Year 2, Week 21: Results!

I (Mars) gotta apologize for delaying this and for only getting one winner out. This week's seen me fairly bed-ridden with some terrible cold I hope none of you had. (Lifehack/protip: don't drink out of your sick mother's cup (even if it's New Years' Eve (and it has sparkling cider in it).)

In other news, Americans, please call your representatives about the ACA (aka Obamacare). Again, we try to leave politics out of this space, but some things are important enough--like saving 45,000 lives a year, which the ACA does. 

We hope this day sees you well and safe! And here's your winner!

Y2W21 Winner!

Kelly Griffiths 

with Keeper

I have to say, "He's going to kill me for letting you," was cleverly dropped in here. Most of the time, that line is used facetiously! Then BAM, dead Carla at the end. However, I was a little annoyed by the lack of information behind that. I'm confused as to the familial situation here--why would Father kill Carla to resurrect(?) Renae? What's going on here? If the pacing of the piece was tightened, I believe this information could be smuggled in there. 

I also enjoyed the final exchange between Carla and Father. The line "Yes! How many times did I tell you, Carla? Yes!" conveys such distress and depth every time I read it, especially knowing what's coming next. The dialogue was sparkling for this piece. Great job!

Keeper

"You're one of them now," she whispered and stepped back an arm's length-- in case it was contagious. "Father's going to kill you. No. He's going to kill me for letting you, as if it's my fault Renae can't keep her hands to herself."

Renae felt like a plucked bowstring, but she determined to be brave. Awe dawned on her sister's face as Renae's skin took on the cerulean color, the same as the forbidden runes. Even if she wanted to, Renae couldn't let go. Once touched, the stones held you until they were finished with you.

Ever since Father forbade touching the stones, Renae meant to disobey. A dream shadow assured her that Father was being arbitrary, trying as adults do, to suck the joy out of life.

"Your eyes!" gasped her sister, "They're changing."

"I know... I can barely see." Maybe this was a bad idea after all, thought Renae.

Carla screamed. 

"What's wrong?" Renae reached for her sister, but her arms found only empty air. And how heavy were her limbs! 

The sound of running footfalls died away. So did the light. Renae still held the burning rocks. Or they held her. 

Time passed. Carla did not return. By now Renae's back had bowed into the usual arch and her hands had entered the earth, the way a gardener plunges hers into the soil. But gardeners lift them out again.

Only blackness. From far away came a man's heavy breathing and a child's whimper. 

"How could you let this happen, Carla?" cried Father.

"What am I, my sister's keeper?"

"Yes! How many times did I tell you, Carla? Yes!"

Father lifted the scythe high above his head in the swiftest motion. Carla never knew what hit her.

Out of the reddened soil Renae pulled free.

Have a shiny new trophy thing!

 We hope to see you all back here on Saturday :)

Year 2, Week 20: Results!

It wasn’t easy to judge this week’s fabulous entries. I read and reread, loving all the twists brought on by the prompt.

Finally, I knew which ones resonated with me. And why.

Announcement: Cracked Flash Fiction Competition is taking a hiatus for the holidays and will return for week 21 on the 7^th of January 2017.

 

Honourable Mention

Carin Marais with “The Sewer Rat”

The revenge-element along with facades – obvious and metaphorical – made this a great read. I grinned with glee at the end. Note: either indent paragraphs or leave a line open. Also, “gold leaf” and “voice box”.

First Runner Up

Angie with "My Abuse Kit"

So often the abuse on women is overlooked or brushed off as nothing. Loved the ending where the character had left her abuser and went on with her life.
 
Note: use paragraphs; start a new idea in a new paragraph; leave lines open between paragraphs. Use a colon after “ultimate truth” to emphasise that he didn’t like what he’d created. And a semi-colon between the sentences “I never lied about it; I simply omitted…” to bind those thoughts closer together. Also, don’t use capital letters after colons. Great read. 

Y2W20 Winner

Kelly Griffiths with "The Prettiest"

Dressing up corpses? Awesome! Loved the dark take on glittering things. Note: I removed the extraneous inverted commas in paragraph six.

 

      “Sometimes it’s better to hide the unsightly with shiny things than to try to fix it,” said the mother. “Grab that box of Christmas tinsel from the attic. And a fork.”

The child’s noisy rifling through the silver drawer induced a clamorous tune, followed by staccato thudding on the attic stairs. She returned breathless, holding a fork in one hand, a dusty red box in the other.

“This?” She asked, fingering the wayward silver strands.

The mother took the bright silver lengths and held them to the light. The tinsels flashed and shimmered, squirming in her arms like a lightning strike. She gravely handed the tinsel to the child. “You do the honors. It’s your first time.”

The child wrapped the silver noodles around her fork and jammed it in an eye socket.

“Yes, that’s it,” counseled the mother, “Now hold the tinsel down with your fingers and gently slide the fork out. Now the next one. We can stuff her mouth with dryer sheets soaked in cinnamon oil, so she doesn’t stink. Grab the red sequins and we’ll sew her mouth closed, but we’ll leave slits like a sachet. See?” The mother beamed with pride as her daughter bent to the work, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“Yes, like that. Sew her mouth into a smile. You just have to pull hard on the thread. She can’t feel anything.”

“I think I hear her crying,” the child protested. See, where she’s coming apart?”

“Just use more tinsel. Wrap it like a necklace and no one will know her throat is cut.”

The child obeyed, her eyes widening at the transformation. A slight smile played at the corners of her tiny mouth.

“This is the prettiest Christmas doll ever, Mommy.”

“Almost as pretty as you,” murmured the zombie.

 

 

Thank you all for your participation! Until January…