—this information is needed in the piece but feels a bit info-dumpy at that place. Perhaps tie it in with the MC’s discomfort—she feels she should have sung better, as the daughter of a famous singer? Great job transitioning from the performance scene to the funeral scene. It felt very smooth, and reads easily. With the performance fresh in our minds, we can appreciate the main character’s swirling emotions as she stands by his grave. I liked how you tied it all in with music and song bringing a family together.

First Runner Up

Benjamin Langley with Silence

I really liked the tone in this story. Absolutely chilling. I love the imagery of whispers behind newspapers and in people’s ears, hiding from the enemy, until the moment of victory is at hand and then the whisperers erupt in screams. I think it is very original how you keep the people whispering until after victory—when usually I would expect the screams at the moment of attack, an unleashing of anger and power. But it is so much more—unnerving?--that the people are able to restrain themselves up through the moment of victory, until they have won, and then they release. I would like to know more about the dictator in this story—why is he so all-powerful, who are these whisperers? The last few lines are very good, and very unnerving. I like the way you switch to second person and tell the reader to spy—very different. Great job!

Y1W46 Winner!

Ronel Janse van Vuuren
with Awakening

I love the way you manipulate the language in this piece. Great imagery of sound, of a building crescendo that we can almost hear as events unfold in the piece. I love how you tie the prompt into this story, it feels like it fits perfectly, like it was meant to be the first line! Beautiful, emotive descriptions in this piece—though we don’t know exactly what is going on, we can feel it, and we as readers care. I love how you show nature awakening, first gently then with increasing violence, until the purpose of the awakening is revealed: to destroy the humans who have destroyed the natural world. Ending the story in sudden silence is chilling. This piece feels very much like an orchestra to me, swelling and growing before cutting off with a lingering note in the audience’s minds. Excellent piece!

It began with a whisper. The wind rustled the leaves; leaving a message for those who can hear it. The whisper flowed, caressed, cajoled until it could no longer be ignored. Flowers, acorns and others awoke. Stretching, they opened their eyes to see what the wind wanted.
‘Look. Look carefully,’ it whispered.
Slowly they crept closer to the corruption of nature. The more they looked, the sadder they became. Their tears renewed life in the ground it fell upon.
Gradually it turned into a roar. The awoken no longer cried. It was time for action; to attack those assaulting their home. Some used their roots to bury the offenders alive. Others used their amassed strength to drown the wicked. All of the awoken gave their lives to cleanse the earth of humans and their pollution. Blood, flesh and bone became one with the ground.
And it ended in silence.

1 comment:

  1. Congratulations, Ronel Janse van Vuuren! Lovely, powerful story. Great win. And congrats to Mr Langley and firdaus. I also hope the implosion is slowing down now. Thank you for taking time out of moving madness to read and judge.