Welcome to the results roll for Week 24 (in which we had NINE entries! Thanks to everyone who participated--it was a great thing to wake up to on Sunday morning! So exciting :) ). I, Mars, will be your only judge today (and here's to hoping Si is doing well on her plane trips and interviews for fancy!colleges)!
Again, the memes were kind of Si's thing, so, well . . . have this cat!
|This is actually my sister's cat, Zelda.|
Zelda likes to play fetch with hairbands.
Sufficiently distracted by the cute kitty? Good, good. Now we'll move onto results!
Liana Challender's The Drive
I like the premise of the piece--dad left years(?) before, girlfriend and brother go missing, and there's a surprise!flashdrive that might have answers on it, and I like the emotion of the mother. Unfortunately, there wasn't much else in the way of content here to talk about because the story isn't finished. It feels like the beginning of a short story or novel, since it doesn't have a full story arc. The problem--the missing people--wasn't solved and the story doesn't give any answers as to what might have caused their disappearances. So, while I thought the writing had potential, it wasn't actually flash fiction.
First Runner Up
Firdaus' Some Body
I liked the opening scene with the whole "Am I dead?" question going on; definitely an engaging hook, particularly when we get to wondering what the heck the main character is doing in a lab--not a hospital, but a lab. I liked Jai's character fairly immediately--he definitely brings to mind a sort of mad scientist, cackling excitedly over his invention.
The first conflict is resolved quickly and we don't get another conflict until just a few paragraphs to the end, which felt more for humor's sake than for plot. This isn't to say I didn't appreciate the humor--it made me laugh! An enjoyable piece.
Winner of Y1W24!
with The Follow
The first thing that caught my attention about this piece was actually the peaceful/happy resolution of the story. Frequently, I like dark flash fictions (what better way to resolve a story than to kill everybody? Lol!), but I appreciated how the tension was building up for something horrible to happen, but then it didn't.
I felt that some of the actions of the main character were not congruent with the tension of the piece--if I got home and somebody had been following me and I was worried enough that I was considering calling someone, I probably wouldn't go into the kitchen to get a drink and sit around for a few minutes before I checked what was up outside; I'd probably be making sure I knew where something heavy and/or sharp was at, and watching through the windows until they'd gone. I might even have my phone out in case I thought I should call someone.
The tension in paragraphs two and three was excellent; I could definitely picture the situation and sympathize with the main character. Enjoyable piece, and good writing.
The Follow“I told you it was only a theory,” I told myself when I came into the house.
Dark night. I was coming home from school, head pounding, feet hurt, so much studying to do. But I could not sit down. Not for a second. I made sure my doors and windows were locked. Curtains closed. Turned the lights on. So far, silence. All I heard was my heart want to come out of my chest.
When I was coming home, a man was following me from the subway. He was wearing a white sweatshirt, jeans, and black boots. He was walking in my direction. I tried to go on the other side of the street, he was still right behind me. I didn’t know what to do? Should I call the police? Should I call my boyfriend, Mike?My dog Nelly came downstairs to greet me. “Hi, little guy. I’m sorry you were home alone today.” I went to the kitchen, opened the fridge, grabbed a can of beer, and took a sip. The house was still quiet. I was afraid to turn on the television. I need to know what’s going on the local news if there are any suspicious activities going on in the neighborhood. But I could not sit down one bit. I was still worrying about that man that followed me home.
I took a look out of the window, I saw the guy. The exact man by his description. He was walking slower, closer to my house. I place my beer on the table and went to my phone to call 911. I stopped for a second. He pulled off his hood, and went to my neighbor’s house. It was the owner’s son. That was a relief. Time for bed. “Come Nelly.”
Congratulations, all! Hope to see you all again next week. NINE entries this time around! Let's see if we can't top that next week :)