Cracked Flash: Year 2, Week 5!

~Rules if you're new~

Judge This Week: Mars

Word Count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.

Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories, they're for inspiration (and sometimes our amusement)).

Prompt

"I said we were safer. Not safe."

(I felt like gifs today. Studio C & Newsies)

Cracked Flash: Year 2, Week 4 Results!

This week, there were a small amount of entries, but they were all absolutely amazing and I really had a hard time deciding how to rank them. The high quality, my indecision, and the presence of a puppy that is staying with me resulted in lots of procrastination and late results.

Honorable Mention 

Diminshing by Jeff Rowlands (@jeffnuggets)

Overall, an intriguing piece! I was curious about who and what they were through the whole piece. It gave me just enough information for me to keep reading and what to know who those people were. It really inspired my curiosity. But I’m still curious. I’m still not sure I know who or what they are, which gives the feel of the beginning of something instead of a whole piece. I think even a few words could have changed that though. A few more breadcrumbs about their world and magic would have been wonderful.

Second Runner-Up

300 excavations later or CRAVEN (which was the title?) by Bill Engleson (@billmelaterplea)

I love how non-linear this piece was. It jumped around to different parts of the narrator's life, telling a complete story, without confusing me once. In some ways, it felt like too big a story for its size, leaving wanting a little more showing of the relationship instead of telling. Still, it was wonderfully executed, and managed to convey years of life and emotion in one small story.

First Runner-Up

Flower of the Ghosts by Carin Marais www.maraiscarin.wordpress.com

This piece was gorgeous! The language and descriptions painted a sad, beautiful and somewhat creepy images and told a complete story. Well done!

Y2W4 Winner!

@firdausp

with Devil's got his tongue

This piece made me smile. The hints at the beginning, like the horns and the hunting, were perfect! The piqued my curiosity. The detail and backstory were well paced. The last line made me laugh out loud. Well done!

Devil's got his tongue

He found her at the base of a stone Angel, almost appearing to be part of it. 

It had rained that night. Moisture hung in the air like gloom. It smelled of danger and evil. He hid his talons inside his long sleeved raincoat. His wild red eyes well hooded by his hat. It was always uncomfortable concealing his horns, but that night he didn't mind. He was on the prowl. If the prophecy was true then it was the night he'd find his mate. 

Rain was now a slight drizzle as he sloshed through puddles on the cobbled street. The witch's words still rang in his ears-

"She will lie at the feet of an angel, 

her heart as black as the night, 

don't be fooled by her gentle beauty,

she can be a frightening sight."

He had come upon a stone Angel just round the corner of the street. He saw a figure slumped across the base of the statue. The grey clothes almost made it look a part of it. 

He cleared his throat. The figure didn't move. Shuffling his feet uncomfortably he brought up the courage to put a hand on the figure and shake it gently. 

"Are you okay?"

The figure rose with a jerk. Red eyes pierced into him. 

"Better than you think," she rasped. 

He stood there unsure. 

How the hell does one woo his future wife, the Devil had no clue.

Cracked Flash: Year 2, Week 4!

Some magical realism would be fantastic this week...Good luck!

~Rules if you're new~

Judge This Week: Sara

Word Count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.

Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories, they're for inspiration (and sometimes our amusement)).

Prompt

He found her at the base of a stone angel, almost appearing to be part of it.

Year 2, Week 3: Results!

Hah! I got them done before midnight! Albeit, only six minutes before, but still! I win!

Mars, by the way. Sorry to make y'all wait! Here are your fab winners!:

Honorable Mention 

Keshia Nowden's The State of Being Alive

Ah, that second line reminds me of talking to Cleverbot. (Though, perhaps, the syntho-human really is as sentient and capable as humans, and the main character is just specie-ist.)  I like the technology presented here; the peek into this world and its interplanetary intersections is cool. 

