I really enjoyed this week’s entries. Well done, everyone. I got a little carried away, wearing my editor’s hat (I’m currently editing a couple of my stories), but I finally found the top three.
I did get a jolt of surprise when I went to look for the names of the authors that go with the stories…
Please read the rules: the competition runs from midnight to midnight (24 hours). Any submissions made after the deadline will not be considered. Thank you.
Anyhow, here’s the results for Cracked Flash: Year 2, Week 12.
Firdaus with Witchcraft
I like the premise. You probably shouldn’t jump around in time as much as you did in this short story. Keep it to when she’s eight and show how she makes friends – and the end can be her hope of the future. Also, she can tell the witches why she fled from home. Keeping the story in one time, makes it more immediate and thus more compelling. I like the distinction between humans and witches. Mm, will she really turn her stepmother into a toad and keep her in a jar? Good job.
First Runner Up
Carin Marais with One Touch
I liked this, especially the end. Though the first paragraph is a little too long: divide it into shorter paragraphs to help with pacing. Your heroine is fleeing, after all. Fiancée is a woman, fiancé is a man. Shrivelled (two l’s). Should use a colon, not a semi-colon, in last paragraph, e.g. “Witches: healers who took on the wounds of those they healed with a single touch.” Perhaps show a little sadness earlier on that her fiancé is also hunting her: e.g. even the man I love. Interesting premise. How did she know that she could heal him? How did she know that the witches would take her in? Well done.
with Which Witch Did You Wind Up With?
The story immediately drew me in. Interesting descriptions. I liked how the witch the strange woman meets up with is the narrator’s neighbour. Personally, I would’ve used dashes instead of commas “…that even witches – especially witches – would have a website.” for effect. Excellent story.
Which Witch Did You Wind Up With?
“I found sanctuary with the witches. I did, you know.”
The wind was gently blowing from the west and I was intent on looking out at the ruffled water in the Sound. She had sidled up to me like a scrunched-up transit user with boundary issues might on a crowded bus.
“Pardon,” I said, trying to be polite but hopefully giving a clear message that I enjoyed this quiet ten-minute ferry ride and didn’t really want to chat with a stranger.
“I have found a haven with the witches.”
I looked at her. Not young. Not old. Mid-forties, maybe. The wind had stirred up her thick dark hair and was whipping it around like fat brown leaves on the ground. She had all her teeth. They looked original.
“That’s good,” I offered, hoping to put an end to the interruption.
“I’ve never met them, you know? The witches,” she added. “They have a website.”
I nodded. It seemed reasonable these days that even witches, especially witches, would have a website. Or a Facebook site. Something cyber, anyways.
“Yup, it’s called A World of Witches Awaits.”
“Catchy,” I said. I could feel myself being drawn into her natter. How difficult, I thought, would it be for her to wander away from me and let me enjoy the peace and quiet? And then I started feeling selfish. The poor woman was obviously thrilled with her journey.
“So, it’s here on this Island? The Witch Sanctuary?”
“Oh, yes. But you don’t have to actually be a witch to stay. I’m a Baptist.”
“Ah. Well, so you’ll stay there a while?”
“Yes. They’ll meet me at the wharf. And then whisk me away.”
With that, the ferry docked, she walked ashore and shook hands with my neighbour, Charlotte.
Son of a gun, I thought.
Thank you all for your participation! Until Saturday…
I am glad I could bring "a jolt of surprise."ReplyDelete