The story, while a complete piece, fell a little flat for me due to the lack of conflict. While fascinating, there's no real danger or obstacle for the character to overcome (the robot frustrates him for a moment, but that's mostly all). I didn't feel very attached to him either--the concept is great, but I would have liked to get to know the main character a little better. 

Also, electropad, you suck. (He never did get that human, did he.) Nice piece. 

First Runner-Up

SueAnn Porter's Frank and Chester

I love how immediately Frank's character is established. From the second line, I could already guess at what his living situation is. The description of his greasy white hair and the scratching at the beard generates a powerful image of the character. The theme of empathy in the piece is pure and strong. You can feel Nurse Jackson's hesitance, perhaps guessing what she might be thinking ("I could lose my job for this"), but human compassion won out in the end. It's an emotion-evoking piece. 

Y2W3 Winner

Sian Brighal

with Listen for What is Left Unsaid

When I read through this story, I got the firm reminder of a song I'm rather fond of (the Sound of Silence (specifically the lines that go: "People talking without speaking // People hearing without listening")) from the tone of the story. My favorite line is, 

So while the rain hid my tears, we talked of so many things, shielded and warm, and the storm passed through and over me. 

The piece doesn't really have conflict to it, so it's not super exciting. However,  it does have an arc building up to that second-to-last paragraph and then the piece resolving. Often times, with a story like this, there's just a flat telling of an event, but this is crafted in such a manner that there's a story arc, giving it the ability to hold its own as. Good job!

Listen for What is Left Unsaid

I need to talk to a human: that was my one only need, but they all needed something else.

I remember how so many people came, but not the right one. I needed to talk to a human. Not an officer, not a psychologist or counsellor, but a human. Someone who didn’t dissect each word, analyse each muscle flicker or peel me apart for the bits they wanted. 

I needed to talk to someone who’d listen to me…. I did try. I sat and talked, and they listened but didn’t hear. They took their bits and did their jobs. Maybe they thought they could patch me together with ‘job-well-dones’ and positive outcomes.  

But I needed to talk to a human. The need gouged me out, leaving me hollow. And into that depression dripped all the bitterness of unheard words, where everything else drowned.  

And then I found you...years later: in a park, smirking at my shoes and sodden clothes while rain poured down. You offered me coffee from your Thermos as an apology and shared your umbrella.  

In my words, so inconsequential at the time, you heard what I couldn’t say, and in yours, I caught what I needed to hear. So while the rain hid my tears, we talked of so many things, shielded and warm, and the storm passed through and over me.  

That was years ago, but I’ll never forgot the hours with you. I don’t even know your name or where you are now, but I still have your umbrella and make coffee when the world threatens to storm, and I go out to talk to humans, to hear the words that they cannot say.

 Great job, everybody! See you next Saturday with Sara Codair!

Cracked Flash: Year 2, Week 3!

Hi hi everybody. I've had exactly 4 hours of sleep in the last 36 hours so I do not think it would be prudent to make this introduction any longer than it needs to be, otherwise you'll get a lot of "LOL"s and "XDD"s because everything is funny right now. 

*Ahem* 

See you on the other side, then XD

~Rules if you're new~

Judge This Week: Mars

Word Count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.

Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories, they're for inspiration (and sometimes our amusement)).

Prompt

"I need to talk to a human," he demanded.

Year 2, Week 2: Results

Hello Writes,

This is Sara bringing you the results a little early this week. There were ten strong stories making it difficult to narrow down the winners. In the end, these were my three favorites.

Enjoy, and Write On! 

Honorable Mention

TipTim (@HomemadeHalo)'s  VANQUISHED

I love unicorn stories, and this one had a unique twist at the end. I  certainly was not expecting him to have become a centaur, but it made sense by the time I was done the story. The voice was strong, funny in a dark way, and kept me engaged. For me, the stories biggest flaw was that is was simply a monologue without much to anchor it in. A few sneaky details about the setting, maybe how dark and gurgling it is or something, that at first lead the reader to think the narrator was in prison but would not contradict the big reveal would have made the piece much stronger. It would have made it feel more like a complete story as opposed to just someone telling me something.

Runner-Up 

Benjamin Langley's (@b_j_langley) Of Gamboling Angels and Gorging Fools

This piece drew me in and hooked me at the first line. It had beautiful description of the paintings, but I would have liked a little more detail about the dresses, since they seemed important. This could have given me more clues about the world. As it was, I couldn’t quite figure out what kind of world the story was set in. Still, the protagonist emotions were clear, and the story captured a moment in which she made the decision to stay at the ball making it an overall success.

Y2W2 Winner!

Laura Milanovich (@jalenshenn)

with Elysium

The twist, and the success with which is was executed, one me over. I surprised to hear that the victim was being fooled by his own program, but it seemed to make sense to me in the end. The character in the first scene was consistent with the one described in the last, even though the point of view changed. This piece came in well below the maximum word count, but still pulled off an effective story, which impresses me. The only thing I would have liked was a tiny but more character devleopment and a few more bread crumbs to go back to the first scene.

Elysium.

"You could forget who you were in a place like this," Zach said as he sank into an overstuffed chair. 

"That's the idea." Harold said. "This place isn't where you run and hide, you have the best time of your life here, and your family gets a sizeable settlement." 

"And this lasts?" 
"As long as you have," The man assured him. "All you have to do is is walk through the door there." He smiled. "This is just an intake room." 

Zach smiled as he thought about it. He only had a few months so why not live them out here?

"Where do I sign?" The two of them walked through the door together. 
***

The newscastor looked appropriately somber as the news tones faded. “”A body was found today, That of Zach Brady, the millionaire whiz kid who created a sentient program that has been tricking people into killing themselves.” The broadcaster stopped. 
“Some would say that he got what he deserved. He stepped off the 4:10 between Murdock and Hale this morning, falling to his death while listening to "Elysium" the program he created for end of life moments that got loose two months ago. No word yet on why the program, which to now had picked unhealthy individuals would choose him.”

Cracked Flash: Year 2, Week 2

 Hello Writers,
Sorry for the delay! I forgot I was judging this week!
Sara

                                             Beware the Rules that Lurk

Judge This Week: Sara

Word Count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person. 

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!  4 AM PDT tomorrow (7/10) which is 7 AM ET  since I didn't post it until about 7AM ET today.

Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.

Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories, they're for inspiration (and sometimes our amusement)).

                                                           Prompt

"You could forget who you are in a place like this."

     Inspirational Pictures

Year 2, Week 1: Results!

Hiya all! 10 entries is a GREAT start to Year 2! This is Mars, coming to you with your results! 

And another great start--we have four winners this round! Great job, everyone!

Honorable Mention

Nicolette Stephens' Life Insurance

I wasn't sold on this story making it into the results until I realized that Mort is the french root for Death, and then I was very amused by this clever foreshadowing. I actually really like how you establish things about characters before we know them for certain--like when the doctor calls her 'my dear', establishing the probable gender of the main character before a more obvious clue (e.g. "My lady"). Good job! 

Second Runner-Up

Sharon Ruth Parkinson's Salesman

I liked this piece because it was written from the view of what we would see as an alien, but the humans were aliens to them! (Also I like the psuedoswear at the end there.)

Species-ist? I suppose if we refer to the human race as a whole, then it's racist? The main character actually did come off as racist to me ("I have friends of your race so I can't possibly be racist")--although it's true that no one likes a salesman! (I appreciated the touch of the salesman being like "I'm not an alien," when he asked why it excluded business with him--human supremacy if ever there was any example!) If it was the intent for both of them to be racist, it came off really well (and it's believable that people would act this way)!

First Runner-Up 

Roger Jackson's Revival

Sometimes it can be super frustrating when a story is written well from a limited third-person POV where the character doesn't feel the need to explain everything. This piece is whole, yet leaves the reader with a lot of questions! Is the main character doing something that's out of the norm? Or is this magic normal? Maybe she's (hm, apparently the main character comes off as female to me!) from a foreign country where magic is normal, but here, wherever here is, it's unusual and generally regarded as something to be feared!

Hah! That ending. Fabulous. I guessed what would be said when the line "Just a name" cropped up. 

Y2W1 Winner!

SueAnn Porter

with Stacey's Stilettos

Man, I can't imagine the kind of energy it would take to be THAT kind of person. I like how even though Stacey is dead, her character is still well-developed by the end of the piece. Three people, in fact, were developed here, while only having one in the actual story. Nice. 

My least favorite paragraph is the one explaining how Stacey died. I think it might be the way it's positioned--it's a necessary piece of information (or maybe not! The death could be a mystery (a prelude to a longer story? MURDE--*clamps TvMars back in bottle*)), so it can't just be removed, but the last line is best if it's a stand alone, so the paragraph can't be added to it. Perhaps if it was integrated into the first paragraph somehow? I would play with a bit. 

The way the last line brings the entire piece in a circle is excellent. I don't know why, but it resounds in the head after I've read it. It kind of has an implied, remorseful head-shake to it? And I can see it in my mind's eye really well, just the detective kind of looking around, clicking his tongue, then leaning down to outline the body. 

Stacey's Stilettos

“The insurance company warned me about you,” Detective Rainier said, as he looked down on the pavement into Stacey’s deep blue eyes. Her peroxide blonde hair outlined her face. Her gold necklaces scattered like spaghetti around her neck. Rings sparkled from her fingers. Although she was over fifty years old, she had no wrinkles on her face. She obviously had some work done. 

Detective Rainier was new in town; he had just come up from Florida. Bob Nesmith, his next door neighbor and owner of Nesmith’s Insurance Company, clued him in. “Last month that she purposely walked past the “wet floor” signs at Walmart, wearing her usual stilettos, and fell on the tile floor. She filed a claim against Walmart, and was sure they would settle. They always did; stores don’t like the bad publicity.” 

Bob continued, “Several months ago, she got a heel stuck in a grate in the sidewalk. She fell and twisted her ankle. The city paid dearly for that, but I guess someone had to keep Stacey in her stylish suits and jewels. Her boyfriend is retired and living on a fixed income.” 

Today was different. A neighbor had invited her to a barbecue, and Stacey had more to drink than usual. She turned quickly, and fell off the neighbor’s deck to the driveway below. 

“The insurance company warned me about you,” Rainier repeated as he bent down on the pavement and outlined Stacey in chalk. 

Congratulations! See you all back here next Saturday with Sara Codair! :)

Cracked Flash: Year 2, Week 1!

WHOO!

YEAR TWO!

This is an exciting event. We left Year 1 with a bang, thanks to our guest judge Sara Codair! (We won't see Si until she regains internet in like two or three weeks, by the way.) 

A year ago, we were a fledgling competition (okay, we still are, but that's besides the point) and struggling to get the news out to people that we were even out in the world. Now, we have regulars and repeaters and such an awesome community here that it makes me smile. 

Thank you to everyone who participates here. You really make it worthwhile. 

(Also, the 4th of July is on Monday. Who else is stoked for a 3-day weekend (among fellow Americans, anyways)?) 

(Honorary crying eagle picture for Si:)

(Just because it's a new year
 doesn't mean the rules are moot)

Judge This Week: Mars

Word Count: 300 max

How: Submit your stories as a comment to this post, along with your name, word count, and title (and Twitter handle or blog if you've got 'em!). One entry per person.

Deadline: Midnight tonight, PDT!

Results announced: Next Wednesday afternoon.

Remember: Your entry must begin with the prompt! The prompt can be mutilated, but not beyond recognition. (Pictures do not need to be incorporated into your stories, they're for inspiration (and sometimes our amusement)).

Prompt

"The insurance company warned us about you."